How would you react?

[Wishing on a star]

Does BiL have a problem with boundaries, or was this a momentary lapse in judgement... That would probably determine my reaction.

If you do feel that this needs addressed.... (AND, YOU ARE NOT WRONG... YOU HAVE THAT RIGHT... IT WAS YOUR PURSE!!!!!) Please be smart enough to have your husband handle it by having a discreet conversation with the guy. (it is your husand's brother, right???) Personally, I would NOt say a word to anyone other than my DH...

Always, ALWAYS, remember, you can not control another person's actions attitudes... But, you are responsible for, and can control your own reactions... Personally, I would not be leaving my purse laying around around my inlaws if this is a problem.... I would only have what is necessary in there, and, at the very least I would have it completely tucked away, like covered in a towel, under my chair...

Personally, I TOtALLY agree with you...
Both the purse invasion and the unwanted photograph would make me feel totally violated!

Sometimes one must choose their battles (Good lord, I am full of cliches here )
Just make sure that this is a battle you want to choose.

Anyhow, brothers are sometimes big on this kind of thing...
I am getting the feeling that now that you all are grown and married, your BIL does not see that a new set of boundaries apply. Your personal affects.... whether it is a beach bag, a purse, or WHATEVER.... any personal effect at all, should be off limits.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

His wife was sitting next to him, she had a camera he could have used.

OK, I guess I'm wrong. I'll move on.

I'd let it go, but I'd be angry about having my picture taken than the purse thing. I don't consider "beach bags" to have the same level of sanctity as a regular purse, but it is odd that he didn't use their own camera.

Maybe he wanted to use your camera so later on while you were looking through your pictures it would be a surprise.
While I don't care much for people going through my purse, I have no issues with someone going through my beach bag.

My thoughts...he wanted to surprise you when you developed YOUR pics.. I'm sure he meant well....

 

[snapppyd]

Does BiL have a problem with boundaries, or was this a momentary lapse in judgement... That would probably determine my reaction.

I agree, that I would be tempted to let it go.

If you do feel that this needs addressed.... (AND, YOU ARE NOT WRONG... YOU HAVE THAT RIGHT... IT WAS YOUR PURSE!!!!!) Please be smart enough to have your husband handle it by having a discreet conversation with the guy. (it is your husand's brother, right???)

Always, ALWAYS, remember, you can not control another person's actions attitudes... But, you are responsible for, and can control your own reactions... Personally, I would not be leaving my purse laying around around my inlaws if this is a problem.... I would only have what is necessary in there, and, at the very least I would have it completely tucked away, like covered in a towel, under my chair...

Personally, I TOtALLY agree with you...
Both the purse invasion and the unwanted photograph would make me feel totally violated!

I would have loved a nice picture of us with our eyes OPEN. We look like we are laid out at a double wake

 

[Sal]

I agree that it is best to let it go, but it was wrong for him to get in your purse. Sounds like his intention was innocent.

However...PICTURES OF ME IN MY SWIMMING SUIT???? Am I the only one who would be glad that they were on my camera...so I could quickly delete them!

Sal

 

[Wishing on a star]

I would have loved a nice picture of us with our eyes OPEN. We look like we are laid out at a double wake

Yes, it is very obvious to me that this particular shot was NOT meant to be something nice... NOT even the remotest possibility....

Now, a nice sillhouette of you and your DH standing on the beach arm-in-arm...

What your BIL did....

No question about it.

 

[phorsenuf]

Last week we spent the week at the beach with my inlaws. While DH and I had our eyes closed, relaxing near the shoreline, my BIL went into my purse, took out my camera and snapped a few pics of us. He left my bag open with some of my stuff out in my beach bag.

It's not the pics that bother me. I feel a woman's purse is off limits. You don't open it without permission. Even my DH won't go in my bag. Yet, when I found out and got mad (after seeing the pics on my camera hours later and realizing why I found my bag open), DH said his brother was trying to do something nice.

How would you feel in this situation?

Yes, it is very obvious to me that this particular shot was NOT meant to be something nice... NOT even the remotest possibility....

Now, a nice sillhouette of you and your DH standing on the beach arm-in-arm...

What your BIL did....

No question about it.

Sounds like an awesome shot to me. Totally candid. What could be better than a picture of a couple sitting on a beach relaxing in the sun listening to the waves break along the shore. Just the picture in my head makes me think tranquility.

 

[snapppyd]

Sounds like an awesome shot to me. Totally candid. What could be better than a picture of a couple sitting on a beach relaxing in the sun listening to the waves break along the shore. Just the picture in my head makes me think tranquility.

