I caused my DS(10) to get detention in school

[Mishetta]

Here's the story...

My DS is such a challenge. Anyway, he's such a PITA to get up in the morning. I have to nag, nag, nag & then when he finally does get up, he's so very s l o w in getting ready. He starts fooling around or just goes back in his room & lays in bed. We send him to bed at 9pm & I wake him (& his alarm goes off) at 730am, so it's not like he's not getting enough rest.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to get myself dressed & then go wake my little guy to get him ready. Due to DS goofing off, his bus has been picking him up at home (which I like but I don't want his bus driver to get in trouble. If there was a sub bus driver, she wouldn't know that it was my DS she's supposed to pick up so he'd miss the bus!) He's been just running out the door as the bus is coming down our street. Well, on Tuesday, he was still fooling around, getting his lunch sack in his backpack & the bus pulled up & stopped in front of our house (since bus driver could see DS was not at the bus stop). She waited for 3 minutes & I did not help him at all. I wanted him to feel the stress & pressure that he makes me feel each morning. I almost hoped for the bus driver to take off but then I would have had to drive DS in & my little guy woke up with a fever that morning so that wouldn't have been good for us.

I was grateful that bus driver waited & I reminded him to apologize. Who knows if he did...he's probably too cool to do that! Well, I stewed over that for an hour. I finally called his teacher & left a lengthy voice mail message explaining the trouble I was having & that no punishment could make him change his ways. He's lost all electronics, playtime, etc...He just doesn't care (or acts like he doesn't.)

Well, his teacher called back & said "can I do anything I want too to teach him a good lesson?" I said "yes." Well, teacher used my DS's issues as examples (without mentioning his name) in school during Religion class. How some kids break one of the 10 Commandments as soon as they get up in the morning (the "Honoring they Mother & thy Father" one). She talked about making good or bad choices & how their bad choices can affect so many people....like when you're goofing off instead of getting ready in the morning. Then your entire bus is late since you couldn't get to the bus stop in time talk. The poor choice of goofing off, led to all the kids on that particular bus possibly being late for school, even tho they made good choices & were able to get themselves out of the house in time...etc....(She's such a cool teacher!)

She called to tell me all this & that DS just looked down the whole time she gave this "lesson" to the class. Then after that, she took him out of class & brought him to the Assistant Principals office. Now mind you, my DS has never, ever, ever been in trouble in school. He usually tows the line there. Well, I was told that he was shaking while sitting in the A.P.'s office. (I felt so bad, I wanted to cry...) The A.P. talked to my DS about how not only could all of the children have been late to school, after they had made sure they were all ready in time but that the bus driver could be in trouble too for waiting since she's supposed to just stop long enough to pick up the kids at the bus stop & take off. She has a responsibility to get her busload of kids to school on time. How we all have to take responsibility for our actions, yada, yada, yada.....& she closed the conversation with a detention for the following morning. DS didn't even know what "detention" meant so she explained it to him. Boy, was he ever shaken up!

Well, DS served his 'detention' on Wed morning & since then, he's been the perfect child! We actually LIKE him now!! He's been obidient & he's not traumatizing his little brother! He's been getting ready in the morning all by himself without me nagging him or keeping after him! Wednesday evening, he helped me set & clean up the table, without me even asking! This has been such a positive experience....altho I don't know how long it will last! The most important is that he's been at the bus stop with plenty of time to spare (even yesteday when we awoke to an ice storm) & none of us have been rushing around. The family dynamics were just horrible because of his goofing off. Each morning, I was yelling at him & then my little guy would be all out of sorts...just wasn't a pleasant experience for anyone. Now there is harmony & bliss!

I just hope it continues. Now I know I'm going to get people say that I should have handled it in a different way but I'm curious as to what responses I'll get here. Maybe I should have approached this problem in a different manner but I needed to do something as equivalent as a slap in the face.

Sorry this was soooooooooo long!

 

[Blondy876]

We a great example of teamwork between you and the school! It sounds like your son may have learned his lesson. Maybe that little scare was just what he needed.

 

[brittsmum1998]

While I never believed in the "it takes a village" this is one time I'm glad they were there to help. What a wonderful support group you have to be able to teach him such an important lesson. I hope things keep going that well for you.

 

[Maleficent13]

Well, I'm sure you'll get responses all over the board, but IMO, you did good. You got involved, you problem solved, and you achieved the desired result...which was to make your DS aware that the world did not revolve around him and that there are consequences to his actions.

 

[Mishetta]

We a great example of teamwork between you and the school! It sounds like your son may have learned his lesson. Maybe that little scare was just what he needed.

That's exactly how I feel about "teamwork" with my DS's school! I feel we are a "team" in not only education but setting a good example & making these kids the best citizens they can be (one day). Teachers are just as nurturing as Mothers. I have great respect for teachers. I know I've seen a lot of teacher bashing on these boards but maybe I'm just one of the lucky ones because each one my kids have gotten, have been such great examples & role models for our children of today.

