I know you all will understand

[gillenkl]

Sorry but that's absolutely ridiculous and I've never heard of such .....stick to your guns and don't be guilted into spending more that you are able to.

 

[bopper]

"Wow, Sis! What an amazing idea! However, I don't have that in my budget. I can afford $$ for Dad's present so would you like me to contribute that or should I get something on my own?"

 

[Camno's Mama]

It sounds like she didn't put a lot of thought into her request. It probably just popped into her head and she sent it off to all of you. I wouldn't take it too seriously.

My parents would also be bothered if we spent years saving for a car for them instead of going on family vacations, etc. Most parents would feel far better knowing that their children are able to make a nice life for their own kids...a life that includes a solid roof and occasional adventures for their grandchildren.

Part of getting your dream "something", whatever that may be, is knowing that you did it yourself. I've never had a trip to Disney that my parents paid for that I loved more than the ones I paid for out of my own pocket. (Although I'm incredibly grateful that they gave me and my children those experiences). And that's true of most things. Maybe you can even remind your sister of that...I'm sure that she feels the same way in her own life.

Don't feel bad! And don't take it too personally if she responds a way that you don't like!

 

[mommy-on-the-move]

I have to fight with my Dad just to buy him lunch! There is no way he would accept, use or enjoy such an expensive gift from his kids.

Yep that, I think often our parents are alot more aware (and understanding) of our individual finances than our siblings are (although I'll admit we only struggle with DHs sisters- my sister understand we have 4 kids and one limited income, she "gets" we're not frugal because we're tight, we're frugal out of necessity... dh's sister however doesn't get this) My dad turns 60 next year too, I more or less have to beg him to stay to lunch when he pops in during the day (semi-retired) because he knows how things are for us, he'd be mortified if he thought we'd struggled and his grandkids had missed out because we'd felt embarrassed into or obliged to buy him something!

It sounds to me that your email will come as a relief to some of your siblings, and possibly even the one who is going along with it all. No one wants to be the first to speak out in these situations so you've made a brave move.

A car is ridiculous unless you're all superwealthy and it's rare to find a family that is where the parents are unable to have already bought their dream car anyway!

For my dads 60th next year my sister and I are looking for a family weekend away together because for the 10 of us (my 6, DS & Bil, DM & DF) it will be as affordable as throwing him an extended family party would- dad is quite reserved and a party is not at ALL him, he'd feel really uncomfortable so we decided on spending on a weekend away instead as the only people he really likes to have their for his birthday is my family and my sister, as she lives the other end of the country a weekend away is an ideal way to achieve that. BUT this has been a mutual discussion between my sister and I, it's a reasonable price (and we have the oportunity to delay our annual vacation for it) neither of us would have gone ahead with a plan like it without considering the other too.

 

[Dreamer & Wisher]

My MIL just turned 60. We threw her a party and gave her some small gifts.

I think a car is really extravagant.

 

[cheerforchelsea]

I would LOVE to be able to do something so extravagant for my parents...BUT here in the real world I don't have that kind of extra money..and my parents would be mad if we did do something like that anyway.

 

[melancholywings]

Dad's dream car is a "66" GTO convertible. He was always talking about refurbing one. So it would be a piece of junk, or close to it, that he would have to work on all the time just to be able to drive.

I think with a dream like that she can't just go out and buy him the car. It's the kind of thing that should be researched and purchased with thought. Unless she's just going to give him the cash and tell him to go buy it himself - but that's not very romantic either. And even then it's so much work - almost like giving someone a pet as a gift.

 

[sk!mom]

Just say no- and eventually they'll quit asking. DH and I spend what we can afford for gifts and would never let anyone dictate the amount.

 

[bellebud]

My parents aren't buging me for anything. They got a bigscreen from my sibs a few years ago and it is now broke. My sibs want to buy them another one to replace it.

I see... your sibs are the ones bugging you, not your parents. In that case, I would assume your dad wouldn't definitley NOT want the car from you guys. most parents would not want that kind of gift (exluding my inlaws, like I said).

