Hubby vent-update page 13, post #189

[Mkrop]

If it's only a day or so then she can suck it up. If we're talking wasting gas, how much gas and money is wasted on multiple tee times and heavy clubs in the trunk of a car? As far as time is concerned, whomever earns more per hour is the time that shouldn't be wasted.

well that is a load of horse crap and that would not fly here...I dont earn on red cent but my contribution is just as great to this family and I dont appreciate someone wasting my time. If I didnt do what I do on a daily basis then my DH could not work the hours he does to earn all that. He could not travel for work, we would be juggling the childcare and responsibilities equally like so many parents do every day, but no one esp DH better discount the contribution.

And if her DH wants the kids to quit golf then yes that is an option that needs to be on the table but I honestly doubt the DH would entertain that one at all.

 

[ols386]

I
It's very interesting to see all the posters agree with the OP when all you hear is one side of a story. And every time a little chink is put in the armor, the OP comes back to tell you, again, why she, and only she, is right.

If I was told by my wife that the only solution to our problem is for me to ride a city bus to work, I'd probably respond with, "It's not the only solution, you could walk to YOUR job." I am sure that was a totally flippant remark, used by him in a joking manner, but all of a sudden you may as well print it in the Magna Carta, cuz by God he meant every word of it....lol.

On any threads that are started, don't we always ONLY know one side of a story? We form opinions on the information we do have.

You don't know if the husband's remark was flippant or if he was serious. You disagree with the op, so you assume it was flippant.

 

[RitaE]

I'm pretty sure my husband would agree with Bob NC - I just couldn't see him giving up his car so the kids can do their extra activities.

Our boys share a third family car but that was something we both agreed on and didn't really stretch our budget. But if we hadn't agreed on that the options would be

1. Kids choose activities that have easier transportation
2. Kids find car pooling solution - probably with Mom and Dad agreeing to reimburse other family for gas/mileage. We used to do that.
3. Kids find way to buy their own car.
4. Kids work their schedule around when Mom and/or Dad agree/are available to pick them up. I used to sit for hours after practice doing my homework waiting for my Dad to get off work and collect me. No way in HADES would anybody have suggested that he just let me use his car and he take the bus. I can't even imagine it.

Hope it works out for the OP

 

[ols386]

well that is a load of horse crap and that would not fly here...I dont earn on red cent but my contribution is just as great to this family and I dont appreciate someone wasting my time. If I didnt do what I do on a daily basis then my DH could not work the hours he does to earn all that. He could not travel for work, we would be juggling the childcare and responsibilities equally like so many parents do every day, but no one esp DH better discount the contribution.

And if her DH wants the kids to quit golf then yes that is an option that needs to be on the table but I honestly doubt the DH would entertain that one at all.

Yes it is.

 

[Mkrop]

I'm pretty sure my husband would agree with Bob NC - I just couldn't see him giving up his car so the kids can do their extra activities.

Our boys share a third family car but that was something we both agreed on and didn't really stretch our budget. But if we hadn't agreed on that the options would be

1. Kids choose activities that have easier transportation
2. Kids find car pooling solution - probably with Mom and Dad agreeing to reimburse other family for gas/mileage. We used to do that.
3. Kids find way to buy their own car.
4. Kids work their schedule around when Mom and/or Dad agree/are available to pick them up. I used to sit for hours after practice doing my homework waiting for my Dad to get off work and collect me. No way in HADES would anybody have suggested that he just let me use his car and he take the bus. I can't even imagine it.

Hope it works out for the OP

#4 is certaninly an option but this is not an activity that happens at the school, we just went on a tour of a HS for DS and yes the school is open late so the kids can go to the library after practice, but is there anywhere for them to hang out at the golf course (not sure the clubhouse and members would like that). This is not your typical after school activity.

If Dad wants the kids to play golf then he needs to be part of the solution whatever that is, not just dump it in the OP's lap. If he could care less, then this thread could have ended several pages ago.

 

[Hercules10]

WTH ever happened to if kids wanted their own car they'd earn the money for it and buy it for themselves? Tell the twins to find a job they can walk to or ride their bikes to.

Now I miss my POS Datsun B210 that I bought for $500....

 

[Bob NC]

No way in HADES would anybody have suggested that he just let me use his car and he take the bus. I can't even imagine it.

Yeah. I was shocked that 10 pages of posters didn't say the same thing.

 

[FredinFL]

well that is a load of horse crap and that would not fly here...I dont earn on red cent but my contribution is just as great to this family and I dont appreciate someone wasting my time. If I didnt do what I do on a daily basis then my DH could not work the hours he does to earn all that. He could not travel for work, we would be juggling the childcare and responsibilities equally like so many parents do every day, but no one esp DH better discount the contribution.

