I Feel At My Wit's End--updated pg 4

[Hannathy]

Don't CALL go to school and stand in that office until the principal sees you. If she avoids you today go tomorrow repeat as necessary . I know you work but take time and do this. Have you called each and every school board members? Hopefully it is close to an election.
Have you spoken to the parent teacher volunteers. Did your son go to elementary school in this town? Go talk to that principal and that PTA they don't want their kids moving on to a school with violence, Elementary parents are much more involved and vocal. Does your town have aldermans or town council representatives call them. Go see the Mayor or town supervisor. Make yourself a pain. YOU should not have to do this but unfortunately you do. Have your son's best friends parents call and ask about the rumors of violence. Share with your church and have them call, even if they don't go there they can call annon. and pretend. When this bozo has to answer phone calls everyday and politicians start calling they will wake up.
I would also address to the super. that the principal refused to meet with you. I think that is in the job description.

Good luck you or your son should not have to put up with this Give him a hug.

 

[BrinxFam]

I completely agree with going in to see the principal unannounced. I wanted to discuss a situation at school with the principal a few years ago and just went in with my DD. She went to class and I went to the office. When asked what I needed I just said "I'm here to speak to Mr. X." I was told that he was busy and I just said "I thought he would be so I cleared my calendar for the day. I've got plenty of time to wait." I had a magazine with me and just made myself at home right beside the door so that he couldn't go in or out without seeing me. It only took about 15 minutes and I was in his office. What are they going to do, throw you out? Well, if they do that is a perfect situation that is newsworthy and would allow you to get your message before the public.

 

[OceanAnnie]

As for the meeting--- they cancelled on me. The prinicipal has never been willing to meet w/ me. She keeps telling me this is not the type of issue's she handles and I have to go through the Student Liason. The principal doesn't even take my calls, the secretary tells me I HAVE to speak to the liason.

So much of what you have conveyed really bothers me. But the above doesn't make sense (the principal). Why would she agree to a meeting and cancel it and defer to the liason? I wonder what that is about. In any event, not taking your calls, is a blunder on her part. She knows you are not satisfied with the liason's handling of the matter. And she doesn't take your calls? Oh no. That just won't do.

If it were me, I'd type up a factual letter to the superintendent detailing the course of events with the principal and liason. (That alone should get his/her attention!) Include how frustrated you are with of the lack of attention to your DS's bullying case. Describe how this is effecting your son. Ask for a remedy to the problem and a meeting with the superintendent, principal and liason as soon as possible. In closing state, I look forward to your reply. Copy in the principal and the liason.

Even if you do "get" a meeting with the principal, she will not be responsive IMO unless made to be. If history is any indication she will be no help to you at all. I'd go up the chain.

 

[KAMLEM]

Did your son go to elementary school in this town? Go talk to that principal and that PTA they don't want their kids moving on to a school with violence, Elementary parents are much more involved and vocal.

OP stated that this is a very small town and only one school for grades K-12. That may be part of the problem - this principal has way too much power. Good luck, Kilee. I can't imagine dealing with something like this, I hope it all gets worked out soon.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

Any updates? Hope the situation is getting resolved.

 

[poohluvrs]

Zero tolerance for bullying in schools is so important , esp nowadays w/ kids bringing weapons to school, a simple situation can easily escalate, we've all watched Oprah - start w/ the Superintendant for the entire school system, bring your supported info (report log, calls made) , make it known you will take it to the police, & the local media would love a piece like this...all the tax dollars that go into the school system & your son is not even provided a response to his feeling unsafe in his learning environement, what is this doing to his grades, that will affect his future, I would not let this go, there is no excuse for the school employees you have got no respect or response from.

Please let us know how you are doing.

 

[bobcat]

There is absolutely no excuse for the principal not to address this issue with you. I teach middle school and I am so sick of this attitide that bullying just happens in middle school and there isn't much that can be done about it. That's pure crap! I would show up at school and sit there until the principal talked to me, then since we can all see that the principal won't do anything to stop this harrassment I would go to the supers office and do the same. If these kids are picking on your child it's a good bet there are others that are being, or have been harrassed as well. Your child is entitled to a safe learning environment.

Here's some info I found on bullying that relates to your state.
http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/HHS_PSA/pdfs/SBN_Tip_6.pdf

This second one lists action that this organization is trying to have addopted in each state, along with contact information.
http://www.bullypolice.org/

Good luck and keep fighting. The squeeky wheel gets the grease!

 

[Pam]

Call the School Superintendent - raise cain and don't back down. Give him/her the dates/events and also tell about the cancelled meetings from the principal.

Next, find out who is on the school board - specifically, find the loose cannon member, the one who refuses to vote along with the other members and kiss the butts of the school administrators. Call this member immediately and tell him/her everything. Trust me - you will get results, hopefully as soon as the next school board meeting. Ask him/her to bring this matter up at the school board meeting - and be sure to attend the meeting. (Did I mention that there are usually newspaper reporters covering those meetings???)

Good Luck to you and your son. I feel really bad for him.

 

[kilee]

The meeting that got cancelled was w/ the student liason. I've never been given a meeting w/ the principal. She's only briefly talked to me once-- to basically tell me she doesn't and won't handle these issues. Another time she left me a message stating the same thing when I tried to contact her again. I was told that she doesn't and won't handle these issues. This is the job of the student liason, end of story.

