I couldn't imagine behaving this way..

[desamnik]

So I host Christmas every year. My husbands family comes. Honestly, they don't lift a finger to help.

We finished dinner around 8 pm, dh and I loaded the dishwasher, rinsed what wouldn't fit, etc.

Went into the family room. Stumbled to bed around 10:30.

When I got up this morning, I poked my head in the dining room and not one person had taken their dirty drinking glass off of the table. Apparently when dh and I were clearing the table, we left those for last and forgot them.

My sil and her family had come in w/ various drinks they had picked up at McDonalds on there way here. After about 5 hours, I found them in various places around the house. I collected them, dumped the few mouthfuls left, rinsed them and threw them away for them.

I told my kids today, they should always offer to help if they are at someones house, even if the person says no thank you, there is something you can do to help.

Just needed to get that off my chest. I don't want to say anything to dh, he'll just think I'm being petty!

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I don't think guests always need to help... I prefer if they don't but I would hope they at least clean up after themselves.(In regards to the McDonalds cups.)

 

[Caseheidi]

Wow! Every year you go through this? When we host, most every other family contributes and clears their own dishes. We are family after all. I think I would make a point of being overly helpful when at their houses for get together a to give them the idea of helping when at yours.

 

[cluvsdisney]

I don't think guests always need to help... I prefer if they don't but I would hop me they at least clean up after themselves.(In regards to the McDonalds cups.)

ITA! I prefer to do the real clean up after guests leave but it's nice if they offer to help clear the table or bring things to the kitchen. But it's just plain rude to leave garbage around the house.

 

[minniecarousel]

I don't think of family as guests. They pitch in. Too often, they'll ask what they can do to help and I don't know what to say.

We went around after everybody left yesterday and threw out all the still-almost-full soft drink cans. And it wasn't just the kids who didn't finish them.

I learned a lot yesterday. Thanksgiving was rather chaotic. Even adding in presents, Christmas was much more relaxed than T'Giving. We're going to rethink how we do our holidays.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

I learned a lot yesterday. Thanksgiving was rather chaotic. Even adding in presents, Christmas was much more relaxed than T'Giving. We're going to rethink how we do our holidays.

Curious. How did you make Christmas more relaxed? I want to do that too.

 

[Bluestars]

I think it's rude for a person to leave their dishes on the table and not take them into the kitchen or at least offer to take them. It's also rude to leave a glass on a table after you are finished using it. That's common courtesy.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I personally dont care if my guests leave a mess. I will clear the dishes and glasses. I clean everything. I dont mind. If they dont offer to help i wont hold it against them. Its just how i was raised. My sis would always get into a hissy fit about nobody helping with dishes etc. I told her to stop hosting if she's going to compain all the time. Lol. Funny enough when im at someones house i always help with dishes. something to do. I get bored easily and cant sit still sometimes.

 

[Anastasi]

So I host Christmas every year. My husbands family comes. Honestly, they don't lift a finger to help.

We finished dinner around 8 pm, dh and I loaded the dishwasher, rinsed what wouldn't fit, etc.

Went into the family room. Stumbled to bed around 10:30.

When I got up this morning, I poked my head in the dining room and not one person had taken their dirty drinking glass off of the table. Apparently when dh and I were clearing the table, we left those for last and forgot them.

My sil and her family had come in w/ various drinks they had picked up at McDonalds on there way here. After about 5 hours, I found them in various places around the house. I collected them, dumped the few mouthfuls left, rinsed them and threw them away for them.

I told my kids today, they should always offer to help if they are at someones house, even if the person says no thank you, there is something you can do to help.

Just needed to get that off my chest. I don't want to say anything to dh, he'll just think I'm being petty!

Please also teach your children that many times 'No thank you' really does mean 'No thank you.'

I do appreciate guests throwing away their own garbage that they bring into the house. But if I say that I don't need help, I really mean it.

I sometimes want to finish cleaning up after my guests leave so I can visit with them and I would hate to feel pressured if somebody started cleaning.

Also, I have very, very firm beliefs that guests in your house are guests, even family. I am the hostess. They do not clean my kitchen nor do they help.

 

[aristocatz]

Curious. How did you make Christmas more relaxed? I want to do that too.

I've been thinking about that the past few days. We made a crockpot roast for our family Christmas, thinking it would be less time in the kitchen for me. It ended up just as hectic as previous years with prepping all of the sides and dessert and stuff.

I'm thinking next year I might order a premade meal from Whole Foods or a market. It would be alot more expensive, but a nice Christmas gift to myself to get me out of the kitchen during our family get together

To comment on the OP, no one really offers to help in our family either (except my DH). My BIL always helps clear the table-never offers, just automatically helps. This year, my SIL watched my DD while I prepared, which was really helpful. I don't mind though-I actually find it easier when people don't help.

 

[lizabu]

Please also teach your children that many times 'No thank you' really does mean 'No thank you.' I do appreciate guests throwing away their own garbage that they bring into the house. But if I say that I don't need help, I really mean it. I sometimes want to finish cleaning up after my guests leave so I can visit with them and I would hate to feel pressured if somebody started cleaning. Also, I have very, very firm beliefs that guests in your house are guests, even family. I am the hostess. They do not clean my kitchen nor do they help.

That's how I feel too. If I offer to help and the hostess says no thank you I'm not going to push my way into the kitchen against her wishes.

 

[lisaviolet]

I host my family many times in a year.

And I never expect them to do a thing. I'm hosting. I want my guests to be completely relaxed. And even when it's family they are MY guests. I feel very strongly about that. Most years, they say "what can I bring?" and every year I say "just yourselves".

If I needed something done, I will just be straightforward but that would never be cleaning up. This year, on one of our dates, I was behind in schedule a bit, cooking, so I asked someone to do two very small things for me. But that's certainly not the norm.

