How would you word this and would you be offended?

[Skywalker]

Just a minor issue but I was wondering about your opinions.

There is a group of mothers where my children take tae kwon do. They sit during the whole class and chat and gossip. I don't want to join in with them, when I stay I like to actually watch the class.

There is this one particular mother who always tries to force me into the conversation, like asking me what I think and always turning the conversation to me somehow. I belive she thinks I am just shy and she is trying to be friendly and include me the group. But I don't want to really join in. I don't mind a five minute how are you doing thing, but then I want to watch and listen to the class not gossip.

So, I would like to try and tell her (since my numerous hints and obvious body language have not worked) to leave me alone. I want to word it in such a way that is not rude, or offends her or hurts her feelings. (Maybe this is because of the type of mother I have - if I said something to her she would probably cry and say I didn't want her in my life, )

So, two questions really.

1. How would you go about getting the point across with no hurt feelings and
2. Would you be hurt/offended if you were on the receiving end of a "leave me alone please" type of talk.

Keep in mind I really do like these people and don't want to be hostile with them.

Thanks for any help!!!!!!!!!!

 

[happygirl]

I would tell them you would love to get together some time to vist, but right now you are trying to watch your son

 

[npmommie]

Just a minor issue but I was wondering about your opinions.

There is a group of mothers where my children take tae kwon do. They sit during the whole class and chat and gossip. I don't want to join in with them, when I stay I like to actually watch the class.

There is this one particular mother who always tries to force me into the conversation, like asking me what I think and always turning the conversation to me somehow. I belive she thinks I am just shy and she is trying to be friendly and include me the group. But I don't want to really join in. I don't mind a five minute how are you doing thing, but then I want to watch and listen to the class not gossip.

So, I would like to try and tell her (since my numerous hints and obvious body language have not worked) to leave me alone. I want to word it in such a way that is not rude, or offends her or hurts her feelings. (Maybe this is because of the type of mother I have - if I said something to her she would probably cry and say I didn't want her in my life, )

So, two questions really.

1. How would you go about getting the point across with no hurt feelings and
2. Would you be hurt/offended if you were on the receiving end of a "leave me alone please" type of talk.

Keep in mind I really do like these people and don't want to be hostile with them.

Thanks for any help!!!!!!!!!!

Well I think no matter how you say it out loud, it won't come out right.
Is there any place to watch the class that is farther away from them so they can't get you into the conversation? another part of the room perhaps?
I don't think I would come right out and say leave me alone, but I would not chat if I didn't feel like it , I would politely answer, but then thats it, I would go back to being engrossed in watching the class. they will hopefully get the hint.

 

[monkeybug]

Can't you just continue to give short one or two word answers and then return your attention back to the class?
I don't know if there is a polite way to say "please don't talk to me"...maybe tell her you have such a busy life and that this is really the only time you have to give the kids your complete attention??? Let her know that you appreciate that she try's to include you in the conversation, but that you prefer to give the class your undivided attention?
I wouldn't be offended if someone told me they preferred to be left alone...but some people might have difficulty separating your issues from theirs and I could see how that would offend. I wouldn't say anything, but that's just me.

 

[Mom-to-2-Princesses]

I would say "Hi gals, I am going to anti social today! My son/daughter made a special request that I watch him/her today instead of chit chatting." Just be happy and breezy and touch base with them before class starts.

 

[Lucky4me]

I would come in, say a friendly hello to each one of them by name, then with a big smile, say I really want to watch the class, it's so fascinating to me! Then move as far away as possible, even moving a chair across the room if need be. They can't talk to you if you're not within talking distance. If anyone is offended by that, tough.

 

[laurie31]

Are you allowed to take photos of the class?

If so, bring a camera and say you scrapbook and want to do a page in your DS's book on the class. (you don't actually have to TAKE any photos, just have the camera out and watch intently for "photo ops")

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I would just say I like to watch the class.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You are pretty much hosed on the offensive part. Now how can you lessen the blow?

If she asks you what you think you could say....."i am sorry I didn't hear you because I am trying to watch the class".

Now of course "gossip people" are going to gossip about your response. So you can't escape it but you could try and get the message across a little sterner without it being too much of a blow to the queen bee's ego.

 

[mjkacmom]

I guess I am one of those chatty moms (although my dad takes ds6 to Tae Kwon Do) - I wouldn't understand why you couldn't talk and watch your son at the same time. Then again, after so many years of taking my kids to countless activities, I'm the mom who would much rather gossip than watch my kids swim/skate/do gymnastics/soccer/baseball/football/basketball/dance... But seriously, I manage to watch and talk at the same time.

