I am so frustrated with child care!

[HM]

I'd like to point out again, that perhaps your choice in caregiver wasn't the best. What you want is someone who wants to be doing the job and engaging your kids. Sounds like you got someone who wanted to sit around and do nothing and get paid.

I don't think it's necessarily the pay either. My DD makes way less than minimum wage to care for her two cousins this summer, but the amount is acceptable to her because the job is one she enjoys, is flexible, and it covers her needs. If you felt like it was par for your area of the country after talking with other moms, then it probably was fine.

 

[m&m's mom]

FWIW OP- I think you got quite racked over the coals for a very common question and situation.
I think your pay and expectations were not unreasonable. I think your suspicions are correct that the girl thought she was taking on a sit-on-the-couch-cushy-job and bolted when it became obvious she needed to actually do something.

 

[Imagineer7]

Why?

I think everyone is talking calmly and the OP has remained polite while explaining her side.

Why on earth would this be closed?

The OP already thanked everyone for their opinions and it sounded like they were done with it. And this last page of replies has just turned into a "Bash the OP" session.

 

[Jennasis]

The OP already thanked everyone for their opinions and it sounded like they were done with it. And this last page of replies has just turned into a "Bash the OP" session.

You appear to be new to the DIS.





Welcome!

 

[Imagineer7]

You appear to be new to the DIS.





Welcome!

Thanks, I think!

 

[tlbwriter]

I think its probably time to shut this thread down.

If the mods find that an appropriate action, they will do so. But I disagree that it's time to shut it down.

I can totally understand why the OP didn't want to plan the day if it was the kids/sitter who were going to be doing the activity. If they're going to be doing it, they should arrange it.

I agree. You never know what they're going to be in the mood for. It sounds like the OP did exactly what I would have done - give a list of activities (pool, library, etc.) and let the sitter (and kids) decide when they're going to do any of those activities.

 

[Feckless]

You put the info out there about your kids so you can not expect people not to comment that their behavior may have contributed to this not working. Yes you might have gotten a dud of a babysitter but you painted a picture of how your kids were. Take ownership of that.

Believe me, I OWN my kids' behaviour. They are lovely children, and my son is hilarious, kind, hard working and smart. With maturity and guidance is learning to deal with his emotions in a constructive way. He has NEVER been kicked out of a childcare program and does not get in trouble in school. He is an awesome kid but is far from perfect. Hearing comments that criticize my children and my parenting sting, whether or not people feel that they are justified. I can't take the heat, so in the future I will stay out of the kitchen!

 

[badblackpug]

I think there are 2 things at play here. I think #1 you expected way too much of her for minimum wage. She is expected to do housework, schedule activities, discipline, and entertain your kids, as well as clean up after your dog.

I think that she underestimated how difficult this would be. You said you warned her about your son's behavior, but in my experience parents really tend to low ball how bad their kids can be. Maybe not purposely, but considering you are used to it, it may not seem as bad to you as it is to outsiders. I can't imagine trying to schedule activities and do them with a child/children who will not listen to me. I was in a similar situation in high school. My mom got me a job watching the kids of a client of hers. They were awful. They fought, cried, talked back, they absolutely would not listen to a thing. I went home every day with a migraine. It was impossible to do any type of activity with these kids, all they did was fight. It was easier to just to let them play/fight amongst themselves because every attempt at any type of activity ended up with screaming and fighting. I think her texting you about your son's behavior was her way of trying to, subtly, tell you that she was having trouble controlling him, and hoping you would do something about it. Your husband's getting angry at her was probably the last straw. Maybe she felt like she wasn't getting any support from you.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

this last page of replies has just turned into a "Bash the OP" session.

And the OP was critical of people here as well. ("Don't dish it out if you can't take it" comes to mind.)

Realistically, I think it was just a knee jerk response, maybe all around.

At any rate, the OP has made amends and all's good now. No harm, no foul.

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

Believe me, I OWN my kids' behaviour. They are lovely children, and my son is hilarious, kind, hard working and smart. With maturity and guidance is learning to deal with his emotions in a constructive way. He has NEVER been kicked out of a childcare program and does not get in trouble in school. He is an awesome kid but is far from perfect. Hearing comments that criticize my children and my parenting sting, whether or not people feel that they are justified. I can't take the heat, so in the future I will stay out of the kitchen!

