Raulandpinboy
<font color=blue>Table-dancing auctioneer<br><font
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2001
- Messages
- 1,705
Well its been awhile since I have written a good long story so I thought what the hey, and here we go.
A few weeks ago I had my last and final garage sale. Never again brothers and sisters will I hold one because I have seen the light.
We decided to get rid of some things and Ebay just was not the place for this junk err I mean aged vintage articles of merchandise. So we decided a garage sale why not. P T Barnum said it theres a sucker born every minute have a garage sale and that would be you!!!
First you have to go to the county and beg on your hands and knees for a permit, because if you dont the GSSP (Garage Sale Secrete Police) will show up and make you shut down. Unless youre willing to give the head GSSP person that lamp with the lion heads clock in the stomach.
The county will first make you write an essay on the social and political impact as well as the agricultural and or industrial randomization of resources that will occur if they allow this sale to proceed, as well as the impact on the ecology and traffic analysis for my street and area. Luck me being once an Imagineer, and having a degree in micromechanical biological sociopaths in a controlled environment. The essay was cake. So after the 200 question closed book test, two pints of blood, and a promise to date Wendy the county clerk I got my permit.
I got my permit, and I put the add in the paper. Which said I would start at 8:00am, but that did not start the folks from showing up at 5:00am and knocking on the garage door? As the day progressed I started to see different patterns of people, so I decided to grab my laptop and write down the different types of people that you will, or have met at yours or neighbors garage sale. Remember some of these folks actually believe they can make a killing buying and selling this stuff. Others just think they need that lamp with the lions head clock, and there is always the GSSP in plain clothing also known as the GPS.
The rest of my story is an account, and a description of the folks I met at my garage sale, and a course of events that happened during the day.
First the people
There was the hairy man. A man wearing an open t-shirt and more hair than King Kong Im talking hair.
The Im looking for woman man. This man will hit on every lady there including your wife.
The Im looking for a man woman. She will show up 15 minutes after the looking for a woman man leaves. Now why anybody would look for a mate at a garage sale is beyond me.
Not to be confused with the looking for a mate group, are the lonely man or lonely woman, these are folks that do not socialize until Friday Saturday and Sunday when they hit the sales, and want to chat about anything and everything, these folks show up usually when you have like 25 cars in your driveway and 1000 people running all over your lawn. They want to tell you about Aunt Sallys operation, the twins, and oh about the war let me tell you about the war. (Im talking the divorce not military)
There is the we will never crack a smile no matter what you do couple, I must have hit them with every joke I knew nothing. Ill bet they peed themselves in the car when they left holding it all in like they did.
The looking for that missing Rembrandt so we can sell it on Ebay and retire couple, they inspect everything close up, carry over 100 reference books, and have wireless internet for ton the spot appraisals from the Sothebys.
The lady arguing with me because I wanted to sell her two lamps for $5.00 each, when I said $5 each or two for $10 she bought them. Hey it worked I dont care.
The drive by shoppers ala Mafia Style. These people have never actually been to a garage sale they just drive by them, slow down, look and then speed off.
Not to be confused with the drive by shoppers are the drive by look drive away, then come back folks. They saw something they liked drove off planned how to get it, then drove back with plan in hand. Yea but Ed how could they see anything from the car. Well same way a pin trader can make out every pin on a manager lanyard from 100 feet that how. (Oh yea forgot about that huh)
The can you hold this until I come back I want to (A) go home and measure...(B) go get more cash or (C) go next door and see if they have it for less. Either way they are never coming back. Im still holding a 1950s diving helmet for a man that said he would be back in 1992 when I had my other garage sale.
The asks and no matter what you ask they offer less. $4 Ill give you $3. okay $3 no wait Ill give you $2, and what do mean youll give me $1 for a 200 year old Diamond ring no way lady I want $5 and thats final. Okay then Ill give you $4. ARRRRRGHHH!!!!
Right about noon T-Back girl showed up this is usually a cute girl in her 20s with loose jeans and her underwear up past her waist, every time she bent down to look at something I heard some guy drop something made of glass.
The expert this guy knows everything, not only does he tell you what your stuff is he hangs around to enlighten all the other customers. This guy lives for those six little words can you tell me what this is?
