Hyphenated Last Names and Addressing Envelopes

[lulugirl]

I would just do "The Smith Family", smith being the last name of the husband. That includes everyone living in the house regardless of last name.

Actually if the wife has a different last name than her Dh, addressing an invite
"The Smith (husbands last name) Family" would be inappropriate.

 

[Bearvet]

Thanks for all of the responses - I think I've been doing things correctly. If I am addressing it to the entire family is it okay to use "The Jones-Smith Family" or is it better to use "Ms. Mary Jones and Mr. John Smith and Family"?

I've often wondered what happens when 2 people with their own hyphenated names get married - Simba's Mom - I'm glad you mentioned this!

I guess I'm just old-fashioned. I took DH's last name and never gave it a second thought. I don't mind being "Mrs. Bearvet". I also feel that it helps define our family unit - when Mary Jones sends in her PTA volunteer form and her name doesn't match up with any of the students' last names it's hard to know whose mom she is.

That being said, I do respect the reasons people have for keeping their own names or hyphenating and I think it's important to address things correctly. DH's own mother often put "Mr. and Mrs. Bearvet" instead of "Dr. and Mrs. Bearvet" on envelopes. DH worked hard for that degree and should be addressed as such!

Thanks again!

 

[lulugirl]

My cousin kept her last name. Every year when I send Christmas cards I struggle with it. She's my cousin & I know she doesn't care, but still...

I address it to "The Smith Family". (husband's last name) Before they had kids I addressed it to Mr. & Mrs. John Smith. Is this offensive to those of you who kept your maiden name?

I kept my name when I married Dh, my family and friends usually address Christmas cards to The Smith & Jones family.
I dislike being addressed as Mrs John Smith...please just address me as Elisabeth Jones because that's my name.

 

[lulugirl]

Thanks for all of the responses - I think I've been doing things correctly. If I am addressing it to the entire family is it okay to use "The Jones-Smith Family"

That is what I prefer and what I think is appropriate.
You have obviously given this some thought, I think you are a very considerate person for doing so.

 

[pearlieq]

but was it your mother's name that she chose to keep or your father's that she chose to accept?

My mother took my father's name, so I guess it was his. But I've never known him. I didn't keep it for him. I kept it because it was my name.

 

[lillygator]

I guess I still don't get what it is about women keeping their name.....simply because most of the time it is their father's name in the first place.

 

[pearlieq]

I address it to "The Smith Family". (husband's last name) Before they had kids I addressed it to Mr. & Mrs. John Smith. Is this offensive to those of you who kept your maiden name?

If you didn't know any better, no, I wouldn't be offended at all. I routinely answer to Mrs. HisLastName and he routinely answers to Mr. MyLastName. No biggie.

However, if you knew better and still chose to address to The Smith Family or Mr. & Mrs. John Smith, yeah, it would be kind of irksome. That's not my name.

It would be like someone insisting on calling you by your maiden name, even though you changed it when you got married. Or someone just randomly deciding to call you June when your name is Anne.

 

[pearlieq]

I guess I still don't get what it is about women keeping their name.....simply because most of the time it is their father's name in the first place.

Everyone's name is borrowed. Technically a man's name is not his own either--it's passed down from his parents.

The beauty of the system, of course, is that anyone, male or female, can change or not change their name as they see fit. It only becomes a problem when people make it one.

 

[salmoneous]

I would just do "The Smith Family", smith being the last name of the husband. That includes everyone living in the house regardless of last name.

My DW - who does not share my last name, would strongly disagree.

 

[LuvDuke]

I just sent out DS's graduation invitations and wasn't sure how to address the envelopes to those with hyphenated last names or where the wife kept her name. Can someone give me pointers so I know what to do in the future?

Scenario 1: John Smith and Mary Jones-Smith ?
Is Mr. and Mrs. Smith okay?
Or Mr. John Smith
Ms. Mary Jones-Smith ?
If including the family is "The Jones-Smith Family" okay?

Scenario 2: John Smith and Mary Jones (she kept her last name)
Basically same questions as above

I'd love to know what's proper. We have friends who hyphenated their last names - the husband also hyphenated his! We have other friends - she kept her name - they have 5 children and alternate last names for each child. So child #1's last name is Smith, child #2's last name is Jones, etc. I guess I just don't get it.

Thanks for your help!

I kept my maiden name. So, this is the way we like to see envelopes addressed:

Mr. John Doe
Ms. or Miss Mary Smith

You can put the wife's first if you want. Either way, you can't go wrong.

 

[salmoneous]

I address it to "The Smith Family". (husband's last name) Before they had kids I addressed it to Mr. & Mrs. John Smith. Is this offensive to those of you who kept your maiden name?

My wife might find this offensive, as her name isn't "Mrs John Smith." Why would somebody address a card to her using something that isn't her name? It's as if somebody addressed a guy whose name is "Darrin Stevens" as "Derwood Stevens".

Of course, given that you are struggling to find the right name, it wouldn't be a big deal. It's the folks that know her name isn't Mrs John Smith and use it anyway that's offensive.

 

[pearlieq]

Ms. or Miss Mary Smith

Miss would indicate an unmarried woman.

 

[LuvDuke]

Miss would indicate an unmarried woman.

That wouldn't both me at all. What would bother me is someone addressing the invitation to "Mr. and Mrs." when they knew better.

OTOH, my DH gets a special kick out of be called "Mr. My Last Name". He corrects people by telling them he kept his maiden name.

 

[Beth76]

My DW - who does not share my last name, would strongly disagree.

Well I would disagree with your wife. Stating "The Smith Family",when Smith is the head-of-household name, indicates one family. And includes everyone living in that household.

And even a married woman who doesn't take her husbands name can still be referred to as "Mrs. John Smith" because she is Mrs. John Smith. "Mrs Jane Smith" would be incorrect however.

 

[pearlieq]

OTOH, my DH gets a special kick out of be called "Mr. My Last Name". He corrects people by telling them he kept his maiden name.

He sounds like fun!

 

[Northstar]

I guess I still don't get what it is about women keeping their name.....simply because most of the time it is their father's name in the first place.

Well, you're assuming it has to be some big thing against having a man's name... for me, it was more NOT having to go through a name/identity change just 'cause I'm a woman. I kept my name because I spent a lot of years growing into it and making it mine and, you know, I just don't get why it's so important to some people to make the change!

I will answer to Mrs. DH ... no problem! I know who they mean. (But Mrs. Hisfirstname DH makes me cringe. Didn't know anybody still used that form).

But if you know both people's names, why not use them on the envelope? It's never improper to address people by their actual names, and most people will cut you some slack on how to do the Mr/Dr/Mrs/Ms/notitleatall.

 

[lulugirl]

Well I would disagree with your wife. Stating "The Smith Family",when Smith is the head-of-household name, indicates one family. And includes everyone living in that household.

Ummm...who decided that Smith was the head of household name?

 

[LuvDuke]

He sounds like fun!

We've known each other for 22 years and have been married for almost 20 years. There is no one who can make me laugh like my DH.

 

[Beth76]

Ummm...who decided that Smith was the head of household name?

I suppose whichever name has the most people using it.

 

[shortbun]

a question for those who do keep their own last name?


why? and is it your mother's last name or your father's?

I want my old boyfriends to be able to find me.

It's the name I was given. My parent chose to use my father's last name.
One name, all my life. I often just use my first name. Like Cher.