I didn't get any response from the superintendent. So, I called again. He said he was looking into it-- and they'd get back to me. Multiple calls later and still no response. This doesn't suprise me as it's what I expected.

Now there have actually been no "problems" in the last week exactly. Also, starting today the 6th grade is having a bullying awareness program for the rest of the week. They are discussing bullying and the appropriate way to handle it. This seems very last minute.

Now--- I can go to the police and demand something be done, I can go to the town council and so on. However, as soon as you raise a ruckus-- they will go looking for every little thing they can. I don't know how to explain exactly. It happens all the time around here. You complain---and next thing you're being cited for every little thing. I'm trying to handle this via the school. It's bad enough that it seems as though they are starting to nit-pick at school now w/ ds.

At this point we did get an attorney involved to a certain degree. Basically, I don't have enough notes and I need to keep better ones. It's been more verbal than physical in the last month-- w/ nothing in the last week. We actually talked to ds about moving-- and he doesn't want to because he does have so many friends here. We are just going to have to keep better notes- and then we can do something about it. If they do lay another hand on ds- the cops said I can file a report that day about that incident and they'll deal w/ it. So basically we have to just go forward for the time being.

Honestly, this has been an eye opener about just how undemocratic things in our country are. It is all about who knows who-- and who is being a nuisance.

I do want to thank everyone for their kind words and support.

 

[sharbear]

Unbelievable. I can't imagine what you are going through. I have always had a good response from my kids school. They have been very responsible. Your admistration sounds like a nightmare, what bullies they are!

Can you call a member of your school board and try to get them involved. They might be able to get someone involved.

So sorry about this. Also can you move him to another school? This activity and lack of involvement from the admistration is appalling.

 

[agnes!]

. I am so sorry you and you family are going through this. I can see where you're coming from with not wanting to make a stink outside the school.

I was wondering how things were going for you and for your son, glad for the update from yesterday. Anytime I've had to deal with a school administration about issues, I always try to go in with DH...I hate to sound sexist, but there is something about having the dad/spouse along with you that makes principals/school liasons sit up and take notice. You have *much* less of a chance of being seen as "just another hysterical female".

You should probably stop with the phone calls. Maybe you and your DH should show up at the superintendent's office and sit there until he/she gives you the time of day. I seem to remember that you were concerned about your DH maybe saying something that could escalate the situation? If so and you don't think that your DH should be present, then maybe ask a friend to go along as an observer. If you show up at the supervisor's office and have an observer/friend along...I know it sounds odd, but there is strength in numbers. Plus you better believe that if the school liason ever does meet you or the supervisor ever does come out of his office, they will probably have someone else along with them. *Always* have your own witness.

Good luck. Keep us updated. I hope you have some good news about this situation soon.

agnes!

 

[KAMLEM]

Now--- I can go to the police and demand something be done, I can go to the town council and so on. However, as soon as you raise a ruckus-- they will go looking for every little thing they can. I don't know how to explain exactly. It happens all the time around here. You complain---and next thing you're being cited for every little thing.

What exactly does that mean? Are you saying that if you stand up for yourself or your child the town officials will retaliate against you? That's just awful. It sounds as if you live in a very small town.

 

[Poohgirl]

Sorry to hear things aren't working out so well. Best of luck with your son, and hopes that these boys will smarten up....

 

[mchames]

I'm guessing that since there have been no "problems" since the hat incident that the boys have been "spoken to" but the liason/principal wants this to all be off the record so they are avoiding communication with the OP so that they don't have to put any "notations" in the boys' files. At this point, these boys are not going to be punished retroactively for past crimes.

I would suggest to the OP to continue to "build your file" against these boys and when/if another incident occurs go directly to the police, do not BOTHER with school officials at all. Also keep a record of all contact that you have tried to make with the principal/liason/superintendent and the fact that they have refused any assistance or to meet with you at all. Be aware that the school is most likely building a file on your son. ie: the running in the halls incident to use against him in case this ever comes to a head.

For whatever reason "the powers to be" are protecting these bullies. You need to find out "who" these boys are. Are they good students? Are they top athletes? Does yor son threaten "their position" in school (ie: better athlete or better grades)? Discreetly ask around. Talk to other parents. Do you have a good relationship with your son's current or past teacher? Could you ask one of them about these boys? I really think you need to find out "who" you are dealing with, until then you will be at a disadvantage.

I do agree with you, that at this point you and your son should keep a low profile and not make any waves until you know who you are dealing with or another incident occurs. With this being a K-12 school, it looks like your son has six more years here so I do think in some ways you need to tread lightly. In a small school, sometimes unfortunately, principals, teachers and school liasons stick around their entire careers, so your son will most likely be dealing with these same people through high school. Also, in a small town the school employees often live in the community and their children attend the same school they work at. It sounds to me like the principal/school liason/ secretary are somehow personally involved with these boys or their families.

One more question, has your son been a this school since K?

Good luck.

Mary

 

[Tantor]

I would suggest to the OP to continue to "build your file" against these boys and when/if another incident occurs go directly to the police, do not BOTHER with school officials at all. Also keep a record of all contact that you have tried to make with the principal/liason/superintendent and the fact that they have refused any assistance or to meet with you at all. Be aware that the school is most likely building a file on your son. ie: the running in the halls incident to use against him in case this ever comes to a head.

Good advice. We had a huge file and kept track of every conversation etc. And in our case the problem reared it ugly head again. You never know.
And the first principal we had never kept any notes!!