hurt. *ironic update post 18*

[binny]

So our 15th anniversary is coming in 2 weeks.

We had planned to be on a cruise and renew our vows. Well with his promotion and not knowing when we were going to be moving we canceled that. (we should be on it right now)

So then DH's division wins this trip through to work, its at the Del in San Diego and I was really excited. Then we got the itinerary. the MANDATORY itinerary. It takes up every minute of each day. Its all business related. So now I am spending my anniversary with 200 people that I have almost nothing in common with (at least going from the people I have met so far).
I suggested yesterday that we spend an extra couple of days in San Diego to celebrate, he hasn't touched his vacation time. He totally shot me down!

Then he tells me that he will be out of town the week of our anniversary but has planned to come back the night of our anniversary so we can at least go to dinner.

At this point I just want to bag the whole damn thing and pretend it doesn't even exist. I don't want anything to do with it at all.


I know I am acting spoiled but I am really disappointed. I gave up my cruise plans for this. I had planned on this cruise for a year. A lot of our friends are on this cruise and it was going to be really special. So now that every minute of my "anniversary" is planned and I have to spend it with people I don't know I am supposed to suck it up and be grateful for it?

I am really hurt. He just doesn't seem to care at all.

 

[lillygator]

can't you celebrate it a different weekend? My mom gets hung up on the actual day for her birthday, we'd better do something that day or else....

 

[corndog]

At this point I just want to bag the whole damn thing and pretend it doesnt even excist. I dont anything to do with it at all.

That's what we do every year!

 

[lucyanna girl]

So our 15th anniversary is coming in 2 weeks.

We had planned to be on a cruise and renew our vows. Well with his promotion and not knowing when we were going to be moving we canceled that. (we should be on it right now)

So then DH's division wins this trip through to work, its at the Del in San Diego and I was really excited. Then we got the itinerary. the MANDATORY itinerary. It takes up every minute of each day. Its all business related. So now I am spending my anniversary with 200 people that I have almost nothing in common with (at least going from the people I have met so far).
I suggested yesterday that we spend an extra couple of days in San Diego to celebrate, he hasn't touched his vacation time. He totally shot me down!

Then he tells me that he will be out of town the week of our anniversary but has planned to come back the night of our anniversary so we can at least go to dinner.

At this point I just want to bag the whole damn thing and pretend it doesn't even exist. I don't want anything to do with it at all.


I know I am acting spoiled but I am really disappointed. I gave up my cruise plans for this. I had planned on this cruise for a year. A lot of our friends are on this cruise and it was going to be really special. So now that every minute of my "anniversary" is planned and I have to spend it with people I don't know I am supposed to suck it up and be grateful for it?

I am really hurt. He just doesn't seem to care at all.

I'm sorry. My husband doesn't seem to realize how important things like this are either.

Penny

 

[Michelle67]

I'm sorry. I'd be really bummed too. We usually don't make any big deal out of our anniversary, but it is awful to have such a wonderful plan and then have to scrap it. And spending the time with a bunch of strangers instead just adds insult to injury, doesn't it? I hope you and your husband are able to have a nice getaway soon to make up for this disappointment.

 

[binny]

The date doesnt matter to me at all. I would be glad to celebarte another time but he just doesnt seem interested in it at all.


And here is his reasoning for vacation days. He wants to go to to see HIS family. They hate me. I HATE being there. It is always akward, they treat me like crap and it is NO WAY my idea of a vacation.

Dont get me wrong I dont keep him from his family, I would go and make it work. I would just like some time for OUR family too you know? We havent had a vacation 4 years.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'd just plan something else, at a different time. I've tagged along with DH on business trips, and he's never been able to spend time with me - I had to eat every meal alone! However, I was just along to relax - I knew the deal.

 

[harleyquinn]

Tell him how you feel. 15 years is special to you and you feel like you want/need to do more. Maybe two shorter trips? As in a shorter trip to see his family and one to celebrate?

You reminded me that my 5 year is this summer. I'll be big and pregnant though so I won't want to travel...maybe we can do something for spring break. lol

 

[Tink33]

I get disappointed when things I have planned don't work out so I know how you feel Binny.

But you picked my city to celebrate your anniversary and I would love to help you plan a vow renewal. There is always a break in those mandatory business meetings. Send me an email on the date you will be in town and I will help kidnap your husband to make your 15th anniversary special. tbarri@cox.net

 

[binny]

I'd just plan something else, at a different time. I've tagged along with DH on business trips, and he's never been able to spend time with me - I had to eat every meal alone! However, I was just along to relax - I knew the deal.