Good cop bad cop, this is the wife husband team she wants it bad, he says no way makes her cry, he walks away and she tries again to get it for a lower cost, they argue start a fight you intervene feeling bad and offer the item for free in hopes that they will stop fighting. Boy little did they know where they were at, I kept fueling the fire, and not only will he not let you get this nick knack, but remember when he embarrassed you in front of your family? Huh huh. (note to self all men at one point or another embarrass their wives in front of the family)
Toupee man, this is a man with such a bad hair piece you feel sorry for him, and offer him your used Ariel wig (long story another time) every time he bends down to look at something it falls off, and he puts it back while looking around to see if anybody saw what just happened. Well not the first time, but the other 20 yes!!!
I will gladly pay you Tuesday for this brick-a-brack today. Yes I was asked, can I take this and swing back and pay you on Tuesday when I get paid. Suuuuurrreeee go for it.
I had 20 or so people trying to buy my laptop, or wanting to go back into the garage to see what else you got, or they saw something I have to sell on eBay that made their eyes water and drool. I had one guy go in the garage and I got him trying to carry something out to purchase. Heck we had a woman go in the house when we got busy wanting to look at the furniture we had for sale. (we didnt have any) How about the total strangers that want to use the bathroom.
The box kickers these folks will not buy anything, but they feel he need to kick every single box, or item you have on the floor. It must be some sort of compulsive disorder.
The here hold my baby while I look around lady, some babies are nice, but not this one, it cried and had a stinky. 20 minutes I held this child while this lady argued with Donna about a $.50 pair of earrings.
At one point I gave a box of cell phones to a family that had like 20 kids. I figured they would make cool toys for the kids and they were all working cell phones just no service. They left, and as god is my witness they came back because the cell phones did not work. Yes they said they could not call anybody all they got was a man saying they had no service.
The clown cars. These are cars usually Hyundais packed with 20 to 30 people you see them getting out, one after the other, after the other, and you wonder if it will ever stop.
There was a man that asked if I had a lawnmower for sale, when I said I had a service he tried to get me to switch to his service, and then wanted to show me all the thing my service was doing wrong to my healthy green perfect lawn (I dont think so Tim) the record I had to say no thank you 35 times to get him to go away.
Then there was the guy selling and wanting to me to sell pre-paid phone card (did you know I could retire in up to two month never work again and have an extra $3 million dollars coming in every week???? Yea he could show me how. So daddy war bucks if you got $3 mill what you doing at a garage sale huh??? Yea I thought so.
The oh I see you own a laptop let me ask you about this thing my computer is doing
This is the Im gonna get free tech support while Im here guy. Answer a question and he will never leave.
The above is followed by the can I have your phone number so I can call you if I have problems hooking this up guy. Trust me I did this once I sold an alarm panel to a guy; he wanted my number to call me in case he needed to ask something I had my number changes two weeks later. This guy called me 24/7 for anything he had questions on.
There is always a 60s Flower power girl in her 50s now that did not get the message that Woodstock is over, and bell bottoms did not make the big comeback we all hoped they would.
Then the two dreaded visitor to a garage sale the mother with the seek and destroy kids, she looks while the kids attempt to break everything in sight occasionally yelling out a childs name when they hear a crash, but never bothering to look up to see what it was that hey destroyed. I had one kid run it my neighbors yard grab rocks from the garden and take a swing at them towards the general direction of our houses with a stick he brought along.
Followed closely by the price switchers now how did that CCTV monitor that had a $20 price tag on it, end up with a $.50 price tag, and they always go to the wives thinking they dont know the difference. Honestly I had this guy accuse me of bait and switch saying I put low prices on items, and then raise them when he tried to pay. He swore that he was going to call the cops on me, lucky for me the GPSs were already there. I almost did have to call the police on this guy to say he was creepy would be an understatement.
The one true thing that was fun is I found an old siren and a battery, I hooked it up and it made such a noise every time I got some wild kids, and they started to climb trees, or break things I let this thing go off, it was priceless.
How did the garage sale end, well I got a call from Michelle there was a mystery pin released at DTD. I had three families looking at stuff I told them for the next 10 minutes they could have as much stuff as they could carry for free. I was picked clean in 5 minutes flat.
Will I ever hold another garage sale in the words of Benjamin Franklin no way am I going out there, its lightning. No never again. If we have some extra stuff from the auctions we go to, or estate sales it all goes to goodwill.
