I need some information -- Catholic church question

[Briar Rose 7457]

as if the bar/bat mitzvah circuit wasn't enough dd tells me that two of her friends will be celebrating their confirmation in the Catholic Church next month and she thinks she'll be invited.

so I've been to church for several life cycle events for friends, and I know that I'm supposed to stand when everyone else stands, sit when they sit, and sit quietly when the kneel, and stay in my seat when they line up to receive communion. but is there anything else I should tell my dd to do while in church?

also -- what exactly is confirmation all about, in religious terms that I can use to explain to my dd?



and what's an appropriate gift? same like a bar/bat mitzvah?

 

[iluvorlando]

BR, confirmation is what you do to show your commitment (that's how I felt). An appropriate gift..that's a little harder. I gave my neice a cross necklace. I have seen Bibles, books, etc...

Good Luck!

 

[MaryJ]

I don't know about the Catholic church, but my DD's were confirmed in the Protestant church. One of the gifts they received was a card (about the size of a credit card) with their name on it and a Bible verse that pertains to their name. You can get them at Christian bookstores along with stands to put them in. Also the Christian bookstores may have a large selection of other gifts for confirmation.

 

[glo]

The Effects of Confirmation
Confirmation is one of the most misunderstood sacraments today. Many people see it as nothing more than a "rite of passage" into adulthood, but it is much more than that. Confirmation is the Sacrament of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. Some of the effects of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit given at the Sacrament of Confirmation are:

It brings an increase in the grace given at Baptism.
It gives an indelible spiritual mark, which is characterized by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.
It strengthens the Christian to profess the faith in an open manner.
For more information on confirmation see The Catechism of the Catholic Church, Sections 1285-1321.

The Calling of the Confirmed
When you are confirmed, besides being an adult member of the Church, you are called to some very special duties.

Defender of the Faith. You are called to know your Faith, the teachings of the Holy Church, and be willing and able to defend the Faith against those who would attack it.
Soldier in Christ. In confirmation, you are called to be a soldier in the Church Militant. You are called to stand up for that which is just, and be willing to suffer for your Faith.

For Confirmation, I usually give a girl either a Precious Moment Confimation figurine or a small peice of jewelery with a cross or dove on it. For a young man I do money.

Hope that helps some.

 

[December99]

BR - you don't have to sit during communion. You can approach the Priest and receive a blessing if you'd like. When you approach cross your arms over your chest in an "x" like appearance. This tells the Priest you are not either of Catholic faith but wish to be blessed or you are of Catholic faith and cannot receive the sacrament at the moment. That way you don't feel "left out" if you want to "participate" in some way or if your dd wants to also - of course with your approval.

Gifts for confirmation all depend on the age also - if the person is older (for instance ours get confirmed at or after the sophomore age in high school) I would give money. If the person is younger - I was confirmed when I was 13 (4th grade) then I would give a gift - perhaps like the others have suggested. I like the card with the bible verse and their name...

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

so in terms of religious significance, it's a major event. it signifies that you have learned and understand the tenents of your faith and that you are assuming adult responsibilities withrespect to that faith. thanks for the info.

 

[FOJMO]

Originally posted by glo
For Confirmation, I usually give a girl either a Precious Moment Confimation figurine or a small peice of jewelery with a cross or dove on it. For a young man I do money.

I am Catholic and you explained the sacrament very thoroughly. However, I find it curious that you would give such beautiful and meaningful gifts to a young woman receiving Confirmation, but you give the young man money?

I admit that I wouldn't want to give a young man the figurine or jewelry, but there must be something equally as meaningful for a male in a Catholic or Christian book store.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>Small addition to Glo's explanation ....

When you are confirmed, you not only commit to stand up for your Faith, but to also commit to live your life according to the Catholic faith, renouncing temptation to sin (as much as you can, of course).

Confirmation is a serious sacrament, not a tradition, and people (teens and adults) shouldn't be confirmed unless they are willing to devote their lives to following and defending the Catholic Faith.

The dove (in a downward position) signifies the Holy Spirit to us, who lives and reigns with the Father (God) and the Son (Jesus).