 

[Crystal824]

That is crazy. My FiL turned 60 last year. We went out to dinner, had cake and ice cream. As for the gift, we gave him a few books, a few shirts, and a wedding picture. We also got married last year. Total: appox. $75.00

 

[kpadalik]

I don't know what your parent's financial situation is like, but my dad is around the same age and if he wanted to buy his "dream car" and refurb it, he would just do it. It would give him something to do, keep him busy.

I went through similar situation recently (albeit not as much money). I threw my SIL a VERY NICE baby shower that cost me several hundred dollars (about). However, I planned it over several months and budgeted for it. It was something I really wanted to do for her b/c she has watched my two girls many many times and has never asked for or accepted a dime from me. She watched them a couple of times when my husband and I needed a weekend away and she has always been available at the drop of a hat. She totally deserved it and that was my gift to her. So a couple of weeks before the shower, my SIL #2 asks me what I am getting SIL #1 for a gift! Hello!!! The shower! She's like "oh, I was getting her the crib she wanted and I was hoping to split it with you". I was like, uh no.

I am also going through another situation right now (again w/ SIL #2). She lives in another part of the country and flies to FL several times a year w/ her two kids (she's a SAHM) to visit us and rest of the family. She gets offended when we don't come up to visit her. She doesn't understand that we have jobs, limited time off, and money is tight. She puts everything (I mean everything) on a credit card, therefore getting herself deeper and deeper into debt. So when she wants to fly down, out comes the plastic.

Problem is, her DD (my niece) is turning 7 next year and she promised to take her to American Girl Place in NY to get her a "big" doll. They live not far from the city, so it's only a train ride there for them. She really wants me and my DD to come up there to visit and spend a few days in the city w/ them. I just don't think we can afford it. My DH is going to Vegas in December for a "boys trip" that we have been saving up for. Plus we are doing DCL next September. Our credit cards have been completely paid off and we refuse to put anything else on them. Our new motto is "if we can't pay for it w/ cash, then we can't afford it". So we are doing a lot of saving, etc. I know that SIL will be pissed knowing that we are doing DCL, but it is very important to us to have these family vacations as we don't get a lot of time together anyways due to crazy work schedules and such. We value these vacations and weekend getaways (to Disney, of course) w/ each other. I haven't told her yet and I know she will be mad. She will probably offer to pay for it but I refuse to be treated like a charity case. Especially knowing that I would be contributing to her deepening debt.

Sorry to the OP for completely and totally hijacking your thread, but when I start ranting, it just keeps going! I would just tell your sister that you can't afford it. That's all that you can do at this point. If she gets mad, then let her worry about it. Your parents would hopefully understand why you can't fork over that money. Gosh, sounds like I should take my own advice, huh?

 

[kpadalik]

I don't know what your parent's financial situation is like, but my dad is around the same age and if he wanted to buy his "dream car" and refurb it, he would just do it. It would give him something to do, keep him busy.

I went through similar situation recently (albeit not as much money). I threw my SIL a VERY NICE baby shower that cost me several hundred dollars (about). However, I planned it over several months and budgeted for it. It was something I really wanted to do for her b/c she has watched my two girls many many times and has never asked for or accepted a dime from me. She watched them a couple of times when my husband and I needed a weekend away and she has always been available at the drop of a hat. She totally deserved it and that was my gift to her. So a couple of weeks before the shower, my SIL #2 asks me what I am getting SIL #1 for a gift! Hello!!! The shower! She's like "oh, I was getting her the crib she wanted and I was hoping to split it with you". I was like, uh no.

I am also going through another situation right now (again w/ SIL #2). She lives in another part of the country and flies to FL several times a year w/ her two kids (she's a SAHM) to visit us and rest of the family. She gets offended when we don't come up to visit her. She doesn't understand that we have jobs, limited time off, and money is tight. She puts everything (I mean everything) on a credit card, therefore getting herself deeper and deeper into debt. So when she wants to fly down, out comes the plastic.

