I feel so betrayed

[buzzlady]

My DH had a heart attack 3 1/2 yrs. ago at the age of 42. He was a heavy smoker. He never smoked another cigarette again - or so I thought. My DS11 and my DH had a disagreement the other day and my DS told me that he saw DH smoking a cigarette while they were out fishing. That night after kids were in bed I asked my DH if he was smoking again and he told me no, which I believed because I can smell cigarettes the second someone walks in. I have smelled smoke on him once or twice and he has given me exuses that he was standing talking to the guys at work that were smoking. I just figured that my DS was mad and maybe made it up. But again today my DS made a reference to my DH ending up in the hospital again. So I told DH what DS had said. I asked DH if DS was lying or if he was lying to me. He told me that DS was NOT the one lying. He said that he was only smoking maybe a pack a month, but to me that is a pack a month too many. I just feel so betrayed that he lied to me the first time I asked him. He was leaving for work at the time and when he comes home in the a.m. I'm sure there will be more of a discussion about it. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[pumba]

My brother had a heart attack six years ago ......I remember when I smelt smoke on him......broke my heart......he did quit again........I am an x smoker and it is the hardest thing to do......hubby and I gave it up together......we did it the old fashion way......cold turkey......please do not fight over this........if he needs help quitting .....you are his hope and also the doctors could help him with a perscription......My sister is now the proud owner of a disease......emphysyma.........I am mad as you know what at her....cause she found out last year and is still smoking......please just talk it out .....not with anger ......with love....you love him and want him around.......
Hugs to you

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sorry you feel so betrayed. I would probably be more mad that your ds had to carry this burden than the fact that dh was smoking.

I agree with pumba, talk it out with love. I quit smoking june 3rd of this year. I call myself a "recovering cigaholic". That is what it is like for me. I always want a cig, forever, I guess.
My dh smokes & alot of my family. I think it is the worst thing to give up besides booze (if I was an alcoholic, thank God I am not). That would be torture of the highest form of addiction, I think.

 

[FreshTressa]

That is so sad. I would feel betrayed also, but what DH needs is your compassion so he can feel comfortable sharing with you.

I'm sorry to hear that he is smoking again. It must be hard to watch someone you love do something so destructive. And that he hid it from you makes you feel like there is a fracture in the trust.

I hope you guys get it worked out!

 

[house_of_princesses]

My DH died from a heart attack this past July. He was 46. He smoked in his younger years, then smoked ocassionally. One of the things I'm thankful for is not having been angry. I did talk in love, not anger. It gave him the support and encouragement he needed. It's a lot easier to disappoint someone who is angry with you than loving you.