I need a little perspective.....

[wvjules]

With the updated OP I think your mom took you from your dad. Legal custody or not he had rights. I'm not sure I believe the story about taking you out of the country at this point. I think there is possibly something big here and unless you are prepared to deal with it (no clue what "it" is) then you need to stay out of the past; as you were wanting to do. Reassure your mom and take the relationship with your dad day by day.

Or maybe I've watched too many Lifetime movies.

 

[golfgal]

My thoughts-people change in 29 years. Give your dad a chance. Things may or may not have transpired the way your mom said but with only one point of view you will never know.

I grew up hearing what an awful person my Dad was-we had every other weekend visits so it wasn't like I never saw him. As I got older I learned differently and in the end, stopped contact with my mom. You just never know.

 

[rie'smom]

Your mom should not criticize your dad to you. Whatever their problems were those were their problems and not yours. If your dad wanted nothinig to do with you there would have been no invitation. It's hard for me to imagine your dad saying ugly things about you to a woman he had not spoken to in years.
Your mom might feel threatened but she should not be acting like a girl in high school. She should be considering your feelings and apparently she isn't.

 

[Disney Daddy et al]

Hope everything works out with both parents. My situation is similar but with baggage that prevents her Mother and I from ever speaking again. Just know both just want what is best for you. Love, Happiness,and Joy.
Best "Wishes"

 

[sunnyday123]

Single mom insight, here.

I assume your father is from another country? There are some countries where if a father brings a child, the mother has no rights. My neighbor growing up met a man from Africa, they married and had a little girl. When they divorced ( he was very abusive ) he threatened to take her out of the country. Remember the Dad with the son in Brazil? It took the death of the Mother and years to get him back. DD's father picked her up one day from school, and took her (only to the beach, I later found out ) earlier than his alotted time, and refused to answer my calls. The only thing I got was a text that said, "I'm not bringing her back" and I couldn't do a thing because it was his scheduled week. I cannot begin to explain how that felt.

You don't know exactly what went on between them, and the reason your Mother moved away. And honestly, he could have found you if he really wanted to. He wasn't involved, he didn't make any sacrifices for you, sit with you when you were sick, or make sure you had everything you needed, your Mom did. Now when you're self sufficient, he waltzes in and whisks you off to Europe, all expenses paid. Your Mom is feeling like everything bad he did ( whatever it was ) is totally negated by you going with him, and I'm sure her feelings are hurt and she's worried that she will lose you. And as a mother, I wouldn't want my child around someone who couldn't bother with them years ago. She's feeling very protective of you and the relationship you have.

You're 29. I think it's time you sat down with her, told her what you said above, and find out exactly what happened. It might help you understand why she's acting the way she is. And for what it's worth, I think the only thing she's trying to "hide" is something that happened between them.

 

[JessicaR]

Anton Ego: After reading a lot of overheated puffery about your new cook, you know what I'm craving? A little perspective. That's it. I'd like some fresh, clear, well seasoned perspective. Can you suggest a good wine to go with that?

I can't hear the word perspective w/o thinking about Ratatouille.

 

[java]

She's afraid. Of what I don't know. But my Mom can act like that. I thought she was going to have a heart attack when my Dad moved close to my family. (she lives about 4 hours away)

She just needed reassurance that it would not put a wedge between us(well besides the one that is already there)

But really I think she sounds scared that she'll lose you in some way. And I agree that I doubt they spoke of you on a phone conversation in that manner.

 

[DisneyTravelers2008]

I grew up in a similar situation. I had no contact w/ my father...until I was about 12 and we started the "once a month visitation thing" b/c I really wanted to get to know him. My mom was really supportive b/c she knew it was important to me. She had to find him so she could let him know I wanted to meet him. It is a looong story but ultimately, we did the once a month thing for a bout a year. Then one day he was supposed to come get me and he just did not show up or call. I was so let down....it was my b-day...and I was about 13 so I was "crushed"...I never heard from him again...

Anyway, what I learned was that he is unreliable. He could have been in my life all along but was not responsible enough to maintain relationship...or sober enough either but that is a different angle of the story...

just proceed w/ caution and my thoughts on your mom is that she is probably trying to protect you...hope it all works out for the best...try to be patient w/ her.....

 

[dodukes]

With the updated OP I think your mom took you from your dad. Legal custody or not he had rights. I'm not sure I believe the story about taking you out of the country at this point. I think there is possibly something big here and unless you are prepared to deal with it (no clue what "it" is) then you need to stay out of the past; as you were wanting to do. Reassure your mom and take the relationship with your dad day by day.

Or maybe I've watched too many Lifetime movies.

LOL, sorry don't mean to offend and laugh but the lifetime movies thing is hilarious!!!!

My thoughts-people change in 29 years. Give your dad a chance. Things may or may not have transpired the way your mom said but with only one point of view you will never know.

I grew up hearing what an awful person my Dad was-we had every other weekend visits so it wasn't like I never saw him. As I got older I learned differently and in the end, stopped contact with my mom. You just never know.

Thats what I figured, i have nothing to lose by getting to know him or viiting for vacation. so what the heck you know...

Single mom insight, here.

I assume your father is from another country? There are some countries where if a father brings a child, the mother has no rights. My neighbor growing up met a man from Africa, they married and had a little girl. When they divorced ( he was very abusive ) he threatened to take her out of the country. Remember the Dad with the son in Brazil? It took the death of the Mother and years to get him back. DD's father picked her up one day from school, and took her (only to the beach, I later found out ) earlier than his alotted time, and refused to answer my calls. The only thing I got was a text that said, "I'm not bringing her back" and I couldn't do a thing because it was his scheduled week. I cannot begin to explain how that felt.

You don't know exactly what went on between them, and the reason your Mother moved away. And honestly, he could have found you if he really wanted to. He wasn't involved, he didn't make any sacrifices for you, sit with you when you were sick, or make sure you had everything you needed, your Mom did. Now when you're self sufficient, he waltzes in and whisks you off to Europe, all expenses paid. Your Mom is feeling like everything bad he did ( whatever it was ) is totally negated by you going with him, and I'm sure her feelings are hurt and she's worried that she will lose you. And as a mother, I wouldn't want my child around someone who couldn't bother with them years ago. She's feeling very protective of you and the relationship you have.

You're 29. I think it's time you sat down with her, told her what you said above, and find out exactly what happened. It might help you understand why she's acting the way she is. And for what it's worth, I think the only thing she's trying to "hide" is something that happened between them.

Yeah I agree. I am not sure of what happened or not cuz like I have said I have never bothered to ask because I have never cared enough to do so...lol. But yeah I think I am beginning to agree that she is just feeling like she might lose me or something, at least thats the majority feeling here, so you guys are probably right!

Anton Ego: After reading a lot of overheated puffery about your new cook, you know what I'm craving? A little perspective. That's it. I'd like some fresh, clear, well seasoned perspective. Can you suggest a good wine to go with that?

I can't hear the word perspective w/o thinking about Ratatouille.

Off topic, I just saw this the other day, its the most hilarious part of the movie.


Thanks all, I appreciate you all reading my long post and giving me some insight from a Mom's (or Dad's) point of view.