I need help making a Kindergarten decision

[amyjo920]

Haven't read through all the other threads, but definitely agree with waiting another year. My stepson started early (July birthday). While mentally he was incredibly capable, it has been a horrible battle with the maturity issue. He is starting high school next year and it is STILL a struggle. Again, he can do the work, but is just way to immature, and in turn it does affect his grades. Ended up with his mom feeling pressured from the school to put him on meds for ADD. A decision that DH and I did not agree with. I to this day think that they should have held him back at an earlier or started him in K later to avoid this. I do not think he needs the meds. I think he is acting like a normal pre-pubescent boy.

 

[imthatgirl]

That is not how is SHOULD work though according to the cutoff. If ALL of the children in your child's class are truly 6 then they are all redshirting and the playing feild has been leveled within the class, but it is not just a local problem. Most children in K SHOULD be 5 for most to all of K. NO ONE should start K at 6 already. If that is the way EVERYONE is doing it, then the cutoff should be changed to 6 by Sept 1 so that those who do choose to follow the rules are not being penalized for it. It is also a national issue as standardized test scores are normed nationally. Your 6 and 7 year olds' scores are being compared to or 5 and 6 year olds, and that is unfair. It should be one or the other. Mabye that is why the South lags behind??? All our kids are a year younger than in other areas.

Since when shoudl most kids be 5 most of the year? You said yourself that your daughter is 61/2 in K. My middle son has a September bday....neither my son nor your daughter were 5 most of the year. Most kids are 6 for most of the year in K.
the cut off is designed to keep kids that are too young out of K. Not to make sure the kids thata re going are younger then a certain age. Just because you want it to be so...doesn;t make it. Again...there are no rules as to when you have to start K other then 6...so I too am "following the rules". I don;t know why you keep saying 7yos...no one starts their kid in K at 7. that honey, would be against the law.
I don't know where you live...but here we don't do standardized testing in K.
I live in an area that has the best schools in the country. So I take advantage of them...like every parent should.

 

[Kit'smommy]

That is not how is SHOULD work though according to the cutoff. If ALL of the children in your child's class are truly 6 then they are all redshirting and the playing feild has been leveled within the class, but it is not just a local problem. Most children in K SHOULD be 5 for most to all of K. NO ONE should start K at 6 already.

I agree with this. We went to a 6th birthday party for the oldest girl in his class the Saturday after school started. She is really ahead of the rest of the class maturity-wise and could have started a year earlier with our cutoff.

This Saturday, we are going to the birthday party for one of the younger members of the class, who will be turning 6. There are a couple of other summer birthdays. DS is right in the middle with his February birthday, so he was 5 for half of the school year.

Except for very special circumstances, I don't think children should not be starting out in K-5 at 6.

 

[disneycruising]

I met many parents that regret sending their young boys (me included) but I've NEVER met one who has regretted holding them. I say definately hold them. It makes a huge difference especially in the really important years like the first years of school and middle school!

This is so true. We held out son back and have no gretts. But we have some firends that have a son the same age that didn't...they regret their decision. But it is to late to do anything now.

**My DH said to me once would you like to send him off the college at 17 or 18. To me that was a huge thing. I would rather send him off to college at 18.

 

[sdoll]

Wow this is a bigger debate than I ever thought it would be. Like everyone else this debate started for us based on what we think is best for our son. No matter what he will be in kindergarten 1 year from this fall no matter what we decide today. I was not thinking this would become a finger pointing debate on parenting. I think it is so hard as a parent we all want our kids to have the upper hand and the best education. I just want my son to be successful. And I don't just measure that by his grades. Success is being nice, kind, comfortable with is peers and teachers, able to socially adapt. you get the idea. I am not sure if this is effecting people's thoughts but I have scene this on here as a comment. I work full time and am lucky to have found another parent who provides us great childcare and flexibility so my son would not be adjusting to leaving me for a whole day unfortunalty he already does.
I am meeting with both the Kindergarten School and Preschool tomorrow and I will keep you posted.

I liked where someone said that was church school and now your are going to big kindergarten that was exactly how I was thinking we would explain it.

 

[deerhart]

Since when shoudl most kids be 5 most of the year? You said yourself that your daughter is 61/2 in K. My middle son has a September bday....neither my son nor your daughter were 5 most of the year. Most kids are 6 for most of the year in K.
the cut off is designed to keep kids that are too young out of K. Not to make sure the kids thata re going are younger then a certain age. Just because you want it to be so...doesn;t make it. Again...there are no rules as to when you have to start K other then 6...so I too am "following the rules". I don;t know why you keep saying 7yos...no one starts their kid in K at 7. that honey, would be against the law.
I don't know where you live...but here we don't do standardized testing in K.
I live in an area that has the best schools in the country. So I take advantage of them...like every parent should.