Problem is, her DD (my niece) is turning 7 next year and she promised to take her to American Girl Place in NY to get her a "big" doll. They live not far from the city, so it's only a train ride there for them. She really wants me and my DD to come up there to visit and spend a few days in the city w/ them. I just don't think we can afford it. My DH is going to Vegas in December for a "boys trip" that we have been saving up for. Plus we are doing DCL next September. Our credit cards have been completely paid off and we refuse to put anything else on them. Our new motto is "if we can't pay for it w/ cash, then we can't afford it". So we are doing a lot of saving, etc. I know that SIL will be pissed knowing that we are doing DCL, but it is very important to us to have these family vacations as we don't get a lot of time together anyways due to crazy work schedules and such. We value these vacations and weekend getaways (to Disney, of course) w/ each other. I haven't told her yet and I know she will be mad. She will probably offer to pay for it but I refuse to be treated like a charity case. Especially knowing that I would be contributing to her deepening debt.

Sorry to the OP for completely and totally hijacking your thread, but when I start ranting, it just keeps going! I would just tell your sister that you can't afford it. That's all that you can do at this point. If she gets mad, then let her worry about it. Your parents would hopefully understand why you can't fork over that money. Gosh, sounds like I should take my own advice, huh?

 

[Disneydreamer5]

Well I can totally relate to what the OP was saying. I too, have a large family.5 of us total. I am the youngest. I have 5 children in my household. One in college, 2 about to get their liecence and I was recently laid off from 1 of my 2 jobs.
So I get a call the other day from my brother. "We should all chip in like $400 bucks for Mom & Dad's x-mas present" Really,should we now?
I don't have a huge savings and the little I have I plan to hold on to for dear life incase of.......
I haven't even figured out how the heck I am buying for my own 5 children this year let alone, my parents. To which I was planning to make them a CD slideshow of our entire family through the years set to their favorite songs.
They seen someone else gets something like this and LOVED it. Other then myself, all my siblings children are grown. Meaning they all have jobs and a few are in their late 20's early 30's. They haven't looking at their parents for complete support the way mine do. (Don't get me wrong there either my 19 DD actually pays towards her college payments, cell phone, and car insureance. In my house every little bit helps.)
I actually just sent out an email to all of them yesterday telling them that we will not be joining in with the grab bag we usually do for x-mas.
On thanksgiving we pull the nieces & nephews names from a hat and each couple ends up with 3 kids to buy for. Well I told them I need to worry about my own 5 and not the 3 that I would pull from a hat. They set a $50 limit on each kid and that is an extra $150 that can go towards my own children and I just can't do it this year. I told them to feel free to do it among themslelves if they so choose, but to please count us out. I have requested lowering the limit but my answer was always "what can you buy them for less them that, really?"
Now I have been the one to hold up my hand many times in the past when the question was posted "Is there anyone who doesn't want to do the grab bag?" Everytime my DH would throw me a look like "What the H*** are you doing that for?" so in the end we would end up being in even though we really couldn't afford to and would just put everything on credit.
Well for the last 18 months we have been working our butts off to get all those credit cards paid off and I simply refuse to waver in this. Now with me loosing one of my jobs I need to watch my spending even more.
The moral to my long story, you have to do what is best for you.
In the end some people will get it and some won't ,but you can't let it affect your descison.
Stick to your guns.

 

[pyrxtc]

My siblings are crazy !!!

Little bro's resonse;

"5 K is a lot, but let’s keep it in our mind for the next few years. That’s the good thing, we have 4 years to save and 5 K will be at most what each individual will need to put forth to give this gift to dad. Any amount any one can put towards this type a gift will be greatly appreciated. Even if we put 3 in a piece and give dad 15k and say here, this is towards your car, lets go find one! He can throw in a share as well.

But this is something dad has always wanted, and I know we would all love to get it for him, so lets hopefully find a deal!"

