I am Tired of Single Parenting when I am not one

[disneymom3]

I just needs some hugs and encouragement here. DH has been working insane hours lately and I am sooooo tired of being the mommy. Three meals a day alone with little people is too much. DH is supposed to have the day off today, but had to go in. Said he would be gone half a day and home by 1 but now I got an email that something is not working as it should and now he will probably be there all day. He has to take care of it, because "everyone else is gone" Well, where are they??? They are actually taking their days off. He will probably have to work Monday too and on Sat he leaves for church at 12:45. I am just about to cry. He was supposed to help with the kids shopping for gifts for each other, not to mention that none of htem have a gift for me. I don't care, but they will. They were really counting on this.

Right now, they are all watching TV. This is their third show of the morning and it is only 11:00. It's only Franklin, but still I have a little guilt about that. We were going to make more cookies today, but now I am really wishing I got the bagged mix so I didn't have to do it from scratch.

This is just not the holiday season I had been hoping for. He tells me it will be better in Jan and I was okay until today. Kind of going nuts, but still okay. Then the whole who knows when he will be home tonight just put me over the edge. I haven't even told the kids yet because I know I will not be able to be positive about it and I have to figure out some way to be okay so I don't cry along with them.

 

[kikipug]

I haven't even told the kids yet because I know I will not be able to be positive about it and I have to figure out some way to be okay so I don't cry along with them.

Don't try... I have learned to let my kids see me cry right along with them when we are upset... you're Mom, not a superhero. The sooner they figure that out, the better off you'll be. Hang in there... I'll bet THEY can cheer you up better than we can!

Have a Merry Christmas, no matter what...

 

[babytrees]

Oh dear!!! Here is a for you.

Do you have a neighbor/good friend/family member who could take them/help you take them shopping? I think I would cry along with them also if I had to tell them that. How about going to McD's for lunch and picking up the cut apart and bake sugar cookies then you could still decorate them? It sounds like you need a break!!

Sending pixie dust and prayers your way.

Theresa

 

[SuzieQMomof3]

No one really tells you how lonely this mommy job is sometimes, do they? I'm so sorry you're having a rough time right now. But you know it won't last forever, right? I've got 4 kids, ages 2-10, and I know that sometimes it's just hard. You love them, you wouldn't trade it for anything, but it's still hard.

Good luck. Hang in there.

Susan

 

[kikipug]

No one really tells you how lonely this mommy job is sometimes, do they?

If they did, it would scare lots of us away! But we all do it, we all get through, and we LOVE the joy that our kids bring us... (even though some days we'd secretly like to sell them to the highest bidder... but aren't we glad we don't)

I agree with the McDonalds and slice & bakes... maybe let them take YOU shopping, and see what they pick out for you...

 

[disneymom3]

Thanks for the encouragement guys. We went out to lunch yesterday and I told them the occassion was Mommy Needs a Break. We had left over pizza--from yesterday--for lunch today. We did run to the store and pick up the Betty Crocker cookie mixes. Worth saving Mommy stress and still living up to my end of the bargain. The Santa that we saw told the kids his favorite kind of cookie was choc chip so we are duty bound to make some even though they are not generally on my list for the holidays. They are easy though!

I appreciate all the sympathy. The kids did want to know if Daddy would be home when we got back from the store and I told them he wouldn't because things were not going well at work. They are out building a snowman right now and after I get the sugar cookie dough into the fridge, I will join them.

I am not feeling like a good wife right now as I got another email from DH telling me of the problems there and I really want to just say I don't care. I won't though. Trying my darndest to be supportive.

 

[babytrees]

I am not feeling like a good wife right now as I got another email from DH telling me of the problems there and I really want to just say I don't care. I won't though. Trying my darndest to be supportive.

I think that if it was me(probably good thing it's not!!) I would email back saying how cruddy it's been for you today too...and tell him that the kids have been asking about him.

Enjoy baking the cookies!!

 

[KathyFP]

 

[kikipug]

I am not feeling like a good wife right now as I got another email from DH telling me of the problems there and I really want to just say I don't care. I won't though. Trying my darndest to be supportive.

Take a photo of him, stick it on the milk carton in the fridge, with a caption that says, "Have you seen this man? We haven't."

OK... so maybe that's a bit harsh, but you needed a laugh.

 

[CowboyCO]

DisneyMom-- are you my wife? If not you sure sound like her. It has been very tough for us too and I've been forced to work way too much this Holiday season. My only saving grace is that we are leaving for Disney World in 8 days!

I think the hardest part is that after working three 12 hour days in a row, I might get home at 6:00 on the 4th day. I want nothing but to collapse and relax for a while and I know my wife wants nothing more than to have me take over with the kids and spend a little time with her. Sometimes it's a catch-22.

 

[utahkennedys]

This is sounding very familiar to me lately too, actually for the last year. My DH has been slaving and actually last holiday from Christmas Eve until AFTER New Year's had had to do a huge project that won the company about $40 million dollars and didn't have even 1 hour off, literally. I was SO bitter, but it has paid off...so it's hard to be bitter now. But, it's a year later, and here we are in almost the same situation again.

Here is what helped me:
I used to think..."Hmmm...what do I need my husband for if he is never around? I have to run the household, clean, keep dd happy, etc." But, then I realized, I couldn't do ANY of that the way I do now if DH wasn't working to bring home a great income. I could work full time as an attorney (now just about 10 hours a week), but I would never be home, never get to feed dd lunch, take her to dance or preschool, etc. So, I have tried to keep that in perspective. Men go through A LOT -- I feel for my DH a lot of times.

I hope it gets better!!!

 

[disneymom3]

Take a photo of him, stick it on the milk carton in the fridge, with a caption that says, "Have you seen this man? We haven't."