Had we held our youngest son back a year, he would have been 6 for approixmately 7 weeks of kindy and then turned 7. We would have been WELL within the law. Your July 31st baby being held back a year because they made the cutoff date by 1 day doesn't seem like a big issue, but you also MUST remember that being held back isn't limited to those just close to the cutoff. It's open to EVERYONE. Thus I can hold back my October baby as well and suddenly things become REALLY skewed since he's now, on average, 1.5 to 2 years older then the rest of the class.

I am sure your school does standardized testing in 1-12th grades through! And would it be fair for me to hold my Oct b-day kid back a year so now that your 6 yo starting 1st grader is being compared to my 8 yo first grader?

 

[imthatgirl]

Had we held our youngest son back a year, he would have been 6 for approixmately 7 weeks of kindy and then turned 7. We would have been WELL within the law. Your July 31st baby being held back a year because they made the cutoff date by 1 day doesn't seem like a big issue, but you also MUST remember that being held back isn't limited to those just close to the cutoff. It's open to EVERYONE. Thus I can hold back my October baby as well and suddenly things become REALLY skewed since he's now, on average, 1.5 to 2 years older then the rest of the class.

I am sure your school does standardized testing in 1-12th grades through! And would it be fair for me to hold my Oct b-day kid back a year so now that your 6 yo starting 1st grader is being compared to my 8 yo first grader?

I think all parents should do whats best for their child. so if someone with a September bday wants to wait...go for it. I would never expect another parent to hinder their own childs education in order to make me happy. thats silly.
there are kids held back all the time. My nephew is 10 and in 3rd grade. He turned 10 in october. He's much older the the rest of the kids....are you suggesting he shouldn't be there? Then where should he be?
Not all kids learn at the same pace. If someone thinks their child is in a school where they are at a disadvantage because there are older kids in the class then they should be proactive about putting their child in a school where they excel.
Personally I find each of my kids the perfect place for them, and it is regardless of their age.

 

[Leajess99]

There has to be a line drawn somewhere, or what you end up with is 7 year olds in K whose parents chose to hold them back to "give them the best possible start". What they really wanted was a child who was stronger, faster, and smarter than everyone else, or they didn't want their "baby" to grow up. The parents of the kids in DD's class CHOSE to hold thier kids back so that they would be 7 in K. There are 2 of them from 2 different families, but the story is the same. They were not held back because they were not capable of doing the work. It has backfired on them as far as the social aspect goes because they are so much older and don't relate well to the kids in K along with the fact that they are really bored and have become a discipline problem because of it. Thes kids SHOULD be in first grade.

One of the kids on my child's basketball team (they play grade level so I assumed he was in 2nd grade) turned 8 in 1st grade and was never held back. He was kept from starting school on time so here you have this child almost 2 years older than most of the kids in his class and he is not small by any means. It really is sad that there is not better control over it. My youngest daughter had many boys held from starting on time in her kindergarten class and those were the kids causing disruptions as they were "bored". My daughter was supposed to be there but her learning was being disrupted by these children because their parents chose to hold them back. I have a child with a summer bday that has always been the youngest to second youngest in her class and I would have done such a disservice to her had I held her back.

The one thing I find funny is parents who use immaturity as a basis to hold their children back. What is to say they will mature anymore?? I have seen many kids still immature in 5th grade so what should they have been held back all those years as well??

OP, I would send your child to private Kindergarten and reassess at the end of the year. Please give him a chance to succeed and not be held a year.

 

[Leajess99]

Who gets to decide? Well the parents do...isn't that our job? I take my job as a parent very seriously and I'll be damned if I'm going to let someone else decide when MY child is ready for something.
If your child is ion school, and not being homeschooled, then there will always be that child that needs lots of attention. It really has nothing to do with age. You 6 1/2 yo could just as easily be that child. If there is a 7yo in your childs K class then that child stayed back, I find it really hard to believe that a parent chose to keep their child back 2 years. You say your child is right now 6 1/2...well at this point me and the OPs kids will be 6 1/2 when they're in K too. So how are they different then your 6 1/2yo...I'm still trying to figure out your reasoning on that one?
I think I've clearly stated my motivation to waiting with my child....so he can have the same advantages as other kids, so he isnt a whole year younger then all the kids in his class. I don't think you have to wonder at all what my motivation is...it's clear.
I would love to hear what your sister says about kids waiting till they are ready. I come from a family of teachers and all of them...and the teachers I know...as well as the teacher(s) who have answered the thread...say it's almost always better to wait. I can remember my aunt begging my cousin to wait with her child...she didn't and it's obvious that he struggles to keep up his good grades. This same Aunt is a 7th grade math teacher and she can tell you within a week which kids have July and August birthdays....because they ARE a year younger then the most of the other kids.
What I don't understand is your motivation to not wanting kids who are a couple weeks or months older then your child in her class. Why shouldn't MY child be given the same opportunity to be with kids his own age as your child?
As a PP said...I too have yet to meet a parent who regretted waiting tell their child was ready...but I have met plenty who think they maybe should have.

