I know it's late but I need HELP right now!! Update pg 2.

[Cindyluwho]

I just hung up the phone after talking for the last 1/2 hour with my friend K . Some background; she is a 50ish gal with a DD 12 (my DDs age) and a husband who travels alot on business. Her DD has been giving her LOTS of grief, she overheard her DD tell her DH that she doesn't want to live in the house anymore with her mother because she makes her crazy. She's coming unglued and thinking about suicide. She can hear her DD & DH screaming at each other down the hall. BTW, Ks mother abandoned her when she was a kid. I'm trying to talk K into therapy, but her mother was a therapist/psychiatrist and she doesn't trust them. She takes meds for anxiety. Crap!! What do I do? I told her she could call me at any hour and made her promise not to do anything. Any advice?

 

[phillybeth]

Give her the number for a local women's shelter and a suicide hotline. That's about all you can do.

 

[DWDreams]

Wow, so sorry. Not sure I have it right... is the daughter becoming unglued and she can hear the daughter talking about suicide, or is it herself that's contemplating this?

If it's the daughter, I say just be there for her as you've offered. If it's your friend and you think she is really serious I have a couple of suggestions. Since you aren't there and will be worried, can you speak with her husband and be sure he is aware of her feelings so he can keep an eye on things? Better yet, do you think she can understand she may need help and convince her to either confide in her husband and/or contact her doctor right away? It's a hard choice as I understand forcing your way in more than she's willing may create real conflict between you two. However, if you really believe she's a danger to herself, then do what you must regardless.

 

[Cindyluwho]

K herself is talking about suicide. And I've been thinking about it, on New Year's Eve she was telling me that she didn't feel like she'd be around much longer. I'm going to call her back and tell her she needs to see her Dr ASAP. Maybe it's her meds that's causing this on top of having a teenager in the house. And the teenager is growing quite an attitude this last year. And, my god, she's only just turned 12!

 

[Dan Murphy]

She needs to talk to a professional. I would call her to let her know how much you care, get her to calm down some.

 

[Cindyluwho]

I just called her back and told her I think she should call her Dr first thing tomorrow. She and her DH & DD are having a "family meeting" right now. Whew, this is so hard. She's a very sweet gal but very emotional. Not emotional like this though, it's scary. I've never heard her ever talk about suicide before.

 

[Planogirl]

I would stay on her about contacting her doctor. It sounds like she might need some help to get her through this. Her husband needs to stay on top of it too.

You're a good friend.

 

[chell]

Do you feel like this is something she would attempt tonight? If so, you may have to make a call or have her husband make a call to get her help ASAP.

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

All therapists are not alike. The best way to find one is recommendations from friends. Ask her to try talking to 3 different therapists on the phone. Hopefully she'll find one that is right for her.
find out the suicide hotline for her area and email or phone her with it.
Tell her no matter how hard it seems at the moment to wait to see if it can get better.
Mail her "All thing Bright & Beautifu", the James Herriot vet stories.
Hugs to you and to her.

 

[Hannathy]

So her husband is there now? If he is good, if not, if at all possible and you think she is coming unglued tonight could you go over? She shouldn't be alone. When her husband leaves for work would it be possible to go over and check on her maybe support her while she makes the call to the hotline or therapist. If you really think suicide is a chance I would call the husband at work, I wouldn't want the DD to come home and find something bad has happened.

 

[Cindyluwho]

Her husband is there with her and will be until work tomorrow. I'm hoping she calls her Dr first thing but will call her in the AM to talk to her again. Thanks so much everyone for the advice, I'll keep you posted.

 

[Heather Smith]

Here's a different take.

You said husband travels a lot on business. Perhaps this is daughter's way of trying to get Dad home more. She certainly doesn't feel comfortable confronting him about his absence, because she's afraid (he's not around as much as she wants). So it's easy to blame it all on Mom, the one who's there all the time, and the one she doen't fear will leave.

It becomes Mom's horrible so Dad I need you, because this is easier than just Dad I need you too.

Of course I don't get paid for these thoughts, so they are far from professional.

 

[Marseeya]

Her husband is there with her and will be until work tomorrow. I'm hoping she calls her Dr first thing but will call her in the AM to talk to her again. Thanks so much everyone for the advice, I'll keep you posted.

What a situation! You're being a good friend for being there for her.

I know this sounds extreme, but if you think she's really going to do it at some point, maybe you should call the police. If she's not willing to get help in any other way, this would force the issue. You might lose your friend over it, but it's better than the alternative.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Wow, I would try to get her some help. Talk to her A LOT. Tell her that what she her her DD saying, is typical coming form a 12yo. It hurts, yes, but the 12yo is going through some pretty big changes right now.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My take on it....

OK so the teen is being a pain. Teens do that.
Her husband travels alot. Lots of husbands travel.

The issue is your friend, not her family. She is unable to cope. She needs to be in lock up so she came "come unglued" in a safe environment.

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[Cindyluwho]

Quick update before I leave for an appt. I just got off the phone with her this morning. She's still very depressed but I can't get her to call her Dr. for an appt. I'm going to touch bases with her later today but she seems more stable even though she's still talking about wanting to "check out".

 

[Debbie Jean]

Quick update before I leave for an appt. I just got off the phone with her this morning. She's still very depressed but I can't get her to call her Dr. for an appt. I'm going to touch bases with her later today but she seems more stable even though she's still talking about wanting to "check out".

As a friend, this is such a tough situation to be in.

I'm thinking that, heaven forbid she would do something, you would feel horrible. If she continues to talk this way and doesn't agree to call her doctor, I would at least make her husband aware that this is happening, since if he travels extensively, he may not have a clue.

All therapists are not alike and all meds work differently so she needs to be more persistant in finding the right match. Right now I'm sure that is daunting enough, that she's looking for a quick fix to the pain she feels.

My DD is now 19, but I can totally sympathize with what she is happening with her DD. Wow, have I been there! Maybe you could encourage her to find a support group at the Y or a church where she could talk with other parents going through similar problems... sometimes it helps to just know there are other people out there who can identify with you.

She's lucky to have such a caring friend as you are!

 

[aplejax76]

What a situation! You're being a good friend for being there for her.

I know this sounds extreme, but if you think she's really going to do it at some point, maybe you should call the police. If she's not willing to get help in any other way, this would force the issue. You might lose your friend over it, but it's better than the alternative.

I totally agree that you need to call someone. I hope this doesn't sound mean that is not my intention. Where is the husband in all of this? Does he know that she is feeling this way? This is not something to mess around with. I would contact someone. ASAP.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Quick update before I leave for an appt. I just got off the phone with her this morning. She's still very depressed but I can't get her to call her Dr. for an appt. I'm going to touch bases with her later today but she seems more stable even though she's still talking about wanting to "check out".

How about calling her dh and tell him he needs to get her in lock up because she is threatening suicide?
This is wrong to let it go.
If she kills herself today, what will you tell her dd?