 

[Sandy V.]

I think you, the teacher, and the assistant principal handled it very well. What a great example of working together to teach an important lesson in a very subtle but effective way.

No criticism from me - I think that all parties involved did a great job!! It obviously had the desired effect.

 

[Sonya]

That was great. Sounds like the teacher handled it well. I don't know if he needed detention, but that was the schools call, not yours. I hope this lasts!

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I think that you did a great job. It made him responsible for his actions. If he slacks off again I think just a reminder of what can happen should be enough. Great job. I like a parent that isn't afraid to be a parent!

 

[LauraR]

Hey, it worked! Good job to all involved (including you)!

 

[Stitchfans]

I agree that was great. never heard of a school working so well with a parent. you are lucky. no doubt that is what he needed to learn his lesson.

 

[luvmyfam444]

i think you handled it fine - he needed a wake up call & kids often will listen to someone else better than their parent - but I was shocked that they put him in detention...I think the speech to the whole class might have been enough with a warning from the assitant principal that the NEXt time would be detention....but it's all done now & it worked --hopefully it'll stick for a while...

 

[golfgal]

What a great lesson for him to learn!!! It sounds like he has a great teacher. I do want to say though that just because you think 9-7:30 is enough sleep, my 13 year old still needs about 11 hours of sleep at night to be a pleasant human being. You might also want to try adjusting his bedtime back a 1/2 hour and see if that helps.

I made my oldest walk to school once in kindergarten when he was being pokey in the morning. It was a 3 mile walk, I followed him in the car though. I called the school and let them know what I was doing and the secretary laughed and said they would keep an eye out for him. That was the last time he missed the bus.

 

[damo]

Sometimes it takes someone other than the parent to point things out. I think the situation was handled well.

 

[taximomfor4]

I think it's wonderful that he served a punishment AND learned why. The only thing I would have handled differently in the whole situation is... I would NEVER have let my child be the only one picked up at home, not at the bus stop. NOT fair to the driver, or the other children on the bus...and really not fair to the son --- his rules should be the same as everyone else's. Sounds like that is a non-issue now, since he is getting to the bus stop. GREAT TEAM WORK!

 

[Magickndm]

Sounds like everything was done perfectly.
Detention is not the end of the world, and your son seemed to learn a lesson many kids never get, and that's that they have to learn to deal with consequences.

 

[Beth76]

I'm confused as to why the bus driver waited for 3 minutes. How did she know your son wasn't sick? And why would she break the rule for him?

 

[Mishetta]

I think it's wonderful that he served a punishment AND learned why. The only thing I would have handled differently in the whole situation is... I would NEVER have let my child be the only one picked up at home, not at the bus stop. NOT fair to the driver, or the other children on the bus...and really not fair to the son --- his rules should be the same as everyone else's. Sounds like that is a non-issue now, since he is getting to the bus stop. GREAT TEAM WORK!

I agree, the bus driver should not pick up my DS at home if she is not picking up the other kids at their home. (I can't lie though...I am very grateful that she hasn't left him behind, because then it's not only a punishment for him, but for me & my little one as well since I'd have to get him there myself on time. ) My DS is the only one in our immediate neighborhoood that goes to this Catholic school, so perhaps if there were a few other kids waiting at the bus stop, the bus driver would not stop to pick him up at home. Who knows?

I also have to say that I'm shocked I haven't been flamed yet! Thank you all for the pat on the back!

One more thing...do any of you know how long this "detention" will be on his records? Is it there permanently or do diff school have diff policies on this? I'd really feel bad if it goes with him through life.

 

[Mishetta]

I'm confused as to why the bus driver waited for 3 minutes. How did she know your son wasn't sick? And why would she break the rule for him?

I guess she knew he was going to school because if there is ever a time that my DS does not need bus transportation (whether he's sick or I'm driving him in for some reason), I always call the Bus Transportation dept to let them know that my DS doesn't need a pickup that morning. Plus she saw my garage door was up (which it always is when my kids are ready to get out for their busses.)


Why does she break the rules? Have no clue but I think that's very nice of her. I've never asked her to pick up my DS at home. She's just done it when she sees him zooming out of the house & she's already half way down our street. Makes me mad too because I always worry about her getting in trouble. My DS has to take the bus 3 houses down from us for some strange reason. He's also the only one in the neighborhood that goes to this school.

 

[rigs32]

Does he go to a private school? If not, why were they discussing the Ten Commandments? Sorry, OT, but I couldn't figure that out.

 

[bobbiwoz]

I think that it was a great way to handle the situation. Congratulations! I don't know about permanent records, but as a former high school teacher I found that there wasn't much to read about students dating back to their grammar school. Records were mostly grades, and just the yearly ones at that, there were some teacher comments, but I never saw a "detention" total.

Bobbi