And if her DH wants the kids to quit golf then yes that is an option that needs to be on the table but I honestly doubt the DH would entertain that one at all.

This works for me on so many levels. I still don't understand why it would be a big deal for dad to take the bus two days a week. Really I don't. I don't know the insideoutandforwards of the whole thing, but if dad wants the twins to keep excelling at golf, he's gonna have to do something different than what's being done now. No one says it'll be forever for crying out loud.

 

[Mkrop]

WTH ever happened to if kids wanted their own car they'd earn the money for it and buy it for themselves? Tell the twins to find a job they can walk to or ride their bikes to.

Now I miss my POS Datsun B210 that I bought for $500....

That is fine and something I did but then I had no time for any after school activities, which actually stunk as a high schooler let me tell you. And once again this is golf people, you cant exactly ride a bike with clubs on your back, plus who in know if the course and or the tournaments are even in a reasonable riding distance.

This works for me on so many levels. I still don't understand why it would be a big deal for dad to take the bus two days a week. Really I don't. I don't know the insideoutandforwards of the whole thing, but if dad wants the twins to keep excelling at golf, he's gonna have to do something different than what's being done now. No one says it'll be forever for crying out loud.

Well thanks Fred

 

[Mkrop]

Yeah. I was shocked that 10 pages of posters didn't say the same thing.

Then Bob what is your suggestion for this family, how would your dad handled this siutation?

Bc although I loved my dad, his suggestion would have been to not have a girl play sports, what was the point...or he made me get a job to earn that car that then made it impossible the sports if he even allowed me. Mom wasnt an option bc we only had one car, and he would not let her get a license....

Let's hope the OP's DH is a little more evolved than that.

 

[undertheradar]

Each car is rated, not each driver. If you have 5 drivers and two cars, either DH or I get rated on one car and DS18 is rated on our other car as an occasional driver. His rate is the same as adding DS16 when they get "added". In our state you add them at the first renewal after they get their license (we renew in late June so between now and then they aren't rated on our policy). If we get a 3rd car one of the kids will be rated as a primary driver on that car and our insurance will go up about $60/month from the other $60/month increase we saw when DS18 was added (depending on what car we get). Realistically we will drop our Saturn down to liability only and have the kids rated on that car and the increase with doing that will be negligible (couple dollars/month).

So your new drivers are insured even though they aren't added yet? How would it work if they wrecked your newer auto and you only had them insured for liability only? I don't know why the insurance company would cover full value if you only had them listed as liability only?

 

[cheshireqt]

Hi OP, at first I did not understand why golf was so important, but my 8th grader just informed me (without my even mentioning this thread) that he learned today that the two most underused/overlooked scholarships in America are golf and chess! Thinking about signing him up!
I think I would tell DH that you have done what you can, now he needs to use he genius to figure out the transportation for the kids. I get frustrated with my DH as well in this regard, he always assumes I will figure all the logistics out and then wonders why I become furious when he shoots something down b/c it inconveniences him in some way. Some things to prod his thinking along: he can go in earlier and come home earlier. Or he can come home before the end of his workday to drive them to their sport and then go back to work, with you picking them up. I bet there are tons of other possibilities to look into.
The more pain and burden those solutions put on him, the more likely he might be to finally arrive at a brilliant solution, something you would have never thought of in a million years - "hey hon how about I ride the bus!"

 

[kinntj]

Sorry, but I'm going to side with your DH on this one.

There is NO WAY on God's Green Earth that I would be considering buying a car for teenagers who just got a license a week ago. Any teenager in my house wants to drive a car, they will do it in my car when it is convenient for ME, or when they purchase their own car and pay for the gas and at least some of the insurance.

As the adult in this situation, I would not expect myself to be standing at a bus stop and riding a bus to work and back when my CHILD could ride the bus instead.

Interesting thread. While I sympathise with Dad, he's the breadwinner and why should he be inconvenienced? Maybe the teens could go to the bargaining table with him and leave mom out of it.
I know, this is not a typical response for me. lol!

If the teens left mom out of it, then she couldn't come to the DIS to discuss it. That wouldn't be right.

I see no reason for the breadwinner in the family to take a bus to work for any reason, other than him wanting to.

I doubt most of the posters on this 10 page thread would voluntarily take a bus to and from work either. (I know that most of you will now post that you'd be more than happy to.)

I haven't worked hard at my career to now give up all my freedom by living on a bus schedule.

Geez, he can't stop by a Starbucks on the way to work for a coffee, ( I KNOW you will now post that he hates Starbucks and would NEVER even think of stopping anywhere on the way to work.)

He can't leave work and stop off with the guys, (I know, he's never done that either), or go by the driving range at lunch, (You don't have to say it, I know, I know), or even drive the long way home just because he wants to unwind a little.

