I am so frustrated with child care!

[NHdisneylover]

I almost wonder if part of the problem was that she still wasn't feeling well on the days she spent the whole day on the couch but didn't want to tell you that becasue she needed the money and knew you wouldn't keep paying her for days she wasn't there... then again if she needed the money she probably wouldn't have quit.

I was wondering if maybe it turned out not to be stomach flu and instead she is pregnant. Exhaustion and throwing up are hard enough to deal with without fighting kids and one who is a handful. I was thinking perhaps she found out the way she was feeling was likely to hang around for another month or two and she is not up to feeling that and keeping up with the kids/house/dog for the rest of the summer. Funny all of the silly details your mind will fill in when you do not have a real story to work with

 

[shortbun]

My son is 16. When he was young enough to need a babysitter at times, I paid $10 an hour-that's USD-for him alone, no housework save for putting some dishes in the sink or cleaning up a spill. That was at least 5 years ago-probably 6. 'Telling' someone your child is a handfull isn't neccessarily license to allow that child's bad behavior. Defiant children are exhausting if they are not yours. You need to mix it up for your kids, find them separate camps and activities where they aren't fighting or doing the bidding of their emotionally distracted sitter, eh? Sorry but childcare is always a hassle and if it's GOOD childcare, it's not cheap. Good luck. I feel for you cause I know you are disappointed.

 

[Tinkermommy]

I may be in the minority here, but $10/hour (which comes out to $400 per week for 5 8-hour days) sounds fair to me for a temporary job. You said you even paid her for 4 days the week she only worked 2. Even if it wasn't "fair," she still agreed to it. I know lots of college students who would have no problem watching children and doing light housework for $400 a week. 24 years old is mature enough to be able to handle the kind of responsibility you were asking. But I think a mistake on your part might have been in not writing out clear expectations and responsibilities (and have her sign it). It might have sounded like a cushy job to her, and after the first two weeks she realized it was not the easy paycheck she thought it would be.

I have a summer nanny. I pay her $12/hr for watching my two children. She also cleans up the kitchen after making them lunch/snacks and makes sure the house is neat when she leaves (she supervises the kids cleaning up).

I also provided her a list of local activities (free or low cost movies, library programs, puppet shows, etc) and she and my daughter went through early on and built a schedule. She or I will also bring up new things we hear about as well.

Last year she was a camp counselor and made less money dealing with 20 kids on her own. She loves this job and is coming back next year.

So, while I don't know about the money in the OPs area, it doesn't sound too off to me. I do think the OP should have provided more guidance in terms of activities since the woman is not a professional in childcare. And possibly ways of dealing with and punishing the fighting and such.

OP, good luck. There are some great nannies out there but I do think you need to give more guidance to them if they are not "seasoned."

 

[3smithboys]

For me, the biggest issue would be the fighting and behavior issues. I think that would be difficult for any care provider. I am a teacher and wouldn't want to deal with kids who don't behave. That is going to make for a very long day... I agree they need to be separate and busy where they can't be nagging at each other while they are working on getting along with other.

 

[mjkacmom]

I paid my 14 year old sitter $10 an hour to sit and watch TV while my kids slept! For what you are asking, you are seriously underpaying, especially if $10 is minimum wage where you are (it's a few dollars less here). I still remember babysitting a total brat (only child) when I was a teen. He locked me out of the house. I finally refused to sit for him.

You are NOT getting Mary Poppins for $10 an hour! Try closer to $20.

 

[princessmom29]

You are expecting way too much for minimum wage. I think if you want a nanny, not a babysitter you need to be paying for that. You aren't gonig to get anyone to really do everything you are asking for $10 a hour.

 

[mjkacmom]

I have a summer nanny. I pay her $12/hr for watching my two children.So, while I don't know about the money in the OPs area, it doesn't sound too off to me.."

Your minimum wage is $5.15, the lowest in our country. The OP said that minimum wage where she lives is $10 an hour. So, the OP should be paying over $20 an hour.

I once watched a 4 year old when I was 24 (going to grad school at the time). I got paid $6.50 an hour (20 years ago!), and had no housekeeping duties, and I didn't have to entertain him more than playing in the house. And the COL here is lower than the OP's.

 

[Andtototoo]

I know what a nightmare it is to find day care and I can only imagine the stress and anxiety of trying to find a solution at this late date. Ugh! You have my sympathies.

