How would you react?

[firstcruise]

This question came up at work today and so I thought I'd post somewhere were LGBT and straight people could answer.

How would you respond if some asked if you were gay? Would you be offended?

My response was that I would say I'm gay and it wouldn't offend me no matter who asked. I've been out to everyone for a very long time, so it's not a big deal to me and most everyone knows.

I'm inclinded to see the responses from fellow LGBT and straight people. How would you respond?

One thing I did say was I would follow up their question with one of my own...Why do you ask?

 

[stemikger]

It really depends on who asked. I personally think if it was not someone you know well I might feel a little offended. Or maybe it was a person who was trying to come out themselves and sensed that you were so they were looking for advice. It's hard to tell people's motives and unfortunately because there are people who are still prejudiced against gay people that might put me on the offensive. I do agree with asking them why they are asking.

I'm a straight male, but I do know a bit about the subject because my daughter is gay and I know how she feels about it. She always says that although she is proud of being gay and totally out with it, it doesn’t define her as a person just like being straight doesn’t define a straight person. It is just a part of who she is but not the complete definition.

P.S. I live in New York and am so happy that gay people can get married. It’s about time. . .

 

[deakam]

I don't know if I would be offended...I really don't see the point in asking the question in the first place. I am a straight female and I don't judge people on sexuality. If you are having sex in my front yard or making out in the booth next to me at McDonalds I might comment about keeping it private but I really don't care who you are making out with.

Isn't that the whole point of the gay movement---live and let live---I really don't care if you are gay or straight. I kind of find the question somewhat humorous. Has anyone ever asked the question "are you straight?" I think both questions are a bit personal---Kind of like asking a woman what size bra she wears. Not really any of my business.

I have never really been one for labels. I don't think I have ever introduced some one as my gay friend or my straight friend they have always just been my friend.

 

[furb & dez]

Depending on who is asking, where it was asked, and in what context, my basic answer would be somewhere along the lines of "yeah, and?" (more polite or less polite based on the criteria listed)

 

[firstcruise]

I don't know if I would be offended...I really don't see the point in asking the question in the first place. I am a straight female and I don't judge people on sexuality. If you are having sex in my front yard or making out in the booth next to me at McDonalds I might comment about keeping it private but I really don't care who you are making out with.

Isn't that the whole point of the gay movement---live and let live---I really don't care if you are gay or straight. I kind of find the question somewhat humorous. Has anyone ever asked the question "are you straight?" I think both questions are a bit personal---Kind of like asking a woman what size bra she wears. Not really any of my business.

I have never really been one for labels. I don't think I have ever introduced some one as my gay friend or my straight friend they have always just been my friend.

Excellent points! I would never ask anyone that direct question, not even a close friend, because to me it doesn't matter. If I like you as a person it won't matter if your LGBT or straight and most people I come into contact with are pretty much the same.

The question came up when discussing how to ask someone out on a date and that's when it was asked how do you asked someone for a date if you don't know their gay? Would you be offended if someone asked you?

I thought it was an interesting question since most straight people don't even think about it, they just ask for a date, but most gay people do if you don't know if the person is LGBT?

I think an easier way to find out is talk about things LGBT related to see if they respond or drop a hint by saying your boyfriend/girlfriend/partners/wife/husband or your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend etc. That way the other person will know you are LGBT and that might lead to them telling you.

I'm still interested to see how other people would react to this question. I'm a masculine guy, so people are somewhat shocked at first when I tell them I'm gay, but to me it's a non-issue.

 

[Dead Robot]

I get asked if I'm a T-Rex all the time. Darn these tiny arms!

Seriously, if I were to be asked if I were straight or gay, I'd respond with laughter

 

[daannzzz]

It would depend on who was asking and how they asked it. If a lady coyly asked me (I am a gay male) I would respond with a simple yes. If some dudes sarcastically asked me in a means spirited way I am unsure how I would react. If it was something in between I am sure I would answer just, yes.

 

[deakam]

Would you not already know someones preference before asking them to spend one on one time with you? I like your point of dropping hints in conversations. To flat out ask seems a bit forward.

 

[Gypsybear]

Simply put, I would answer the question (and yes, I'm a gay male). I would then follow it up with the following...

"While I'm glad that you felt comfortable enough to ask me that question, other people might not take so well to being asked, so I would err on the side of caution, and perhaps keep my questions to myself. If someone wants you to know, or feels you should know, for whatever reason, I'm sure they'll tell you."

I personally wouldn't ask anyone that question, even if the person was pretty open about his/her orientation. There are too many HR issues that come along with these sorts of questions, and I personally don't have the time or the interest to deal with said issues. But that's just my opinion.

 

[furb & dez]

"While I'm glad that you felt comfortable enough to ask me that question, other people might not take so well to being asked, so I would err on the side of caution, and perhaps keep my questions to myself. If someone wants you to know, or feels you should know, for whatever reason, I'm sure they'll tell you."

I personally wouldn't ask anyone that question, even if the person was pretty open about his/her orientation. There are too many HR issues that come along with these sorts of questions, and I personally don't have the time or the interest to deal with said issues. But that's just my opinion.

