I Really Need Your Thoughts, Prayers, PD, Wishes, Anything New Update-pg 6 - bad day

[nativetxn]

{{{HUGS}}} Lauri, I have your mother in my prayers for a succesful surgery and I have you in my prayers to feel better.

My mother is in a nursing home, I hated to put her there but she is too ill for me to care for at home. There is no shame for your mother to go to a nursing home if necessary. I think the decision will lie with her. She can go to rehab and get her strength back or she can refuse to do the physical therapy and then she will go to the nursing home. Whatever happens after this surgery is up to her. I'll bet she becomes more of a "fighter" when she figures that out.

More {{{HUGS}}} Praying that everything works out for the best.

Katholyn

 

[4nana]

No flames here!
I am enjoying reading all the good advise the kind posters are offering. We all need to vent and I want to let you know I sympathize with your situation and hope things look up for you soon. You sound like a wonderful daughter whose really had her faith and patience tested. Seems the 'golden years' sure leave much to be desired. Postive thoughts and prayers for you and your mom's recovery too.

Godspeed ^i^
~ Sandie

 

[holycow]

Lauri,

My heart goes out to you....your DM may not know it but she is the luckiest mom in the world...just because in the great scheme of things...(I believe in a God) that he sent her to you. But in her having that great gift she became very selfish and placed all of her responsibilities onto you. It is a wonder you only take 25 pills a day. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY...for anything! We all have choices to make in life and unfortunately some of us inflict our choices onto others. (like your mother making you take control of her life)
I know this is a horrible time for you and it would be easy for me to give advice that would seem like a correct solution but only to me. I can send love and support and you are so deserving of that...you have done so much for so many.


Lisa
'Holycow

 

[grinningghost]

Oh goodness Laureen, no flames here. I feel for you. You're a tough woman. Hang in there.

 

[lynxstch]

Lauri..I am so sorry for what you are going thru..you are not a 'bad daughter'..you have done all you could..and are going thru too much healthwise yourself to try and tackle your Mom all alone..is there any possibility of getting her some home help?..there are so many agencies out there for assisting the elderly that I would think there would be someone who could help her/you out!..I am keeping the both of you in my thoughts and prayers..sending YOU a HUGE HUG..hang in there..better days will come..God can see that you have too much to handle right now..and will send something your way to help you with it..and don't ever worry about how 'long' your post is on the DIS..anytime you want to write and vent..all of your friends will be here to listen to you anytime you want!
Try and have a nice Easter..just try and keep Mom away from all the Easter candy..lol!
Lynn

 

[WDWLVR]

Lauri - no flaming at all - just lots of {{{hugs}}} and pixie dust.

Prayers going out to you and your mom. It is very hard to have to reverse roles. The child becoming the caregiver - I've been there. Add to it your personal health issues and I don't know how you do it.

 

[Tiger Lily 03]

Prayers to you.

I know it is difficult and lonely to have to go through this even when you are surrounded by all the help in the world.

I pray that you learn to know that you are doing all that you able to do, no matter if it doesn’t make everything better. Sometimes life keeps on giving and giving these types of things. I pray that you know that you are doing all that you are able to do, and can please believe that with a smile. I know it is difficult.

Positive thoughts, energy and prayers your way.

For me, Disney Doll said it all.

 

[GreenEyes0205]

Prayers to you. I hope everything works out positive for you.

 

[Patabel]

Oh Lauri, what a truly wonderful daughter you are! Please don't ever forget that. Major {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}} coming your way.

You and your Mom will be in my prayers.

Pat

 

[RitaZ.]

Lauri, {{{hugs}}} to you.

 

[marlasmom]

I am so sorry you are going through all this. Many would have given up long before this. It seems to me that at a minimum she will have to go to a rehab facility - what my nurse daughter calls sub-acute. And she might really like some sort of nursing home. They have all sorts of activities and people to talk to.

Hugs and prayers to you.

 

[catsrule]

Thoughts and prayers to you, Lauri. Please keep your head up and never give up hope! Keep on fighting, that's what us redheads do best, darn it!

 

[Beauty]

Wow,

You know what you wrote could have almost been written by my mother. She has taken care of my grandmother since 1990 when my grandfather died. Beanie, as we call my grandmother does the exact same things as your mom. If my mom's head hurt, so did Beanie's. It was absured, if mom's BIG TOE hurt, so did Beanie's. It got so ridiculous.

