I know you all will understand

[pyrxtc]

I got an e-mail yesterday from my older sister about my Dad's 60th birthday present. (currently he will be 57 in March 09) She wants us all to put in at least 5k to buy him his dream car. She's figuring 20k for the car and another 5k for parts. WHAT !!

I am the only one currently with children but most of them will be trying soon and will hopefully, have them by then. Where does she think this money will come from ? Both she and her DH make big corporate money but the rest of us do not. My youngest brother thought it was a great idea, he is corporate too but not as much money, although he still lives at home and doesn't pay much rent. Other brother hasn't responded but he works for the state and his wife is still in school so I know that's not happening there and my other sister is military, in school and married to a military man so not much mney there right now.

Who could afford to give their parent a 25k gift for a birthday ?? They are already bugging me to pitch to get them a big screen TV cuz their last one broke (4 or 5 yrs old, has broken twice and was a gift from my siblings, I couldn't afford to give that much then either). They said $300 each or so !!

Dang ! I hasve so much going on lately that I am scraping for x-mas presents for my kids. (yes I know I have vacations planned and they are paid for and part of x-mas presents.) I am not poor but cannot afford $300 or 5k gifts, even if I still ahve a few years to save for the 5k. House needs a new roof soon and it is 200+ yrs old, so many things need updating before we have problems with them.

I wrote back "reply to all" and told her she was crazy ! By the time comes, most of us will have kids and won't have that kind of mney to spend. Between daycare, birthdays, school trips, clothes...etc. It just doesn't work that way.

 

[MichelleVW]

I would have sent the "you are crazy" email too!!

 

[jennifer293]

While I would LOVE to give my father his dream car it ain't EVER happening. If my sister sent me an email like that I would have to accuse her of being on CRACK!!! Of course out of us 3 kids I am the best off financially, but I am still not rolling in the dough by any means.

Tell her to buy him the car and you will buy the SNAZZY airbrushed tag with his name on it for the front of the car.... That will get her goat!!!!

 

[emma'smom]

If she is looking for a big ticket gift to celebrate turning 60, why not a trip? It would cost far less than 25K to send two people on a nice trip---or if they want you to come up with that kind of money, then at least everyone could go.

Honestly, I wouldn't want to pitch in that kind of money in this economy for a luxury item. If my parents needed it for something important, of course I would scrimp and pinch to help out. However, I don't think my dad would really want a 25K car knowing that his children had to struggle to come up with the money. What's the fun in that? I'd think he'd much rather have something fun that he knew everyone could afford (even if it was splurging a little). The 300.00 for a TV sounds like a reasonable request....but then I would make that the big gift!

While I would LOVE to give my father his dream car it ain't EVER happening. If my sister sent me an email like that I would have to accuse her of being on CRACK!!! Of course out of us 3 kids I am the best off financially, but I am still not rolling in the dough by any means.

Tell her to buy him the car and you will buy the SNAZZY airbrushed tag with his name on it for the front of the car.... That will get her goat!!!!

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

No question their heart is in the right place, but their hearts may be bigger than their bank accounts.

For my grandparent's (who raised me as their own, so like my parents) 50th annivarsary last year, my DH and I had considered renting their dream car for a weekend. We decided against it when I had the idea to have their wedding photo woven into a throw. We decided this would be a cherished gift and it was. It cost me $75 which was a lot to us, but well worth it.

Being a parent (granted they are young now, but in the future), while the gift would be amazing, I would feel terrible if my kids bought me a car when their families needed a roof (for example) or even if they didn't. I would never want such an excessive gift from my child when the money would be so much better spent on their own young family.

I am sure your dad also would not want you to put yourself in a tough financial situation to buy him a car.

And don't appologize for your spending, vacation or what have you. It is your money and your life, you are intilted to spend it as you wish and should enjoy yourself.

Good luck to you. And good luck with the roof. We just put one on our house last month, it is a major expense!!!

 

[Nie0214]

I would have said "You're nuts" as well.. although I probably would have been much ruder, .

 

[Benducci]

That is crazy- If it is a dream of his, he can try for it himself. Sometimes dreams are just that, dreams- doesn't mean we really want them. I am sure your dad would not want you all putting out that kind of cash, especially in today's financial times.

What kind of car did he want, anyway? This car may not be available in 3 years!

 

[PEANUT1]

It is unfair for her to assume you can afford that or would want to pay that. If she has tons of money, she can afford to pay your part too. Simply tell her that you can not be part of the gift but that it is a nice idea if she wants to do it......btw what kind of dream car is that much money? 20k for a "dream" car doesn't seem realistic anyway.

 

[RobinFabulous]

I can't even imagine WANTING my children to spend that much of their money on me. I'm sure that their hearts are in the right place, but it's very extravagant and unrealistic. Almost DH's siblings do this to some extent... They buy his parents housekeeping for a year and each take turns paying monthly, but it's not something we can afford. I feel badly, but all are better off than we are and we just give what we can (in the form of a present just from us) and that's that

 

[brockash]

I got an e-mail yesterday from my older sister about my Dad's 60th birthday present. (currently he will be 57 in March 09) She wants us all to put in at least 5k to buy him his dream car. She's figuring 20k for the car and another 5k for parts. WHAT !!

I am the only one currently with children but most of them will be trying soon and will hopefully, have them by then. Where does she think this money will come from ? Both she and her DH make big corporate money but the rest of us do not. My youngest brother thought it was a great idea, he is corporate too but not as much money, although he still lives at home and doesn't pay much rent. Other brother hasn't responded but he works for the state and his wife is still in school so I know that's not happening there and my other sister is military, in school and married to a military man so not much mney there right now.

