I need perspective here...

[ronandannette]

What is stopping you from taking fun pictures with your kids and posting them as well in the group chat? Not to get back at her, but just to exchange fun experiences. "Wish you were here / we will be together again soon".

I understand you are getting all tiger-mommy to protect your kids from getting upset, however, it sends off a bad message. Your sister is not doing anything wrong, teach your kids to deal with it. Talk to them about how it feels, what they can do about it and teach them to distract themselves. Removing obstacles doesnt help them in the long run.

LOVE this!

 

[Minniesgal]

I wouldn't even consider social distancing from my kids so she may not have even thought about it. My kids come over when they want

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Let me ask you this: do you send pictures of you with your kids in the family chat? Just because her kids are older doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be allowed to post pictures of them. You sister chose to have her children in her bubble. I think you are hurt that your sister didn’t include you in her bubble and that is why you are upset and can’t see the forest for the trees. Your daughter may be disappointed, but you as her mom should explain to her that her aunt sending pictures with her kids are no different than you posting pictures with yours.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I also agree that it's understandable for your sister to shrink her bubble to still include her own children but not siblings and nieces. If she created the group text to send the message (vs. texting it to an already existing group), then I do see why you were confused and assumed it applied to everyone in the group chat, not just your family. It sounds like that part has been explained and you need to respect the answer.

However, if I'm understanding correctly, she sent photos of them doing things together to the group chat, you specifically asked her not to include your family when sending those photos because it was upsetting your kids, but she continued to send photos to your kids after that, correct? That's where I think she's in the wrong. If it was "she's posting them on her facebook page and my kids see them" then there's really nothing you can do about that, but if she's sending them directly to you/your kids after you specifically asked her to stop, then she's out of line. I'm not sure what you can do about it besides 1) try to talk to her again, 2) learn to live with it and try to help your kids understand, or 3) remove your kids from the group chat (if you can) or block the number for a while. I do think she's wrong to continue to send the pictures if you've asked her to stop, but I guess you have to decide if this is a hill you want to defend.

It's not clear, at least IMO reading the comments, that the sister sent photos after being requested not to. But honestly at the same time I think it would have been better for the OP to suggest a new group chat to share photos rather than just tell the sister to not send them at all and even then that can still ruffle some feathers. I think if I were the sister I would think "well geez guess you're not interested in us as much as I thought" Unfortunately with the reconnection you (general you) may not have the luxury of knowing how well received being told not to send any photos could be construed.

I also have to wonder if the miscommunication hadn't been there it almost sounds like the kids (and truthfully the OP has an undercurrent of disappointment there in the comments but I can understand that) would still be upset at missing out on actually being around the other family members (which I can understand that as well). With this pandemic it's something that will likely happen from time to time. Pictures or not. The OP and her kids will have to keep that in mind.

 

[kymom99]

It's not clear, at least IMO reading the comments, that the sister sent photos after being requested not to. But honestly at the same time I think it would have been better for the OP to suggest a new group chat to share photos rather than just tell the sister to not send them at all and even then that can still ruffle some feathers. I think if I were the sister I would think "well geez guess you're not interested in us as much as I thought" Unfortunately with the reconnection you (general you) may not have the luxury of knowing how well received being told not to send any photos could be construed.

I also have to wonder if the miscommunication hadn't been there it almost sounds like the kids (and truthfully the OP has an undercurrent of disappointment there in the comments but I can understand that) would still be upset at missing out on actually being around the other family members (which I can understand that as well). With this pandemic it's something that will likely happen from time to time. Pictures or not. The OP and her kids will have to keep that in mind.

Yes, and younger kids are developmentally egocentric. They see others doing or having things and automatically think why can’t I? They will get over it.

 

[zoo2tycoon]

@Momager you need to be a parent. Remove your “young kids” from an adult conversation. They would never have known about your sister being with her kids unless you allowed them to have a phone and be in a group chat. Your kids are upset because you are upset. You have no right to be upset because she is seeing her kids. You should remove kids from group chat, apologize to your sister and act like an adult rather than a child who wasn’t invited to a sleepover and has hurt feelings. You are going to become estranged by this petty issue you created if you don’t grow up soon.

 

[prairie_girl]

Y’all I need some perspective. I reconnected with my sister after about 10 years of not speaking back in April/May. We've been doing great, hanging out lots. We even went on a vacation together! She has 2 kids between 25-30 and I have 3 young kids, 5-15.

Recently she sent a group text saying that with the uptick of Covid, we all must social distance.
In this group chat was me, my 2 oldest kids, her husband, 2 kids, and their SOs (my hubs doesn't have an iPhone so he can't get in on the group chats LOL). My girls were bummed but understood.

The next day, my sister post pics to the same group chat of her adult daughter sleeping over... After a few pics, my kids were obviously upset. What happened to all of us social distancing???

