I Really Need Your Thoughts, Prayers, PD, Wishes, Anything New Update-pg 6 - bad day

[chris1gill]

I haven't read all the posts, but I will say this... My mother was EXACTLY like yours & the more I gave & gave & gave, the more she wanted & the less she appreciated what she got! She also was sure she had one foot in the grave... I don't know what AOSD is, but I have mitochondrial disease & finally at one point I gave up trying to help her... there is no helping a person who will not help themselves.... They have to learn that life is not always about them... It is not your job as her daughter to spend your life trying to please her, she cannot be pleased I'm sorry to say. I also grew up being the only child that stayed with my mother...

My suggestion? Stop trying to do so much, you are doing it to your own detriment & it is not appreciated.... I know it's hard to face, but the sooner you can, the better of you will be... PD going out to you, brighter days are ahead.....

 

[deadheadbelle]

Originally posted by MeanLaureen
The feelings I'm going through on this are mostly what is eating me up - of course I can't mention this to my brothers because when I did I was told I was a bad daughter and don't do enough for my mom. I did mention it to the ER doc and I'll see if I can't talk to the doctor working with her in the hospital.

OMG, I cannot believe your brothers accuse you of being a bad daughter. I don't care if they have kids, they should be helping out too! Please don't listen to them.

Prayers & PD to you & your family.

 

[C.Ann]

Is there any chance you could go part-time with your job? Or perhaps get another job in the same field part-time?

I really think you need a rest, but if you worked part-time you wouldn't feel as though you were "losing" yourself.. You will still be productive, but you would also have time to rest - and maybe even ENJOY your life a little.. Just a thought..

I'm so glad your Mom came through the surgery okay.. Now you need to think of what is best for both of you on a long-term basis..

Hugs..
C.Ann

 

[rasnlms]

To you.

 

[FINFAN]

I can kinda relate, just on the injury tho, my mom is suffering thru a fractured pelvis and at times we don't know what to do, you have incredible strength to be handling this with ailments of your own to take care of, I am adding you both to my prayer's, please take care and keep us posted.

Pam

 

[MJTinNH]

My thoughts are with you and your family. It sounds like some hard decisions are ahead for you and your family. Try to utilize some of the resources at your hospital, like the Social Service Departments. They may have some ideas that you are not aware of for your area.

Good luck and remember to take care of yourself too!

 

[MeanLaureen]

Well it wasn't a pretty day at the hospital

When we got there my brother and his family were already there and mom was very sick from eating the lunch (just broth) they served her. She was also violently shaking and hallucinating and grasping at the air.

At one point when a nurse was checking on her we all walked outside and started "discussing" my mom's future.

My brother was adamant that she is to go right into a nursing home and that she is not to ever come back home. I asked him how he can say that when she isn't even close to STARTING therapy. How does he know how she will be doing a couple of weeks from now.

He said to me that when he saw her last she was having difficulty eating and couldn't feed herself. (Yeah, because she was putting on her poor poor me - I'm helpless act and they were bending over backwards to further it) yet she can eat just fine the other days. (he said how does he know that she isn't like that all the time) Then he went on with other things including she can't cut her own toenails. I looked at him in amazement and asked him if he was going to put her in a nursing home because she can't cut her own toenails????

I got mad at his attitude with insisting that he knows what is best for her and asked him exactly why I should listen to someone that shows up 3 times a year for about 6 hours a time to determine the future of someone whom I am with day in and out?

Matt took them outside and told them how she gets around fine at home, navigates the stairs with no trouble, and eats with no trouble at all. He even mention how she acts like she can't stand from a chair without us pulling her up when we are around but he has seen her get right up on her own when she didn't know he was looking. They all but called him a liar.

It wasn't pretty - at all

and the other brother hasn't even gotten his 2 cents in

Bottom line - she WILL go to therapy and I WILL have them try what they can to rehabilitate her and she WILL go to psychiatric therapy to try to understand and overcome her need for manipulating people into waiting on her hand and foot. If at that point they say she shouldn't come home and should be in a assisted care home, then that will be the result. I am not going to do what he wants and just put her there with no rehabilitation

He doesn't believe in psychiatic therapy either - when I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression a long time ago after a traumatic incident he told me "oh go read a book - that's stupid" He also is a self centered person - when he found out that I kicked out my abusive husband and was getting a divorce he yelled at me and told me "Look what you have done to my kids!! They love their uncle!!" - charmer, huh?

Stupid me told him I was getting the power of attorney paperwork taken care of tomorrow - now he is taking off of work to be there. Oh and the clincher - my sil saying to me in one breath "you won't be taking the burden of this alone" and then in the next sentence my brother said to me "Don't you have vacation time you can take off" - oh yeah, you won't do it alone but go ahead and get a head start - we'll see you when the kids don't have soccer practice

They left 2 hours earlier than they said they would - I sent Matt home and stayed until 6 with her and in that time she became much more coherant - Matt was surpised in her improvement between that short period of time. I hope it continues to get better.

