I caused my DS(10) to get detention in school

[Beth76]

No offense, but some people take this "permanent record" thing way too far.

I'm not worried about his permanent record. My problem is that the school has stepped in and disciplined the child for a problem at home. Obviously, the OP doesn't have a problem with that since they took care of the problem for her. I'm hoping that at the very least they talk with the bus driver and tell her it's not OK to wait for him (or anyone) anymore.

 

[golfgal]

I think at 10 years old he needs to be doing all those things for himself in the morning. That might be part of the power struggle. Maybe you could stop getting his things ready and if he isn't ready by the time the bus comes, he goes to school as is and if he is out of uniform, he pays the consequences at school. It sounds like your school would back you up on this.

 

[grlpwrd]

Whatever works in regards to his discipline, but I have a big safety concern with the bus issue.

A 9yo boy in Virginia Beach died because he was late and rushed for the bus yet was hit by that bus he was trying to catch: http://home.hamptonroads.com/stories/story.cfm?story=95042&ran=49948

Be careful.

 

[Mishetta]

I'm not worried about his permanent record. My problem is that the school has stepped in and disciplined the child for a problem at home. Obviously, the OP doesn't have a problem with that since they took care of the problem for her. I'm hoping that at the very least they talk with the bus driver and tell her it's not OK to wait for him (or anyone) anymore.

That could be because my DS attends a small private school. We all (parents & teachers) are like a close knit family since not only are we all involved in some way with our children's school but also we see each other at church & other evening school functions. I suppose if my DS was in a public school with a large enrollment of students, the teachers would not have time for a parent at her witts end with her own child & tell me to take care of it myself. Also, my DS's habitual tardiness could have affected the bus load of students getting to school on time (or not getting to school on time) & this was through no fault of my own. As a parent, I feel I did all that I could each morning (starting the night before) to have him be ready on time but kids have a mind of their own...especially at 10 y/o, they think they know more than their parents!

I'm just curious Beth76 ~ are you a teacher or a bus driver?

glpwrd ~ oh....that article was sooooo sad! My child's bus picks him up on the same side of the street as our home (I changed that when school started because of him being ADHD....he's liable to just run out in front of the bus before his meds kick in). Also, the rule is that the children have to be on the city sidewalk (not even on the grassy area between sidewalk & road) or bus will NOT pick them up. They have to wait there until the bus comes to a complete stop. I don't know if that's the public school bus systems rule or just my DS's school bus rule. Plus, I always follow him out. I don't walk him 3 doors down anymore but I do follow him out of the house & watch him until the bus picks him up. Even when he's zooming out the door & we hear the bus coming, if he sees it's his bus, he stops dead in his tracks at the sidewalk. (Well, at least he follows one rule! )

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Sounds like you did the right thing to me. Good going

Have you followed up with a compliment to him for doing his part to make family life at home more pleasant?

 

[Mishetta]

Have you followed up with a compliment to him for doing his part to make family life at home more pleasant?

Absolutely have! I am a big believer in positive reinforcement, especially since he has so many issues! I tell my DH too as soon as he gets home so that he can also praise my DS for doing such a great job getting himself ready without prodding the past 3 mornings! We're taking him to McDonalds tonight too! (Big deal for us since we rarely eat out at all.)

 

[RitaZ.]

My problem is that the school has stepped in and disciplined the child for a problem at home. Obviously, the OP doesn't have a problem with that since they took care of the problem for her.

I'm not sure why you should have a problem with this, it's not personally affecting you.

In a perfect world, perfect parents would know exactly how to handle every issue that they are ever faced with and their children would comply without protesting. In the real world, a smart parent will use all the resources available to him/her to teach the child a valuable lesson.

 

[Beth76]

I'm just curious Beth76 ~ are you a teacher or a bus driver?

No, but I don't see what that has to do with anything. I think the bus driver is partially at fault here. She's been letting your son be late without penalty, and then all of a sudden-bam!-he gets a detention for doing the same thing. I don't have a problem with the penalty. I just think it's unfair to your son that it didn't go through the proper channels. Like I said before, I would be fine if he had missed the bus and then got a detention for being late. But, I don't have to be fine with it since he's not my kid.

 

[Beth76]

I'm not sure why you should have a problem with this, it's not personally affecting you.

No it doesn't affect me, but I brought up earlier that I didn't think it was fair to her son since he has been allowed to be late from the bus driver. The bus driver, IMO, is the one that's at fault.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

No it doesn't affect me, but I brought up earlier that I didn't think it was fair to her son since he has been allowed to be late from the bus driver. The bus driver, IMO, is the one that's at fault.

So the bus driver is at fault for being kind and going out of her way to make sure the OP's son caught the bus? The punishment is unfair? I disagree. What's unfair is the son taking advantage of the bus driver's kindness. He is 10 years old and need to take some responsibility. I think it's wonderful that the OP was able to work together with his school to come up with a very good solution to the problem.

 

[Mishetta]

So the bus driver is at fault for being kind and going out of her way to make sure the OP's son caught the bus? The punishment is unfair? I disagree. What's unfair is the son taking advantage of the bus driver's kindness. He is 10 years old and need to take some responsibility. I think it's wonderful that the OP was able to work together with his school to come up with a very good solution to the problem.

