I am in a Wedding---Need to vent!!

ckmommy

<font color=990099>San Antonio brings out the roma
Joined
Jan 4, 2002
Messages
1,423
Sorry for posting this here, but I do not have anyone else who will hear me out!!! So here it goes...

I have a friend who is getting married. We have known each other for 20 years, but have just recently moved to the same city. We have always been in contact with each other, but never been really too close to each other. Well, during Christmas time this past year she got engaged. A few weeks later, she called and asked me to be in her wedding. Of course, I said yes. I told Dh and he was really shocked that she did not come over to ask me to be in the wedding. I hadn't really thought about that. But after he said that, I wondered to same thing (we live about 15 minutes from each other). No big deal though. During the phone conversation with her, she asked if I minded wearing red? Well, being a red head, I do not ever wear red. I told her that it was not my best color, but I would wear it for her if that was the color she was going for. Her response, oh that's good, because that is the color we are going with. (Oh great a $150+ dress that I will never again wear)! Oh well.
Fast forward--I called her last week to see how things were going. All things were going good. She kind of hinted around to all of these things that other brides had gotten during the course of the engagement. Meaning showers (at least four that she was talking about), lunchons, bachelorette parties. As she is saying all of this, I am thinking, I don't have to go to all of these things, do I? I am assuming that the reason that she was telling me all of this was to let me know that I am expected to go to all of these places--each requiring a gift. Later on in the conversation she asked about my kids (which I have 5 of :) ). I told her that I would have my parents fly in for the weekend to take care of them. You could hear the relief in her voice. Now, I had invited her and a guest to my wedding. She was planning to be in town to visit family. She called me when she got the invitation to my wedding asking if it was OK for her Mom, Grandma, and two cousins to come with her as guests. Ahhhh, OK I guess. We had a sit down dinner at a country club. Dinner was $35/plate and that did not include the open bar plus appetizers and dessert bar. I was kind of irritated that she could invite all these adults to my wedding, but not include my kids at her wedding.
One last thing that I should have said before. Her DF is in the military ( my friend and he have only been in contact by telephone and e-mail plus the 3 two "vacations" that has gotten to come home---I very much worry about that because she is NOT the easiest to get along with and she has already said that he needs to "change" when they get married--yikes) . He is supposed to get out in August. His group (I am sure this is not what it is called) is supposed to go to Iraq in June. He was in Iraq last year and has some bad post stress. He is hoping that due to that, he will not have to go back. But, if he does, the wedding is off, and they will go to a justice of the peace. Well, she wants us (the bridesmaids) to get our dresses in April. I am really thinking that we should wait until July--wedding is in December.

If you have made it through all of this, thank you! I feel better now that I have written this all down. Maybe it is not as bad I thought! Hopefully I won't go :crazy: before the wedding.
 
Thank Gawd the only thing a guy has to do is rent a tux and hit the girlie bars for his bachelor party.... :thumbsup2
 
So, she wants you to pay for a red dress that costs $150 dollars for a wedding that may or may not happen in December?

When are all the showers supposed to start happening?
(by the way, you do not have to take a gift to each shower) that should never be expected by any bride.
 
Hercules10 said:
Thank Gawd the only thing a guy has to do is rent a tux and hit the girlie bars for his bachelor party.... :thumbsup2


:lmao:

:grouphug: to the OP.
 

WOW - no way would I put out $$$ for the dress if there is a good chance that the wedding will get postponed/cancelled! She sounds like a very high-maintenance bride. YUK!

Good luck.
 
I would recommend to her as a friend that maybe she put the wedding plans in the planing stage untill July. I wouldnt want to lay out that kind of money on something that could be changed. Maybe she is just excited since they got engaged at Christmas. As far as showers I didnt have my bridesmaids come, they were family and work things that they didnt have to attend. (Why would they?) Good luck with this one, if you thought she was hard to deal with sometimes before, weddings can bring out the worst in people!
 