To me hosting is hosting. I would hate to have anyone feel that they should help or bring anything. If they do, fine. But I've never ever expected it.

 

[POPCITY]

Please also teach your children that many times 'No thank you' really does mean 'No thank you.'

I do appreciate guests throwing away their own garbage that they bring into the house. But if I say that I don't need help, I really mean it.

I sometimes want to finish cleaning up after my guests leave so I can visit with them and I would hate to feel pressured if somebody started cleaning.

Also, I have very, very firm beliefs that guests in your house are guests, even family. I am the hostess. They do not clean my kitchen nor do they help.

I totally agree! I have one friend that starts cleaning up my kitchen and putting stuff away every single time she's here. I know she's being helpful, and I appreciate the thought, but I just want to visit while I have company. When she starts cleaning, I feel obligated to clean, too. I'd much rather wait until everyone is gone.

Now, taking cups to the kitchen is a whole other thing. I don't so much mind empty ones being left around, but if there's still something in it, please take it to the sink. Invariably the cat will find it if you don't, and decide to knock it over.

 

[shoney]

Please also teach your children that many times 'No thank you' really does mean 'No thank you.'

I do appreciate guests throwing away their own garbage that they bring into the house. But if I say that I don't need help, I really mean it.

I sometimes want to finish cleaning up after my guests leave so I can visit with them and I would hate to feel pressured if somebody started cleaning.

Also, I have very, very firm beliefs that guests in your house are guests, even family. I am the hostess. They do not clean my kitchen nor do they help.

I agree 100%!!!!!!

If someone wants to bring a dish/glass or garbage to the kitchen, great! If they want to help carry serving dishes to and from the kitchen, great!

I do not want anyone cleaning anything. I find it strange.

I have a very close family member whose inlaws basically clean everything before, during and after. It is very uncomfortable to me!!!!!!

They will windex a table while your drink is on it. Take your drink the minute you walk away. Sweep around your feet and vacuum you right out the door at the end of the night! WEIRD!!!!

However, the person loves it....she thinks they are great for doing that. I would HATE it at my home.

 

[MIGrandma]

When I am a guest in someone's home, even my own children's homes, I always offer to help clean up if we've had a meal there. Even if it's just to bring dishes from the table into the kitchen. Our son and daughter-in-law have hosted Thanksgiving the past two years. I offer to help but they prefer to leave everything until after everyone leaves. I always feel bad leaving a messy kitchen and lots of dishes to wash. Maybe their whole family pitches in and it doesn't take long, I don't know. But that's the way they prefer to do it. Their home. Their choice.

DH and I host our families for Christmas dinner, I politely decline any offers of help after we eat, other than people throwing away their own paper plates/plastic cutlery when we're done. Generally there isn't a whole lot of "clean up" to do, mostly just putting leftovers away and maybe washing up a few bowls/platters. Doesn't take long, and I just prefer everyone else to stay in the family room and visit, then I join them maybe 30 minutes later.

I do usually have cups to pick up when people leave, and a stray plate or napkins, etc. but really don't mind that. People are talking, the kids are playing, they just don't think about taking care of those items themselves.

 

[gray52]

Am I the only one that gets annoyed when someone else loads my dishwasher??? Anyway... When we have guests (family), I do all the cooking (and do not want any help), but usually the clean-up becomes a team effort (except for the dishwasher).

Sent from my iPad using DISBoards

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Am I the only one that gets annoyed when someone else loads my dishwasher??? Anyway... When we have guests (family), I do all the cooking (and do not want any help), but usually the clean-up becomes a team effort (except for the dishwasher). Sent from my iPad using DISBoards

No. Lol

 

[Robbi]

I personally dont care if my guests leave a mess. I will clear the dishes and glasses. I clean everything. I dont mind. If they dont offer to help i wont hold it against them. Its just how i was raised. My sis would always get into a hissy fit about nobody helping with dishes etc. I told her to stop hosting if she's going to compain all the time. Lol. Funny enough when im at someones house i always help with dishes. something to do. I get bored easily and cant sit still sometimes.

My mom used to complain abut no one helping with clean up. The problem was she would loudly complain that they weren't loading the dishwasher her way, they weren't putting the trash in the bin she wanted to use, yada yada.
We all just decided to heck with it and I showed up with paper plates and cups on Christmas morning a few years ago. That's what we've used since.
I hate using them for the holiday but it keeps mom quiet.
Merry Christmas to us!

 

[lauradis]

Please also teach your children that many times 'No thank you' really does mean 'No thank you.'

I do appreciate guests throwing away their own garbage that they bring into the house. But if I say that I don't need help, I really mean it.

I sometimes want to finish cleaning up after my guests leave so I can visit with them and I would hate to feel pressured if somebody started cleaning.

Also, I have very, very firm beliefs that guests in your house are guests, even family. I am the hostess. They do not clean my kitchen nor do they help.

Yes! Guest are to never clean. They can offer, the answer is no thank you, I'll do it later. Guest are more then welcome to be polite and put dishes in kitchen and garbage in the can.

Guest are to talk, play games, and basically relax and enjoy.

 

[SandrA9810]

Am I the only one that gets annoyed when someone else loads my dishwasher??? Anyway... When we have guests (family), I do all the cooking (and do not want any help), but usually the clean-up becomes a team effort (except for the dishwasher).

Sent from my iPad using DISBoards

LOL, I feel the same way at my aunt's house. I know the sizes of all the dishes and how they fit in there. The last time some one else loaded it, they still asked me to see if more could be put in. Of course, I could. On the other hand, it was nice that some else put stuff in tupperware to be put away and got the first load out of the way.
Usually we just leave the mess in the kitchen until every one leaves so we can enjoy their company without cleaning.