I have a "perfect" friend.

[DawnCt]

I have a friend (former boss) who retired early and moved to a sunny, warm western state. She means well (I guess) but every e mail, phone call and conversation is about how "wonderful her life is, the weather is so much better where they are, Ct has has the worse winter in 100 years, she is the best athlete in her senior group. (I hope so, she is 20 years younger than everyone else), her part time job is the best, she works at the best hospital in the world, etc, etc. " She will actually tell me that she is staying in a five star resort when two stars is a stretch. Well you get the picture. Sometimes it is downright funny and other times it is beyond annoying. For example. I have a neuroma in my foot. I am having it treated with alcohol injections. Its not a big deal, it just hurts when I wear my ski boot. When I mentioned that I had an appointment for it she responded with; "You do have your share of health problems". I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO HEALTH PROBLEMS. Any suggestions? The answers could be fun. We also have a mutual friend who doesn't travel unless its a road trip. Her emails and comments to her make mine look tame.

 

[grinningghost]

This is one of the reasons I can't handle talking to one of my cousins. Everything is perfect with her too. She has 3 boys, I find it hard to believe that they're always such perfect angels, but to listen to her, you would think they wore halos and wings.

My best advice is short, simple replies to her. Something like "sounds like everything is going well, that's great". And let that be it. Don't offer much info on your own life for awhile, maybe she'll get the hint.

 

[Rippington'sFan]

who needs friends like that? "Legends in their own minds". I think it's an epidemic. (kidding) There are so many people like that these days it seems.

My wife and I laugh at how many people we know...neighbors,acquintances at school etc... that just talk about themselves period. NEVER do they ask you anything about yourself. NEVER! It's a turnoff and can be very irritating but we try to laugh it off.

 

[Lewski709]

Those "perfect" friends really aren't so perfect. That's why they need to make it all sound so good, to convince themselves. I feel sorry for your friend. Something IS wrong!!!

 

[Sandy V.]

I agree with Lewski709 - maybe SHE'S the one that needs convincing that everything is so swell. Unless she's just one of those people who never outgrew their late teens/early 20's when everyone's mindset is "It's all about me, me, me." Has she always been like this?

It would irritate the heck out of me, though, to deal with someone like that. You seem like a pretty direct person (I mean that in a very nice way! ). Have you considered the honest approach: "You know, I'm so glad that retirement is treating you so well. But do you realize that every second sentence is some sort of brag about it? It does tend to put people off." Something like that. Maybe she'd be horrified to know that she came off in this manner. The worst thing that could happen would be that she'd get mad and stop sending e-mails - then you wouldn't have to read them!!!

Good luck!!

 

[peg2001]

And yet, I can't help but think I would prefer these "perfect" friends to ones who find fault and complain about everything in their life. Too bad they can't all just find a happy medium.

Peggy

 

[nativetxn]

I would reply, "I'm so glad that you are so happy these days. It sounds like leaving CT was the best thing for you."

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

I would try and be happy for her. Maybe she is just the type who thinks everything has to be positive in life. She may be trying too hard to project a positive lifestyle. Try to find things that you can agree on and leave the rest.

 

[RitaZ.]

Originally posted by nativetxn
I would reply, "I'm so glad that you are so happy these days. It sounds like leaving CT was the best thing for you."

Katholyn, you're such a classy lady.

 

[MScott1851]

True.. because I had a friend like this, and while I realized that her self-promoting was probably due to low self-esteem, I also realized that she was positively toxic and I simply didn't need a friend like that. (It seems like the older I get, the less patience I have with things.) So I slowly, but surely, cut her out. No rudeness, no meanness, I just took longer and longer to return calls, sent less email, didn't initiate phone calls, etc. It took a year, and in her mind, we just "grew apart." It also helped that we moved to a different state, and I could chalk it up to being busy with a new job and new house. Maybe I will get flamed, but sometimes you just have to let people like that go. I know that I am much happier now without having to listen to her babble about stuff I could care less about!

 

[Pembo]

I had a "perfect" friend for awhile. I even referred to her as PerfectTheresa. She had more skeletons in her closet than anyone else I know. Everything looked perfect but she was hiding so much.

 

[FINFAN]

SHE SOUNDS LIKE SHE IS LOOKING FOR YOUR APPROVAL OF HER NEW LIFE...AND SHE ALSO SOUNDS JUST A BIT INSECURE. TRY AND INDULDGE HER FOR A BIT, SHE SOUNDS LIKE SHE REALLY STILL NEEDS YOUR OPINION IN HER "PERFECT" LIFE.
GOOD LUCK, THIS WILL BE DRAINING ON YOU.

 

[DawnCt]

Originally posted by Sandy V.
I agree with Lewski709 - maybe SHE'S the one that needs convincing that everything is so swell. Unless she's just one of those people who never outgrew their late teens/early 20's when everyone's mindset is "It's all about me, me, me." Has she always been like this?

Yes. She was our boss. When ever she planned a vacation we had to put up with the map on the wall with push pins to detail each day. The slide presentation during our lunch hour when she returned and the worst thing yet? She served us moose stew over our lunch hour when she returned from a hunting trip. I couldn't eat it. I frankly do not believe that she has an insecure bone in her body. I have actually concluded that she has a narcissistic personality. She comes back to the northeast each summer so three of us, (my other friend and her) meet for dinner on occasion. I have truly been tempted to nicely point out her annoying behavior and I have come close. She doesn't tolerate any criticism well. I guess the best way we have dealt with it is to see it as comic relief.

 

[browneyes]

It sounds to me that she's in need of attention, and that she's trying to do some kind of self-validation by trying to make herself appear more fortunate than what she is.

 

[DawnCt]

Originally posted by peg2001
And yet, I can't help but think I would prefer these "perfect" friends to ones who find fault and complain about everything in their life. Too bad they can't all just find a happy medium.

Peggy

Thats a good way to look at it. I agree that the whiners are very annoying.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

You know the one where you get a clean piece of paper and a nice sharp pencil. You draw a line vertically down the center of the paper . You list all the things that are positive about your relationship with this "friend" and then all the negative things. If the negative side is much longer then ask yourself why you continue this relationship. Life's too short to put up with a pain in the butt.