I Feel As If My World Has Collapsed

[DisneyHardin]

I would highly recommend people recommending giving the relationship a chance and the OP herself to revisit the old threads on this topic. They are not hard to find.

I agree. Sometimes people make stupid choices and it doesn't always mean the marriage needs to end.

 

[tileman]

I would suggest if you are church members go there and seek help in gods word.
If not please at least find a therapist to talk with
And ask your husband to come along if he doesn’t then there’s a answer there.
Praying for you guys

 

[theSurlyMermaid]

I agree. Sometimes people make stupid choices and it doesn't always mean the marriage needs to end.

I actually think they make it clear they should never have been married in the first place. OP needs to find herself, learn to appreciate herself and not anchor herself to the first guy who comes along. This guy’s faults back in the day were all huge red flags. In two years of marriage things are already blowing up. She needs to stop something that was a mistake to begin with.

 

[ashley0139]

I agree. Sometimes people make stupid choices and it doesn't always mean the marriage needs to end.

That's the exact opposite of what the person you quoted was saying...

 

[pigletto]

There is a excellent and huge discussion board called Survivinginfidelity.com . I would suggest taking a look over there and reading some of the articles and posts. Not everything you read will apply , but you will find support and a place to vent with people who have been through similar issues.
I wouldn’t go there for Disney advice as there may be well meaning people but that’s not what’s its for. And that’s also why I wouldn’t suggest trying to get infidelity advice here, because as you can see it can break down into opinion and debate without a lot of concern for the very raw pain you are in. What you need right now is support.
I’m sorry you are hurting.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Some women can accept an affair. Once the trust is broken it's really hard to move forward...forgive and forget. I really suspect Hubby has confessed to very little of what has happened. Again, do what is best for YOU. Although, I suspect your gut is already leaning in a particular direction.

 

[Tallis]

I didn't read six pages of replies, so not sure if this has been addressed. But why would a "friend" be looking at his phone? Phones are very private and people don't just grab them and start looking through things. If this has any truth at all, he was showing off his girlfriend's nudes to someone.

Sorry to be that one, but I would kick him straight to the curb. I wouldn't waste my time in counseling, trying to work it out, or anything else. That's just who I am, but your life is yours and it's going to be up to you in the end.

 

[figaro2tigger]

First. I am so sorry that you are going through this. You were vulnerable and met someone who made you happy. We all DESERVE to be happy.

Definitely change your passwords for banking, computer access, phone access, etc., and guard them.

No one else has commented on the fact that he "says" that your stepdaughter "told him that "if he didn't tell you, that she would."
How is your relationship with your stepdaughter? Would she use this to "blackmail" him? Maybe she DOESN'T know, but this is a way to change your relationship with her?

Regarding the "other woman's" Facebook page. Many people do NOT post "real" or current photos on Facebook or at the very least, have "touched them up".
How much of her page is "public"? How old are her "friends". It is possible that she has multiple relationships or that this page is a "dating" page.
DO NOT contact her. There is no benefit to contacting her.

So WHAT is her profile says that she is younger or the pictures look like she is a model, "pretty is as pretty does".

All of the messaging from him is controlling to say the least. He is trying to keep you too busy and upset to think things through.
YOU are the "injured party", DO NOT feel bad for him or try to make him feel better. HE should be trying very hard to make YOU feel better and able to trust him again.

The groups and forums that other DISboarders have shared are a good way to realize that you are not alone AND that there isn't one answer for everyone.

Hope that this helps you a little. YOU are NOT alone!

 

[DisneyHardin]

That's the exact opposite of what the person you quoted was saying...

You're right - I misunderstood what that person was saying. Sorry about that.

 

[DisneyHardin]

I didn't read six pages of replies, so not sure if this has been addressed. But why would a "friend" be looking at his phone? Phones are very private and people don't just grab them and start looking through things. If this has any truth at all, he was showing off his girlfriend's nudes to someone.

Sorry to be that one, but I would kick him straight to the curb. I wouldn't waste my time in counseling, trying to work it out, or anything else. That's just who I am, but your life is yours and it's going to be up to you in the end.

She later said that it was his daughter rather than a friend.

 

[Donald13]

I’m sorry but do not call her. You aren’t thinking clearly and saying anything to her won’t make you feel any better. And reach out to family. Or a therapist. Stop texting him to make him feel better, he’s gaslighting you. What ever you decide know that you did nothing wrong and you are not the cause of his actions.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Are you doing ok OP? I’m sure being stuck in the house is making this even harder.