Ive done the business trip thing too and planon being alone a lot.
This is a "reward trip" though. The things they have planned are receptions and a ball and an awards dinner... stuff like that. They are sending us on a cruise around the bay which is wonderful but it is still with all of these people. It isnt like he and I would be spending any time together. He would be with all his work buddies.
And every thing has a different dress code. They have dictated everything.



ETA: the more I read this the more I realize I do sound like a spoiled brat. I really dont mean to. I am just really disapointed that this doesnt seem to mean anything to him. That he doesnt see that this is important to me.

I dont ask for something for every anniversary but we have been through so much in the last couple of years and its a pretty big deal for us to hit this anniversary.

 

[wall*e2008]

Celebrate the event not the exact day. We do this all the time. There are many years we are not together on each others birthday or our anniversary. We never miss celebrating the event.

Sometimes we will change the date to a weekend to have more time to celebrate. Who wants to do a fancy dinner after working all day and having 10 meetings that day.

Stop obsessing over this or you will ruin the event.

BTW you can renew your vows in the privacy of your home. Each could write a special note that you read to each other. We have been married longer than you have and we have never renewed our vows. Our original vows have not yet expired.

 

[Heidict]

I can totally understand the dissapointment in missing the cruise. I was be upset also. Heck, who wouldn't be. Tropical islands, tropical drinks.

He wants to see his family and that is great that he wants to spend time with them. Try to work out a comprimise. Tell him that you haven't had a vacation with just you guys in 4 years and you think it would be a good idea to take one. Tell him to plan out a time to visit family and that the 2 of you NEED to plan out a time to for a vacation for just you two.

Hope it all works out for you.

 

[RNMOM]

Binny, I would be very upset too.

I would also be tempted to go on that cruise anyway or somewhere else even by myself. My DH had a job advancement this past year and he is gone all the time. Literally this year he has been home one week since the beginning of Jan. and won't be back for probably 3 more weeks after he gets home on Friday. Right now I just call it job security.

I guess I should be greatful we got married so close to Christmas (the 23rd) because it isn't often he is working at that time and I always get to celebrate the day.

I hope you can find a way to be happy on your anniversary.

 

[mommasita]

You are not acting like a spoiled brat at all.

I agree with the PP. Can you possibly extend your stay alone, or do something with a friend for a few days? Maybe, just maybe he will understand? It won't replace the times you were going to spend, but it may just give you something to look forward to.

I wish it were different, and I can relate

 

[TeresaNJ]

I'm sorry binny. I know exactly how you feel. My ex never felt anything was special, except for his extra-curricular activities such as the four basketball leagues he played in all at the same time, and golf, hence, he is now the "ex". I basically just started doing things I wanted to do with my friends, taking lots of "girl" trips, etc. Of course, my kids were of an age that I was able to do that. Resentment is a nasty little thing once it takes hold, so my advice is to do everything you can to get things back on the track you want it to be on.

 

[wall*e2008]

The date doesnt matter to me at all. I would be glad to celebarte another time but he just doesnt seem interested in it at all.


And here is his reasoning for vacation days. He wants to go to to see HIS family. They hate me. I HATE being there. It is always akward, they treat me like crap and it is NO WAY my idea of a vacation.

Dont get me wrong I dont keep him from his family, I would go and make it work. I would just like some time for OUR family too you know? We havent had a vacation 4 years.

This is sheds a different light on the situation. You both really need to talk and resolve this before it becomes a bigger issue.

 

[robinb]

Binny, I don't blame you one bit for feeling hurt and you are not being a brat.

 

[binny]

As I was typing this whole thing he was actually typing an email to his boss asking him for the time off.
He CC'ed me and it was the exact same time. Maybe we are more in sync than I thought.

He wrote that he was sorry for the short notice but that he had to cancel his plans to be out of town the following week. He needed to spend time with me and was going to extend his trip to San Diego. he said that I had made so many sacrifices for his career that I deserved a break.

So I am feeling rather sheepish at the moment.

I sent him the link to this thread and we talked about it.

Thanks for listening to me rant I appreciate the support

 

[nana2tots]

Our 40th is coming up in March, and we have never done anything, that's Sad !!!!!!!!!!!

 

[SeaShelley]

As I was typing this whole thing he was actually typing an email to his boss asking him for the time off.
He CC'ed me and it was the exact same time. Maybe we are more in sync than I thought.

He wrote that he was sorry for the short notice but that he had to cancel his plans to be out of town the following week. He needed to spend time with me and was going to extend his trip to San Diego. he said that I had made so many sacrifices for his career that I deserved a break.

So I am feeling rather sheepish at the moment.

I sent him the link to this thread and we talked about it.

Thanks for listening to me rant I appreciate the support

This is great news........have a wonderful trip !!!!