But it didn’t seem to sting when your babysitter was texting you about his issues. You were annoyed at her. I would have been so mad at my child and reacted in a way that his "normal" rude behavior would never happen again.

The fact that you had to _warn_ the babysitter in a "PAINFULLY CLEAR" way about your son is not normal. Most people don’t have to do that.

 

[cm8]

Good luck OP, I'm glad that you were able to get your pickle out of the jam!

 

[Feckless]

I think there are 2 things at play here. I think #1 you expected way too much of her for minimum wage. She is expected to do housework, schedule activities, discipline, and entertain your kids, as well as clean up after your dog.

I think that she underestimated how difficult this would be. You said you warned her about your son's behavior, but in my experience parents really tend to low ball how bad their kids can be. Maybe not purposely, but considering you are used to it, it may not seem as bad to you as it is to outsiders. I can't imagine trying to schedule activities and do them with a child/children who will not listen to me. I was in a similar situation in high school. My mom got me a job watching the kids of a client of hers. They were awful. They fought, cried, talked back, they absolutely would not listen to a thing. I went home every day with a migraine. It was impossible to do any type of activity with these kids, all they did was fight. It was easier to just to let them play/fight amongst themselves because every attempt at any type of activity ended up with screaming and fighting. I think her texting you about your son's behavior was her way of trying to, subtly, tell you that she was having trouble controlling him, and hoping you would do something about it. Your husband's getting angry at her was probably the last straw. Maybe she felt like she wasn't getting any support from you.

I agree that she probably didn't realize how difficult the job would be. Looking after children is the most difficult job that you can have!

Just to clarify, my DH was annoyed and angry about her lying around, but he did NOT get angry at her. He was kind and polite, and she acknowledged how nice he was to her in the email where she quit.

Thank you for your post.

 

[Feckless]

Good luck OP, I'm glad that you were able to get your pickle out of the jam!

Thank you!

 

[Feckless]

And the OP was critical of people here as well. ("Don't dish it out if you can't take it" comes to mind.)

Realistically, I think it was just a knee jerk response, maybe all around.

At any rate, the OP has made amends and all's good now. No harm, no foul.

I agree! I again apologize for not stepping back and appreciating people taking the time to give me their perspective, which is clearly what I asked for.

 

[Mkrop]

But it didn’t seem to sting when your babysitter was texting you about his issues. You were annoyed at her. I would have been so mad at my child and reacted in a way that his "normal" rude behavior would never happen again.

The fact that you had to _warn_ the babysitter in a "PAINFULLY CLEAR" way about your son is not normal. Most people don’t have to do that.

I kind of agree with this post.


And if my babysitter had to text me that my children were misbehaving, I wouldnt be necessarily blaming her. She would probably have an easy job bc the kids would be grounded for not minding the sitter.

I am sure your children are sweet and loving but they need to learn to mind whoever is that is watching them.

From reading all of this, I think the blame is on both parties here, you got a dud of a babysitter, who probably bit off more than she could chew, and leaned towards being lazy. But I think you were not paying for the type of caretaker you wanted for your children, and even if you had Supernanny in the house, your children need to learn to mind the authority figure.

Also if you are going to put details out there especially about behavior you cant be surprised when people comment. Yes kid misbehave but if it is such an issue that you need to bring it up to her and to the DIS, then I think you need to reevaluate who you hire and reevaluate the consquences you are giving your children if they misbehave. Or you might wind up with the revolving door of sitters.

 

[Principessa1284]

I'll come be your Nanny! $10/hr is more than I make.. and I get yelled at all day by angry hotel Guests. Sad..

 

[Scurvy]

But it didn’t seem to sting when your babysitter was texting you about his issues. You were annoyed at her. I would have been so mad at my child and reacted in a way that his "normal" rude behavior would never happen again.

The fact that you had to _warn_ the babysitter in a "PAINFULLY CLEAR" way about your son is not normal. Most people don’t have to do that.

