HR Disers please help with Cover Letter!

[LK03]

I'm at a stand still of what I should write in my cover letter. I have a standard one but after last week's flight when I overheard a conversation I've been thinking maybe I ought to change it.

There was a woman who was talking quite loudly to three other people about cover letters. It seemed that maybe she works in HR and was giving her opinion on potential employees. She said she knew within the first three sentences if she'd interview someone. She said if they mentioned that their company was a great one, NOPE and if they had one exclamation point anywhere, NOPE.

I think in my current cover letter I may use both of those. I don't know why anyone would apply to a place they did not think was great, and if they think that business is great, why not let them know? Also, I use exclamation points to show my enthusiasm, I thought that's what they were used for.

So, I've been contemplating if I should just revamp the ol' cover letter to really show my personality, say for example:

"Are you looking for a creative, punctual, hard-working, detail-oriented, quick, fast learning, entry level college graduated who needs a job and is willing to try anything once individual? Well, don't look any further, I'm just your candidate. I'm relocating to (insert city) and am looking to get my foot in the door even if you may think I'm overqualified I want to work for (insert company name) and am looking for longevity."

Is this what HR recruiters are looking for? Or something like this:

"I graduated recently from University with a Bachelor of Arts in Business Administration. I believe my academic background has given me the necessary skills to be successful in this position.

My background has been centered on customer service but I want to use my education to move into a more business-focused position. As you will see from my resume I do not have professional experience in the financial world but I do have a solid education that would make up for that. I had several accounting and finance classes working with spreadsheets, journal entries, cash flow and balance sheets."

I need some help. I'm getting ready to send out 50 or so resumes, and am hoping a few people will let me interview.

 

[nightowlky]

I would drop wishy-washy verbs and qualifiers like "believe" and "might" if you have them in there. Be confident and up-front.

Focus on what you want to do in the next step of your career and sell yourself as a solution the company cannot live without!

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

I don't work in HR, but I have a couple of pointers:

1) avoid talking in passive tense...use active verbs. They'll make you sound as if you have actively participated in your experience...not just that your experience has happened whether you wanted it or not.

Instead of: "I believe my academic background has given me the necessary skills to be successful in this position."

Try: "My proven level of academic success in the field of finance creates an opportunity for your company to remain profitable."

2) Never use phrases such as "looking to".

3) Never make a point of your lack of skills or education. Show instead how what you have to offer will bring a level of satisfaction to make any company proud.

That's just a few points. If you want to IM me, I'll be happy to read your cover letter and offer some ideas of how you can use it to get what you want!

 

[MareQ]

I don't even read the cover letters..... I am a short and to the point person - the resume should tell the story. Plus I get so irritated reading things like "as you can see I have many years of experience with..." If it's already in your resume why waste my time pointing it out again?

ETA: I am also a STICKLER for "rule following". If I am asking for emailed resumes I WILL NOT download attached files and I specify that. I ask for resumes to be copied and pasted into the body of the email and also specify that they must include salary requirements. Any person that doesn't do that isn't even considered. If you cannot do what I want right off of the bat then there's no way you have a chance of even getting in the door.

Just goes to show that no matter how hard you try - you are just not going to appeal to everybody. Put forth what makes YOU feel comfortable and go from there.

 

[LK03]

I don't even read the cover letters..... I am a short and to the point person - the resume should tell the story. Plus I get so irritated reading things like "as you can see I have many years of experience with..." If it's already in your resume why waste my time pointing it out again?

I exactly agree! I just don't know how to phrase "I couldn't afford to take an internship in a city 3 hours away from my home because I had to earn some money for the school year and I am willing to try just about anything." Maybe I should just put that, get right to the point.

 

[mamacatnv]

Personally as a person in HR, I hate long winded cover letters. I look for the position of interest, the salary requirements as requested and whether or not the applicant is requesting that their inquiry be kept confidential or not.

Anything else I need to know should be contained in the resume.

 

[Mary Anne]

First thing I look for is the job title reference in the Subject line. If I don't know what job you're applying to I don't bother even reading the cover letter.