I need perspective here...

[Momager]

Y’all I need some perspective. I reconnected with my sister after about 10 years of not speaking back in April/May. We've been doing great, hanging out lots. We even went on a vacation together! She has 2 kids between 25-30 and I have 3 young kids, 5-15.

Recently she sent a group text saying that with the uptick of Covid, we all must social distance.
In this group chat was me, my 2 oldest kids, her husband, 2 kids, and their SOs (my hubs doesn't have an iPhone so he can't get in on the group chats LOL). My girls were bummed but understood.

The next day, my sister post pics to the same group chat of her adult daughter sleeping over... After a few pics, my kids were obviously upset. What happened to all of us social distancing???

So I send her a private text saying, Hey, you have every right to do whatever you want with your kids, but you sent a text saying we all need to social distance (and canceled plans we had set) then less than 24 hours later, you're sending pics of your kids over your house to us?? You're obviously free to do whatever you want, but please don't say one thing, and then send pictures of you doing the exact opposite in the group chat - It's really upsetting my kids.
She texted back saying how this is hard on everyone, blah blah blah. She didn't take ownership of what she had done at all.

Since then, there have been a few posts on social media of her adult kids back at her house, but nothing posted to the group text. Until thanksgiving when it was picture after video after picture after video. I guess the "social distancing" was just for us?? I don't even know.

Are we wrong for being upset? Honestly, It’s not me that’s upset, I couldn't care less. It’s my kids. We don’t have much family, so when we reconnected with my sister, my kids were super happy. They were disappointed when they received the “gotta social distance due to Covid” text, but they understood totally.

Then they get blasted with pics and videos of them breaking their own social distance rule within hours. And I get it, my kids are in school and around germs. Except for the fact that their school has been closed for a while now and only virtual. And yes, my 1 child trains in a close contact sport every day, but in the same realm, her kids and their SOs go off to work/school every day as well, one of which is very close contact as well, no masks. It's 6 of one, half a dozen of the other. If you're going to social distance, you have to do it fully. Not just chose certain people.... At least that's my thinking...


Anyway, are we/my kids wrong for having their feelings hurt?

 

[kymom99]

Well that’s her nuclear family. We didn’t get together with my siblings or their kids but we are seeing our kids.

 

[smokeyblue]

My first instinct is that you really owe your sister an apology and quick. Why would you make this an issue when you've just started up a relationship after a long period of animosity? It seems to me she likely meant that her bubble and your bubble weren't going to get together as planned. It's your job to help your kids manage feelings and expectations.

 

[gotomu212]

She’s cutting her bubble down, which is a smart thing to do right now, and just limiting it to her kids. It would be one thing if she texted your family that she was socially distancing, but was then posting pictures with another sibling or cousin. Seeing her own kids isn’t the same as seeing nieces and nephews.

In my family we haven’t gotten together with my sister and her kids or my brother and his, that doesn’t mean they can’t see their own children.

 

[Momager]

Well that’s her nuclear family. We didn’t get together with my siblings or their kids but we are seeing our kids.

Absolutely understandable.
But did you send a text to specific family members, specifically saying no one could be together due to Covid??? We all get that they are "core family" and want to be together. )Though if you're truly trying to avoid Covid, you should avoid EVERYONE - especially ones who work in the medical field where patients can't wear a mask.)

Maybe common sense isn't truly common? Maybe I should have read it differently. I don't know.

 

[Momager]

My first instinct is that you really owe your sister an apology and quick. Why would you make this an issue when you've just started up a relationship after a long period of animosity? It seems to me she likely meant that her bubble and your bubble weren't going to get together as planned. It's your job to help your kids manage feelings and expectations.

As I said, that's totally understandable. When she sent the group text to begin with, it didn't read that way. It seemed like we were all supposed to quarantine. Maybe that was our bad thinking that way? I figured if she just meant US should would have sent to text to just US.
I told her that it was upsetting for my child to see the pictures of them hanging out, so if she could please refrain from sending them while were in quarantine. My daughter suffers from depression, and not having any family around is very hard for her. I may be overprotective of her, but seeing her depressed is like death to a mother.

 

[prairie_girl]

It's your job to help your kids manage feelings and expectations.

!00% this. They're probably more upset because they see you upset.

 

[VandVsmama]

Be like Elsa and let it go.

Put her on 30 day snooze on all of the social media accounts that you're connected to her with. It's not worth making a stink over it.

For what it's worth, I have friends who have pulled nonsense like this. It's irritating. It's frustrating. But just stop following her on social media for a month or 2 and then it'll settle down.

 

[Momager]

!00% this. They're probably more upset because they see you upset.

As I said, I wasn't upset about it. I knew my kids (1 in particular) would be very sad about it. Thats all.

