Hyphenated Last Names and Addressing Envelopes

[Bearvet]

I just sent out DS's graduation invitations and wasn't sure how to address the envelopes to those with hyphenated last names or where the wife kept her name. Can someone give me pointers so I know what to do in the future?

Scenario 1: John Smith and Mary Jones-Smith ?
Is Mr. and Mrs. Smith okay?
Or Mr. John Smith
Ms. Mary Jones-Smith ?
If including the family is "The Jones-Smith Family" okay?

Scenario 2: John Smith and Mary Jones (she kept her last name)
Basically same questions as above

I'd love to know what's proper. We have friends who hyphenated their last names - the husband also hyphenated his! We have other friends - she kept her name - they have 5 children and alternate last names for each child. So child #1's last name is Smith, child #2's last name is Jones, etc. I guess I just don't get it.

Thanks for your help!

 

[NMAmy]

According to my Office Professional's Handbook (which is more geared toward business correspondence but I use it for personal letters/invitations, as well), use the same title for each spouse that you would use if you were writing to each person alone.

Ms. Mary Jones-Smith and Mr. John Smith

Or for your second scenario it would be Mr. John Smith and Ms. Mary Jones.

It gets even more complicated if one or both of them are doctors.

 

[Simba's Mom]

Hopefully, most people are like DS and DDIL. They have no problem with how their mail is addressed. DS had a hyphenated last name (birth last name hyphenated with DH's). DDIL already had a hyphenated last name (her mother's and father's). We used to tease her-if she tried to put her name with DS's, she'd have 4 last names! I'm pretty sure she kept her hyphenated last name when they got married. DS, even before he married, was used to getting mail in just one of his hyphenated names, either one. Hopefully, the invitees won't mind, but it's so nice of you to be concerned.

 

[pearlieq]

Ms. Mary Jones-Smith and Mr. John Smith

Or for your second scenario it would be Mr. John Smith and Ms. Mary Jones.

Agreed.

 

[lillygator]

We have other friends - she kept her name - they have 5 children and alternate last names for each child. So child #1's last name is Smith, child #2's last name is Jones, etc. I guess I just don't get it.

Thanks for your help!

wow - why would you alternate names? Just to keep your namesake? How confusing!

 

[scrump]

wow - why would you alternate names? Just to keep your namesake? How confusing!

I know people who do this, and they mention how it is much more confusing for everybody else, than it is for them. I thought that was funny.

To the OP, I think it's great that you are concerned about this. I kept my name when I married, and I get misaddressed all the time. Some members of DH's family repeatedly and deliberately address our correspondance incorrectly year after year, so I know they just could not care less.

 

[salmoneous]

You'll never go wrong with either:

<his title> <his full name> and <her title> <her full name>

OR

<her title> <her full name> and <his title> <his full name>

 

[clh2]

I have a hypenated last name, I use strictly my maiden name for work purposes.

Any personal mail can be addresed any which way EXCEPT as:

Mrs. "his-first-name" "his-last-name​

I am not Mrs. John Doe.

Only 2 people do that, and no, I am not going to say anything, been married 17 years now, and I just put up with that one.

Everyone else usually addresses things as - Jane and John Doe.

 

[Pigeon]

Ms. Mary Jones-Smith and Mr. John Smith

Or for your second scenario it would be Mr. John Smith and Ms. Mary Jones.

Yup.

As a woman who did not take her husband's name, thanks for getting this correct.

As for the family members who continue to address mail to Mrs. Hislastname, after a few years, I started marking it "addressee unknown, return to sender." That finally did the trick and made my MIL admit that I kept my name.

 

[lillygator]

a question for those who do keep their own last name?


why? and is it your mother's last name or your father's?

 

[Val]

I have a hyphenated last name, too. My DH and I are both professors. My MIL insists on addressing everything to Dr. and Mrs. Firstname Lastname. And in the morning she greets us with "good morning Dr. and Mrs. Lastname". After 21 years I have given up....

 

[lulugirl]

a question for those who do keep their own last name?


why? and is it your mother's last name or your father's?

Because it's a perfectly lovely last name and I saw no reason to change it.
It is my father's last name.

 

[lulugirl]

I have a hyphenated last name, too. My DH and I are both professors. My MIL insists on addressing everything to Dr. and Mrs. Firstname Lastname. And in the morning she greets us with "good morning Dr. and Mrs. Lastname". After 21 years I have given up....

Wow, that's really obnoxious.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

Because it's a perfectly lovely last name and I saw no reason to change it.
It is my father's last name.

Good answer. For the first 5 years of our marriage I kept my maiden name. Its a long lovely ethnic name and I'm darn proud of it. I had it for 35 years. Its me, its who I am.

Then I just gave up - it got too hard, so gradually I switched over to DH's name, but still didn't do it legally. For our 10th wedding anniversary, I legally changed my name.

He didn't ask me to do it, nor did he even care.


I have Relationship Cindy's Mom. But there is also Independent Cindy's Mom. If Relationship Cindy's Mom walks through this door, she will kill Independent Cindy's Mom. A Cindy's Mom divided against itself cannot stand!

Can you tell nothing's on TV tonigh?

 

[Beth76]

I would just do "The Smith Family", smith being the last name of the husband. That includes everyone living in the house regardless of last name.

 

[pearlieq]

why? and is it your mother's last name or your father's?

Because it's my name.

 

[pearlieq]

I would just do "The Smith Family", smith being the last name of the husband. That includes everyone living in the house regardless of last name.

While I don't doubt that they would understand the meaning, why intentionally address something incorrectly if you know better?

 

[juligrl]

Yup.

As a woman who did not take her husband's name, thanks for getting this correct.

As for the family members who continue to address mail to Mrs. Hislastname, after a few years, I started marking it "addressee unknown, return to sender." That finally did the trick and made my MIL admit that I kept my name.

As somebody with a maiden last name and a married last name that have constantly been misspelled I just dont get this.
"Oh wow look - there's mail for Julie Callahan-Greenwalt again! Too bad I don't know anybody with that name."
When it all comes down to it isn't it just an envelope that ends up in the trash anyhow? What's the point of trying to prove your rightness to each other - seems kind of silly.

 

[linda0706]

My cousin kept her last name. Every year when I send Christmas cards I struggle with it. She's my cousin & I know she doesn't care, but still...

I address it to "The Smith Family". (husband's last name) Before they had kids I addressed it to Mr. & Mrs. John Smith. Is this offensive to those of you who kept your maiden name?

 

[lillygator]

Because it's my name.

but was it your mother's name that she chose to keep or your father's that she chose to accept?