I lost my husband

[Cogswel_Cogs]

I am so sorry. I lost my wife of 25 years in November to scleroderma. I know much how you feel and will keep you in thoughts and prayers. Life isn't fair, but it wasn't created to be fair. It is more random sequence of events that is best to be looked at for the accomplishments you make along the path. I do understand the weird feelings you get, but they are momentary and the the truth of your true feelings.

 

[lifesavacation]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I think it's very courageous of you to post your feelings.

 

[AndreaDM]

I am so sorry.

 

[princesscinderella]

So sorry for your loss. I have lost a few family and friends to suicide and there’s unfortunately no answers for us as to why. There’s always going to be the what ifs, but just take it a day at a time and look for a beauty in the little moments in life that make you smile and remember your loved ones.

 

[mommasita]

I have not lost my husband, but my daughter. I feel every emotion you describe daily @Mermaid02 . They do take a part of us with them, our hearts. I am glad you have someone to discuss how you are feeling.
Please message me if you want to chat. i can not give you answers, but I can be a friend Sending you love

 

[nycdisneygal]

I am so very sorry. I do not know what else to say. I am glad you have been able to enjoy time with friends.

 

[AppleDumpling]

My heart goes out to you and your family. Please take care of yourself, lean on your closest loved ones for strength and comfort, and find peace in the moments of light that come through the darkness.

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Sending you prayers and peace!

 

[Kitty 34]

So sorry, Mermaid.

 

[FunnyLady1966]

I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending love and light

 

[Uncle Remus]

I'm so very sorry.

 

[Gracedis1]

Take gentle care of yourself. Grief is not a linear process. It may help to join a grief support group.

 

[marcyleecorgan]

So very sorry to hear this.

 

[BrightMorningStar]

I am truly very, very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the weight you are carrying or how heavy your heart truly is. There are no words I can offer that would equal the heaviness in your heart. I pray that God give you the kind of comfort that only He can. Please do not be afraid to reach out for grief counseling.

I have known people who took their own lives. Please know that there is nothing you could have done. When a person goes to that length, they are in a mental state that is beyond something we can understand. They are not thinking logically and therefore they do not realize the pain and grief they leave behind.

I am hugging you tightly! <3

 

[cobright]

My husband took his own life in February and he took part of me with him. I never knew it was possible to feel the way I do right now- which is every emotion at once. I am beyond sad, I am angry, yet I am happy at times- I even laughed with friends over the weekend and then I feel guilty for having feelings of happiness. I feel guilty for not seeing how much pain he was in. I know he loved me, he showed me and told me all the time and I loved him beyond words. I guess after being in the Army for 29 years, he just felt without purpose. I know how much he missed the structure. These are my thoughts, there was no note. If anyone has experience with anything like this and wants to share here or in a private message, please do. I am truly lost. Yes, I am in therapy.

Here's what helped me get past the anger... No one does this on a whim. It's something they think about for ... probably for years. Years of hurting that they don't believe will end. Of being broken and believing they are beyond repair.

And it makes us angry at them because, maybe they didn't even try to get help, or reach out. We're mad at them because they didn't do the things we know could have helped. But that's the problem... things like talking to a shrink or telling a loved one how they feel seem so obvious to us that we assume that knowledge is universal, and it's not.

The things your husband could have done that might have made his life worth living for him are tools that he simply didn't have. And it's such a tremendous and burdensome waste, but it's not his fault.

 

[JLTraveling]

I am so sorry for your loss. We weren't married, but I lost the love of my life to suicide several years ago. We had some problems and were actually on a separation that I had requested when it happened, which only added to the guilt--what if I hadn't asked for the separation? What if we had gotten back together the last time he came to see me before it happened? What if I had tried harder? What if I had pushed harder for therapy?

But the truth is, all those thoughts will just destroy you from the inside. The reality is that there is NOTHING you could have done. You cannot control someone else's behavior, and it is NOT your fault. It took me years of therapy to truly internalize that, and my background is in clinical psychology. Knowing something and internalizing it are two different things. And years later, when I thought I had moved on, I found myself replaying the relationship with someone else highly troubled. Thankfully I managed to recognize it and end that one, and last I heard that one hasn't actually followed through with suicide. But if he does, it will be his choice and no one else's.

I'm so glad you're in therapy, and that you are able to smile even occasionally with friends. You SHOULD smile. It doesn't mean you don't love him, and it doesn't mean you're not still grieving. But humans can't grieve 24 hours a day, you have to take those small moments of happiness and build upon them.

Please consider a grief group. My dad and I attended one together after my mom passed unexpectedly, and it helped so much. One takeaway we got from it: Sometimes taking it a day at a time is way too hard. So take it an hour at a time or even a minute at a time instead. You can make it through 60 seconds. Be kind to yourself, keep reaching out, and just know that every bit of what you're feeling is normal. The pain will ease with time. You never get over it, but you do get through it.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

You have my deepest condolences. I'm glad that you have someone to talk to, and hope that you continue to talk about what you're going through, and that it helps you cope with your loss. There are a lot of us here thinking about you with caring thoughts.

​

 

[cm8]

Please accept our condolences and prayers for you and your family for the loss of your DH. May your memories bring you comfort and bring you peace.

 

[Mermaid02]

Thank you everyone. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to come back to the post, but I honestly didn't think I could read all the responses. We finally had his military funeral and burial at Arlington National Cemetery last week- now he is resting with other heroes and there is a bit of comfort in that.