I can't stand it when people do this!!

[Tissa]

Yes she did after 5 years and two kids later, the best part is that she left him for his even bigger of a looser brother Her boys live with me now. Sorry I know you wanted a better ending.

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

Yes she did after 5 years and two kids later, the best part is that she left him for his even bigger of a looser brother Her boys live with me now. Sorry I know you wanted a better ending.

Oh my That is really terrible! At least her kids aren't exposed to that situation, though.

 

[Stitchfans]

I told my mom that I was going to just not say anything unless they get engaged. I really feel for you, because I don't know how I'd be able to act pleasantly if my sister got engaged to this guy. Hopefully your daughter and my sister will come to their senses. Have you ever considered bringing around some more decent young men? I've actually tried to get my parents to do as much, but they say that they don't know anyone DH and I are at a loss as well, but if I knew somebody great and single I'd be sending him into my sister's path repeatedly

Funny you would ask that. I have tried that. Brought her to church with us and she met up with a very nice,good looking young man, who comes from a great family. Two seconds after we stepped out of church guess who is calling her? Yep, him. Every waking minute she isn't working he is calling her or is with her. If she comes to see us he calls her constantly. He has to know exactly where she is and what she is doing and who she is with at ALL TIMES.

As a matter of fact when we go to DW this March I am insisting she leave her cell phone in the room safe so he doesn't pester us while we are at the parks. Once we are back in our room they can talk all they want. I can go to the pool or something.

He is so bad that just two weeks ago I had a familly reunion with family I hadn't seen in over 30 yrs. We were all having a blast. He started a fight with me which esculated into a scream fest. nasty words of course where thrown between us. I finally threw him out and told him he wasn't welcome in my home any more.

In his twisted mind he thinks it is all my fault and as usual ( this is his normal game) he was/always is the victim. I admit it is both our faults. It should of never happened. But this only made me dislike him even more. Of course DD is backing him up.

I want a relationship with her so I just "act" as if nothing happened with the understanding that she keeps him away from me. Sad it has to be this way.

 

[MAKmom]

DD19 does this to me all the time. It drives me crazy. She forgives & I'm like HELLO I thought we hated him?

I believe this life time I am here to learn patience....so this is part of the plan. At least thinking this makes ME feel better

 

[MagicalMom]

I married THAT guy when I was younger. I remember the silence I'd hear every time I'd call my family to say "we're back together." Even then I knew I was making a mistake, but these guys exactly what to say to convince you to be with them.

Sad thing is THAT guy called last week, in the middle of the night, 10 years after our divorce to whine about his past mistakes etc. Even sadder is, he forgot to ask me how our kids are doing.

 

[BeckWhy]

My sister dumped her boyfriend (who is a loser, but that's another story). Anyways, she called me for days, telling me stories of why she dumped him. I had to agree with her that it sounded like she did the right thing. The stuff that she told me made me like him even less than I already did.

Lo and behold, not a week later, she takes him back and acts like nothing ever happened Now I'm supposed to just forget about everything she told me about him and act like he's the greatest guy on earth for her I guess She's talking him up like he's Mr. Wonderful again. Aside from just waiting for him to screw up again (which he will), how do I act like she never told me all of that stuff about him??? My sister is 30, so it's not like this is some high school saga. She actually talks about marrying this guy!! BTW, my parents are equally at a loss over this, since she told them all the same stuff.

I don't think you should act any different than you feel. If I don't like someone, I'm obvious about it. Now you have to understand also, that perhaps what she told you was blown outta proportion, that can happen when people are very upset. But I say if you don't like him, then leave it at that. You aren't a bad person if you don't like him, it's better than being "fake" and acting like you like the guy.

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

I don't think you should act any different than you feel. If I don't like someone, I'm obvious about it. Now you have to understand also, that perhaps what she told you was blown outta proportion, that can happen when people are very upset. But I say if you don't like him, then leave it at that. You aren't a bad person if you don't like him, it's better than being "fake" and acting like you like the guy.

The hard part about this is that I don't want to affect my relationship with my sister, and my folks don't want to affect their relationship with their daughter. I don't think that she blew the breakup stuff out of proportion at all. He's a loser. I figured that much out way before she finally (albeit briefly) dumped him. My dad basically summed the guy up as a total underachiever, and that's putting it kindly. He's a mooch and a cheat, not to mention a jerk at times too. I have no idea why my sister thinks so little of herself as to think that she is well-matched with this guy.