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

I just want to be one more person who validates your feelings. He's broken your trust and your heart. You need to sort out your feelings and find a way to trust yourself to make good decisions about this, which is hard to do in this situation. I totally understand your wanting to get the help of anonymous, safe people and I hope you're feeling supported here.

I'm hoping you can find someone you can really talk this over with in a safe environment. To my mind a therapist seems like a good solution, but I believe you can find someone who is right for you. I will say that, if you've had a good relationship with loving parents, it does seem like a red flag that your dad didn't like him. I'd start to examine that, when you begin to sort this out. All the best. A lot of people here are pulling for you.

 

[nycdisneygal]

I just want to lend you my support. I dont have much advice but love yourself!
Give a pause and try therapy. Maybe you can overcome this.
But always remember - you are always enough. Dont ever let anyone make you feel like you are not.
HUGS to you.
I know this would be hard to talk about to friends IRL /family. Sometimes I have found being able to talk to someone IRL who I am not as close to but who may have some advice. It helps to be able to talk to someone.

 

[a1tinkfans]

People make choices. He made His choice and You should take your time and make yours. do what’s good for you and be done with his apologies for now. Whether you choose to forgive and forget or walk away.. it should come from a place of clear thinking. You didn’t cause his insecurities Or cause him to stray and betray and there’s likely more you don’t know. Take your time,
YOU are worthy of a love that worships you for who you are not discards your worth.
best of luck. You CAN and WILL get thru this!

 

[TippyThomas]

OP hasn't logged in since Saturday morning. I hope she's doing okay.

 

[Judique]

I was struck by the fact that due to embarrassment about this situation you are not confiding in real people who will probably support you.

Do not deny yourself the comfort of family, especially your father. The fact that he had misgivings about this man but still supported what you wanted (to marry him) says a lot about him. Sure he might have an 'I told you so' look or thought, but seems he was on the money as far as this mans ethics were concerned.

And as for the weasel, he'd be gone from my world - but when I was 48 I didn't want to be left alone either. My divorce actually happened in my late 30ties but it took quite a while before I loved myself enough to be happy with me. But if you need someone to lean on, maybe you'll be willing to forgive and forget. Best wishes to you.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I don’t see an issue with staying quiet about it. Especially if there’s a chance you may stay. I wouldn’t air my dirty laundry to family and friends unless I knew I was leaving. If you tell them and stay I feel like it’s never a good situation. The friends and family will hold some kind of animosity and judgement. Repairing a relationship is hard enough without adding others opinions.

I got divorced and it was a shock to everyone because I never aired my business. We were married and it was our business. Even after I left I said very little.

Do what makes you happy OP. Good luck.

 

[shelemm]

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

It is normal to feel shame, but this shame will cause you even more problems. Avoiding embarrassment is at the core of all human tragedy. Please talk to the people around you and let them know. You haven't behaved badly. Let people know how you feel. Let them in. I understand that it's not easy to do, but if you can find your way clear to that, it is a path to feeling better about yourself. If you think your father will say "told you so," then head that off up front: "I don't want to hear I told you so...." Openly ask for understanding. Openly demand understanding. You need it and you deserve it.

 

[Disney Doll]

First do the practical things.

Get your financial house in order. Get copies of all financial accounts. Get copies of income tax returns. Get a safety deposit box somewhere and put them in there. And don’t tell him about it.

Get anything out of the house that has any value (be it monetary or sentimental) to you and put it elsewhere. Friends house, storage unit, wherever...as long as it’s someplace that he doesn’t have access to.

Ignore his texts etc. Tell him to stop because you are thinking and he has no need to continue to apologize at this point. You know he’s sorry about the situation.

Stop comforting him. He deserves to feel bad. He chose to do something bad. My stock response to him if he started “poor me. I feel so badly” would be “actions have consequences”

Don’t call the other woman. While I don’t think highly of someone who knowingly gets involved with a married person, the bottom line is that if he had nipped it in the bud, it would not have happened. I highly doubt she held a gun to his head and forced him to become involved with her.
They always affair “down”. She is not worth your time or energy because most likely she is not half the person you are.

I wouldn’t believe he’s telling you the truth. Cheaters lie. He’s probably not remorseful about his decision. He’s sorry he got caught because it throws a monkey wrench into him having his cake and eating it too.

Please please please get counselling to figure yourself out. You’re making bad choices in men. There’s a reason why. You’re of the mindset that life is no good without a man so you risk into things. There’s a reason why. This is going to be a continuous pattern in your life (relationship, relationship turns bad, relationship ends, new relationship too quickly) until you figure out WHY it happens.