You know after reading your post again, I am thinking this friends wedding is going to be quite expensive for you to "attend".

Dress $150
Parents flown into town $400-800 ???
Shower and luncheons gift $100

On top of this you will have invested time, labor (assuming she will want you to host 1 of the showers) plus money for food, favors, etc

All for a possibility of the wedding not even happening. I know she is your friend, but at times like this, I would seriously consider backing out. Or, you coukd tell her that your parents may not be able to stay with the kids, and since she brought along 4 extra adults to your wedding, maybe your kids could come along to hers? :teeth:
 
I would hold off in buying the dress. I would wait until the last possible moment to order the dress. I think Prom Dresses and Brides-maid dresses are the biggest scam around. Where else can you not buy something and return it, if not used.

If you need to attend all of these showers, attend, but that doesn't mean you need to bring a present to each of them. One Shower present is enough. You may be stuck with some of the expense of each shower though. I would start communicating with the other bridesmaids as soon as possible. It is better to communicate now then wait.
 
Hercules10 said:
Thank Gawd the only thing a guy has to do is rent a tux and hit the girlie bars for his bachelor party.... :thumbsup2

But it is sooooo fun to plan the wedding!!! I really did have fun planning my own. But, Hercules10, my DH felt the same way you did as well!!

I feel a train wreck coming with this wedding, though!!! :rolleyes1
 
budbeerlady said:
Good luck with this one, if you thought she was hard to deal with sometimes before, weddings can bring out the worst in people!


I think you might be right!!
 
OH DO I FEEL YOUR PAIN!

Some very normal rational people become insane once they are brides.

I am in two weddings this year, and planning my own for January 2007, and I am about ready to scream.

One girl is very concerned about the cost of everything to her attendants and is very understanding. But the maid of honor is planning a bridal shower that will cost us around $400 a peice, not including a gift!!!

The other is all about her. It is a full length catholic ceremony in August, in a church that is not air conditioned. Guess what she picked for us to wear? A black full length gown with chapel train (over $200 mind you!)!!! I swear I will have sweat stains the size of watermelons by the time the reception rolls around!

There is so much more, that I cannot even begin to share. I guess all I can do is grin and bear it! (It will make me a better more sane bride after all- either that or I will want sweet revenge come my turn! :rotfl2: )

We will hang in there together! :grouphug:
 
ChristmasElf said:
So, she wants you to pay for a red dress that costs $150 dollars for a wedding that may or may not happen in December?

Yeah I'm stuck on that part with you. That leaves you with a dress sitting around for 8 months. Someone can gain/lose a lot of weight in that amount of time, whether they mean to or not. I also understand why you don't like red. I am a redhead and red looks blecch on me.

Why does she need so many showers in the first place? And are you supposed to bring a gift to all of them? That is just rude of anyone to ask. I'm sorry that she forced people on you at the last minute but won't allow your children to come. It sounds like she wants you to give up a good amount of time to be in her wedding. It is just disrespectful. :grouphug: to you.
 
ChristmasElf said:
All for a possibility of the wedding not even happening. I know she is your friend, but at times like this, I would seriously consider backing out.QUOTE]

This was the first thing that went through my mind too. That's a lot of money for a wedding that they acknowledge may or may not take place (due to his possible deployment).
 
ChristmasElf said:
You know after reading your post again, I am thinking this friends wedding is going to be quite expensive for you to "attend".

Dress $150
Parents flown into town $400-800 ???
Shower and luncheons gift $100

On top of this you will have invested time, labor (assuming she will want you to host 1 of the showers) plus money for food, favors, etc

All for a possibility of the wedding not even happening. I know she is your friend, but at times like this, I would seriously consider backing out. Or, you coukd tell her that your parents may not be able to stay with the kids, and since she brought along 4 extra adults to your wedding, maybe your kids could come along to hers? :teeth:

Expensive is what i am worried about. I was not surprised about the $ of the dress, but it is the showers that I am supposed to GIVE and attend that scare me!!

