I have a question (and thoughts) about bullying...

[Mermaid02]

I suppose, as is the case today, it depends on where:

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Point taken, but I was referring to Columbine type retaliation.

 

[bicker]

Read through that list; there are some comparable examples, though without the same death toll (attributable to the relative lack of such weaponry, back then).

 

[Magpie]

Point taken, but I was referring to Columbine type retaliation.

That was 11 years ago. It feels recent to me, but my kids don't remember it at all.

And school shootings certainly weren't new, even back then.

In 1975, 16yo Michael Slobodian of Brampton (Canada) shot and killed a teacher and a student and wounded 13 more, before killing himself.

Also in 1975, 18yo Robert Poulin of Ottawa, Canada raped and killed a 17yo school friend, before going on a shooting spree at his high school that wounded 5 and killed 1.

In 1979, 16yo Brenda Ann Spencer went on a shooting spree at an Elementary school in San Diego. She killed two adults, and injured 8 children and one police officer. She inspired the song "I Don't Like Mondays" by the Boomtown Rats.

In 1985, 14yo James Alan Kearbey killed a principal and wounded 2 teachers and a student at his Kansas Junior High. He used a rifle and a handgun.

I suspect school shootings date further back than even the seventies, but it's hard to find good news reports earlier than that - we didn't have the same kind of nation-wide media coverage we have now. I did find stories of students in the 1700's and 1800's murdering their school teachers, however.

 

[bicker]

(You may have missed my list of school shootings from the 1950s... it was at the bottom of the previous page.)

 

[MushyMushy]

What I'm saying is, when I was a kid, nobody EVER brought a gun to school. If a couple of boys were bullied, they didn't create an elaborate plan to take out the student body (Columbine).

Sorry you were victimized- I hope now that those folks are grown what they did haunts them.

I live in a farming community, so kids had guns mounted in the backs of their pickups. Also it wasn't permitted, but boys also carried knives in their pockets. That was a slap on the wrist if they were caught, much like a cell phone today.

 

[Magpie]

(You may have missed my list of school shootings from the 1950s... it was at the bottom of the previous page.)

I did see that! But they were mostly individual disputes that involved no more than two students.

I thought it would be good to add in some actual "shooting spree" type killings, since people tend to think those are new.

You certainly made an excellent point about the historic prevalence of guns in schools! I'd even be willing to bet that MORE kids were shot in school disputes with their peers in the 50's than today, since it was much more common for kids to have access to guns back in the good ol' days.

This ad is from 1904, encouraging people to let their toddlers play with guns...

And, just for fun, this one's from 1967!

It's "the most authentic looking and sounding rifle you've ever seen", and Mattel accepts no liability if little Johnny get accidentally shot by a cop.

 

[aprilgail2]

The thing that upsets me the most is that schools, parents, and police aren't taking this seriously. In adult terms, these kids are often committing terroristic threats... but it's just downgraded to 'bullying'?? Lives of young people are being lost, and it makes me really sad.
.

Wow- I think that the schools here are going to the other extreem as far as taking it seriously! Last week a girl was suspended because a boy was being a smart mouth to her and she replied with "tell it to your boyfriend"....she was suspended for a week for bullying and sexual harrassement!! Since it was her "first offense" they said they took it easy and didn't call the police!!!

The past couple of weeks, our dd, who attends the same school dh went to, is being bullied by a boy. He has his hands all over her, he tries to hurt her and he verbally bullies her. Dh talked to the guidance counselor today. We'll see if anything changes. I think this kid is a predator in the making.
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What the heck---why wait for the school to do anything, I would take it up with the police if the school didn't act on it--- this IS something that should be addressed! At my daughters school the kids can not hug ( not even same sex friend type hugs) or even high five- you high five someone and its a detention for you---no physical contact of any type is tolerated so your daughters bully would be out of school in a heartbeat here.

 

[CathrynRose]

There isn't any indication that this boy was mentally challenged. He was flamboyant and different. It is utterly despicable that other human beings would bully someone just because they are different but knowing how our society works, I would not allow my son to go to high school with a stuffed animal strapped to his arm. It isn't fair but bullies pick on easy targets and this kid was a very easy target.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101008/ap_on_re_us/us_bullying_one_town

So? I've encountered plenty of people through my life who are 'different'. They don't deserve to be harassed. Imagine going to your work place, every single day, for hours upon end, and have someone constantly bothering you? Or several people? It's totally and completely unacceptable.

My now 19 y/o got into a physical altercation with a boy in High School.... but it wasn't about himself. Another classmate, whom he was knew since 6th grade, and was friendly with, but not "friends" had been harassed since he knew him... which at that point had been a good 5 years.

He told the other boy to back off, he didn't. He told the gym teacher - who laughed. Then he popped him in the face. He got suspended - however the bullying stopped.

And he got a visit from the boy who had been bullied for YEARS, parents. Thanking him, profusely....

Should my son have been this boy's bodyguard? Of course not! He shouldn't HAVE to!!! Why didn't any of the adults who witnessed this child's bullying step in? Why was this other child allowed to harass him, daily???