I know the OP feels she made it clear that the children were (in my words/interpretation) misbehaving brats. But haven't we all been in a situation in which we agree to do something and then once we are in it, it becomes crystal clear that the situation was misrepresented, or that we are in way over our heads, or that the situation is far worse/more difficult than we imagined and we don't have the skills to handle it? As much as it sucks right now, the babysitter probably did the parents a favor because she simply could not handle those kids. Two kids who are difficult being at home without proper supervision... Well, that's a very bad thing.

I admit that even though as a parent I have total sympathy for the nightmare of finding care, I also have some sympathy for the girl because I have been in a position of watching kids (as a favor for a friend when I was an adult in my 30s) who were brats who refused to listen to me, fought constantly, and one of whom was really a holy terror. My friend had asked me because she was in desperate need and I've never had a problem getting kids to behave, so we both thought I could handle them. Until that night. Total nightmare. I still remember how relieved I was when my friend got home. I instantly told her, "NEVER again." (She was shocked that even I could not handle them, but the reality that I refused to sit for her kids again was the turning point in her deciding to really do something about their behavior.) The thought of watching kids like that full-time would be enough to make me break out in hives. And $10 an hour would not even be close to cutting it, no matter if someone else accepted that wage previously.

I will also note that my dd makes considerably more than the minimum wage (almost double minimum wage) to babysit two very well-behaved and easy-going kids who adore her (and no housekeeping), one of whom is still young enough that she often spends a good bit of the babysitting time napping.

 

[Tinkermommy]

Your minimum wage is $5.15, the lowest in our country. The OP said that minimum wage where she lives is $10 an hour. So, the OP should be paying over $20 an hour.

I once watched a 4 year old when I was 24 (going to grad school at the time). I got paid $6.50 an hour (20 years ago!), and had no housekeeping duties, and I didn't have to entertain him more than playing in the house. And the COL here is lower than the OP's.

While that is technically true, it's below the Federal limit of $7.25 so the GA rate is replaced by the Federal.

My nanny said she made $9/hr last year so she is good with the salary.

 

[kerplop]

I hope the OP doesn't think I was jumping on her about this. I really and truly do understand and sympathize with her troubles. Obviously the girl in question shouldn't have taken the job and clearly either didn't realize or underestimated what would be involved. I also have a 24 year old niece who is in that age group of kids that expect to do little and get a lot. If she couldn't handle it or just didn't want to, she should have let the OP know - end of story.

The other thing that occurred to me re-reading this and that I haven't seen mentioned yet is the idea of wanting "a lot of friends" to come over during the summer. In theory it sounds good, but any care-giver will tell you that taking care of your kids? No problem. Taking care of the neighborhood's kids? Big problem! If your house is going to be a hang out for your kids' friends then you might approach their parents about helping foot the bill for this supervision. Otherwise it's not fair to you, your kids, or the person watching them!

 

[DisneyLover83]

I was a nanny for several years and agree with a lot of PP who also did child care. You need to pay more than $10 per hour for the expectations you have for the position. I made more than $10/hr watching two kids back in 2004. I firmly believe that you get what you pay for and in this case you need to pay more or lower your expectations to meet a $10 per hour job.

 

[golfgal]

My teenagers would have done that job for that amount IF the kids were well behaved. If the kids fight as much as you say and your son is uncontrollable like you say, they wouldn't have been back the second day for that rate.

DD babysits for two little boys in our neighborhood, 5 and 3. They are just little dolls and they LOVE her. Their mom said they sit by the window most of the afternoon asking when she will be there. They pay her $10 for just casual babysitting.

Our oldest did after school care for two kids 12, 10 (boy/girl) his senior year in high school. He basically helped them with their homework and then they played games, rode bikes, etc. They paid him $7/hour-no taxes, etc. needed to be taken out so that is close to $10/hour. He loved that job but he wouldn't have gone back the second day if the kids were brats.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I don't see $10 an hour as being too low. I mean heck if she got a job at a day care center she'd be dealing with 10 to 15 kids in her room for the same amount.

She'd have to help pick up and get snacks and deal with them going to the potty and oversee activities.

Heck if she got a job at McDonalds she'd be running around for 8 hours.

I think the $10 an hour is fine but I would have an issue with a lot of what you're asking.

There is no way in hell I'd be cleaning up after a dog. Not when the dogs owners are right there. The kids are more than capable of cleaning up after the dog themselves.