Little Sis response;

"Alright alright I am in... you guys will be the death of me!!! lol But, I love my dad and know he has done tons... so now i will have to start a baby fund and a dad fund.. lol...
lets see what comes up... "

Older Sis (original idea hers) reponse;

"i'm pretty confident it will keep him busy the rest of his life ..
and think of it as an investment ... unless of course that punk (aka. dad) decides to cash it in for millions and then blow it all at the casino .. aaaaaaah!"

 

[ncmomof2]

I would have sent the "you're crazy" e-mail as well! I would also stick to my guns on this. You are responsible for your family now. Don't go into debt for a frivolous gift!

I hate when people do this! My father-in-law passed away a few years ago. After the funeral my husband informed me that we were paying for half the funeral expenses. His brother had come up to him and told him that he was going to pay for half and the my husband should pay for the other half. I was ticked! He never even discussed it with me. We had two kids and not alot of extra money since I am a SAHM. I could not believe his brother had the nerve to ask this! And I could not believe that his Mom accepted. And this was the father-in-law that did not bother coming to our wedding and was not much of a father to my husband.

 

[LONES]

Dad's dream car is a "66" GTO convertible. He was always talking about refurbing one. So it would be a piece of junk, or close to it, that he would have to work on all the time just to be able to drive.

My dad had a red 1966 GTO convertible when he met my mother. He said part of the reason he married her was because she knew how to drive that car!! Unfortunately... they sold the car soon after getting married because my sister was on the way, and it wasn't a very good family car. Poor dad has always regretted it. (I think he means the car... not my mom and sister!!!)

 

[EthansMom]

It is unreasonable of anyone else to make demands upon your money.

Also, although your Dad may want to refurb an old GTO, that doesn't mean that the experience would be what he (or your sibs) imagine it to be. My StepDad spent several years working on refurbing an old truck. It isn't always easy to find the right parts at a decent price. Also, unless you have a totally outfitted garage with the right tools and plenty of space, you'll be out even more money to get that going. In the meantime, all of the parts are sitting around, taking up a lot of room.

As my StepDad found, refurbing an old car/truck isn't really a great hobby for an older man unless he's got someone who's physically fit around to help... lifting heavy parts, etc.... can be very physically demanding.

If Dad doesn't have pretty extensive experience with cars, then he'll end up needing to hire out some of the work too.

I think that if your sibs bought Dad an old GTO in non-running order, it would be more of a burden than anything.

In your shoes, I would say, "Sorry, but I'm not interested," and leave it at that. Your sibs can't spend your money without your approval.

 

[dis-happy]

I think your sibling is related to my SIL. Last year my dh's parents had their 50th wedding anniversary. SIL planned a huge, catered, expensive party!! The cost was supposed to be split 3 ways (dh, dh's brother, and dh's sister) but SIL has no money at all---she was freely spending our money!!! DH was guilted into the whole thing, being the oldest son and all that jazz. I decided to stay out of it. One day my dh's brother called me and asked if I thought the party planning was getting out of hand. "Yes!" I replied. He was SO RELIEVED!!! Based on that, he reined in SIL, we had to pay, but I think the total was about 1500 each (it would have been about 5k each).

Keep saying no. I noticed that guilt that your siblings were trying to throw your way: "I love dad, yes I'll do this", as if you don't love your dad if you don't do this. Stand firm. Maybe you can buy a car accessory, like a key chain or mats or a subscription to a magazine for overhauling GT's.

 

[roscoepc1]

I'd ask her what drugs she's on, and can she get me some, b/c they sure are awesome at altering reality!


That's the stupidest/craziest thing I've ever heard!


eta: the other response would be "Terrific! So...that's $5K from each of you....I'll throw in some fuzzy dice and a steering wheel cover!"

 

[Vijoge]

Here you go and the price is right.

http://www.bargainbloodhound.com/1966-pontiac-gto-gold-118-diecast-model-p-1894.html