This crap needs to stop. All companies have an HR department, that would NEVER allow this behavior. I think schools should implement the same sort of "department".

 

[palmtreegirl]

It's always happened, the internet has just made it easier. I was bullied terribly, from 8th grade(1985) through Freshman year in college all because I use to have a large nose with a bump on it, think Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing. There was a group of boys at college who use to call me hawk, lovely, right? They would do it all the time, it was horrible I was hoping for a fresh start and I walked into the same nightmare. Here I was 1200 miles from home for the first time and being bullied on a daily basis, it hurt so much.

I ended up getting a nose job that summer, boys that teased me from high school asked me that summer, of course I told them no, which did feel good. The boys at college just moved on to their next victim. I did end up running into the "leader" of their group a couple years later back home and I told him how much he had hurt me back then, he apologized and said he felt terrible about what a jerk he had been, I accepted his apology.

Being bully is horrible, it tears you apart inside, my heart breaks for anyone that's been bullied. Luckily mine ended, but I had to physically alter my appearance to do so. I have no regrets whatsoever, don't get me wrong, but while the bullying did stop I still had very little self esteem, all the years of bullying broke me down. It took putting my faith in Jesus and asking God to help me heal and move past it all. Thankfully I can say now that I've healed and I try not to shy away from sharing my story with others, even it helps one person, it's worth it.

 

[cm8]

So 'bullying' and 'cyber bullying' has been in the news and in the media a lot lately, and it has me thinking. Why is it that death threats and other threats of bodily harm called 'bullying' when it comes to kids/teens, but if it were adults, it would be called harassment? I don't get it. It seems to trivialize the gravity of the situation, regardless of the intent of the 'bully.'

Is it just me, or have things changed drastically since we were kids? I'm only 30 and bullying used to mean there was one kid who was just a really unhappy kid that made him/herself feel better by being mean to other kids, or roughing a kid up for his/her lunch money. What happened?? Now it has escalated into death threats, kids telling kids to kill themselves, kids telling kids that they wish the other would die? Seriously??

The thing that upsets me the most is that schools, parents, and police aren't taking this seriously. In adult terms, these kids are often committing terroristic threats... but it's just downgraded to 'bullying'?? Lives of young people are being lost, and it makes me really sad.

I hope this doesn't go sour, I just really had to get this out there because it really bothers me.

Back in the day when we had bullying issues, my mom used to tell us that first time it happened, tell the teacher. second time, tell her and the teacher, third time, handle it , (which usually meant I had permission to kick some butt), Many times, teachers, other parents, and the principle IGNORE what is happening right in front of them. As long as I had my MOM on my side, and I had taken the steps that were required of me and had no other recourse, I'd take care of it in the manner I saw fit, and if that was getting back in the bully's face and laying him or her out on the floor, then that is what I did. Bullies hate to be confronted, they expect you to just allow them to walk all over you. Sorry, not happening here.

What I find even more upsetting is that the one who is or was being bullied, usually ends up being the one in trouble. I'm happy to report that I survived it and turned out to be a great person. There was never a time that I wanted to kill myself, I will never allow another human being to have the type of power over me. Seems like when we took away a lot of _________(fill in the blanks) from school, they schools went crazy, and the children followed with the help of the parents

 

[Mermaid02]

I live in a farming community, so kids had guns mounted in the backs of their pickups. Also it wasn't permitted, but boys also carried knives in their pockets. That was a slap on the wrist if they were caught, much like a cell phone today.

This happened where I live too especially in November. Nobody was out to shoot anyone or stab them.

 

[penn19]

I was teased a lot from about 3rd grade through 8th. Still remember it to this day. Mostly verbal, although some physical and I was scared to fight back. Never could figure out why I was targeted. I was just a regular kid, but I guess because I just took it, it kept encouraging the bullies. It got so bad that one year in middle school, I walked to school every single day. And normally I was a bus rider, so it had to have been over 2 miles every morning. I just couldn't take waiting at the bus stop (harassment) and then riding the bus (more harassment).

Unfortunately, my mom knew about it. I cried every day. And it was neighbor kids, but she never went to the parents and said anything. Used to ask me what I did wrong to bring it upon myself. But thats another story......

It stopped when I entered hs, and figured out that if they started with me, and I would fight back verbally, they would leave me alone. But it leaves scars for sure. This was back in the late 70's.

I tell my kids that some kids just want to get through the day. They go to school and just want to be left alone. And for whatever reason, bullies feel like messing with these kids. I have never understood how kids can be so mean. And I used to tell myself that it changed when you became an adult. But I see some adults today that are bullies. I don't get it.

 

[Buckalew11]

You all are right, bullying has aways been a problem.

Early 80's for my school bus, the bus driver drove soooo slow around the mtn. to take us home just so that the bullies could bother their victims. Once a girl was beaten up (I mean beaten!!!) and left in the parking lot of the school we made a stop at. She had gotten off to get away from the bullies and they followed her! They beather in the parking lot while the bus driver waited on them. Left the girl, drove away with the bullies back on the bus.