In reference to the bolded, I know a child who was held from starting school on time and turned 7 in kindergarten. He just turned 8 in 1st grade. I get so tired of the "my child isn't ready" yet how many have had their children tested for readiness?? Many teachers prefer to deal with the older kids because they do not want to deal with the younger ones who may not be quite as easy to teach. Why do you think so many recommend that a child be held back if they have summer birthdays?? Many of the ones in my daughter's class last year that were causing disruptions were teachers' children. They were bored and needed the first grade work as that is where they belonged.

 

[imthatgirl]

In reference to the bolded, I know a child who was held from starting school on time and turned 7 in kindergarten. He just turned 8 in 1st grade. I get so tired of the "my child isn't ready" yet how many have had their children tested for readiness?? Many teachers prefer to deal with the older kids because they do not want to deal with the younger ones who may not be quite as easy to teach. Why do you think so many recommend that a child be held back if they have summer birthdays?? Many of the ones in my daughter's class last year that were causing disruptions were teachers' children. They were bored and needed the first grade work as that is where they belonged.

As an involved parent you should not need to have your child tested...these are things we know as parents. What state is this child in that started K at almost 7 years of age? That is hardly what the op is talking about...or me for that mater. That's not red shirting and shouldn't be used as an example of such.
A child at any age can be bored. My neighbors kid has an October birthday and was always bored in school...he now goes to a gifted school.
Like I have said over and over...age has nothing to do with it. People need to stop putting all kids in these neat little boxes and expecting them to perform. Kids are individuals, and should be treated as such.

 

[dizneechic]

YES people ARE waiting until their child is 7 to send them to K. There are 2 in my DD's class at a small private school ,and it is becoming more and more common.

I'm sorry but STARTING K at 7 is excessive. The OP and many on this thread who have provided our personal experiences all were talking a matter of months AND based on what we felt was best for our children. In almost all areas of the country it is law that a child be entered into school by age 6 (be it K or 1st since K is not federally required), and starting K 2 years above the average aged student in the classroom is a bit out of the "norm" (unless the children have a sped issue to warrant such delay).

I NEVER said my child cannot learn in an environment wher one child is a couple months older, but that having a 2 year age span in a clasroom makes in harder for EVERYONE to leanr. Why do you KEEP misstating that??? Can you show me where I said it becuase I am simply not seeing it. The large age difference in DD's classroom presents a very real problem that I have seen first hand, and I don't think it should be allowed.

Your right, at 7 is 2 years beyond the recommended age and beyond the few months those who typically "redshirt" and I am surprised the school system allowed that - again unless there are other circumstances involved.

I certainly am not inventing red shirting, it's very common here. There will also be kids who have to stay back, just like there are every year in all schools. My child would hardly be the oldest, lol.
My child will be 6 in K....just like ALL the other kids, if started this september he would not turn six in K unlike all the rest of the kids.
so we are choosing to keep him with his age group. He will be 7 in 1st...just like all the other kids in his class. Weird how that works huh?

Same with my Aug child who we held back. Just turned 6 for K, 7 for 1st, and 8 for 2nd, just like a majority of his class. Yes there are some on the younger side and some on the older side, no one 2 years off from the class though like the pp is suggesting.

I think the real issue is schools moving kids on for the sake of moving them on and not always basing it on the child. They wanted to move my middle ds on to 2nd (who isn't "redshirted") yet he is reading mid grade level, struggling horribly with the workload, and can barely meet the testing requirements for mid year evaluation (Jan) let ALONE requirements for end of year. The schools theory is keep piling it on and eventually it should click, but at what cost of confidence to the child who struggles until that happens IF it ever does. More often than not the child gets frustrated, checks out, and loses interest in school. That's not what any parent wants for their child and if retaining them by 1 year (and in most cases less!) at any point during their education can help the child, than there is nothing wrong with that!

