I need advice about my 2 year old DD

[2sweetangels]

I am so tired, my 2 year old DD has turned into a monster, sometimes I can't deal with her anymore. Today she got on top of her dresser somehow and pulled down the humidifier while it was plugged in, took of the top and dumped the water everywhere. Later I walked past her bedroom and smelled that she went poop, so I grabed a diaper and wipes and told her to come here so I change her diaper, well she had no diaper on and I looked and she had poop smeared all over her hands and legs, I looked in her room and found the poopy didaper and poop smeared all over her room and carpet, her room smells like a sewer now. This is not the first time she ever took off her diaper and played in her own poop. I am trying to potty train her to get her out of diapers. DH is over the road working, I have my 9 month old cousin thats cries for hours at a time without taking a break, my 5 month old DD is starting to cry just as much as my cousin, my 2 year old hits her sister climbs in her crib and sits on her, she pinches and bites her, the other day she put a sucker in her sisters hair and then tried to pull it out, had her sister screaming like she was being beat. I am so tired, I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice is welcomed and much appriciated.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Wow, you sound like you are at the end of your rope! To begin with, why are you watching your young cousin? That's the first thing that I would change. You have your hands full with your 2 young children and don't need to be watching someone who is not your responsibility.

Second of all, I don't know what you mean by "you don't know what to do anymore". Please consider calling Parents Anonymous http://www.parentsanonymous.org/paIndex10.html It's not just for abusive parents, but will give you someone to talk to who is trained to help you sort through your problems, stresses, and issues. I used to volunteer for them years ago and it's a good organization. And I had parents just like you who called me. Sometimes just talking things through can really help!

Do you have friends that you get together with? The MOMS Club can be a good outlet for SAHMs and is worth looking into.

My kids never did the "poop smearing", but I've know kids who have and it's really gross! Sorry you're going through this and please know that help is there for you! And I know that there are lots of shoulers to cry on in the DIS community, too.

 

[Minnie824]

Luckily, my older daughter never pulled off her diaper and messed with stuff..she always went in pullups, etc. I think your older DD may still be having issues adjusting to her little sister...it took my DD4 quite some time...now that my little one is almost 2, they get along so much better (although they have their moments). One thing I wonder is, why is your 2 yr old alone so much? You said she was alone in her room w/the poop, alone w/a sucker and w/her sister putting the sucker in her hair. I think you need to keep your 2 yr old with you more, have her help you with stuff, or at least be in the same room. Even if you nap, ask her if she wants to nap with you. My 21 month old is much more devious than her older sister and I leave her alone or with her sister for no more than 5-10 min at a time, and thats only in the next room while making dinner, or in one of their rooms, while I'm upstairs, etc. I agree you should try to not have your cousin over to watch as well.

 

[Marseeya]

Sounds like she might have a bit too much unsupervised time and you might want to keep her with you at all times until this phase passes. I know you're tired and I really feel for you.

Also, I highly recommend a book called 1-2-3 Magic. It's got some great ideas for kids that age.

 

[tar heel]

I experienced the poop thing a couple of times -- what a pain. It took HOURS to scrub the rug, wash the toys, etc.

You've really got your hands full. Is sitting for your cousin a paying job that your really need? If it isn't, maybe you shouldn't do that for a while. Try to relax. Get togther with some other mom(s) with little children, so you'll have some adult conversation. Worry less about potty training -- she may not be ready and it's not a big deal if she isn't. All three of my boys were 3.

 

[Poohgirl]

Oh boy, I feel for you. If you can I would try and put them all some where safe, crib, playpen etc, let them cry if they aren't happy but give yourself 15 minutes to just do nothing. Cry if you have to. I had a 5 month old and a 21month old at the same time. I bet you will feel a bit better. I remember days like that. One time my older son was napping on the couch with me and I woke up to find him gone...I listened and heard nothing...jumped up ran to the kitchen and found him playing ever so quietly opening and dumping out very single one of my spice containers out onto the kitchen counter and floors...I was not a happy mom. Had the poop thing happen too... Hang in there, give yourself a break. It is very difficult especially with three. Vent all you need to.

 

[Christine]

You sound exhausted. I don't want this to come off as a criticism because it's not--merely an observation--but, you have too many little ones. A 2-year old, a 9-month old, and a 5-month old are too much for you. You cannot properly be watching the 2 year old with the two babies that you have. This is why your 2 year old is getting into trouble. This is what they will do when they are not watched.