The driver did not lose her job. Can you believe that??!!

 

[Dancemom03]

Wow- I think that the schools here are going to the other extreem as far as taking it seriously! Last week a girl was suspended because a boy was being a smart mouth to her and she replied with "tell it to your boyfriend"....she was suspended for a week for bullying and sexual harrassement!! Since it was her "first offense" they said they took it easy and didn't call the police!!!

IMO often minor things today are taken more seriously if they go against politically correct thinking and diversity. This is just another example of what I'm seeing more and more often.

In the adult arena, bullies with in-your-face-attitudes are getting away with making others uncomfortable today b/c people are afraid to speak out lest they be labeled as intolerant, prejudiced, insensitive, whatever...

Less than two weeks ago, I found myself suddenly banned from a doll message board without even a pm warning.
I made the mistake of posting on a thread where the resident bully was berating members for being insensitive in using the word "husband". It was started by the OP to praise her husband and ask for similar stories. After the OP edited her title & posts several times in an effort to placate, I'd finally had enough and posted that I was on a doll board to talk about dolls, not read threads constantly derailed OT in attempts to intimidate and hop up on a soapbox. I said that (in this context, where young girls could be reading to learn about the dolls) IMO some things were just TMI.

Afterwards I received nearly thirty messages from other shocked members who'd seen the thread and were also beyond tired with this particular bully. Quite a few said they read daily but were afraid to post on the board b/c of this one member's intimidation tactics. How she was still there was a mystery to all.

It wasn't to me though - the mods were very clear in the email banning me.
According to AG PLaythings, you don't ever have a right to post you think something personal posted by others endlessly in an attempt to derail threads & intimidate is TMI. And if you use the word husband in your title, it is not only insensitive but "espouses intolerance" and shows "a deep disrespect for and lack of understanding of AGPT's mission and members." In other words, "it doesn't respect the diversity we seek to promote."

On my profile there it says I was "banned for not playing well with others" I've changed & incorporated the signature on another doll board where I belong to reflect my new AGPT status. It now reads "Stands up for the innocent & well intentioned... in other words, this dancemom doesn't play well with bullies..." and I wear it proudly like a badge of honor.

 

[skater]

What I'm saying is, when I was a kid, nobody EVER brought a gun to school. If a couple of boys were bullied, they didn't create an elaborate plan to take out the student body (Columbine).

Sorry you were victimized- I hope now that those folks are grown what they did haunts them.

The crazy thing is, from what I've read about Columbine - the shooters were the bullies. There were so many misconceptions about that case - started by the media who grabbed any hysterical student they could to get information. I can't remember which is which, but one of them was arguably a psycopath who had terrorizd some people before the shooting event. Both shooters believed they were smarter and better than anyone else.

 

[skater]

IMO often minor things today are taken more seriously if they go against politically correct thinking and diversity. This is just another example of what I'm seeing more and more often.

In the adult arena, bullies with in-your-face-attitudes are getting away with making others uncomfortable today b/c people are afraid to speak out lest they be labeled as intolerant, prejudiced, insensitive, whatever...

Less than two weeks ago, I found myself suddenly banned from a doll message board without even a pm warning.
I made the mistake of posting on a thread where the resident bully was berating members for being insensitive in using the word "husband". It was started by the OP to praise her husband and ask for similar stories. After the OP edited her title & posts several times in an effort to placate, I'd finally had enough and posted that I was on a doll board to talk about dolls, not read threads constantly derailed OT in attempts to intimidate and hop up on a soapbox. I said that (in this context, where young girls could be reading to learn about the dolls) IMO some things were just TMI.

Afterwards I received nearly thirty messages from other shocked members who'd seen the thread and were also beyond tired with this particular bully. Quite a few said they read daily but were afraid to post on the board b/c of this one member's intimidation tactics. How she was still there was a mystery to all.

It wasn't to me though - the mods were very clear in the email banning me.
According to AG PLaythings, you don't ever have a right to post you think something personal posted by others endlessly in an attempt to derail threads & intimidate is TMI. And if you use the word husband in your title, it is not only insensitive but "espouses intolerance" and shows "a deep disrespect for and lack of understanding of AGPT's mission and members." In other words, "it doesn't respect the diversity we seek to promote."

On my profile there it says I was "banned for not playing well with others" I've changed & incorporated the signature on another doll board where I belong to reflect my new AGPT status. It now reads "Stands up for the innocent & well intentioned... in other words, this dancemom doesn't play well with bullies..." and I wear it proudly like a badge of honor.

Wow. Crazy story. Talking about your husband is insensitive? Not a board I'd want to belong to. Sounds like you did good .

 

[Dancemom03]

Wow. Crazy story. Talking about your husband is insensitive? Not a board I'd want to belong to. Sounds like you did good .

LOL - Thanks! Surprisingly, I haven't missed it. Instead, I liken it to being evicted from a dirty tenement for pointing out the roaches crawling across the kitchen to the similarly roach-infested neighbors...