I need to vent!(I'll try to be brief!)

[antkim]

As some of you know I watch my friends kids a few days a week. I'm responsible to watch her ds mon-thurs mornings and get him to school at 12:30 with my ds. I also pick up her dd at school at 2:00. She decided at the beginning of the school year that she would change her work hours on Tues. and Thurs.(7am-2:30pm)so that she could pick up the boys at 3:00 because she didn't want her ds to have to come back here after school-she wanted to spend more time with him. This left her dh responsible to get dd to school in the morning 2 days a week and then drop off ds here-follow me? Well, at the beginning this was how it went. Last week she was telling me how difficult it was becoming getting to work so late and leaving so early to pick the boys up. I said "I thought you went in at 7:00"? She said "ya right, like dh will get out of bed in time to get dd to school"!! So basically she has been going into work later than she arranged because her dh won't get out of bed in the morning!
Here's where I come in! She LEFT A MESSAGE for me yesterday saying she has now made arrangements for her dd to go over a friends house on Tues. and Thurs. after school so I no longer need to pick her up BUT she needs to me pick up the boys now and she is planning on working until 5-meaning she will pick up ds at 5:30!!!! My day is usually done at 3:00 so without even checking with me she now has me watching him until 5:30!! I left a message for her saying I could do it somedays but not all of them-on my dh's day off we usually go out and do "family" things right after A.J. gets home from school(we don't get much time like this!). SOOO because her dh won't get out of bed my schedule I'm suppose to fix all the problems!!
Now, I know it's really no big deal if I'm going to be here anyways but sometimes I'm not here and what really gets me SHE DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME if this was O.K.!!! Thanks god I am done with this next fall because I am sick of people taking advantage of me. I won't say anything because I don't want to ruin a friendship
Am I wrong for being upset? O.K. let me have it!!! LOL
Kim

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Good Grief!

I would ride it out and don't do it next year.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

No, you should be upset. She left a message so you couldn't respond, how horribly inconsiderate!! Just say no, you shouldn't have to change your whole life because her husband is too lazy to get his butt out of bed.

 

[goofy4tink]

I've been in your situation. It stinks. What happens this summer? If you only have a few weeks left, then I'd stick it out and then be done with it. But, if it's more than 2 weeks, I say tell your friend that the timing just isn't possible for you. It doesn't work for your family schedule. Why should your schedule be less important than hers?

 

[Hillbeans]

It's very unfortunate that some people treat the caregivers of their children with no respect whatsoever.

She should be bending over backwards for all of the help and running around you do for her, above and beyond just watching them for the day.

I'd give anything to be lucky enough to find someone like you to watch my children.

 

[Nancy]

M SIL was like that. I was watching her 2 kids 2 days a week. (for free) I had 2 kids 3 and 2...her kids were 2 and newborn. I was pregnant with # 3 and my blood pressure was going up and I was spotting. Doctor said I neded to take it easy. I felt 4 kids under 4 was too much so told her due to preg conplications I couldn't watch her 2 anymore, (her MIL watched them the other days and charged her)

She got mad at me...stormed out of my MIL's house and didn't talk to me for 3 weeks. Her concerns were all about having to pay her MIL more money now.


I wouldn't say anything to your friend right now..the school year is almost over...but I would not watch her kids next year.

 

[antkim]

I actually lost what I thought was a best friend doing this job!!(she was my matron of honor) I watched her 3 kids for 8 years combined and last year when I was pregnant with ds she got really upset because I asked for 1 day off, last minute, and I had taken a day off 2 weeks before because I was in the hospital the night before until 3am because I was so dehydrated from throwing up and I was throwing up blood! I inconvenienced her and her last word to me over a year ago were "you're fired"! I haven't spoken to her since and have had a baby and a death in the family in the meantime! I was watching other kids at the time that I asked for this time off and NO ONE had a problem with it-I never take days off! To top it off her brother showed up at the wake but she didn't even send a card! Good friend, huh?

Kim

 

[kasar]

Don't you find it amazing that this has now become YOUR problem? You are supposed to rearrange your life to accomodate HER family?

What happens if your son wants to play over another child's house after school or if he has a doctor's appointment or something? That's a lot to ask of a friend, in my opinion. I understand why you'll stick it out for the rest of the year - I don't know that I could be so accomodating. Good luck.

 

[HollyJoy]

You have every right to be upset. Seems like she's taking advantage of your friendship, and making assumptions on what you'll do. I hate when people make assumptions. Usually they are DEAD WRONG! I think you should definately talk to your friend and tell her that you just can't do it. Your family time is much more important. I know you are worried about straining the friendship, but if it were a true friendship, then #1 she wouldn't have put you in such a position, and #2 she'll understand, and all will be fine.

 

[antkim]

Goofy- I have them until the beginning of next school year To be honest, the only reason I am continuing to do it(after all this)is because A.J. would be lost without his friend! What I do for my kids! LOL

Kim

 

[always quiet]

I HATE it when selfish people take good hearted people for granted and take advantage of them! If she had her kids at a normal daycare, I believe she would of had to of, in the very least, given them notice of her INTENT to change schedules and wait for their approval to do so. I definitely would say something to her! If she gets all bent out of shape at you, simply tell her that even though you value her as a friend, if she does not like your 'rules', she'll have to make other arrangements for her children (like getting her lazy husband out of bed!! ).

If you only are watching the kids til the end of the school year, I defintely would think twice about doing it next year. Not unless you have an agreement in writing as to what the days and times are for you to be having her children in your care.

 

[pkasbohm]

I know exactly what you are going through and feel sorry for you because she is taking total advantage of you. I have watched friends kids before and it hasn't ended up very well. One of us always ends up having a problem--so i just don't do it anymore! Best of luck to you and hopefully things will work out for the best!

Pam

 

[CamColt]

OMG! I swear you must be talking about people I know. I often find myself in a similar situation with a friend and Im getting to a point where Im sick of being taken advantage of. I would like to tell you to say NO WAY, but I know its not always that easy. Its a lot easier when you arent the one having to say it.
So unfortuantely, I have no real advice, but feel free to vent away here.

 

[antkim]

That is ultimately the reason why I am no longer going to do it after the summer. I'm not the type of person to let people walk all over me usually BUT when you mix friends/family and business sometimes you just have to bite your tongue. Like I said I lost a friend over this and I'm not willing to go through that again My dh can't believe the way I just sit back and let this all happen because he doesn't get away with a thing! LOL!!! I'd rather work at TDS for minimum wage than continue doing this!!!!

Kim

 

[CajunDixie]

I used to babysit DH's boss' granddaughters but I couldnt handle their mom anymore. She would forever show up late, change her schedule and bring them over when they were still in diapers with soaked diapers they had slept in. Nothing like having a kid dropped off that their diaper weighed more than them.

You need to nip it in the bud now. Let her know it's your life and that you do indeed have a life even if you are a SAHM. Letting her take advantage of you will just fester and cause bigger problems in the future.

 

[MelCald]

I have been a licensed family childcare provider for 8 years, and the #1 rule I hear over and over again is not to watch family or friend's children. I am always hearing of family feuds and lost friendships.
That being said..I do have a family that we have become very friendly with over the years. But, we are very open about keeping our daycare/friendship seperate and we have be sucessful. Actually, this past March we were at WDW together. Kindof..they took vacation the same time I did, and we ended up at the same place. We met up for dinner a few times over the vacation.