It's very interesting to see all the posters agree with the OP when all you hear is one side of a story. And every time a little chink is put in the armor, the OP comes back to tell you, again, why she, and only she, is right.

If I was told by my wife that the only solution to our problem is for me to ride a city bus to work, I'd probably respond with, "It's not the only solution, you could walk to YOUR job." I am sure that was a totally flippant remark, used by him in a joking manner, but all of a sudden you may as well print it in the Magna Carta, cuz by God he meant every word of it....lol.

Sure, there has to be another solution to your families transportation problem right now, but, don't get all puffed up before the hubby gets home just based on all the adoring posts that agree with your one sided post.

Can I get a Woo Hoo!

I have to agree with OP's husband. Maybe your AP class kids can come up with a solution on their own. Don't they know how to solve their own problems?

 

[FredinFL]

Wow, you people sure get spicey on a subject!

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

But it's not just that he doesn't want to give up his car. He also doesn't to provide a car for the kids. And his solution for the problem is to have his wife walk four miles to work and four miles back. He doesn't sound like a "provider" to me. A man who truly wants to provide for his family wouldn't insist that his wife walk four miles to work when it's within his power to spare her. A real provider, will make compromises to take care of his family's needs, instead of saying "No, I don't WANT to" like a toddler. To me, a real provider does more than just provide a paycheck. He provides care, and protection, and a good example.



I do not believe the bus goes to the golf course.

I believe I did state the girls should be responsible for buying their own car. NO PARENT has to purchase their child a car at 16. It is a luxury. If they want it, get a job, earn the money, and buy it!! From the posts from the OP both of them have provided more than they should have. Time for the girls to start doing a little bit for themselves.

I am also a believer that the "you walk" statement was off the cuff and in the heat of an argument. She forced his hand when she took something he earned as an adult.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

And OP hasnt provided for the family???? Maybe not in a monetary sense for years but she has provided. If there was a bus to the golf course, or there were carpools to be had, I would say dad needs his car. Since there isnt, he can suck it up for day or so, esp if the bus goes right by his work





And it doesnt sound like the OP does not want to be inconvienced, it sounds like she does not want to something illogical as driving further and wasting gas and both of their time.

I do believe I said immediately after stating that the husband was a breadwinner, in quotations that the OP HAS ALSO PROVIDED...

 

[FlightlessDuck]

We are a family of two driving adults and two kids with activities 4 out of 5 days of the week. We have ONE car.

My wife drops me at a bus stop on her way to work and I take the bus to my office. I have no problems with the bus. It gives me about 20 minutes to listen to a podcast, watch a video on YouTube, or catch up on the news (on my smartphone).

But getting home has been a pain in the butt. One day a week there is barely enough time for me to get in the door before one of the kids has to go to an activity. I'm beginning to crave a second car.

Fortunately your kids do drive so your husband doesn't have to worry about getting kids to activities. I say he should suck it up and take the bus.

Or you can take the bus to your job.

Besides, it saves on gas.

 

[Andtototoo]

WTH ever happened to if kids wanted their own car they'd earn the money for it and buy it for themselves? Tell the twins to find a job they can walk to or ride their bikes to.

How long would it take a teen to earn enough money to buy even a crappy car and pay for insurance and gas these days?

We figured that out for ourselves. At my teen dd's rate of pay, it would have taken her 1.5--2 years to be able to buy a reasonably reliable car (because sorry, I'm not having my teen daughter driving around in a junker that could break down) and even longer to save up enough to pay for tax, title, registration, insurance, and gas. By the time she did so, she'd be in college and wouldn't need a car any more. (And in our town, there is no public transportation, due to the weather she could only use her bike -- if she had one -- from April to October and only if I'd allow her to ride along the shoulder of a county highway. Not gonna happen.)

 

[Swan4Me]

When my oldest turned 16, she got a car. We Paid cash for it and got minimal insurance. She was the driver to and from school for herself and younger sibling at high school. We had no school bus or city bus service & I had been the chauffer long enough.

How did the older son manage HIS activities/work when he was in High school?

And there is no wasy in H E Double hockey sticks my dH would ever ride a city bus-here only the poorest folks ride the bus.

 

[GAGirlInVA]

When I said I see his point, I'd be a little put out that as an adult parent in the household I'd be asked to give my car to a teenager. I can't imagine living my life to a bus schedule.

Now, I never said that it was right to make the wife walk/ride a bike/etc either.

Could the son carpool? Or ride the bus?

We have one vehicle. We do what it takes to make it work. But I wouldn't be jumping at the chance for my husband take the bus.

And I'll also say, that the city that we are from doesn't have a very widely used public transportation system so that could be coloring my view as well.

And we don't feel it is a requirement that our children have their own vehicle on our dime either.