Anyway fast forward to a little over a year ago. Beanie, who is 91 now (We think!) had the shingles, a blood clot in her leg, a stroke and a broken shoulder within about a 6 month time. She went from being TOTALLY INDEPENDENT to not even being able to walk by herself. It was awful.

Boy I could go on and on but will try and keep it short. Anyway mom works full time and would come home and take care of Beanie. I was literally seeing my mom go downhill KILLING herself trying to take care of Beanie. Beanie is so stubborn as well. She wanted NO ONE buy my mom. There is a whole other part to this story where we tried to bring in a cousin who Beanie would listen to and she ended up being on drugs and stealing from us so she had to go.......but what it boiled down to is we tried and tried and tried to the point that I could honestly see my mom, who is a very healthy 60 year old killing herself for her mother.

Finally it took firmness and yelling and having Drs. and Nurses talk to mom to make her realize that she is only one person and she isn't ABLE herself to take care of Beanie. Beanie has been in a nursing home now about a month and I swear its like a giant weight has been lifted off of my mother. She smiles and laughs again and she realizes that the people at the home are trained in ways she wasn't. That even though it kills her to have Beanie there that the people there are taking the kind of care of Beanie that she needs. Her diet in monitored and she has to eat whats good for her. She has Drs. visit weekly and someone there 24-7 to watch her.

It was the absolut hardest thing our family has ever gone through because Beanie is the Matriarc so to say and to watch her after the stroke was so so sad.

Lauri I'm just saying that you are only one person and you can't kill YOURSELF taking care of her. The Nursing Homes aren't the horrible places they used to be. We are at that home daily and it is so different from even 15 years ago when my great grandfather was there. I could go on and on but just hand in there and think about what is best for BOTH of you. Your mom getting the care she needs and YOU not killing yourself!

I'll be praying for your family!

 

[goofy4tink]

I'm so sorry for the situation you're in. I know how you feel about being there for your mom. There but for the grace of God go I. I miss my mom a lot but I'm so glad we never had to cross the bridges you're looking at now. Everyone has had great suggestions about after surgery care. I will only add hugs and prayers for you and your mom, but mostly for you. Be strong. And take some time for yourself woman!!!

 

[NC Belle]

Hugs, prayers, and positive thoughts for you and your family

 

[MAGICinMYHEART]

Lauri,

You don't know me, but I have enjoyed your post for almost a year now. Hoping just getting all this out has helped you, I know you will continue on doing everything you physically can do. All I will offer are Prayers for your DM and you, never any flames, and I don't believe you where whining just letting out a vent and you have every good reason to do just that. I also sympathize with your situation and pray things get easier for you soon. Please try and take some extra time for yourself.

Beckie

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My mother works as an LPN in a nursing home. What you are experiencing is normal feelings. It is ok to allow someone to take over care until you are able to do it, if ever! You may not be able to, you just never know.

Your job is to ensure your mom receives good care. If you know you can't do it now then a nursing home is the best choice. That is a very important thing to understand. Hip therapy is comprehensive and she will need that kind of care.

"it's serious enough but it's not THAT horrible, right? She'll be okay. It's just what we are struggling through."

I don't want to scare you but it is serious. There is a huge risk of blot clots leading to stroke. It is extremely important to get focused care.

I am so sorry that you are having these rough times and I hope you come to a decision that is right for you.

 

[Snowysmom]

I am so sorry for everything that is going on right now. You have more than enough to worry about. Your mother is probably going to have to go to rehab after the replacement surgery. It sounds like you need the time to take a breather and focus on yourself and your health problems for a while. If your mother doesn't do well in rehab and doesn't want to help herself then you may need to look at the situation and decide what is in everyone's best interest. For your well being and your mother's she may need the care of a nursing facility long term. Take care of yourself and I hope things get better soon. You are definately not whining!

 

[Rutt and Tuke]

Make sure you take care of yourself. You are an amazing person to still be working so hard-- have you ever checked into whether you would qualify for permanent disability?

 

[disneygals]

no advice, certainly no flames-you are doing MORE than enough, just !!!