These are good points. While I'm sure plenty of others make it work just fine, I've always kept my work/home lives separate. I prefer my personal time to be with people I want to be with, not people I have to be with!

 

[wallyb]

This question came up at work today and so I thought I'd post somewhere were LGBT and straight people could answer.

How would you respond if some asked if you were gay? Would you be offended?

It does not "Offend" me - but when you really think about it -
it's kinda like them asking what you like to do in the bedroom.
It's not really a first topic of conversation - "Hey, How are you? How do you like to get it on?"

 

[MAF]

Asking someone if they are gay is something I have never, and will never do. I feel its more appropriate to let them tell you if they so choose. Before I was out, a cousin asked me if I was gay in a room full of people and it was one of the most humiliating times of my life. Of course I was forced to say yes, even though honestly I wasn't ready for everyone to know at the time. So, IMO, its better to be safe than sorry and to let the other person tell you by their own free will.

 

[ConcKahuna]

It does not "Offend" me - but when you really think about it -
it's kinda like them asking what you like to do in the bedroom.
It's not really a first topic of conversation - "Hey, How are you? How do you like to get it on?"

Well Wally.....I don't think most people will need to ask in some cases

 

[firstcruise]

What varied responses so far! I like to get other peoples opinion on topics and this is definately an interesting one. It's also opened my eyes a bit as to how other people can be offended by the question and how each of us respond differently.

One thing I thought about was how would I respond if the question was posed negatively? I must say that I would be offended first off and then go off on the person asking and make it an unpleasant experience for both of us. My reaction would be the complete opposite if someone was politely asking and had a good reason for doing so.

I'm with everyone and have never and would never ask the question directly to anyone. If they want me to know they will tell me.

Thanks for all the responses so far.

 

[aquahollic]

It really depends on who asked. I personally think if it was not someone you know well I might feel a little offended. Or maybe it was a person who was trying to come out themselves and sensed that you were so they were looking for advice. It's hard to tell people's motives and unfortunately because there are people who are still prejudiced against gay people that might put me on the offensive. I do agree with asking them why they are asking.

I'm a straight male, but I do know a bit about the subject because my daughter is gay and I know how she feels about it. She always says that although she is proud of being gay and totally out with it, it doesn’t define her as a person just like being straight doesn’t define a straight person. It is just a part of who she is but not the complete definition.P.S. I live in New York and am so happy that gay people can get married. It’s about time. . .

my 2 cents: I feel the same as your daughter. I don't hide the fact that I'm gay, nor do I run around announcing it to the world. Anytime I've been asked that, I have definately followed it up with "why do you ask?" as a PP stated.

 

[OKW Lover]

Good question. Being straight I never thought of this before.

I guess I'd be a bit offended since I don't think this is anybody's business. Basically, stay out of my life.

But, I suppose if it were somebody I had gotten to know well then I wouldn't mind the question.

 

[wcpamotm]

I think a lot depends on context. I don't quite equate the question with "What exactly do you like to do in the bedroom?" but it may not be the best thing to ask right after meeting somebody new.

But, deny it or not, it is one of the many aspects about you that make you the person you are, and as such becomes less inappropriate as a relationship develops. Perhaps along the same lines as "Are you Jewish?" or "Oh, I didn't realize you were left handed!", it would be ok as a way of getting to know more about a friend and deepening a relationship. I'd like to see it as such a rather nonchalant subject rather than as offensive.

Again, though, context is not to be discounted. For the forseeable future, the question will have much different ramifications in a big American city than it would in trouble-plagued Uganda.

 

[Plaid Princess]

I'd probably respond the same way I do when people ask me how tall I am... I'd ask them why it matters to them. I wouldn't be offended, but I would use the moment to teach the questioner that they potentially could offend someone with their query.

 

[Celidh]

I think it would depend on the context of the question.

I have been basically asked that same question but not in those exact words. I don't go around telling people I am a lesbian but I also don't hide the fact that I live with a woman. If someone asks me if the person I am speaking of (my partner) is my gf, I say yes. It is not something many people would outright assume though. I don't have the stereotypical "look" but am not girly either. Also, I have three kids so being a lesbian is generally not the first conclusion people jump to.


My neighbour made a comment the other day about getting my husband to help me put a shutter up when he is home next. I almost laughed my butt off at that since we have been split up for 6 years. My kids' dad does come around every week or two and maybe he just assumed... well, we all know what happens when people assume. I didn't bother to enlighten him because my sex life is really none of his business because as someone else said, it's not like I'm doing it on his lawn!

Really though, I probably wouldn't be offended unless it was in an insulting manner. I don't broadcast my sexuality but also don't hide it if asked.

 

[greenkai3000]

While I don't think it's an appropriate question to ask of anyone regardless of their sexual orientation, I would not hesitate saying "Yes, I am"

But knowing my wicked sense of humor I'd also say something like "Are you a heterosexual/man/woman/robot, or anything along those lines to catch them off guard.