I am so frustrated with child care!

[Jennasis]

I agree with the majority here. You hired $10 an hour worth of care...minimum wage= minimum effort.

You want all of your expectations met? Pay for them.

 

[ilovemk76]

You wanted to pay someone $10/hour to do light housekeeping AND watch your kids. And to solve their "behavior" issues???
And then you are somewhat confused about the quality of the care your kiddos were recieving...and then you are confused that this individual "quit" with no notice.
Sorry - I think you were asking for an awful lot (you did indicate one was a handful, and the two kids did fight) for that amount of money. Plus you wanted housekeeping and tidying on top of the childcare.

You were looking for Mary Poppins.

Now I'm not saying it is "right" that this person just "upped and quite" on you. But - the reality is - you hired someone at minimum wage. Why not hire someone with am elementary education or a SPED major - they might be better equipped to handle the behavior issues. Where we live - $10/hour will get exactly what you got - irresponsible childcare.

Hope your next couple of days work themselves out until you find someone who works for your situation. But really - make this about the kids, not the housekeeping. (In my areas - housekeepers make $20 to $25/hour at a minimum - but they will not watch kids for that amount of money.)

My post - probably won't solve your immediate problem. It's goal was to help you consider some of the issues as you work on a solution for the rest of the summer.

ITA The OP wanted to pay what she should have paid just for a babysitter but also wanted the person to the list she gave her. I would have left just becuase of the list.

 

[punkin]

DD18 is nannying this summer. She takes care of a well behaved 7 yo girl...Does no extra housework (except cleaning up with the child after play). She drives her to and from activities, goes to movies, ice cream, playground....
She get paid $12 per hour.
She is happy with her job. The little girl adores her and the parents are ecstatic with the situation.

 

[emer95]

Wow, the OP is getting hammered here for paying "only" $10/hour. I think $10/hour is pretty good for two kids! I'll come be your nanny OP, and I'd do a da$mn good job! (I'm a teacher). I'd do fun and educational activities with your kids. I think your babysitter had a cake position and is probably kicking herself right now.

I am so sorry for everything you're going through right now. Scrambling for childcare is the absolute worst. My blood would be boiling if I was paying a sitter and she was laying around. We had an after-school sitter once who refused to let our kids play outside, and all she did was text on her phone and ignore the kids. They just wanted her to push them on the swings. When I got home from work they had the saddest little faces. I hated it. I finally started letting them get off of the bus by themselves and be home alone for 10 minutes rather than be disappointed by a grouchy teenage girl.

Anyway OP, you have my sympathies. I sincerely hope something works out for you, and I wish you lived in my neighborhood. Honestly, I'd help you out!

 

[Mkrop]

You wanted to pay someone $10/hour to do light housekeeping AND watch your kids. And to solve their "behavior" issues???

And then you are somewhat confused about the quality of the care your kiddos were recieving...and then you are confused that this individual "quit" with no notice.

Sorry - I think you were asking for an awful lot (you did indicate one was a handful, and the two kids did fight) for that amount of money. Plus you wanted housekeeping and tidying on top of the childcare.

You were looking for Mary Poppins.

Now I'm not saying it is "right" that this person just "upped and quite" on you. But - the reality is - you hired someone at minimum wage. Why not hire someone with am elementary education or a SPED major - they might be better equipped to handle the behavior issues. Where we live - $10/hour will get exactly what you got - irresponsible childcare.

Hope your next couple of days work themselves out until you find someone who works for your situation. But really - make this about the kids, not the housekeeping. (In my areas - housekeepers make $20 to $25/hour at a minimum - but they will not watch kids for that amount of money.)

My post - probably won't solve your immediate problem. It's goal was to help you consider some of the issues as you work on a solution for the rest of the summer.

I agree with this. I dont care what the going rate is, that wage was too low and you get what you paid for. And if your kids are a handful then you should expect to pay more.

Where I live, childcare is exempt from the minimum wage requirement. Last summer the person I hired got paid $150 LESS a week than this sitter. My expectations were extremely clear and in writing prior to this sitter taking the job. I have a house cleaner - the light housekeeping I was expecting was basically to keep up with the messes made, including the dog (also discussed and agreed to in advance.). My kid's are outside, riding bikes and having fun a lot in the neighborhood. Any tidying I expected her to do in free minutes, which she would have many. Some days both kids were out to friends houses and i paid her to have a day off. I paid her full time for many part time days I did NOT underpay her based on our area and the going rate and in fact paid much more than what many are paying for here for the same service. I didn't expect her to plan every minute, just to maybe have an idea of something to do for part of the day - one craft, a bike ride, a picnic... Otherwise her job is just to keep me from being arrested for leaving the kids alone - not what I envisaged and NOT what we agreed. She didn't have to take the job and she didn't have to quit with no notice leaving me scrambling.