Amen (& thank you ChrisnSteph).

Unfortunately none of the "home punishments" were working so I got desperate in having him learn a lesson. I may have made a big mistake in the way it was handled but truthfully, I still cannot think of any other way to have handled this situation. So far, it seems to have worked too! I do not think the driver was at fault. Altho I really don't know her (we just wave to each other in the mornings & afternoons), she must be a very kind person to have put up with my DS's tardiness. The other thing that comes to mind is that she happens to know (thru another bus driver) that my youngest is a "Special Needs" child (on the Autistic spectrum) & perhaps she has a little more compassion for me. The point is, if she just took off, then I'd have to get my oldest DS to school. While I have had to drive him on occassion (special projects too big or bulky to carry on the bus), I have to make my little guy be late for school since they start at the same time.

Gee, I guess I'm glad that I didn't get much flaming here....seems only one person had a problem with the way I handled things. Not a bad ratio considering how many responses I got.

 

[princesspumpkin]

Sometimes it takes someone other than the parent to point things out. I think the situation was handled well.

So true, so true. The situation was handled beautifully! And I do believe that it takes a village.....

 

[DISNEYFANRI]

I read this thread yesterday and immediately wanted to disagree but took some time to think about it.

Let me start by saying I'm not a bus driver - or a teacher - but I am a mom whyo has had her fair share of slow kids on the morning so I know the frustration.

Just a couple of thoughts....Although a nice gesture that the bus driver was doing for your DS most likely she was going against policy (and again I'm speaking from what I know about in my town) - so in reality it was the bsu drivers fault that the entire bus was late - not your sons.

That being said personally I would not call the school and discuss issues with my kids bieng "pokey" in the morning (my kids both went to pubilc school) - that being said I would say that perhaps bringing your sone to school and making your son write his own note stating why he was late to school may have been an option rather than using him as an anonomous example in class.

Glad you got positive results - hope it keeps up - just wanted to put my thoughts out

 

[Hannathy]

actually you had two who disagreed and now you have a third.

 

[kristen821]

I'm glad it worked out for you. If it happens again maybe you can try to make him wake up real early the next day like 5 am or so I guarantee he won't be late again if he thinks every time he runs late he has to wake up earlier the next day to be sure he is ready on time!

 

[Beth76]

....seems only one person had a problem with the way I handled things. Not a bad ratio considering how many responses I got.

I didn't disagree with you. I disagreed with the school. And I didn't realize you were keeping score.

So the bus driver is at fault for being kind and going out of her way to make sure the OP's son caught the bus?

Exactly. While it was a very nice gesture, she was breaking the rule. And the OPs son got in trouble for it. I'm not saying the OPs son was perfectly innocent in this.

What if you went out for the evening and you found out your DH had let the kids stay up way past their bedtimes? Would it be fair to punish the kids only?

 

[Keli]

There's something I remember so plainly when raising my dd--sometimes you don't know the right answer and you have to try several things before you stumble upon the solution to a problem.

It looks like to me you were trying other solutions but they weren't working with your ds so you tried this solution and it appears to have worked. I don't think I'd make a habit of leaning on the school system to correct behavior problems with your ds but as a one time deal I think it's worked rather well.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Sounds like it's worked out well so far. I've had a couple friends say let the teacher know when something such as this is up. They'll have DS straightened out in no time. Luckily, haven't had to go that route so far.

My first thought was to let him know bedtime is changed to 8:00 and time to get up is 6:30 since he couldn't manage with the current hours...then stick to it.

Glad it's working!!!

 

[ChrisnSteph]

What if you went out for the evening and you found out your DH had let the kids stay up way past their bedtimes? Would it be fair to punish the kids only?

Well, since you asked....you're comparing apples and oranges. My dh is my kids parent just as much as I am, and is capable of making those decisions without my permission. Noone would be punished in the above case.

 

[isyne4u]

Teacher here and mom of adhd 5 year old... mom!!! No a public school wouldn't dare go that far...we don't have the time or resources, that said, if a mother comes to me at a meeting and tells me she is having trouble with her student and asked me to speak to the kid I would most definately do it. I'm there to work with the parents and see that the kids learn the lessons they need to. That said, I appreciate a parent who takes the initiative to let the responsibility fall on the child and let the child recieve the consequences of their actions.

Maybe the bus driver was enabling the child to be late, but the child is seeing that there are good and thoughtful people out there, even if what they do may not be in the best interest of the child. There is so much negative in the world, it is nice for a child to see some acts of kindness.

the bottom line is that this child has learned a lesson...if not that he needs to hurry in the morning and listen to mom, but that mom, teacher, and AP are all on the same wave length. there is consistency between school and home and this child knows he can't get away with something at home and the rest of the world not find out about it!!

I have a wonderful Kinder. teacher for my ds and when I have problems at home (having never raised a 5 year old with adhd) she has plenty of advice for me and for ds if he needs it.

Great job mom and school!!
tara