 

[npmommie]

I guess I am one of those chatty moms (although my dad takes ds6 to Tae Kwon Do) - I wouldn't understand why you couldn't talk and watch your son at the same time. Then again, after so many years of taking my kids to countless activities, I'm the mom who would much rather gossip than watch my kids swim/skate/do gymnastics/soccer/baseball/football/basketball/dance... But seriously, I manage to watch and talk at the same time.

LOL, me too.
I chat and watch, I have gotten good at it

 

[cheerful chickadee]

I'm more like you, I'd rather not chat. I appreciate any quiet time I can get and would enjoy just sitting back and watching my son. I'm not sure on how to word it to not offend someone though, anything you say will probably be taken in a bad way and you will be gossipped about. I'd probably just go the whole "ignore" route and when they repeat something to me or ask if I heard them I'd tell them no because I was watching the class. Maybe they'll give up trying.

 

[suejai]

I would say "Hi gals, I am going to anti social today! My son/daughter made a special request that I watch him/her today instead of chit chatting." Just be happy and breezy and touch base with them before class starts.

I think this is probably the best approach. It lets them know you aren't unfriendly but that you prefer to watch. Any other way would feel like a slap in the face. Although I do think they are being a bit obtuse in not reading your body language.

 

[mickeylove2]

Do what I do... put my earbuds in and listen to my ipod while holding an open book in front of me. I am 1 of those moms who has been to them all; cheerleading/dance/gymnastics/soccer/t-ball/baton twirling/girl scouts/swimming/and so on...I use the practice times to catch up on my reading or schoolwork since I'm in college too. Then I leave the competitions/game days/meets or other EVENTS as times to focus on them and actually watch and pay attention. I'd rather not gossip or chit chat, I've got too much going on in my life to really care about so and so or such and such.

What ever you decide, good luck and stick to it, they will catch on eventually!

 

[shortbun]

I think if you laugh and say, "I'm sitting as far away from you guys as possible today so I can resist the urge to chat instead of watch XXX in the class. You all are a horrible temptation to me, lol!!! Maybe we could set up a time without kids to go to lunch!!" Big smile and wink while you take your chair across the room and put in your ear buds.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

Do you really want to watch the class, or are you more annoyed about the mothers?

I have a similar situation. I walk to the bus stop to pick up my children everyday. The mothers are very chatty and catty and I don't really like to get involved in that. I've started to bring my mail and go through it as I stand at the stop. I just look up and say a quick hello to anyone to comes up.

I would bring a book or magazine to class. Then sneek a peek or two at your son.

 

[Skywalker]

Is there any place to watch the class that is farther away from them so they can't get you into the conversation? another part of the room perhaps?

Unfortunately the viewing area is so tiny we are stuck in each other's faces.

Are you allowed to take photos of the class?

If so, bring a camera and say you scrapbook and want to do a page in your DS's book on the class. (you don't actually have to TAKE any photos, just have the camera out and watch intently for "photo ops")

Yes, I could try this. It would get suspicious every week though wouldn't it?

You are pretty much hosed on the offensive part. Now how can you lessen the blow?

LOL.

I think if you laugh and say, "I'm sitting as far away from you guys as possible today so I can resist the urge to chat instead of watch XXX in the class. You all are a horrible temptation to me, lol!!! Maybe we could set up a time without kids to go to lunch!!" Big smile and wink while you take your chair across the room and put in your ear buds.

I'll try it too.

Do you really want to watch the class, or are you more annoyed about the mothers?

It's actually both. I really am interested in the class. I like hearing the lessons and explanations the instructor gives them (I'm a geek I know), plus, I am not a big chatter anyway.

Anyway, class was last night and I got off easy. The moms decided to go out for coffee instead of staying. They invited me and I said no because I do actually enjoy watching the class (HINT HINT!!!)

I go back Wednesday so I'll decide by then which method to try.

Thanks you guys are great. (All of you, not just the ones I quoted. It is just that I just learned how to use the multi-quote feature and I'm rockin' it,lol).

 

[yoopermom]

I'm VERY surprised that your sensai allows the moms to talk constantly throughout the class (unless you're behind glass). We're required to be quieter in ours than in church! (Sign of respect and all...) Is there any way you could ask him/her to address the issue in that way? Kids are easily distracted, and should be listening to their instructor, not the moms chatting!

Oh, and I do the open book in front of me while looking up and down thing, too, when the one mom comes who likes to ignore the above edict.

Good luck!
Terri