Husband Way Short On Collecting Money; What Should I Do?

[NMW]

I was in charge of going to Macys to buy a $500 gift card for a supervisor at work one time. I had all the money except one guy kept stalling. Finally it was Friday and I ws planning on buying the gift card that weekend to present it on Monday.

He told me that he just didn't have the cash on him. I brightly smiled and told him that it was no problem, I would just give him all the money and he could go to Macys' this weekend and buy the gift card. I told him that I'd just let everyone know that he was handling it. He practically began stuttering that he couldn't go to Macys this weekend...I cut him off and told him I'd have everyone's cash to him at lunch time.

Well lunch time rolls around and I look for him. It turns out he had gone to the ATM machine and was back in 10 minutes with his money towards the gift card. I would NEVER had gotten that cash if I had not threatened to make the purchase his responsibility (and to let everyone know about it).

 

[AmberHeartsDisney]

This is why i never buy anything with out cash in hand. sorry this happened!

 

[Disneybuckeye]

I was in charge of going to Macys to buy a $500 gift card for a supervisor at work one time. I had all the money except one guy kept stalling. Finally it was Friday and I ws planning on buying the gift card that weekend to present it on Monday.

He told me that he just didn't have the cash on him. I brightly smiled and told him that it was no problem, I would just give him all the money and he could go to Macys' this weekend and buy the gift card. I told him that I'd just let everyone know that he was handling it. He practically began stuttering that he couldn't go to Macys this weekend...I cut him off and told him I'd have everyone's cash to him at lunch time.

Well lunch time rolls around and I look for him. It turns out he had gone to the ATM machine and was back in 10 minutes with his money towards the gift card. I would NEVER had gotten that cash if I had not threatened to make the purchase his responsibility (and to let everyone know about it).

 

[DisneyCowgirl]

Is there something he or you both were planning to do or buy soon that would cost about $200? Try telling him that has to be put off until he can collect the rest of the money for the gift card?

OMG! He's a husband, not an 8-year-old.

 

[2binak]

Anytime we give group gifts at my office, the person who bought the gift sends a note to everyone that says, "I bought the "agreed-upon gift" for ______. The cost was $100. Please stop by my desk with your contribution when you have a chance. Thank you to those who have already contributed."

This way, no one is called out by name as not having paid yet and everyone is aware of what the cost was.

 

[thomas998]

You wont see the money.

Apparently your husband doesn't take money seriously... frankly I would say you ask him for the names and phone numbers of the people that didn't pay.... he wont want to give you that because it would embarrass him to have you call, which is fine, now you have the chance to say, "Okay we'll let this slide but only if you promise to NEVER accept the role of money collector again." That would cost you $195, but would also insure you didn't lose more money on this type of thing in the future.

The only safe way to collect money for a gift card is to pass an envelope around the office and then someone uses the money collected to get the card... NEVER take IOUs for things like this.... you will always lose money.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

OMG! He's a husband, not an 8-year-old.

Based on my experience, most husband's act like 8 year olds. Maybe yours doesn't, but some do. And sometimes they have to be treated like that.

 

[crisi]

You wont see the money.

Apparently your husband doesn't take money seriously... frankly I would say you ask him for the names and phone numbers of the people that didn't pay.... he wont want to give you that because it would embarrass him to have you call, which is fine, now you have the chance to say, "Okay we'll let this slide but only if you promise to NEVER accept the role of money collector again." That would cost you $195, but would also insure you didn't lose more money on this type of thing in the future.

The only safe way to collect money for a gift card is to pass an envelope around the office and then someone uses the money collected to get the card... NEVER take IOUs for things like this.... you will always lose money.

He may treat money seriously, but value old friends and generosity to them more. Or really dislike chasing people. Since it bothers the OP though its probably time for her to step in one of two ways.

If his issue is not wanting to chase people, when he does the collecting, she should follow up. She can do this with old friends - but not with coworkers where getting a call from someone's wife would be inappropriate.

If his issue is his generosity, she needs to accept this, and give him some "don't push my buttons" guidelines. And maybe that's just "this bugs me, don't volunteer for this anymore because we never get paid back and it drives me crazy - find some other way to be generous to your friends." But maybe its "get Bob's money before you let him and Suzy sign a card. I adore them over a beer - there is no one I'd rather spend time with, but I'm sick of them not pulling out their wallets to pay for the beer and then driving off in their Lexus."

I guess there is another option - she could hire Vito and Frankie to do collections

 

[allison443]

Based on my experience, most husband's act like 8 year olds. Maybe yours doesn't, but some do. And sometimes they have to be treated like that.

So I guess yours does....don't generalize to "most".