Who could afford to give their parent a 25k gift for a birthday ?? They are already bugging me to pitch to get them a big screen TV cuz their last one broke (4 or 5 yrs old, has broken twice and was a gift from my siblings, I couldn't afford to give that much then either). They said $300 each or so !!

Dang ! I hasve so much going on lately that I am scraping for x-mas presents for my kids. (yes I know I have vacations planned and they are paid for and part of x-mas presents.) I am not poor but cannot afford $300 or 5k gifts, even if I still ahve a few years to save for the 5k. House needs a new roof soon and it is 200+ yrs old, so many things need updating before we have problems with them.

I wrote back "reply to all" and told her she was crazy ! By the time comes, most of us will have kids and won't have that kind of mney to spend. Between daycare, birthdays, school trips, clothes...etc. It just doesn't work that way.

WOW That seems pretty insane to me... I mean I guess it depends on how "rich" the entire family is, but $5000 a piece seems outragous to me, and I think it's a little rude of her (corporate job w/no kids) to even put that out there like that to all of you. I can't imagine that your Dad would even want you all to spend that kind of money on a gift for him, especially knowing that most of you don't have that kind of extra cash just lying around. I would never want my kids to do that. I think your "your crazy" e-mail was the right thing to do. She needs to know it's out of the question right away. I think the 300 for the tv is a little extreme. I mean it's one thing if you ALL can afford it and want to, but again- really would your Dad want you all to that when he knows you have to do x-mas for your kids ect.

 

[Starr W.]

I know my late parents would have been really offended if my sister and I did something like that. "What you didn't think we could buy it ourselves."

I bought DD a new Hartman suitcase one year for Xmas, since his was 20+ yrs old and was on it's last leg and he didn't like the replacement DM bought him. When he passed away, my mom gave it back to me.

Anyway they bought their own dream cars. though DM didn't like the fact DD would drive hers on the weekend and splash Mickey D's coffee on the tan interior.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I know my late parents would have been really offended if my sister and I did something like that. "What you didn't think we could buy it ourselves."

I bought DD a new Hartman suitcase one year for Xmas, since his was 20+ yrs old and was on it's last leg and he didn't like the replacement DM bought him. When he passed away, my mom gave it back to me.

Anyway they bought their own dream cars. though DM didn't like the fact DD would drive hers on the weekend and splash Mickey D's coffee on the tan interior.

Same with us. My parents are enjoying a very comfortable retirement thanks to some excellent investments they made over the years. They would never except or even accept a 20K gift from us. And while my sister is very successful and makes more money than DH and I, she would never expect us to pitch in on such an expensive gift.

This is a good time to just say no. Don't feel guilty. Get dad a b-day present you can afford and I'm sure he will appreciate it. If your sister really wants to get him the car, she can foot the bill by herself.

 

[pyrxtc]

Dad's dream car is a "66" GTO convertible. He was always talking about refurbing one. So it would be a piece of junk, or close to it, that he would have to work on all the time just to be able to drive.

 

[bellebud]

as I was reading your post, my first thought was "the parents would never want a gift like that from their children"... but then I read (and did I read this right?) that your parents are bugging you guys to get them another big screen tv??? Then my mil and fil (divorced) popped into my mind, and they'd both take a 20k gift in a heartbeat from their kids... my parents would NEVER in a million years. Everyone's different I guess.

My personal feeling is it's WAY too much of a gift... talk about over-the-top!

For a special 60th bday gift, I'd have everyone chip in to do some sort of a trip... and again, everyone's different. If it were my mil, she'd prefer a trip to go to Atlantic City w/ her own siblings/friends, not a trip w/ her kids and grandkids, so we'd probably pre-pay a suite or something where she could invite who she wanted to. My mom would prefer a long weekend or week w/ her kids and grandkids - anywhere at all - just to be together would be what would make her happy.

and your sister is not being fair to you w/ this request. don't feel guilty about it at all - I honestly cannot imagine getting this kind of gift for anyone, unless I hit the lotto!

 

[princess lovers mom]

what would you do for your Mom then...and what about the 70th birthday or 75th...it is kind of setting a precident of a large gift each "big" birthday...

 

[pyrxtc]

as I was reading your post, my first thought was "the parents would never want a gift like that from their children"... but then I read (and did I read this right?) that your parents are bugging you guys to get them another big screen tv??? Then my mil and fil (divorced) popped into my mind, and they'd both take a 20k gift in a heartbeat from their kids... my parents would NEVER in a million years. Everyone's different I guess.

!

My parents aren't buging me for anything. They got a bigscreen from my sibs a few years ago and it is now broke. My sibs want to buy them another one to replace it.

 

[livndisney]

I have to fight with my Dad just to buy him lunch! There is no way he would accept, use or enjoy such an expensive gift from his kids.

If your sister wants to buy the car for him-more power to her!

 

[nana2tots]

Boy This really made my Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[DisneyGrandParents]

I would be very upset if my children spent that much on me. I am happy with a card at my age.

Besides, gifting a car is like gifting a puppy: Nice at first; expensive in the long term.

You are correct in standing up and saying "No, count me out. I'll take care of a gift on my own, thankyouverymuch".

 

[DiznEeyore]

Wow, this post makes me really glad our family b-day gifts are always in the $20 or so range!

Want to know what my dad is getting for his 63rd b-day tomorrow? Homemade oatmeal cookies, a card and next year's Dilbert desk calendar. That's what he wanted, so that's what he got!