I prefer a child centered approach to educational decisions, not something based solely on numerical age.

100% agree!

It is also a national issue as standardized test scores are normed nationally. Your 6 and 7 year olds' scores are being compared to or 5 and 6 year olds, and that is unfair. It should be one or the other. Mabye that is why the South lags behind??? All our kids are a year younger than in other areas.

You may be onto something! Although I don't know what standardized testing is done in the younger years that would be so heavily skewed, and by the upper grades the reality is all kids will end up averaging out.

Mind you were were urged by my oldest son's first school to hold him back a year, but we just couldn't see him being anywhere from 4 months older (right after cutoff) then other children in his class to being 1.5 years older (right before cutoff) versus being in the middle of the class age wise. I mean he would be taking drivers ed at the end of 8th grade!

If he was 16 at the end of 8th grade (drivers ed age here in MA - but varies across the country) he would be 20 graduating HS... that seems crazy. All 3 of my kids, 2 WITH retention will graduate HS at 18, completely within the norm.

Anyhow to everyone, we only want whats best for our children. Some schools handle retained children better than others and in certain areas its much more predominate than others (specifically the North East). Some kids are more of a distraction if they are the ones in class who constantly struggle, needs the teachers attention because they cant keep up, and take the focus away from the the rest of the class because they just aren't ready for some reason to be where the "guidelines" place them. I would rather have the child be older OR younger calendar wise but be on the right developmental and educational track then to be a constant problem in the class because they require more than the typical student. Parents know their children the best, and if we make the wrong decisions (starting too early or late) hopefully the schools provide the appropriate feedback to help keep the child on course educationally (not just by adhering to a calendar).

This seems to be one of those topics like when to potty train or take away the bottle where we all have differing opinions there are norms and recommendations for each, but every child and circumstance it unique and when all is said and done, in 20+ years, we will have done what's best for each of our children and they will all come out OK.

 

[Leajess99]

One more thing about holding kids back a year. It can give kids a competitive advantage later on in sports, academics etc because they are competing with kids over a year younger then them in the same class. We already see this issue with my late october b-day boy, can you imagine if he was a January or March baby instead and was already 8 and in 1st grade!

Mind you were were urged by my oldest son's first school to hold him back a year, but we just couldn't see him being anywhere from 4 months older (right after cutoff) then other children in his class to being 1.5 years older (right before cutoff) versus being in the middle of the class age wise. I mean he would be taking drivers ed at the end of 8th grade!

I can imagine it as we have experienced it. I had assumed the child was in 2nd grade only to find out that assumption was flawed. Imagine finding out the kid is in 1st grade and will be in the same age group next season for basketball and he already towered above 95% of the kids with the exception of the ones that were also older than normal 1st and 2nd graders.

My girls play soccer outside of school and it is done by age. In basketball it was assumed that my middle child was only in 5th grade based off of her age but she started school on time and is in fact in 6th grade. It makes it nice in soccer as most of the kids are in the same age category and many are in the same grade so they have things in common.

 

[Leajess99]

I certainly am not inventing red shirting, it's very common here. There will also be kids who have to stay back, just like there are every year in all schools. My child would hardly be the oldest, lol.
My child will be 6 in K....just like ALL the other kids, if started this september he would not turn six in K unlike all the rest of the kids.
so we are choosing to keep him with his age group. He will be 7 in 1st...just like all the other kids in his class. Weird how that works huh?

Hmm, in my dd's class aside from those with the Fall/winter birthdays, most of the kids turned 6 in 1st grade. The beginning of the year was filled with many birthdays so your child entering 1st grade at 7 will still be older than the majority of the kids in 1st grade. Yes, you will have kids later in the year turning 7 like my youngest dd did but your child would have almost a year on my middle dd who did not turn 7 until the end of the school year. Again causing a major upset in the natural curve.

 

[imthatgirl]

Hmm, in my dd's class aside from those with the Fall/winter birthdays, most of the kids turned 6 in 1st grade. The beginning of the year was filled with many birthdays so your child entering 1st grade at 7 will still be older than the majority of the kids in 1st grade. Yes, you will have kids later in the year turning 7 like my youngest dd did but your child would have almost a year on my middle dd who did not turn 7 until the end of the school year. Again causing a major upset in the natural curve.

If they turned 6 in 1st then they started K at 4? where do you live that K starts at 4?