I'm sure you are doing your best, but if your DD could crawl on top of dresser and do that, then she had more than a few minutes to herself.

Can you NOT watch your 9-month old cousin? This is just too much.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Sounds like she might have a bit too much unsupervised time and you might want to keep her with you at all times until this phase passes. I know you're tired and I really feel for you.

Also, I highly recommend a book called 1-2-3 Magic. It's got some great ideas for kids that age.

We use 123 magic too, he has a good web site with info on it. http://www.parentmagic.com/

I used to teach the method when I was a social worker to patients, it is very easy. It really works too. You just have to stick with it.

Good luck and hang in there. It is very likely your sweet angel is acting out over becoming a big sister and stress in the house. The good news it that is a normal reaction and it will (can) get better.

 

[2sweetangels]

Luckily, my older daughter never pulled off her diaper and messed with stuff..she always went in pullups, etc. I think your older DD may still be having issues adjusting to her little sister...it took my DD4 quite some time...now that my little one is almost 2, they get along so much better (although they have their moments). One thing I wonder is, why is your 2 yr old alone so much? You said she was alone in her room w/the poop, alone w/a sucker and w/her sister putting the sucker in her hair. I think you need to keep your 2 yr old with you more, have her help you with stuff, or at least be in the same room. Even if you nap, ask her if she wants to nap with you. My 21 month old is much more devious than her older sister and I leave her alone or with her sister for no more than 5-10 min at a time, and thats only in the next room while making dinner, or in one of their rooms, while I'm upstairs, etc. I agree you should try to not have your cousin over to watch as well.

my 2 year old does alot with me, we do takes naps in my bed together, we play her toddler games on the computer together, I have her help me change her sister's diaper and get her dressed at times, she has a toy vaccum and she vaccums with me, we watch sesame street together in the morning, we eat together at the table, the only time my DD is alone, is when we send her to her room to play while I get stuff done around the house that she can't help with. My younger DD goes to her gramm's house just so I can be alone with my 2 year old without being disturbed by the baby.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

yep sounds like a two year old. They are exhausting.

I have very little advice except --- eventually she'll be four. You will survive it, I promise.

You know, many churches and such offer a Mother's Day out program for a couple of hours once a week. You might consider signing her up for something like that. As they start to turn 2 and 3 their brains are working like crazy trying out new things and pushing the limits.

 

[mom2grace]

While it doesn't make it any easier (my DS is 29 months), everything is a new discovery for a 2 year old. I found that changing my perspective helped my approach, but it is still frustrating! I also have a 4 year old.

Does she still take naps? If so, nap with her.

Don't try to make your house clean.....I clean up at the end of the day when my kids are in bed.....I found that it's like shoveling in a snowstorm during the day.

Stop keeping the other baby, you and your kids shouldn't have to suffer! That's like having twins plus a 2 year old for you.

Do you have a chick-fil-a near you? They have a great play area for 2's. They are a lot smaller than McDonald's, and if you get a table by the window, you can sit at the table and watch DD.

Take the kids for a walk, bundle them up if it's cold! It keeps them healthier.

Good luck! We have all been there!

 

[2sweetangels]

well I watch my cousin because I need the extra cash during the week, DH gets paid twice a month, on the 5th, which goes straight to rent and bills and on the 20th which goes for diapers, wipes, whateveis needed around the house (toilet paper, shampoo, etc...) the extra cash is good for small things for the kids and little things like candles and stuff for me.

 

[laurie31]

You need a break! Two kids (three kids!) that young is a huge amount of work. See if you can find a "mother's helper" type girl. Maybe not even old enough to babysit alone, but old enough to be helpful to you. She could read to and play with your dd, play with the baby, etc. I did this a few times. It's nice just to have someone you can talk to that converses in complete sentences. You wouldn't need to pay very much, as you would be there doing the bulk of the work, she would just be "helping." You may even find a girl to do this for free, if she's getting close to the age of being able to babysit, it's be a great way to get experience without the total responsibility. You could check with a local church or something if you don't know any young teens.

