BF doesn't need to be consulted, but I don't think it would have been out of the ordinary for your daughter to drop that you were coming up to see her for her birthday before flying out of MCO. The entire time I was dating my wife, I knew in advance when her parents were coming to town, so that I knew not to schedule anything for those times that didn't include them. They lived about the same distance from us as Miami is from Orlando. I don't think there is any blame to be had, just a miscommunication, and different personalities.
Very true! It is all about miscommunication and probably all unavoidable after much thought.
Even if she let him know we were coming up again for her birthday, it may have been too late by then!
It was always a possibility that we would visit but there were never any firm plans. I asked her multiple times (over the course of MONTHS) if she had birthday plans with her BF or her friends and she always said nothing special. They live in different cities and see each other only on weekends. Her birthday is in the middle of the week. He probably wanted to "psych" her out that he was working that entire week.
In fact, the ONLY reason we decided to drive up to see her on her birthday and fly out of MCO, was BECAUSE she said she had no other plans!! We would have already saw her over Christmas. so we are usually both okay with celebrating early. I waited until the "last minute" to book the tickets. If she was busy with the BF, we would have made plans to have one of the days during Christmas week be her early "birthday." She just sounded so happy we were considering coming up a second time, so we pulled the trigger.
I called her on a Wednesday night, right before I purchased the tickets. I went ahead when she told me to yes, please come up to see her. We drove up to Orlando on Friday. The BF arrived on Saturday. I think she probably mentioned to him that we would definitely be coming up again in January once I finalized my plans. If we weren't flying out, it truly wouldn't have been a big deal at all. How could he know that we would be booking airfare back to NY when we are normally in Miami all winter?!!

He probably didn't know that if he called me right away without DD knowing, that the tickets by law are fully refundable within 24 hours of purchase...
By the weekend when we were all together and the topic came up again, the airfare and the cruise were already paid for. The poor boy probably had a sick pit in his stomach. Does he bring it up immediately to us in person and ruin his surprise? Or does he keep his surprise and wait until Christmas on Wednesday to let everyone know at that time? He was in a no win situation. He obviously chose option #2 and it was a surprise for sure! Lol.
He wanted DD to think that he had nothing planned on the day of her birthday at all, so that the surprise would be bigger. So, he unintentionally set up the scenario of us going out of our way to see her on our way out of town so that she wouldn't be alone on the day.
I am no longer mad or upset at all. It was the initial surprise and upset of what I thought were meticulously planned itineraries gone awry. I bet he feels 1000 times worse.
Can't think of what I could have done any differently. He gave DD the impression he wouldn't be visiting her during the weekday as per usual. Can't think of what he could have done differently if his ultimate goal was to keep the cruise a complete surprise.
I'm still not a fan of surprises in general. I doubt this changes my mind. Lol.
Sorry for the OT hijack!! I had to get it all out of my system and you all helped so, so much! Thank you!!!