As I mentioned before, my 76 year old cousin lost her husband to a very fast moving cancer, while they were in Ct. this summer. She had no one to ride with her back to Florida, so I volunteered. I had always seen her younger than her chronological age, but after spending a week with her, she is more like my older aunt than a cousin. It was a difficult summer, and a rift between her and her son was exacerbated by a predatory "friend"/former neighbro who entered her home in Florida to get a suit for her DH's funeral in Ct. and while there, decided that he needed to make copies of her house key, and take a notarized copy of her trust/will back to Nevada with him. His intention was to return with it in mid November, go to the lawyer and make "necessary changes". Upon arrival, he was my first priority. I called him and told him to call Fed Ex and send the document via overnight mail so she would have it for her lawyer appt. He told me that he was bringing it in November, so he could go to the lawyer with her. His reason? "If she dies, her son gets everything". My response? " So, how is that your business?" He made an excuse that he was traveling and couldn't send it the next day, at which point, I told him to delegate the duty to his wife. I followed up with a phone call the next afternoon to be sure it was done. Again, he didn't see "what the emergency was". I told him again. Wednesday it arrived, at which point I called, told him that we had received it and that he was not welcomed to visit in November, nor December, nor any other time. He said, "okay", I said "goodbye". We still had the locks changed. There is still a concern that he may have weaseled a document out of her husband on his death bed (which would be invalid) but I suggested that she make an appointment with her lawyer to review it as soon as possible, and make anything prior to a recent date invalid. Her current neighbors knew him and were not at all surprised by his behavior. The rift with her DS has been "healed" more or less, and after watching the interactions between her foster son and her, her DS and her, and living with her for the week, it is easy to see why they are the way they are; which is selfish and materialistic". She is. The dynamics were fascinating. She played one off against the other constantly. Her house is beautiful but I felt that I was camping out in a castle. This ten year old house looks brand new.
The dishwasher, microwave, and the oven have never been used. When her DH was alive, he did all of the cooking.....in the garage. In fact, the garbage can in the kitchen has never been used. I opened up the door to it and it was filled with empty Walmart bags....to the brim. She ties a bag onto the knob of a cabinet, puts trash in there, and carries it to the garage where it goes into another bag. There is no dumpster or trash can. The dishwasher was full of "stuff". Shoe polish, bags, cleaning products,etc. Everything but dishes. There is no food in any of the cabinets. The dry goods, etc are in the mudroom. She brought back four bottles of wine that were given to her on the day that we left, but she doesn't drink and wouldn't let me have a glass. It was like living with a very "neat" Howard Hughes or a Joan Crawford, who looks one way on the outside but lives differently on the inside. I brought my own blueberries and raspberries, cereal and yogurt for breakfast and when I turned on the light in the kitchen to go through them, she quickly turned it off, so as not to waste electricity. In fact, I had to say, give me 3 minutes with the light so I don't get any rotten berries. In order to take a shower, I had to turn on the circuit breaker to the water heater first. The second morning, I discovered that there was a Dunkin Donuts about 2 miles up the street outside of the locked gate (gated community) so I went for a walk every morning. We ate out 3 times. The first time was an 'early dinner", 3:30 pm at a Chinese buffet. She asked me to walk slow and stooped over a bit, put on dark glasses and wear a hat for the "senior discount". It was her "treat". I declined and said we would go "dutch". Two days later I paid for barbecued ribs, and later in the week a "pizza buffet". The rest of the time, tuna fish once and peanut butter and jelly. She never turned on the cable. I insisted that she get caller ID service, an answering machine and a pay as you go cell phone. She agreed. It took me the entire week to teach her how to use them. The big night out was Thursday. We went to bingo. She had no problem playing ten cards in at a time and plunking down $10 every 10 minutes or so. A tour through her home includes the price and value of everything and it is lovely, no doubt, as is her smaller home that has been completely refurbished. She won't move into that until she sells this one. She is extremely particular and wasn't happy with the state of the many palm trees on her property. I spent the first two days hosing out the mud wasps nest up high in the vaulted ceiling front porch, washing the exterior of the house, and trimming the palm trees. I did not know that the barbs and thorns release some kind of toxin and on day two I had oozing blisters on both arms and all of my fingers. It improved with steroid cream which I am glad I brought. On the third day, I put down 15,000 square feet of fertilizer and fungicide. Pushing a spreader through that Florida grass is a work out. I also mopped every tile floor in that house. I guessing its about 3000 square feet. I didn't know anyone used a string mop anymore!
DH and I are going out for dinner. I am glad to be home, and I won't be ordering peanut butter and jelly. 
The dishwasher, microwave, and the oven have never been used. When her DH was alive, he did all of the cooking.....in the garage. In fact, the garbage can in the kitchen has never been used. I opened up the door to it and it was filled with empty Walmart bags....to the brim. She ties a bag onto the knob of a cabinet, puts trash in there, and carries it to the garage where it goes into another bag. There is no dumpster or trash can. The dishwasher was full of "stuff". Shoe polish, bags, cleaning products,etc. Everything but dishes. There is no food in any of the cabinets. The dry goods, etc are in the mudroom. She brought back four bottles of wine that were given to her on the day that we left, but she doesn't drink and wouldn't let me have a glass. It was like living with a very "neat" Howard Hughes or a Joan Crawford, who looks one way on the outside but lives differently on the inside. I brought my own blueberries and raspberries, cereal and yogurt for breakfast and when I turned on the light in the kitchen to go through them, she quickly turned it off, so as not to waste electricity. In fact, I had to say, give me 3 minutes with the light so I don't get any rotten berries. In order to take a shower, I had to turn on the circuit breaker to the water heater first. The second morning, I discovered that there was a Dunkin Donuts about 2 miles up the street outside of the locked gate (gated community) so I went for a walk every morning. We ate out 3 times. The first time was an 'early dinner", 3:30 pm at a Chinese buffet. She asked me to walk slow and stooped over a bit, put on dark glasses and wear a hat for the "senior discount". It was her "treat". I declined and said we would go "dutch". Two days later I paid for barbecued ribs, and later in the week a "pizza buffet". The rest of the time, tuna fish once and peanut butter and jelly. She never turned on the cable. I insisted that she get caller ID service, an answering machine and a pay as you go cell phone. She agreed. It took me the entire week to teach her how to use them. The big night out was Thursday. We went to bingo. She had no problem playing ten cards in at a time and plunking down $10 every 10 minutes or so. A tour through her home includes the price and value of everything and it is lovely, no doubt, as is her smaller home that has been completely refurbished. She won't move into that until she sells this one. She is extremely particular and wasn't happy with the state of the many palm trees on her property. I spent the first two days hosing out the mud wasps nest up high in the vaulted ceiling front porch, washing the exterior of the house, and trimming the palm trees. I did not know that the barbs and thorns release some kind of toxin and on day two I had oozing blisters on both arms and all of my fingers. It improved with steroid cream which I am glad I brought. On the third day, I put down 15,000 square feet of fertilizer and fungicide. Pushing a spreader through that Florida grass is a work out. I also mopped every tile floor in that house. I guessing its about 3000 square feet. I didn't know anyone used a string mop anymore!
DH and I are going out for dinner. I am glad to be home, and I won't be ordering peanut butter and jelly. 