And that was my adventure, and my warning about garage sales.
A few weeks ago I had my last and final garage sale. Never again brothers and sisters will I hold one because I have seen the light.
We decided to get rid of some things and Ebay just was not the place for this junk err I mean aged vintage articles of merchandise. So we decided a garage sale why not. P T Barnum said it theres a sucker born every minute have a garage sale and that would be you!!!
First you have to go to the county and beg on your hands and knees for a permit, because if you dont the GSSP (Garage Sale Secrete Police) will show up and make you shut down. Unless youre willing to give the head GSSP person that lamp with the lion heads clock in the stomach.
The county will first make you write an essay on the social and political impact as well as the agricultural and or industrial randomization of resources that will occur if they allow this sale to proceed, as well as the impact on the ecology and traffic analysis for my street and area. Luck me being once an Imagineer, and having a degree in micromechanical biological sociopaths in a controlled environment. The essay was cake. So after the 200 question closed book test, two pints of blood, and a promise to date Wendy the county clerk I got my permit.
I got my permit, and I put the add in the paper. Which said I would start at 8:00am, but that did not start the folks from showing up at 5:00am and knocking on the garage door? As the day progressed I started to see different patterns of people, so I decided to grab my laptop and write down the different types of people that you will, or have met at yours or neighbors garage sale. Remember some of these folks actually believe they can make a killing buying and selling this stuff. Others just think they need that lamp with the lions head clock, and there is always the GSSP in plain clothing also known as the GPS.
The rest of my story is an account, and a description of the folks I met at my garage sale, and a course of events that happened during the day.
First the people
There was the hairy man. A man wearing an open t-shirt and more hair than King Kong Im talking hair.
The Im looking for woman man. This man will hit on every lady there including your wife.
The Im looking for a man woman. She will show up 15 minutes after the looking for a woman man leaves. Now why anybody would look for a mate at a garage sale is beyond me.
Not to be confused with the looking for a mate group, are the lonely man or lonely woman, these are folks that do not socialize until Friday Saturday and Sunday when they hit the sales, and want to chat about anything and everything, these folks show up usually when you have like 25 cars in your driveway and 1000 people running all over your lawn. They want to tell you about Aunt Sallys operation, the twins, and oh about the war let me tell you about the war. (Im talking the divorce not military)
There is the we will never crack a smile no matter what you do couple, I must have hit them with every joke I knew nothing. Ill bet they peed themselves in the car when they left holding it all in like they did.
The looking for that missing Rembrandt so we can sell it on Ebay and retire couple, they inspect everything close up, carry over 100 reference books, and have wireless internet for ton the spot appraisals from the Sothebys.
The lady arguing with me because I wanted to sell her two lamps for $5.00 each, when I said $5 each or two for $10 she bought them. Hey it worked I dont care.
The drive by shoppers ala Mafia Style. These people have never actually been to a garage sale they just drive by them, slow down, look and then speed off.
Not to be confused with the drive by shoppers are the drive by look drive away, then come back folks. They saw something they liked drove off planned how to get it, then drove back with plan in hand. Yea but Ed how could they see anything from the car. Well same way a pin trader can make out every pin on a manager lanyard from 100 feet that how. (Oh yea forgot about that huh)
The can you hold this until I come back I want to (A) go home and measure...(B) go get more cash or (C) go next door and see if they have it for less. Either way they are never coming back. Im still holding a 1950s diving helmet for a man that said he would be back in 1992 when I had my other garage sale.
The asks and no matter what you ask they offer less. $4 Ill give you $3. okay $3 no wait Ill give you $2, and what do mean youll give me $1 for a 200 year old Diamond ring no way lady I want $5 and thats final. Okay then Ill give you $4. ARRRRRGHHH!!!!
Right about noon T-Back girl showed up this is usually a cute girl in her 20s with loose jeans and her underwear up past her waist, every time she bent down to look at something I heard some guy drop something made of glass.
The expert this guy knows everything, not only does he tell you what your stuff is he hangs around to enlighten all the other customers. This guy lives for those six little words can you tell me what this is?