So I send her a private text saying, Hey, you have every right to do whatever you want with your kids, but you sent a text saying we all need to social distance (and canceled plans we had set) then less than 24 hours later, you're sending pics of your kids over your house to us?? You're obviously free to do whatever you want, but please don't say one thing, and then send pictures of you doing the exact opposite in the group chat - It's really upsetting my kids.
She texted back saying how this is hard on everyone, blah blah blah. She didn't take ownership of what she had done at all.

Since then, there have been a few posts on social media of her adult kids back at her house, but nothing posted to the group text. Until thanksgiving when it was picture after video after picture after video. I guess the "social distancing" was just for us?? I don't even know.

Are we wrong for being upset? Honestly, It’s not me that’s upset, I couldn't care less. It’s my kids. We don’t have much family, so when we reconnected with my sister, my kids were super happy. They were disappointed when they received the “gotta social distance due to Covid” text, but they understood totally.

Then they get blasted with pics and videos of them breaking their own social distance rule within hours. And I get it, my kids are in school and around germs. Except for the fact that their school has been closed for a while now and only virtual. And yes, my 1 child trains in a close contact sport every day, but in the same realm, her kids and their SOs go off to work/school every day as well, one of which is very close contact as well, no masks. It's 6 of one, half a dozen of the other. If you're going to social distance, you have to do it fully. Not just chose certain people.... At least that's my thinking...


Anyway, are we/my kids wrong for having their feelings hurt?

I’m not sure anyone quoted this, so here it is.

Just in case

 

[thinkerbell]

Y’all I need some perspective. I reconnected with my sister after about 10 years of not speaking back in April/May. We've been doing great, hanging out lots. We even went on a vacation together! She has 2 kids between 25-30 and I have 3 young kids, 5-15.

Recently she sent a group text saying that with the uptick of Covid, we all must social distance.
In this group chat was me, my 2 oldest kids, her husband, 2 kids, and their SOs (my hubs doesn't have an iPhone so he can't get in on the group chats LOL). My girls were bummed but understood.

The next day, my sister post pics to the same group chat of her adult daughter sleeping over... After a few pics, my kids were obviously upset. What happened to all of us social distancing???

So I send her a private text saying, Hey, you have every right to do whatever you want with your kids, but you sent a text saying we all need to social distance (and canceled plans we had set) then less than 24 hours later, you're sending pics of your kids over your house to us?? You're obviously free to do whatever you want, but please don't say one thing, and then send pictures of you doing the exact opposite in the group chat - It's really upsetting my kids.
She texted back saying how this is hard on everyone, blah blah blah. She didn't take ownership of what she had done at all.

Since then, there have been a few posts on social media of her adult kids back at her house, but nothing posted to the group text. Until thanksgiving when it was picture after video after picture after video. I guess the "social distancing" was just for us?? I don't even know.

Are we wrong for being upset? Honestly, It’s not me that’s upset, I couldn't care less. It’s my kids. We don’t have much family, so when we reconnected with my sister, my kids were super happy. They were disappointed when they received the “gotta social distance due to Covid” text, but they understood totally.

Then they get blasted with pics and videos of them breaking their own social distance rule within hours. And I get it, my kids are in school and around germs. Except for the fact that their school has been closed for a while now and only virtual. And yes, my 1 child trains in a close contact sport every day, but in the same realm, her kids and their SOs go off to work/school every day as well, one of which is very close contact as well, no masks. It's 6 of one, half a dozen of the other. If you're going to social distance, you have to do it fully. Not just chose certain people.... At least that's my thinking...


Anyway, are we/my kids wrong for having their feelings hurt?

Yeah, they're not posting on social media. They're sending the pictures via text.


Does anyone actually read??? lol

But... you DID say that she was posting on social media and had stopped posting to the group text. See bolded and underlined part of your original post.

 

[ronandannette]

I’m not sure anyone quoted this, so here it is.

Just in case

You're pretty new here, but we call quoting the opening post "the rule". Thanks for catching it.

 

[prairie_girl]

You're pretty new here, but we call quoting the opening post "the rule". Thanks for catching it.

I just know it from other boards. Figured it was universal.

 

[Skywalker]

this sounds about right.... IDK why you didn't speak to your sister for so long before this,and I also think your sister is not very sensitive to others, but I'd let it go and use it as a teaching moment for my own family that people always 'show you who they are' eventually. 100% agreed that the 'guidelines' for social distancing includes family who lives with you,not how you're related etc. But people pick and choose what's "safe" to them all the time....

Or....the OP and her fam are those high maintenance extremely sensitive types that take offence where none is meant. That might also explain the rift.

 

[Allison]

Here is the perspective I will offer, your sister did nothing wrong and you need to explain to your kids why.