I need your suggestions

[RitaZ.]

My neighbor was diagnosed with MS last year and isn't doing very well right now. Besides her serious health issues, she has her home up for sale. She has been keeping to herself, she didn't even return my friendly greeting the other day. I know she is hurting in several ways, I'm worried about her.

Now, I want to do something for her, but I don't know what to do.
I asked DH what he thought of me buying her a couple of gift cards to local restaurants along with a hand-written card letting her know that we care and also offering our help. DH didn't like the idea and said that would come across as though she is a charity case. He suggested that I cook something for her, which I hate to do. I don't want to offend her. I really want to reach out to her to let her know that she isn't so alone and that we care about her.

Help me out with ideas. TIA

 

[momrek06]

You know, Rita, for the longest time, I never knew how to handle a situation like the one you posted. Well 8 years ago, my DS was in a serious accident. He fell over/into a camp fire at Boy Scout camp and his entire right leg fell into the middle of the fire and sustained 3rd degree burns. This was devastating to DH & I, our DS and my family. (DS is absolutely fine now)! MY POINT: People came over....friends, family, neighbors, our parish priest, everyone and anyone, neighborhood children, DS' boy scout troop, his school friends, his teachers, his scoutmasters....AND CAN I TELL YOU, their visiting and coming by at such a painful time for our family was sooooo HEALING. WE LOVED IT!

SINCE that experience in our lives....everytime I hear of something happening to someone close to me, my family, in my neighborhood, I go VISIT them. I knock on the door and tell them I am here for them and "what do you need"!! YUP, you are an awesome neighbor and she will remember this, way after she has sold the house and moved on! (In the PAST, I always felt..do not bother them, they are grieving or they need time alone, or it is none of my business.....not anymore)!

Just be there for her!

 

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

I agree with momrek06, just be there for her. Maybe go one afternoon and just visit and chat with her. You mentioned that she's never really been a talkative one, so how about just staying a few minutes to make her feel good. You always think "What can I buy/bring them?"- The best thing is your support.

 

[RitaZ.]

Mom~ DH suggested that also. I've offered her my help in the past, but she is a proud woman. She has been avoiding everyone. One day she had her garage door open, so I figured it would be ok to stop by and chat. As I approached the garage door, I greeted her, she said hello and closed the garage door without explanation. She is not acting like herself, she used to be very friendly and outgoing. It could be the MS's progression or other issues. She feels alone, I know it. I just want to do something just for her to relieve some stress or have a few minutes of enjoyment.

Maybe I'll have to break down and cook something special for her or invite her to dinner.

 

[HaleyB]

What about inviting her over for coffee or tea?

I know that on my street we bring dinner by whenever we hear anyone is ill or not well. I don't think anyone would really find that offensive in any way unless they are an extreamly private person.

Many people with MS also suffer from depression. If she seems to reject your reaching out don't take it personally or think you did the wrong thing. It is never the wrong thing to make an offer of kindness, even if it is rejected.

 

[RitaZ.]

Many people with MS also suffer from depression. If she seems to reject your reaching out don't take it personally or think you did the wrong thing. It is never the wrong thing to make an offer of kindness, even if it is rejected.

Haley, I'm sure that's part of it. I wouldn't take her rejection personally, I understand where it's coming from.

 

[Saphire]

Maybe I'll have to break down and cook something special for her or invite her to dinner.

I think inviting her to dinner is a great idea. When you share a meal with someone, it really helps to find out what is going on in their life. Then, you could also find out other ways you may help her in the future. Cooking for someone and eating together is a wonderful way to connect. Good Luck!

 

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

I think inviting her to dinner is a great idea. When you share a meal with someone, it really helps to find out what is going on in their life. Then, you could also find out other ways you may help her in the future. Cooking for someone and eating together is a wonderful way to connect. Good Luck!

I totally agree!

 

[momrek06]

Haley, I'm sure that's part of it. I wouldn't take her rejection personally, I understand where it's coming from.

Yes, Rita, and at the same time, just maybe she would rather be left alone...

Something to ponder...."closing of the garage door" would have made me uncomfortable.

I also actually like your original idea of a gift card!

Bottomline: It is the THOUGHT that counts! And you are a very thoughtful person to even be pondering all this!!!

Keep us posted!!

 

[Obi-Wan Pinobi]

I know that Lauri gets like your neighbor when her pain level gets to the point where the meds aren't working and she can't ignore it anymore. She has to put on a happy face at work so by the time she gets home she's wanting nothing to do with talking or visiting, etc. Not that she's antisocial and doesn't love her friends, it's just so hard on her and she's such a proud woman that she hates for people to see her in this stage of weakness. In fact, she's in such a bad way right now she's on another self imposed sabatical from the DIS.

If your neighbor is like Lauri, I wouldn't push too much. Maybe start out by sending her a card letting her know you are just thinking about her. Just watch her demeanor and adjust your reaction to her accordingly. When she's back to being talkative, see if she might want to take in a movie with you or go out for coffee or lunch. Just don't feel bad if she is very non responsive at times. People handle being in a lot of pain in different ways. Some reach out to people more, and some people, like Lauri, shut themselves into a shell until they feel they have a handle on life again.

Either way.. kudos to you for being such a good, concerned neighbor.

 

[RitaZ.]

Yes, Rita, and at the same time, just maybe she would rather be left alone...

Something to ponder...."closing of the garage door" would have made me uncomfortable.

I also actually like your original idea of a gift card!

Bottomline: It is the THOUGHT that counts! And you are a very thoughtful person to even be pondering all this!!!

Keep us posted!!

Yes, I felt very uncomfortable when it happened. She was a really hard working woman and I've always respected her for it. She and her husband divorced almost 3 years ago, it has been difficult for her since it happened. She had been working so hard to start her own business, then she was diagnosed with MS. I like her as a person and friend, I hate the fact that she is hurting so much. I just want to do something nice for her. I'll have to think about it some more.

Thanks for the suggestions. I may do a combination of them.

 

[RitaZ.]

Obi,

Thanks for sharing that. I imagine that I'd probably react the same way if I was in that position.

 

[arminnie]

My neighbor was diagnosed with MS last year and isn't doing very well right now. .....Help me out with ideas. TIA

I took a friend to WDW after she was diagnosed with MS. I have DVC and was able to supply the place and knew how to get tickets a little cheaper. I even drove 900 miles each way. We also took her mother who had never traveled at all.

I planned the trip as to what worked for them not what I wanted to do.It was not the most "fun" trip for me although it was one of the most rewarding.