Good cop bad cop, this is the wife husband team she wants it bad, he says no way makes her cry, he walks away and she tries again to get it for a lower cost, they argue start a fight you intervene feeling bad and offer the item for free in hopes that they will stop fighting. Boy little did they know where they were at, I kept fueling the fire, and not only will he not let you get this nick knack, but remember when he embarrassed you in front of your family? Huh huh. (note to self all men at one point or another embarrass their wives in front of the family)
Toupee man, this is a man with such a bad hair piece you feel sorry for him, and offer him your used Ariel wig (long story another time) every time he bends down to look at something it falls off, and he puts it back while looking around to see if anybody saw what just happened. Well not the first time, but the other 20 yes!!!
I will gladly pay you Tuesday for this brick-a-brack today. Yes I was asked, can I take this and swing back and pay you on Tuesday when I get paid. Suuuuurrreeee go for it.
I had 20 or so people trying to buy my laptop, or wanting to go back into the garage to see what else you got, or they saw something I have to sell on eBay that made their eyes water and drool. I had one guy go in the garage and I got him trying to carry something out to purchase. Heck we had a woman go in the house when we got busy wanting to look at the furniture we had for sale. (we didnt have any) How about the total strangers that want to use the bathroom.
The box kickers these folks will not buy anything, but they feel he need to kick every single box, or item you have on the floor. It must be some sort of compulsive disorder.
The here hold my baby while I look around lady, some babies are nice, but not this one, it cried and had a stinky. 20 minutes I held this child while this lady argued with Donna about a $.50 pair of earrings.
At one point I gave a box of cell phones to a family that had like 20 kids. I figured they would make cool toys for the kids and they were all working cell phones just no service. They left, and as god is my witness they came back because the cell phones did not work. Yes they said they could not call anybody all they got was a man saying they had no service.
The clown cars. These are cars usually Hyundais packed with 20 to 30 people you see them getting out, one after the other, after the other, and you wonder if it will ever stop.
There was a man that asked if I had a lawnmower for sale, when I said I had a service he tried to get me to switch to his service, and then wanted to show me all the thing my service was doing wrong to my healthy green perfect lawn (I dont think so Tim) the record I had to say no thank you 35 times to get him to go away.
Then there was the guy selling and wanting to me to sell pre-paid phone card (did you know I could retire in up to two month never work again and have an extra $3 million dollars coming in every week???? Yea he could show me how. So daddy war bucks if you got $3 mill what you doing at a garage sale huh??? Yea I thought so.
The oh I see you own a laptop let me ask you about this thing my computer is doing
This is the Im gonna get free tech support while Im here guy. Answer a question and he will never leave.
The above is followed by the can I have your phone number so I can call you if I have problems hooking this up guy. Trust me I did this once I sold an alarm panel to a guy; he wanted my number to call me in case he needed to ask something I had my number changes two weeks later. This guy called me 24/7 for anything he had questions on.
There is always a 60s Flower power girl in her 50s now that did not get the message that Woodstock is over, and bell bottoms did not make the big comeback we all hoped they would.
Then the two dreaded visitor to a garage sale the mother with the seek and destroy kids, she looks while the kids attempt to break everything in sight occasionally yelling out a childs name when they hear a crash, but never bothering to look up to see what it was that hey destroyed. I had one kid run it my neighbors yard grab rocks from the garden and take a swing at them towards the general direction of our houses with a stick he brought along.
Followed closely by the price switchers now how did that CCTV monitor that had a $20 price tag on it, end up with a $.50 price tag, and they always go to the wives thinking they dont know the difference. Honestly I had this guy accuse me of bait and switch saying I put low prices on items, and then raise them when he tried to pay. He swore that he was going to call the cops on me, lucky for me the GPSs were already there. I almost did have to call the police on this guy to say he was creepy would be an understatement.
The one true thing that was fun is I found an old siren and a battery, I hooked it up and it made such a noise every time I got some wild kids, and they started to climb trees, or break things I let this thing go off, it was priceless.
How did the garage sale end, well I got a call from Michelle there was a mystery pin released at DTD. I had three families looking at stuff I told them for the next 10 minutes they could have as much stuff as they could carry for free. I was picked clean in 5 minutes flat.
Will I ever hold another garage sale in the words of Benjamin Franklin no way am I going out there, its lightning. No never again. If we have some extra stuff from the auctions we go to, or estate sales it all goes to goodwill.
And that was my adventure, and my warning about garage sales.