Please keep us in your prayers that she fights and doesn't give up - and that my brothers go disappear - which they do so well the other 99.9% of the time

 

[chell]

 

[C.Ann]

By any chance are they giving your Mom demerol or morphine for pain? When my Dad had his colon cancer surgery he hallucinated severely from both..

I'll continue to pray for all of you..

 

[Serena]

Lauri, your mom will be fine. She knows how to take care of herself at the expense of everyone else, especially you. Do what you need to do, get her the therapy you know she needs. Do not try to do that yourself. They are trained to understand and deal with people and they are really good at knowing how much someone can really do opposed to how much they want to do.
She knows how to pull your strings and she does it very well. Who knows why she feels the need to control you, but she does.
Hang in there and really think about a nursing home for her. It just might be the best thing for her and you, not to mention your family that wants you healthy.

 

[browneyes]

, again, Laurie-to you and Matt. Your brother needs to be knocked upside the head by a dumb horse. It sounds like his only concern is that he doesn't have to concern himself with your mom's care. He's just putting added strain on your already strained emotions. He could've added some productive advice.

Can home health come in to help you out when she comes home?

 

[Robinrs]

My Mother had two brothers just like that. She took care of her mother until she died at the age of 91, and I'll tell you it was NOT an easy job.

My grandmother spoiled her boys till they were useless. I remember her telling me she was GLAD she had no sons because daughters take "care of you"....

It's sad but true.

God bless, Lauri. These people will be who they are forEVER, don't let them steal your blessing. You are doing the right thing.

Robinrs

 

[Kallison]

I have noticed that elderly parents tend to take out their frustrations at growing old on the one who takes care of them the most. My grandfather turned on my Mom and I watched my FIL get very nasty to my MIL. PD to you.

 

[gemmie214]

My thought and prayers are with you and your Mom at this very difficult time.

 

[Tiger Lily 03]

Prayers for you.

 

[wishuponastarforever]

Lauri,

You are wise to make sure your Mom has rehab before considering a nursing home. The time spent immediately after surgery for physical therapy is the most important time.

She needs professionals to teach her physical therapy.
People who are trained for no nonsense. They will not be manipulated nor intimidated. Your Mother will benefit from any therapy she gets. This time is crutial. Her recovery will depend upon how she handled the very beginning exercises. You can never recoup this time. She needs to stay at a rehab facility - not have someone come into your home.

You toowill benefit. You will have time to take care of yourself.
You will get the rest you need for your own health. You will be stronger for yourself which is the most important. You will also be stronger to make the decisions you will be faced with in the next few months. No permanent decisions have to be made right away. Rehap will give her a chance to help herself and it will give you time to see how she recovers.

You'll have some time to think clearer and realize you HAVE to take care of Lauri first. Everyone will be the better for it.

Hard to do but try to forget your brother's thoughtless comments. I'll bet he knows how little he contributes and is just trying to fool himself into thinking he knows what is best. Guilt makes people act in every wierd direction. It is so obvious you have taken on all the responsibility. Your Mother has an amazing daughter.

My prayers are with you -

 

[Tiggerlover91]

 

[MeanLaureen]

Hi guys... thanks for your replies and wishes... they do mean the world to me and give me a needed smile

Yesterday was bad. She is 100 times worse as of last night than she was when she came back from surgery. She's out of it, you can't understand most of what comes out of her mouth (with the exception of "why are you doing this to me" ) and she gets violently "figety".

She started having a fever yesterday of 101.4 - not sure why. No explaination from anyone but they just gave her some tylenol.

The surgeon did a drive by visit. He could have phoned that one in. He walked in, shook my brothers hand and ignored me (when he noticed my "evil eye" for that he started rubbing my back), took a 30 second look at her, and walked out - as we asked questions to his back.

The physical therapist did get her up in a chair and said she did help somewhat so she was happy with that.

After my brother left, the PT Doctor came by and talked to me, a really nice man, answered questions and told me the options and how it would be up to her the next few days whether she goes upstairs to the hospitals rehab or to a nursing home's rehab. He didn't see any reason why we should just give up and think she needs to go into a nursing home for good.

My brother in PA called while I was there and apparently aliens have taken over his body because he was actually caring and worried.... about ME. This is the brother that I see once every 3-4 yrs if lucky.

Anyway, I'm going to stop by there this morning, head to work, and come back by afterwards.

Thanks for all your good thoughts and prayers. They do mean so much to me.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Continued good wishes with prayers, Lauri, for your mom. Hoping she improves soon and on the recovery road.

 

[Big V]

Sending prayers for your mom and you too Lauri.