Thank you to those who had positive suggestions. I have the rest of the summer worked out. They just won't be home.

As for teaching my children how to behave, that is a work in progress. My son has no special needs, he is just a rambunctious 8 year old who can be a PITA at times, like most 8 year olds. His manners sometimes need correcting and he can argue with his sister. Glad some people's kid's are perfect!

I have an 8 year old boy, and no my kids are not perfect but if they behaved as you described, there would be heck to pay. They do not behave for other like that. Also if they were begging to stay home vs going to camp or daycare, then they better make sure to behave.

It sounds like you got a dud of a babysitter but I also think your expectations (I dont care how well they were written out) were out of line with what you were paying.

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

but I didn't want to have to deal with scheduling activities if we were paying her to be there.

This strikes me as lazy parenting. To say you don’t want to “deal with scheduling their activities” I just can’t fathom that. You know your children best. You know what they like. You know what might keep your “handful of a rambunctious son” occupied.

How do you go to work, leave your children and feel at peace knowing a 24 year old stranger is "dealing" with scheduling activities for your children? That fight. That are rambunctious. That are a handful.


You might want to “deal” with scheduling their activities. Believe me, your children are worth the effort.

 

[hambirg]

I agree with the majority here. You hired $10 an hour worth of care...minimum wage= minimum effort.

You want all of your expectations met? Pay for them.

MTE

 

[RachaelA]

I made more than $10/hr 10 years ago watching 2 little girls 6 hours/5 days a week! I did play with them, but I also sat around and watched TV with them a lot! (I was also 16). I did not clean other than to pick up after myself and the kids.

 

[3smithboys]

We live outside of Philly and the going rate we paid for babysitters was $10 an hr (now my oldest can watch our twins.) I agree that you were probably expecting more, but she sounded lazy too... I know some of the teachers that work with before they had kids of their own did what you were asking for and they got paid more than $10 an hr. (and I don't think they were doing a whole lot of cleaning - it really was centered around the kids - they would make sure the house was cleaned up from any mess they made with the kids but they were not responsible for cleaning the house...)

As a side note, DH and I are both teachers and have to leave before our twins get on the bus in the morning. We have a wonderful retired lady who comes in in the morning for 1 hr to sit in our house and then walk our twins to the bus stop. That's it! They are up, dressed, fed, and ready to go. She does this 3-4 days a week... (my mom comes 1-2 days depending on her schedule.) We pay this wonderful woman $20 a day to sit there and walk them to the bus stop. The kids love her and she adores them.... She is reliable, sweet, and wonderful to the kids. Do I think $20 an hr is a lot - sure, but she is worth every penny.

 

[FlyingDumbo]

Your expectations were unreasonable. I am not at all surprised she quit.

 

[torinsmom]

So, we hired a sitter to come to our house this summer so that our kids could stay home, go to the park, ride their bikes, and have an active fun summer with lots of friends over. I was extremely clear about my expectations for the sitter - we would pay her minimum wage, do deductions, and she would look after the kids, plan activities (she wouldn't have to pay out of pocket for anything but I didn't want to have to deal with scheduling activities if we were paying her to be there), and to do some tidying and light housekeeping. Minimum wage here is $10 an hour. She is a 24 year old university student on summer break. I made it clear to her (PAINFULLY clear according to DH) that my DS can be a handful. Also, I made it clear to her that he and his sister fight. Both things were clearly going to be challenging for her but she said she was up to all of the challenges.

The first week was great and the kids seemed to like her. Second week less so. She got sick on Wednesday night and so she didn't come in on Thursday. She texted me on Thursday afternoon and said that even though she was still throwing up and she was told by a doctor that she had stomach flu, she wanted to come in on Friday because she "needed the money". I told her that she should stay home, but I would still pay her for 4 days (even though she only worked 2 that week - Monday was a holiday that we paid her for even though we didn't have to). I don't know if she wasn't happy with that solution, but she seemed to have an edge after that.

Every morning when I came down the stairs she was reclining on my couch with my daughter's blanket over her. Every. Single. Morning. I asked her if she was feeling well, and she said she was. I gave her lists of things I needed help with around the house (I wasn't planning on making her be Cinderella, but I am paying for her to look after the house and kids!) and also lists of possible things she could be doing with the kids. Find out after that she is making the kids do things that were inappropriate, like clean up after the (old, 14) dog and getting my daughter to change the TV channels for her while she is lying on the couch (sense a theme???). Also, she is texting me constantly throughout the day, basically tattling on DS if he got upset with her, or was teasing his sister. Um, that's what I am paying HER to do. To deal with that stuff! DH got upset, and when he got home this afternoon he told her that we understand that the kids can be rude, and that they fight too much, and that we are working on their behaviour. However, we want her to engage them more and spend more time interacting with them in a positive way, and not just when they are in trouble. Also, that it was inappropriate to be lying on the couch during work hours, and that it was making me upset that she was doing it in the mornings.