I wouldn't be cleaning your house either. Not sure why that's necessary if the kids are 8 and 10 AND you have a housekeeper. I'd be telling the kids to clean up their own crap. I would get the kids to wash the table after they eat and load their dishes into the dishwasher. Stuff like that.

If you want the kids to have planned activities outside of the house you need to set it up. Say something like.."Today you can take the kids to the movies" and give her the money for the tickets and snacks. At the end of the week give her extra money for the gas she had to use to take them places.

I've got kids who fight. Constantly. Over the stupidest crap. If it can wear me out just imagine what it does to someone who's not used to it. To you your 8yo is a rambunctious handful to her he's the antichrist. I'd work with him on his behaviour.

I'd expect at $10 an hour for 2 kids aged 8 and 10 to not have to do much. Honestly. At that age they should be self sufficient. I should only be expected to keep them on the straight and narrow and make sure they don't kill themselves.

 

[nmmom95]

You are expecting way too much for minimum wage. I think if you want a nanny, not a babysitter you need to be paying for that. You aren't gonig to get anyone to really do everything you are asking for $10 a hour.

I agree with this.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I made it clear to her (PAINFULLY clear according to DH) that my DS can be a handful. Also, I made it clear to her that he and his sister fight. Both things were clearly going to be challenging for her but she said she was up to all of the challenges.

May I ask how you instructed her to deal with this challenge?

I mean, if your children are this way and you find it challenging, how did you expect her to deal with it?

This post made me think of it

I have been in a position of watching kids (as a favor for a friend when I was an adult in my 30s) who were brats who refused to listen to me, fought constantly, and one of whom was really a holy terror. My friend had asked me because she was in desperate need and I've never had a problem getting kids to behave, so we both thought I could handle them. Until that night. Total nightmare. I still remember how relieved I was when my friend got home. I instantly told her, "NEVER again." (She was shocked that even I could not handle them, but the reality that I refused to sit for her kids again was the turning point in her deciding to really do something about their behavior.)

and the fact that my teen DD who's been babysitting for one family regularly has also run into these challenges and it's been a little unclear, even for me when she's talked to me about it, what exactly you're supposed to do to get them to behave? IMO it's always harder when they're not your own because you really don't know how far you can take it AND the kids know this and capitalize on it. The mom in this situation has told my DD to text her anytime and she has had to from time to time. Maybe the girl wasn't "tattling" (your interpretation), but desperatey looking for guidance from you.

 

[Mkrop]

I hope the OP doesn't think I was jumping on her about this. I really and truly do understand and sympathize with her troubles. Obviously the girl in question shouldn't have taken the job and clearly either didn't realize or underestimated what would be involved. I also have a 24 year old niece who is in that age group of kids that expect to do little and get a lot. If she couldn't handle it or just didn't want to, she should have let the OP know - end of story.

The other thing that occurred to me re-reading this and that I haven't seen mentioned yet is the idea of wanting "a lot of friends" to come over during the summer. In theory it sounds good, but any care-giver will tell you that taking care of your kids? No problem. Taking care of the neighborhood's kids? Big problem! If your house is going to be a hang out for your kids' friends then you might approach their parents about helping foot the bill for this supervision. Otherwise it's not fair to you, your kids, or the person watching them!

Sounds to me like she wanted a SAHM, not a babysitter, not a nanny.

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

There is no way in hell I'd be cleaning up after a dog. Not when the dogs owners are right there. The kids are more than capable of cleaning up after the dog themselves.

I agree with thsi 100%! I think it is almost demeaning to pay this college girl minimum wage to watch your children and then have her clean up dog poo as well.

 

[dis-happy]

I almost wonder if part of the problem was that she still wasn't feeling well on the days she spent the whole day on the couch but didn't want to tell you that becasue she needed the money and knew you wouldn't keep paying her for days she wasn't there... then again if she needed the money she probably wouldn't have quit.

My guess: the babysitter is preggers.

 

[Mermaid02]

I'm thinking it was the kids behavior that sunk this arrangement. If the parents said "We know they are rude and fight too much" can you imagine what their behavior is REALLY like?? I think it is asking too much of a college student who is inexperienced with difficult kids.

I also think the girl most likely got a verbal lashing from the dh and frankly, that's not okay. I'd have probably quit on the spot.

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

I also think the girl most likely got a verbal lashing from the dh and frankly, that's not okay. I'd have probably quit on the spot.

Exactly.