That's the part that jumped out at me as well. OP, I know you weren't happy that so many posters were jumping to conclusions and assuming things about your kids, but I think it's because of the wording in your original post:

I made it clear to her (PAINFULLY clear according to DH) that my DS can be a handful. Also, I made it clear to her that he and his sister fight. Both things were clearly going to be challenging for her but she said she was up to all of the challenges.
-------
I gave her lists of things I needed help with around the house (I wasn't planning on making her be Cinderella, but I am paying for her to look after the house and kids!) and also lists of possible things she could be doing with the kids. Find out after that she is making the kids do things that were inappropriate, like clean up after the (old, 14) dog and getting my daughter to change the TV channels for her while she is lying on the couch (sense a theme???). Also, she is texting me constantly throughout the day, basically tattling on DS if he got upset with her, or was teasing his sister. Um, that's what I am paying HER to do. To deal with that stuff! DH got upset, and when he got home this afternoon he told her that we understand that the kids can be rude, and that they fight too much, and that we are working on their behaviour.

The bolded make the behavior sound worse than what the sitter would be dealing with when watching average 8 and 10 year olds. That may or may not be the case, but I think it's reasonable for posters to assume there were major behavior issues when the post was worded that way.

Regardless, I do agree with others that it sounds like the job was more work than the girl was expecting. I think the money was reasonable for a typical sitter who is watching average kids all day, but I think it sounds way too low for someone who is expected to watch the kids, arrange activities, clean up after a dog and be a housekeeper as well. For that amount of money (and with 8 and 10 year olds), I would basically expect someone who would be a warm body in the room so I wouldn't get in trouble for leaving the kids alone and who would step in to keep them from killing themselves or each other, and who would put their lunch on the table and tell them to eat. Obviously whether it's reasonable for your area or not, the girl decided it wasn't worth it to her to do all that you wanted her to for that amount of money. I'm glad you were able to find alternate arrangements, and I'm sure the kids will be better off than they would have been with that girl since she clearly wasn't a good fit for what you wanted.

 

[scrapquitler]

Did the sitter meet your children and interact with them before the job started? Perhaps some of the drama could have been avoided if you had her come by for a few hours to hang out with the kids (while you observed from the corner or the other room) so they could get to know each other and see if they mesh. Not every child gets along with every caregiver and vice-versa. Then you could have seen her in action so to speak.

Anyway, it sounds to me like you might be expecting a bit much. If I hired someone to take care of my kids all day long, then I wouldnt' expect her to be doing chores at the same time. Fix lunch and put the dishes in the dishwasher, wipe up any spills, sure. Empty the dishwasher from last night's dishes? No. Hang up the towels and swimsuits to dry after everyone was out in the pool, yes. Throw a load of laundry in the wash, take it out of the dryer and fold it? No. Clean up the toys after playing with them, yes. Vacuum the dining room and make the beds? No.

I also wouldn't expect the sitter to plan an itinerary of activities for my children. I would come up with a plan and expect her to carry it out ("Please take them to see Cars 2 today at 3PM, then stop for ice cream at Dairy Queen afterwards" ) or perhaps give her a list of ideas for today "Either take them to the library or the park this afternoon". But to expect her to plan? A full time Nanny and preschoolers, yes. A summer babysitter with older kids, no way.

 

[hereyago]

OP: I would like to apologize for my harshness in my post earlier. I am just kind of the no holds barred and need to work on that.

The takiing care of the dog thing: I guess it's different in other households but my DD12 has always helped take care of the pets. I didn't think it was inappropriate for the babysitter to have the kids do it, but that's just me.

Also, the light housekeeping aspect, once again, in my family DD pitches in, I'm not here to be a maid.

Now I can see where you may have asked said babysitter to take dishes out or in the dishwasher, but different people have different ideas of light housekeeping, so i'm not sure specifically the babysitter was "supposed" to do in the way of that.


As for the activities: yes, giving her a list of what they can do is great, but once again, families are different, but you did mention you had the babysitter so they could stay home and have lots of friends to hang out with-now see, I'm not sure if the babysitter had a few kids over and that may have also overwhelmed someone who was lazy-laying down having your dd play remote control.

but i do wish you the best and I do apologize again for my harshness in my first post.

 

[dazedx3]

I've read through all the replys and I'm somewhat surprised that so many think the wage was so low. I have worked at a daycare center fo over 10 years, and I make less than ten dollars an hour. I am responsibe for 4 children and have to scrub floors, dust, wash toys, take out the garbage,vaccuum,and sanitize all surfaces on a daily basis. I don't think the parents of my children have any idea what the care givers are paid. This is just another perspective. Oh, and this is before taxes.