Fast forward to tonight: email QUITTING with no notice, completely leaving us in the lurch. She blamed DS for quitting, and said that he was basically uncontrollable. I know just typing this out that if this is the kind of person that she is (I think she is a nice enough girl, just freakin' LAZY) that my kids are better off with someone else, but we have NO ONE ELSE. I have a huge set of meetings tomorrow and DH has no annual leave left. Farmed the kids out with friends tomorrow, going to try to get ancient MIL to come in for two days and then I'll take Friday and next week off and try to get a camp or something together. I promised the kids that they wouldn't have to go to camp and could stay home....

Way to long a post, but I needed to vent and get some perspective.

OP, stick with my post. It really is constructive criticism, and not meant to make you feel bad, because I know you are disappointed right now.

What I bolded would have made me quit and I am a lot older than 24. If your DH was mad, I can imagine it was a very unexpected, demeaning experience for the sitter. It would have been better to schedule a meeting at a time when the kids would be elsewhere. Both parents should have sat her down and calmly explain what they were noticing and the changes that needed to be made. She should have been asked what the parents could do to help her get on track.


It sounds like this babysitter got overwhelmed. The first 2 weeks were probably a honeymoon period and once she saw what she would have to deal with every day, she was kind of done. I have friends who are also teachers who nanny for kids who are a handful. I would seriously rather work at Walmart than to have to deal with out of control kids and fighting all day long.

This is what I think, OP. I think in the future, you need to find someone more experienced with children who have behavior problems. Even if your child does not have special needs, this type of person will be able to handle and correct bad behavior when it starts. I also think you need to lay out your expectations on paper for prospective sitters to look at. A sample schedule of a day would be good. Something like this:

8:00-8:30--Assist children with breakfast, supervise getting dressed, brushing teeth.

8:30-9:30--Children play outside while you wash breakfast dishes, sweep kitchen and wash one load of laundry; place in dryer.

9:30-12:00--Outing such as the park, pool, museum, etc.

12:00-12:30--Lunch

12:30-1:30--Quiet time for children in their rooms(reading, quiet play, resting). You should relax during this time.

1:30-2:30--Craft or board game time. You should be interacting with the children during this time, facilitating their getting along.

2:30-2:45--Healthy snack

2:45-3:45--TV time(list channels allowed). Clean up lunch dishes, tidy up living room, fold laundry and put a second load in if needed.

3:45-4:00--Writing time--children should write one page about the subject of their choice.

4:00-5:00--Free play outside with you.

I think you need to come up with a list of outings for the sitter to choose from. Playdates need to be discussed. Discipline needs to be discussed. Like someone else said, have the person sit for you before the job starts so you can see how they deal with problems. I also think paying a little more(since it is 2 kids) would get you better candidates.

I nanny part time after school for a 5 year old boy(I teach during the day). I am paid $16/hour at this time. They don't require me to do any housecleaning, but as the little boy has gotten more independent(reading on his own, playing trains), I have been unloading/loading the dishwasher, doing laundry and tidying up. They really appreciate it, and I see it as giving them more time with their child. This little boy is really well behaved and smart. They don't watch tv, so he is always engaged with something hands-on.

 

[cabanafrau]

Where I live, childcare is exempt from the minimum wage requirement. Last summer the person I hired got paid $150 LESS a week than this sitter. My expectations were extremely clear and in writing prior to this sitter taking the job. I have a house cleaner - the light housekeeping I was expecting was basically to keep up with the messes made, including the dog (also discussed and agreed to in advance.). My kid's are outside, riding bikes and having fun a lot in the neighborhood. Any tidying I expected her to do in free minutes, which she would have many. Some days both kids were out to friends houses and i paid her to have a day off. I paid her full time for many part time days I did NOT underpay her based on our area and the going rate and in fact paid much more than what many are paying for here for the same service. I didn't expect her to plan every minute, just to maybe have an idea of something to do for part of the day - one craft, a bike ride, a picnic... Otherwise her job is just to keep me from being arrested for leaving the kids alone - not what I envisaged and NOT what we agreed. She didn't have to take the job and she didn't have to quit with no notice leaving me scrambling.

Thank you to those who had positive suggestions. I have the rest of the summer worked out. They just won't be home.