In my opinion an appropriate gift would be something to commemorate the sacrament - A prayer book, token jewelry or figurine, Christian music CD (especially Lifeteen).

If your dd wants, she can still go up during Communion and cross her arms over her chest to be blessed.

 

[JohnTBap]

I don't mean to be weird here, but I wonder if someone of a different faith would feel comfortable giving a sacramental. I know that, if I was to attend a Bar Mitzvah I would NOT feel comfortable giving something pertaining to the faith.

 

[RUDisney]

I have to admit, when I was confirmed in 7th grade, I was thrilled because, to a 13 yo, it meant that I didn't have to go to religious instructions anymore... little did I know that 2 years later, I'd be in a private Catholic HS, and then college where it was a requirement.

I remember thinking that I was so happy to be Catholic and not Jewish, at that time. The Catholic children have to learn answers to questions that the bishop may ask them. These questions are in English and you can raise your hand to answer the ones that you remembered. My knowledge of the bar/bat mitzvah was that the child had to learn all sorts of prayers in Hebrew and alot of them are sung to the congregation.... and they are alone. The thought of that would still scare me. I don't sing in public... period.

Seriously, though, the definitions that were given on the Sacrament were very good, and I'm not trying to make light of the Sacrament. I'm trying to give you, from what I remember, what a 13 yo's perspective was. Once I received Confirmation, I taught classes for it during HS. I hope I didn't offend anyone by appearing to be flippant.

Confirmation makes you a Soldier of Christ. The child selects the name of a Saint to take as their own during the ceremony and they select a sponsor to guide them through this Sacrament. Symbolically, the sponsor goes to the front of the church with the candidate and places a hand on the candidate's shoulder as the oil is applied to his/her forehead.

Again, from the 13yo's point of view, I'd have preferred money as a gift. I'd have expected my parents, grandparents and sponsor to give me something personal and religious, not anyone else. You can't go wrong with cash, and quite frankly, knowing that you are Jewish, I'd wonder why your DD would be giving me something that represented Christ since He is not a part of your religion. I'd think you were trying too hard.

As for your DD going up to the front of the church during Communion, I'd suggest that she doesn't. She will be not be noticed for remaining in her seat, but if she goes to the front, so many people will notice that she's crossed her arms and didn't receive. She'll call more attention to herself that way.

FWIW, the church will be packed for the Confirmation. When it comes time to kneel, please do it with the rest of the congregation. It doesn't mean that you are praying the same prayers, but the person kneeling behind you will be very grateful that you got out of their way so they could kneel comfortably, too, and it will keep them from breathing down your neck.

 

[TRAPPED-PARENT]

I have two teens who have both been confirmed in the Catholic church. After almost 20 years of marriage, my husband has come forward to also make the commitment and will be confirmed into the church at Easter Vigil.

I think the explanations of the sacrament that have been given are good. Please note that Confirmation is one of the sacraments of "Initiation" into the church.

My husband has been attending mass with us for many years and always waits in his seat for our return from communion. We have invited other non-Catholics to join us and they also feel comfortable just waiting in their seat.

At an event like Confirmation, you are going to see many non-Catholics and many non-practicing Catholics who will be just "following along" due to being unfamiliar with proceedigs. Confirmation services are usually well attended so a non-Catholic won't "stick out" or have any reason to feel self-conscious. In fact, she may find somewhat of a circus atmosphere as people jostle to take pictures, etc. It seems that many people at these occasions forget their "church manners." (Just a personal opinion - LOL!!!)

My husband and I gave our children nice watches to mark their Confirmation event. I think any of the items suggested would be nice ... a gift certificate to a favorite store is also appropriate and appreciated especially from one's friend (nothing too elaborate). I would usually expect the Godparents/Sponsor/Parents be the ones to present some sort of nice religious article to the Confirmation candidate.

I hope she enjoys all the pomp and circumstance ... it is truly one of the big events in a Catholic person's faith journey!!!