OK... so maybe that's a bit harsh, but you needed a laugh.

Oh it worked. That made me LOL!

CowboyCO that is exactly the problem here too and I feel so bad for him too. I know it's not his fault and he isn't doing it on purpose, but it is so lousy on both ends of the deal. I would really be doing much better than this if it weren't so close to Christmas.

Good news, he has left work and should be home in about an hour. Thanks for all the shoulders to cry on. It is supposed to get a little better in Jan and then the first week of Feb we go to WDW. That will be a much needed getaway!

 

[ahutton]

Don't know if this will help or not, but my DH can be much the same way about work.

First, can you ask him what changes by him being there now, other than his kids are disappointed? If "everyone is gone" then fine - the problem will hold. The solution can come after you've spent some time as a family getting ready for what is often the most special day of the year for the kids. I also give DH an alternative - spend time with us this afternoon, and then this evening I'll keep them out of your hair and you can work from here or go back to the office then.

Second, when things settle down and you can talk to him rationally... Ask what is most important to him in this world. If his answer is his family, then ask if he feels like the choices he makes align with their degree of importance. You know, "Do you live each day like we are the most important thing?" Once it got implanted into DH's mind it stuck.

 

[disneymom3]

Well, DH is one of the most supportive husbands and dads out there. Sincerely he really is. And the problem at work wouldn't hold because he does support and development for a national commercial loan application. So, there is no one on his team in his office, but that doesn't mean that people in other parts of the country are not depending on him to fix what is not working. So, he really is stuck.

Trust me, this man is NOT a workaholic. He would cash it all in and head off to WDW if we could find some other way to pay the bills!

And I know we come first, but part of that coming first is supporting us financially. For over a year he had a job he hated every single day. The stress was tremendous, but he still got up every day and went in because of the fact that we do hold utmost importance to him. He could have just walked away from it all, but he stuck it out. Overall this new job is really a good thing it's just really really bad timing.

 

[babytrees]

Enjoy your afternoon!!!

 

[minkydog]

We've been going through the single parent thing for the last two years due to serious illness. DH loves us dearly, but has only so much stamina. The last two Christmases he was on oxygen, so shopping just took too much out of him. Thankfully, this year is a little bit better(at least he's off the O2). Still, my DD recently told him the job he would be ideally suited for is "mattress tester."

What we have done is I take the kids shopping myself and each has a dollar limit. Since DH was unable to take care of them, I took them all at the same time. I didn't look at what they picked, just paid the cashier.The ones that can handle money get it in cash and they pay. When we came home, the kids took their treasures up to Daddy's room and wrapped--2 sheets of tissue and a gift bag. Daddy wrote on the labels as needed. That way Daddy got to be a part of the festivities without too much difficulty.

A coupla tips from me to you:
*Feed the kids before you go or stop at Burger King.

*My oldest child is late teens, so he helped me with the younger kids. Perhaps you could "borrow" a teen from church or a friend? It's worth the price of a Whopper Value Meal.

*Set a time limit--forget marathon shopping with little kids. One hour, max. More than that and your asking for meltdowns. It's better to take three short trips than try to do it all in one. Trust me.

 

[Tink215]

Oh Hun, Thats the story of my life, I have 2 dd's, 4 1/2 and 20 months, hubby is a law enforcement officer and has crazy hours, I have been doing the sinlge parenting for as long as I have had the kids, its not fun.....Very demanding especially when you dont have a moments peace for yourself....I hope things get better, My pay off, Disney in 2 days and I get a couple of hours on my own at MK all by myself.....cant wait...I hope you have a Merry Christmas!!!!!

 

[mom2cookies]

well, friends, I too have been there. DH is a truck-driver. Has been our whole married life and before. We've been married almost 16 yrs. Eldest DD is 15 and there are 3 more kids. When they were babies i lived in a different state then my family (& 5 sisters) It is very hard to be a "single" parent. After my brother-in-law passed away, i took on the frame of mind, that at least i can look forward to DH coming home. It helped after i got all the resentment and frustration out of my system. lol
Disney mom, take a breath and just do 1 thing at a time. I would also as DH if whatever has to be done, can't it wait until after the holiday. What other company is going to be open that whatever the job is couldn't wait?
hugs and prayers to you and your kids and DH.

 

[c&m]

I'm married to a finance guy whose year-end preparation, business report, department budgets, ,and whatever else happens between Sept. to the end of Dec. I barely see him during those months. I work from 9am to 2:30pm and then pick up my 2 DDs from school and spend that time driving them to their programs, making dinner, helping with homework, mediating their squabbles, etc. I agree, single-parenting sucks. I feel for you. And I hope you know that you're not alone.

But to put it all into perspective...we're lucky that our DHs are healthy, that they're willing to provide well for our families, that they love us and the children, and that at the end of the day, we have them to hug.

To make your hours less tedious alone at home with the kids, why don't you start the packing project??? In fact, that's what the kids and I will be doing soon (packing for our trip to Cancun, Mexico) so that we don't keep thinking about missing Daddy.

 

[anabelle]

MINKYDOG puts it into perspective. We are blessed to have a DH that is healthy. I too went through the same thing with my DH about 7 years ago. I had 3 little kids, one a premature newborn and my husband had to go to Europe. He was gone for more than 3 months. He came back for a little while then went back again. During that time every kind of emotion that could be felt, I went through. I was convinced DH didn't love us. I had to convince myself that it was ok. That I could do it. So many times we convince ourselves of things that don't exist. I learned to be more independent that year. I never had to be before. It is hard, I know. But don't overdo it. Do what you can. Take your time. Love your kids and have fun.