As for teaching my children how to behave, that is a work in progress. My son has no special needs, he is just a rambunctious 8 year old who can be a PITA at times, like most 8 year olds. His manners sometimes need correcting and he can argue with his sister. Glad some people's kid's are perfect!

Here it would be very challenging to get someone to fit your requirements for $10 an hour, let alone someone committed to doing a quality job of it. Entirely possible your area is different.

Not to totally stomp on your parenting/your kids' behavioral issues, but you've mentioned more than once that your kids had looked forward to being home this summer. Maybe it will help your cause to point out to your children their part in why they aren't going to be home the way they wanted to for the rest of the summer. If they know the consequence of their behavior had a real cost to them, maybe it will encourage them to up their game behaviorally.

 

[tmarquez]

Sorry that she quit and left you in a lurch.

This summer we paid a 13 year old girl to stay at my house and "hang out" with my DD(8) and her BFF(9). We paid her $60 a week, provided all of her favorite foods, and paid for any activities they all wanted to do.

I didn't expect her to clean the house or clean up or care for the dogs. They were ALL expected to pick up after themselves and it is DD's job to take care of the animals.

DD is pretty mature, but not old enough to be alone all day...plus she would get bored. Having an older kid there that is capable of handling emergencies was all I was looking for. Plus they are close enough in age that they had similar interests.

Now that our summer break is over, they are still "friends" and text every once in awhile.

Maybe you could find a similar deal.

 

[fimac]

You could try looking at the Y camps in your area. The kids would get lots of fresh air and activity. You might be able to get your kids friends to go for a week at camp too. The ones here (national capital region) bus the kids out to the camp. Lots of male staff, with lots of energy.

 

[kamik86]

I almost wonder if part of the problem was that she still wasn't feeling well on the days she spent the whole day on the couch but didn't want to tell you that becasue she needed the money and knew you wouldn't keep paying her for days she wasn't there... then again if she needed the money she probably wouldn't have quit.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

I may be in the minority here, but $10/hour (which comes out to $400 per week for 5 8-hour days) sounds fair to me for a temporary job. You said you even paid her for 4 days the week she only worked 2. Even if it wasn't "fair," she still agreed to it. I know lots of college students who would have no problem watching children and doing light housework for $400 a week. 24 years old is mature enough to be able to handle the kind of responsibility you were asking. But I think a mistake on your part might have been in not writing out clear expectations and responsibilities (and have her sign it). It might have sounded like a cushy job to her, and after the first two weeks she realized it was not the easy paycheck she thought it would be.

 

[tiggger1]

I also think you are expecting too much for too little money. I was a nanny in the mid to late 90's and I made more than $10 then. I watched 3 young boys who were easy and most of the time the 2 older were in school, so all I had was the baby. I watched them 4 days a week from 9-5 when their parents worked and usually 1 night from 6-2 am when they went out together. I got paid around $500 a week and usually around another $120 if I work the night plus my boyfriend would come and hang out those nights ( I was 22 and they invited him to come, and the boys were in our wedding when I got married..). and this was almost 15 years ago.

 

[HM]

My sister deals with a lot of college age girls at her job. She hires them to work at a children's activity center both paid and intern. From what she says, this girl fits right in with the current 'worker'. They don't want to do anything on the job, they just want a paycheck. They can't think for themselves and constantly ask questions about what they should already know how to do and what they should do next. I'm sorry you got one of the duds. Good luck in finding a solution to your childcare problem!

 

[luvsJack]

1. As others have said, the pay is too low for what you are expecting.
2. You need to decide if you want someone to be a housekeeper and watch the kids OR if you want someone that is a caregiver and whose priority is your children

YOU should have a list of the activities you want her to choose from to "plan" for your kids. You need to be very clear about your expectations especially concerning allowing the other kids to come over and allowing your kids to go out on bikes, etc through the neighborhood. You also need to make it understood that you will listen to the days problems at a certain time each day (whatever works for you) and will deal with it then.

You cannot expect to hire someone with no childcare/nanny experience and to have them plan your children's summer with no input from you. You need to find someone with some experience and that knows how to plan for your kids, how to engage your kids and how to handle your sons' behavior; and that person will STILL need some input from you. You cannot really expect to just say "here. these are my kids, plan their summer, take care of the behavior, but don't bother me with it". It doesn't work that way.

 

[tlbwriter]

Not to totally stomp on your parenting/your kids' behavioral issues, but you've mentioned more than once that your kids had looked forward to being home this summer. Maybe it will help your cause to point out to your children their part in why they aren't going to be home the way they wanted to for the rest of the summer. If they know the consequence of their behavior had a real cost to them, maybe it will encourage them to up their game behaviorally.

Good point. This could be a useful teachable moment.