 

[runwad]

OP my DH is like this too. For the past 6 years he has coached soccer. When it came time for indoor he always fronted the money for the entire team fee. Rarely did everyone pay him back. It would really tick me off but he could care less it's only 40 bucks he'd say, ya x 5 people! Whatever. He's not a coach anymore so I don't have to worry about it. And at the end I made him take his own cash down and pay the fee, that way if he didn't get paid back I didn't care. Prior years he'd have me write a check then give me the money he collected. It still didn't matter to him when he didn't get his own cash back either. Money has no importance to him. It's quite frustrating, we are so opposite in that regard.

 

[kathie859]

I am surprised at the number of wives who are prepared to "rescue" DH from a problem of his making. That is so disrespectful. And the comment that husbands are like 8 yr olds? Certainly that was written in jest. If I treated DH like a child or expressed concern that he couldn't handle a problem, he'd be saddened by my lack of confidence in him.

OP, I know you were just venting and this isn't directed at you but I find many of the comments unsettling.

 

[sandynd]

Kathie, you are very lucky to have a grownup husband. I know when I married mine I thought he was a grownup, but he has proven me sadly wrong many times, and unfortunately dragged our family down some bad ways before I decided to step up and fix stuff around us, for my own pride's sake. I guess that makes me guilty of one of the seven deadly sins, and I do regret giving my daughter that example of what a husband does. I just hope she decides she'll never be like me!

 

[kathie859]

Kathie, you are very lucky to have a grownup husband. I know when I married mine I thought he was a grownup, but he has proven me sadly wrong many times, and unfortunately dragged our family down some bad ways before I decided to step up and fix stuff around us, for my own pride's sake. I guess that makes me guilty of one of the seven deadly sins, and I do regret giving my daughter that example of what a husband does. I just hope she decides she'll never be like me!

Sometimes life's just tough. Hang in there and be the strong woman that dd will want to emulate.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

So I guess yours does....don't generalize to "most".

Well, I will correct that...Most of the men that I know act like 8 year olds, mine included.

He didn't know how to handle money before we met and he sure as well still doesn't know how to now either. Sad to say, but he wouldn't know what to do if something happened to me and it is his fault. There are just some men out there like that. Sadly, in the business I work in it is not all that uncommon even for women.

He is a good husband, he just doesn't know how to handle money.

If he did what the Op's husband, he would have to give up something he enjoyed to cover the money he didn't collect and I see nothing wrong with that. I would expect him to feel the same way if I did that.

 

[crisi]

I am surprised at the number of wives who are prepared to "rescue" DH from a problem of his making. That is so disrespectful. And the comment that husbands are like 8 yr olds? Certainly that was written in jest. If I treated DH like a child or expressed concern that he couldn't handle a problem, he'd be saddened by my lack of confidence in him.

OP, I know you were just venting and this isn't directed at you but I find many of the comments unsettling.

Is it rescuing, or is it an acceptable division of labor in their household? When I get my car stuck in the snow in the driveway (a problem of my own making) my husband shovels me out - he's better at that then I am. That isn't disrespectful, its anything but disrespectful. Disrespectful would be to expect me to shovel it out and not offer to help while complaining I was blocking his car. I also hate making phone calls - so if we are having people over, that's his job. But I do most of the bathroom cleaning (no matter how much of the bathroom is a problem of his making - and him being male - much of it!), I doubt he knows where the kids' doctor/dentist/orthodontist/optometrist are, and he hasn't pulled a weed in years. Its possible that her husband isn't good at asking for money (many people are not) and she doesn't mind doing so.

If every time I made my own problem my husband said "well, you made it, you fix it" I wouldn't bother to be married.

 

[ChiCat]

Without knowing why the giftcard was given, it is hard to say what I would do. Well, other than be thankful that my husband was such a generous person that he isn't willing to let $195 completely bother him. If it truly isn't an issue of money (you mentioned he knew it really wouldn't hurt you financially) then I would remind him that the people still owe, and then I would let it go. It is just too hard to hold on to resentment...I know how it can just eat away at a person.

If the giftcard was for something charitable (like a co-worker who was having a real hardship), I would definitely let it go...and then be thankful I was not in the same position as they were.

Money is just that...money. Whether we have a lot or a little, relationships will always matter more.

I haven't read the whole thread but I completely agree with this! My huband and I went out with three of his friends for dinner and drinks a few weeks ago and his friends thought they had the cash on them but didn't they went to the ATM afterwards to pay us back but we all got caught up doing something different. We didn't even realize until later that they never paid us back (I know they didn't intentionally short us, but money is a wee bit tight with a couple of vacations right now) so I said something to my husband and he just said "it's no big deal". And I totally respect him for being a good, generous friend, who cares more about that than money