 

[Stacerita]

I hate when my friends do this. Thats one reason you never air your dirty laundry unless you are ready to be done with it for good.

 

[Hixski]

If I didn't know better I would swear your sister is my oldest DD. She and her DF fight constantly. He says and does so many things that drive her and yet she "loves him" she says he'll change, mom, wait and see. No one from my side of the family likes him. I can't stand him.

I am dreading the wedding and since it isn't until July 2007 I am hoping with all my heart she comes to her senses and drops this jerk. It breaks my heart to think of the kind of life she is going to have with him.It really puzzles me why she is marrying him even though she sees the tons of faults he has.

so sad when the negative characteristics outweigh the positive.

That is the one thing about these women that make me crazy. They "love him" What exactly do they love about the cheating, the lying or whatever else it is these losers do. I have had more than one friend that I cannot for the life of me figure out why they married the guy they are with. I do not have a perfect marriage. Nobody does. But if I did not have Dh I would be alone for the rest of my days before I would hook up with one of these guys.

 

[kellyg403]

My dd19 and her DF are the same. It pains me a great deal because she is so intelligent and smart and hardworking and quite literally...he is a bum. Now, I like his mother and I know she loves him but I don't. I keep hoping that something happens to make my daughter see the light. I try to stay out of it when I see things but it is VERY difficult. I didn't give her life so he could suck all of it out of her. It has certainly strained out relationship alot but its also a bit of deja vue....I was there with her dad 21 years ago and now I know what my mother went through.

Ughhhh..I really really don't like him.

Kelly

 

[Sherrypooh]

these guys are good. They know what to say, and make you feel that there is just no one else. You know they are wrong, but their words are so strong and hit you so hard you can't walk away. In time, the women will smarten up and walk away. They just have to do it in their own time. Words of experience.

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

I just told my mom that I posted to the disboards about this, and she said "what did people say?" She was glad to hear other people's stories, since we're so hopeful that this guy will get out of my sister's life soon. BTW, my mom thinks that my sister just likes all the attention that he gives her, which is SO weird because my sister normally HATED it when her previous boyfriends acted as clingy as this guy acts. That used to be one of her biggest turnoffs. I wish that I knew what was going on with her

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

There comes a point when you just have to tell em it's their decision but that you don't want to hear the complaints any more. Who is right for your sister isn't up to you to determine. But you shouldn't have to endure the complaints time after time either. You've probably made your position known already and that's sufficient. It's up to her now.

 

[DVC Sadie]

That is the one thing about these women that make me crazy. They "love him" What exactly do they love about the cheating, the lying or whatever else it is these losers do. I have had more than one friend that I cannot for the life of me figure out why they married the guy they are with. I do not have a perfect marriage. Nobody does. But if I did not have Dh I would be alone for the rest of my days before I would hook up with one of these guys.

I, so totally agree! God forbid anything ever happen to my husband I would not only date anymore but I would get rid of all the dang communication systems in my house.

When I asked my friend what it was exactly that she loved about him she said, "You don't know him (I said to myself, thank the good Lord, I don't), he can be so nice. Oh, one week he even brought me flowers for no reason. Come to find out later it was because he slept with her girlfriend and thought she already knew about it. That was a long time ago and since then I have worked with women who have had to run, hide and start all over to keep the guy away.

Usually in these kinds of situations it is the woman who has the job, children, and stress of just trying to stay afloat and either they have such low self esteem that they figure no one else could possibly like them for who they are or they feel they have too much baggage (usually too many children) that no one else can see how incredible they really are!

I hope for the best for anyone going through this type of garbage and also hope that you love them enough to bring them to a psychologist or social worker before they find another "loser(boyfriend" who is worse then the last.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I call it "dumping" or aka "treating you like a trashcan". They get rid of garbage on you, so THEY feel better.

Even my mother would do it with my OWN FATHER!

Ex. They say something awful the person, you say well why don't you ______. They say they cannot ______ and then start arguing with you about it.

I found the best solution is just to repeat back what they say... EX...
My husband/BF/father did ______.
I repeat it back and say nothing, dead silence. Really throws them off. Then you say you have to go....