I could never back out, I am too much of a wimp!!

Ohh, mysister is a flight attendent, so the cost to fly my parents in is super cheap!! Maybe $50.
 
Kimberly815 said:
OH DO I FEEL YOUR PAIN!



We will hang in there together! :grouphug:

I think we need to start a new support thread for bridemaid's to vent to one another!!
 
Is there a way for you to back out of this now? The wedding isn't happening till December and it's only January, so perhaps you could come up with a reason (other than that she is a selfish, insensitive nut who is destined for marital horror) as to why you won't be able to be in the wedding.

Maybe tell her you thought about the expense involved with a wedding, the dress, the showers, the flying in your parents to babysit...and with 5 kids you feel that it would be too much of a financial burden.

I wouldn't be buying a dress for a wedding that may or may not happen. I also wouldn't be agreeing to be in the wedding party of someone who "expected" 4 showers!!!!
 
All i can say is good luck and THANK Goodness i only have 2 close friends that are nowhere near marrying!

you don't have to bring a gift to all the showers, and i agree with the other posters about waiting until the lllllllaaaaaaasssttt minute to buy the dress.
 
BeNJeNWaFFLe said:
Yeah I'm stuck on that part with you. That leaves you with a dress sitting around for 8 months. Someone can gain/lose a lot of weight in that amount of time, whether they mean to or not. I also understand why you don't like red. I am a redhead and red looks blecch on me.

Why does she need so many showers in the first place? And are you supposed to bring a gift to all of them? That is just rude of anyone to ask. I'm sorry that she forced people on you at the last minute but won't allow your children to come. It sounds like she wants you to give up a good amount of time to be in her wedding. It is just disrespectful. :grouphug: to you.


As for red, I love the color on others, but it truly clashes with my hair color. It is only for a few hours with people I will not ever see again (except for the bride and groom--maybe ;) )

The showers??? Everything here in Texas is supposed to be bigger, maybe that has something to do with it? :rotfl2: :rotfl: :rotfl2: This is my first wedding here!!
 
Sorry everone for the multiple posts. I have no idea how to double quote.

How bad would it be to make home made things for shower gifts? I made some nice things (decoritive type things) for christmas this year that were pretty inexpensive (read: under $8). I was also thinking of doing a cross stich thing for them for their wedding present, but I doubt I will have time to finish it, and if I did he would get deployed and then what!! :confused3
 
OhMari said:
I would start communicating with the other bridesmaids as soon as possible. It is better to communicate now then wait.

This is the best advice you've been given so far. I would get all their names/numbers & start talking this out. Chances are, they are feeling the same as you & all of you together can come up with a sensible plan. Sometimes the "Bride to be" does not think past the 'me' part & does not come up with the best plans.

That being said, I was asked to be one of my cousin's bridesmaids & it was nothing but a nightmare. An aunt got involved (who was a working middle aged adult & most of us bridesmaids were just out of H.S. & either going to school or working some lame job ~ like me) & the "aunt" made all sorts of plans without consulting us! She would call each one of us & tell us how much we owed for shower, shower gift, etc....That wedding (not including the ridiculous peach ruffly dress we had to buy) cost each of us over $300 & that was back 27 years ago! In the grand scheme of things, I had forgotten all about that until this thread came up but I think it's unfair for a Bride today to expect so much of her bridal party. Things are so much more expensive ~ & you have 5 kids! (OMG ~ what a saint you must be!) ;)
 












Receive up to $1,000 in Onboard Credit and a Gift Basket!
That’s right — when you book your Disney Cruise with Dreams Unlimited Travel, you’ll receive incredible shipboard credits to spend during your vacation!
CLICK HERE











DIS Facebook DIS youtube DIS Instagram DIS Pinterest DIS Tiktok DIS Twitter DIS Bluesky

Back
Top