 

[Momager]

Be like Elsa and let it go.

Put her on 30 day snooze on all of the social media accounts that you're connected to her with. It's not worth making a stink over it.

For what it's worth, I have friends who have pulled nonsense like this. It's irritating. It's frustrating. But just stop following her on social media for a month or 2 and then it'll settle down.

Yeah, they're not posting on social media. They're sending the pictures via text.


Does anyone actually read??? lol

 

[PAsFab5]

I can’t offer you advice, but I can tell you that you are not alone with family members that have “COVID rules of convenience”. I have a few family members that honestly I cannot determine what their rules are on social distancing because it seems to change based on the situation. Things are “not safe” or “dangerous” unless they want to do something for their own social life, convenience of child care etc. Its frustrating and at times hurtful and I get it, believe me. But at this point I just smile and say “ok no problem I just want you to feel safe!” And move on. COVID will be over one day but your family is forever.

 

[VandVsmama]

Yeah, they're not posting on social media. They're sending the pictures via text.


Does anyone actually read??? lol

My bad. I misunderstood! And yes, I can read.

Which of your kids is included in the group text messages? If she doesn't respect your request to leave them off of the group text, then you could temporarily block her # from your kid(s)' phones.

Maybe taking a breather from her would be a good idea for awhile.

 

[Skywalker]

I told her that it was upsetting for my child to see the pictures of them hanging out, so if she could please refrain from sending them while were in quarantine.

Wow seriously? This is something you need to address with yourself and your kids because you are in the wrong. Just explain to your child that she wants to see her kids just like your family wants to see each other. Extended family has to wait until after the pandemic. It's truly bizarre that your kids are upset that this other family gets together.

 

[Hikergirl]

I would have assumed that her family would be socially distancing with yours, not themselves.
I really don't see this as something to be upset over.

 

[gotomu212]

As I said, that's totally understandable. When she sent the group text to begin with, it didn't read that way. It seemed like we were all supposed to quarantine. Maybe that was our bad thinking that way? I figured if she just meant US should would have sent to text to just US.
I told her that it was upsetting for my child to see the pictures of them hanging out, so if she could please refrain from sending them while were in quarantine. My daughter suffers from depression, and not having any family around is very hard for her. I may be overprotective of her, but seeing her depressed is like death to a mother.

Again, this doesn’t seem bad to me. We’re all sending pics of our families back and forth on my family group text as a way to still be close while apart. My group text feed was full of my brother and sister and mom all sending pictures back and forth of our individual celebrations and their kids. I think she’s probably trying to keep the connection with your kids and hers going even if you have to be physically apart.

I think it’s a lot to tell someone that pics of them hanging with their own children is upsetting. It seems like the brief reconciliation is about to crater. How would you feel if you sent a Thanksgiving pic of you and your two kids to them and they said the picture of you all living together was upsetting?

 

[Momager]

Wow seriously? This is something you need to address with yourself and your kids because you are in the wrong. Just explain to your child that she wants to see her kids just like your family wants to see each other. Extended family has to wait until after the pandemic. It's truly bizarre that your kids are upset that this other family gets together.

And again, that's fine! It's a bummer that we can't be together but totally understood.
It was upsetting for my child to see the pictures of them all having a great time, so I asked if she could refrain from sending them TO HER. that would be appreciated. That's too much to ask of a family member?

 

[disneychrista]

The only thing rude your sister did was post the pictures on the group chat. That was in bad taste. She has the right to keep her daughters in her bubble and to keep others out.

Both my daughter have recently stopped being at home. One moved out. One is house sitting for the next month or two. They are both part of my bubble and I will continue to see them. They aren't seeing any one or doing anything they weren't when they were living here.

 

[Southernmiss]

I agree.

Also, the 10 + year age difference of your groups of kids makes a difference.

There are things my adult kids do that their younger cousins can't and shouldn't be a part of.

 

[VandVsmama]

What you guys COULD have all done is do a group video call on Facetime or Zoom or something like that. Your kids can still see their cousins...just do it via technology for now instead.

And in terms of preventing YOUR children from getting sick, maybe it's not such a bad thing that your 2 families will not be getting together for a little while. After all, isn't it the 18-30 yr old crowd who are doing the most of getting together w/o masks & partying it up, and end up super spreading COVID cooties all over the place?

 

[Momager]

The only thing rude your sister did was post the pictures on the group chat. That was in bad taste. She has the right to keep her daughters in her bubble and to keep others out.

Both my daughter have recently stopped being at home. One moved out. One is house sitting for the next month or two. They are both part of my bubble and I will continue to see them. They aren't seeing any one or doing anything they weren't when they were living here.

Thats literally the only thing my kid is upset about LOL. We alllll understand that they're going to do what they want.