 

[Krisu]

I agree with sitting when it's time for the sacrament. As a Lutheran, I would also sit at this time and not feel out of place.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

wow, ask a question around here -- and get all the information in a nutshell. thanks everyone. and you're right, she won't be giving religious items to her friends. but, given what you've all told me, the rite has the same importance as a bat mitzvah has in our faith -- and I now understand the type of gift that is required.

 

[PamOKW]

BriarRose, you are correct. This is an important moment in a Catholic life, just as the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is in your own.

Your advice as to how to behave in church is on the money. I think your daughter going up at communion time would be confusing and it would probably be best for her to remain seated. Possibly she'll be with other non-Catholic friends?

While Confirmation is celebrated, it is not anywhere near the level of a celebration for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Gifts are much more modest and the party is usually a family gathering at home or possibly in a restaurant. Your daughter should dress nicely but doesn't need to be dressed formally. (Of course, the way things change, it's possible that bigger and bigger parties are happening. Your daughter can get that info from her friends.)

Your daughter's gift to her friends, if she chooses to give one, can be something like she would give for a birthday....clothing, gift certificate, etc. Family members and close friends would give more meaningful/religious gifts.

 

[snoopy]

The First Communion was a bigger deal for us then Confirmation. Lots of pomp and cirumstance involved with the First Communion, and lots of parties.

I remember my Confirmation, vaguely. I believe my parents took me and my sponsors out to dinner, a nice celebration, but certainly nothing compared to my best friend's Bah Mitzvah, which happened to coincide with my Confirmation. I got a bible and maybe a small amount of cash from my sponsors, but Debi (BF) cleaned up gift-wise ( ), and that particular Bah Mitzvah was one of the funnest parties I have ever attended - more like a wedding as far as the ritziness of the party itself. I don't think your daughter will find the same type of celebration for a Confirmation, but hey, maybe it was just my family that didn't make a big deal out of it.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>Chiming in again....

BR ... only if your dd feels comfortable should she go up to be blessed -- like others here have said, it's perfectly natural for many to just sit in the pew. At our church, it's common for teens to go up & cross their arms to be blessed (we have a large lifeteen group & not all have received 1st Holy Communion), so no one would stick out either by going up or sitting.

And, like Snoops said, Confirmation for my brother & me wasn't nearly the 'big event' that Communion was. It was a quiet ceremony, and we celebrated by going out to dinner, and the only gifts we received were from our parents & sponsors, no one else.

My son is going through 1st year confirmation (2 year program before being confirmed), and will be confirmed in a regular Mass - there won't be a separate Mass for him - and I expect that we won't be having a party or celebrating in a big way when he does that, other than going to dinner.

 

[PammyK]

Regarding an appropriate gift...perhaps a nice journal and pen that your DD's friend can use as a prayer journal. I think this is a nice way to recognize the religious signifcance of the event while not compromising your different beliefs.

Regarding joining the procession for communion...more and more parishes are starting the practice of having those who are not able to receive the Eucharist join the procession with their arms crossed over their chest. However, there are also many parishes that don't do this and if there are Eucharistic Ministers (lay persons who have received special training to help with distribution of the Eucarist during communion) at the Mass who are not aware of this practice it could be a bit awkward. I think that if this is the practice of the parish your DD will be visiting (and it should either be announced by the priest or noted in the program if there is one) then your DD should certainly join the procession if she chooses to do so. If it is not stated as the practice of the particular parish, or if it would make your DD uncomfortable, then she will be fine remaining in her seat during this part of the Mass.

 

[caitycaity]

br, it's not a big deal at all if your daughter just sits during communion. last summer i was in the bridal party of an EXTREMELY catholic wedding. i think i was the only person in the whole church who didn't get communion, and i was in the very front pew. it wasn't a big deal though, and no one said anything (to me, anyways).

 

[AirForceRocks]

BR, I agree that it won't seem out of place for your DD to sit during Communion. Our parish doesn't "do" the blessing - only those that are receiving Communion actually approach the rail, so I think that sitting it out is the safest way to ensure that your daughter isn't uncomfortable with that part of the service.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

thanks. I want her to be respectful of her friend's faith and supportive of her friend. I'm sure she will be fine.