 

[Leajess99]

As an involved parent you should not need to have your child tested...these are things we know as parents. What state is this child in that started K at almost 7 years of age? That is hardly what the op is talking about...or me for that mater. That's not red shirting and shouldn't be used as an example of such.
A child at any age can be bored. My neighbors kid has an October birthday and was always bored in school...he now goes to a gifted school.
Like I have said over and over...age has nothing to do with it. People need to stop putting all kids in these neat little boxes and expecting them to perform. Kids are individuals, and should be treated as such.

It is exactly the same thing. The child was redshirted as the parents did not feel he was ready and since he was not 6 the first chance he had at Kindergarten they were legally able to hold him out until the next year when he was 6. My daughter is 11 in 6th grade (will turn 12 soon) and was NEVER held back or delayed in starting. She has always been gifted BUT she did not require the teacher to stop teaching the children of the same age that belonged in that class from being taught like the children held from starting on time in my youngest dd's class. It is one thing to have a child legitimately in a class needing advanced work (such as both my daughter's) but when YOU choose to hold your child from starting on time that expects the teacher to find 1st grade work for the child that should be in first grade than that is when I have a problem. When it affects my children's learning than I do have an issue. There are at least 22 kids in a class (depending on school districts) that a teacher has to teach and when you have older kids that should be in the 1st grade or higher than it takes away from those other kids who are supposed to be there.

 

[LuLuO]

Hmm, in my dd's class aside from those with the Fall/winter birthdays, most of the kids turned 6 in 1st grade. The beginning of the year was filled with many birthdays so your child entering 1st grade at 7 will still be older than the majority of the kids in 1st grade. Yes, you will have kids later in the year turning 7 like my youngest dd did but your child would have almost a year on my middle dd who did not turn 7 until the end of the school year. Again causing a major upset in the natural curve.

So what should I do with my daughter who misses the cutoff by 12 days? Kids go year-round here and the school year starts mid July. My daughter will turn 6 one month after she enters K and will therefore turn 7 one month after she enters first grade. She will most likely be one of the oldest in her class. What do I do with her so as not to "upset the natural curve" for your child? This debate just doesn't make sense to me. There has to be a cutoff somewhere and so there will always be kids who are almost a year older. I don't understand what the argument is.

 

[Leajess99]

If they turned 6 in 1st then they started K at 4? where do you live that K starts at 4?

The cutoff here is 5 by October 1. And yes there were some that were 4 for a couple of weeks as we start school in early August.

 

[imthatgirl]

It is exactly the same thing. The child was redshirted as the parents did not feel he was ready and since he was not 6 the first chance he had at Kindergarten they were legally able to hold him out until the next year when he was 6. My daughter is 11 in 6th grade (will turn 12 soon) and was NEVER held back or delayed in starting. She has always been gifted BUT she did not require the teacher to stop teaching the children of the same age that belonged in that class from being taught like the children held from starting on time in my youngest dd's class. It is one thing to have a child legitimately in a class needing advanced work (such as both my daughter's) but when YOU choose to hold your child from starting on time that expects the teacher to find 1st grade work for the child that should be in first grade than that is when I have a problem. When it affects my children's learning than I do have an issue. There are at least 22 kids in a class (depending on school districts) that a teacher has to teach and when you have older kids that should be in the 1st grade or higher than it takes away from those other kids who are supposed to be there.

If I wanted my K kid to do first grade work I would send him to first...I'm sending him to K and expect him to be with the rest of the kids.
If you feel your child is effected then you should do something about that. That's your right as a parent. It's my right to decide when my kid is ready to start school...so I will.
I'm still curious where you live that has 4yo going to K and allows 7yos to start K?

 

[imthatgirl]

The cutoff here is 5 by October 1. And yes there were some that were 4 for a couple of weeks as we start school in early August.

Here you have to be 5...what state do you live in?

 

[Leajess99]

So what should I do with my daughter who misses the cutoff by 12 days? Kids go year-round here and the school year starts mid July. My daughter will turn 6 one month after she enters K and will therefore turn 7 one month after she enters first grade. She will most likely be one of the oldest in her class. What do I do with her so as not to "upset the natural curve" for your child? This debate just doesn't make sense to me. There has to be a cutoff somewhere and so there will always be kids who are almost a year older. I don't understand what the argument is.

But your child fits into the natural curve as you are NOT redshirting her. Your child would legitimately be one of the older kids. We are talking about people holding kids who are supposed to start school by that cutoff that choose to keep their child out of school. It kills me that people can choose to keep their kids from starting on time but those who have kids ready that miss the cutoff cannot choose to send them early without a waiver IF a school even offers that.