Also, and I don't mean this to sound accusatory at all, but I must agree with the poster who asked why your dd was alone. It sounds like she isn't ready to be left alone at all. You must watch her all the time. Yes, it's very hard and it means you have no time to yourself. This is why you need someone to help you sometimes. You may want to look into a Mother's Day Out program as well. Many churches have these, usually one day a week for a few hours. You don't have to belong to that church or anything. It helps when you know you're going to get a break. When it just goes on and on with no end in sight, no wonder you feel overwhelmed. I adore my kids, but some days I can't wait to go to work, so I can have some peace and quiet (and go to the bathroom ALONE!) and I work in a Level 1 trauma center, not exactly a peaceful place (It's a lot like ER, only without all the sleeping around ) What I'm trying to say is, it's more work and more stress to take care of young children than to work in a trauma center. Don't feel guilty because you can't do it all 24/7. It's exhausting.

Also, I've known a couple of kids that did the poop smearing thing. I think they just liked the texture They didn't have any underlying "issues" or anything. Have you ever made homemade playdough? It's easy and fun(and also edible so you don't have to worry). I'll bet your DD would love squishing the playdough Yeah, if you have carpet, playdough is a pain. We have to keep it in the kitchen. But it's a fun activity. Also try fingerpainting, or just spray shaving cream on your kitchen table and let her smear it around.

There may be preschool activities at your local library or bookstore as well. Fun for your kids and you get to be with other moms. You may find it's even more helpful to vent to people in person that to us here on the DIS. You may find a friend you can go to the park with, etc. At that age, playdates are for the mom's sanity not for the kids' social needs

Good luck!

Laurie

 

[mom2grace]

the extra cash is good for small things for the kids and little things like candles and stuff for me.

Is it worth it??? Can you give up the little extras for some sanity? (I mean this in a nice way, not flaming!)

 

[dismom9761]

I just wanted to say to take it one day at a time.My 22 mth old is the most active toddler I have ever seen so I know it is hard.Sometimes I wonder how I survived my older three(I had the first three in three years).I can't even leave her alone to use the bathroom.

 

[JVL1018]

I feel for you..my son was a maniac at that age--we called him THE BEAST.
He took his diaper off and smeared poop on his bedroom wall and carpet once, and then once inside his closet(do you have any idea what it is like cleaning poop in a small confined space?? )..it was disgusting!!

I told him that poop has very bad germs in it and if he touched it again he could get very very sick and throw up, and though he did it a second time, he stopped after that, thank God!

It's the age, you'll make it through, I promise! Keep her busy and try to get her outside running around..tired kids are good kids. LOL

 

[2sweetangels]

DD is napping now, we both laid down after my cousin left and she fell right to sleep, but I had to get up after she fell asleep because my other DD was waking up from her nap and wanted to eat, now when my younger DD gets ready to take another nap, my older DD will be getting up, there is no time for me to nap, LOL.

 

[Tinijocaro]

My older sister (43) used to smear her poop all over the walls after her nap while she was in her crib- quiet as a mouse! My mom moved her crib to the middle of the room, of course, she eventually outgrew it. I guess that's the point- she'll outgrow it. Can you put duct tape around her diaper so she doesn't have easy access? Also, put one-piece sleeper jammies (without feet) on backwards, so they zipper in the back?

I think to tell the OP she needs to ALWAYS be watching her dd is unrealistic, life happens and kids do things we don't wat them to do when we aren't looking- all in a split second. Let's not be hard on her- she's doing the best that any mother can do! To say that you never took your eyes off your kids is a bit much.

Hang in there OP- my youngest (of 4) made me go crazy with the stuff she got into, she's 4 now and we're mostly past that stuff.

Jackie

 

[laura001]

I haven't had a two year old in my house for quite some time, but I do remember how trying it can be and exhausting. First of all it sounds like you could use a little help, physically and emotionally at home with you. Hope that is possible. At the risk of sounding crazy, I have been watching Nanny911 this past season and if I had young children now, I would definately use a lot of the techniques that they use on the show. Perhaps these other sites and phone numbers that have been given to you will have some of the same information.

I really feel for you and wish you luck on trying to get a handle on things.

 

[ntburns22]

I really feel you. I have a DD6 and a DS2.5. My DS sounds like your DD. Kids this age are alot of work. I would look into a parenting group. I will admit I am. My DH works on the road a lot (train conductor). I tend to get overwhemled with the kids house and everything. I really don't have any friends here. So I am helping that this will be an outlet to help me cope.