Believe me, if you had seen it you would have sent flowers and a mass card. Not a flattering picture by any means. But again, it's not the picture that bothers me, it's the invasion of my privacy going into my closed bag, then leaving it open with DH's wallet and car keys in there.

 

[teacups]

In the name of harmony I will some day end up biting off my tongue

Well there you go! When you do bite off your tongue... put it in your purse so he grabs that thing next time! Talk about a cure!!!!!

 

[lovemygoofy]

I think something like this all depends sometimes on whether you had siblings or not. I didn't have siblings for the longest time and to this day do not like when people go through my things. I don't have anything to hide; I just don't like people taking the liberty with my stuff. I don't really consider my purse a big thing but I HATE when people go through my desk at work while I'm gone. I don't know why I just do.

I'm with the crowd about being pissed but quiet about it as it wouldn't do any good to complain about it.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I have a "beach purse". We put our beach badges on the outside, and it holds our car keys, wallets, chapstick, tissues, cell phone, a credit card for shopping, some cash etc. We don't walk to the beach, it's a drive, and we need stuff.

I just can't imagine going through his wallet without permission, and to me it's the same thing.

To me that's a beach bag and not a purse and it has completely different rules. You use it specifically for the beach. I have a bag that we do that with as well (just at the beach this weekend). I have no problem with someone going through the beach bag looking for sunblock, car keys, tissues, etc. But that's just me. I've been accused that if I get any more laid back I might slip into a coma.

 

[snapppyd]

To me that's a beach bag and not a purse and it has completely different rules. You use it specifically for the beach. I have a bag that we do that with as well (just at the beach this weekend). I have no problem with someone going through the beach bag looking for sunblock, car keys, tissues, etc. But that's just me. I've been accused that if I get any more laid back I might slip into a coma.

Nope, the beach bag is the LL Bean tote that holds towels, suntan lotion, etc.
This is a zipped purse, obviously different (if you saw it you would understand). Just because I use it at the beach doesn't make it any less "mine".

 

[AshleyW]

Yes, it is very obvious to me that this particular shot was NOT meant to be something nice... NOT even the remotest possibility....

Now, a nice sillhouette of you and your DH standing on the beach arm-in-arm...

What your BIL did....

No question about it.

I must be missing something, because I NEVER got any impression that he was trying to be mean. It sounds like a BIL who saw his family members relaxing at the beach and wanted to capture the moment for them. Lots of people have pictures like that - myself included. Yeah, some women might not be okay with people going through their purse, but I think in this case, in his mind, the ends justified the means.

 

[Tink888]

I'm with the crowd on this one. I'd be ticked but his intentions were good. I'd let it go.

 

[Darsa]

To me that's a beach bag and not a purse and it has completely different rules

I would be willing to bet that that's what he was thinking as well.

I would DEFINITELY delete any picture unfortunate enough to have a shot of me in my bathing suit in it, but I truly believe that your BiL meant no harm by what he did. I take a LOT of pictures and the canded shots are ALWAYS nicer and more well-received than the "posed" shots.

I totally understand the boundary issue, I would have been irked at the fact that he went into my bag. I would definitely have let it slide though, unless of course something went missing from the bag. That would be a whole separate issue right there.

 

[Hercules10]

Believe me, if you had seen it you would have sent flowers and a mass card. Not a flattering picture by any means.

KEWL! Post it so we can see!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Jersey Justice for your BIL. Were you anywhere near the Pine Barrens?

 

[Psuhusker]

I would be happy that I now have some great pics of my hubby and I relaxing on my vacation and say thanks to my BIL!!

 

[Kathi OD]

To me that's a beach bag and not a purse and it has completely different rules. You use it specifically for the beach. I have a bag that we do that with as well (just at the beach this weekend). I have no problem with someone going through the beach bag looking for sunblock, car keys, tissues, etc. But that's just me. I've been accused that if I get any more laid back I might slip into a coma.

I'd see that as a beach bag too, but then it might just have something to do with going to the beach almost every day in the summer for the past 50+ years. If it's brought to the beach, it's community property. What's in my bag is yours, what's in your bag is mine.

Most of the things that OP has in her zippered bag I'd have locked in the car. Can't imagine why you would actually need a credit card or wallet on the beach. Throw the car keys and a few dollars in the bag with the towels for the ice cream man and be done with it.

Jersey Justice for your BIL. Were you anywhere near the Pine Barrens?

Personally, I'd be more upset with him taking a picture of me while I appeared to be sleeping, than him going in the bag for my camera. For me that's just creepy. However I'd let the whole thing go. It's not a big enough deal to create a family feud over.

 

[jen0610]

I have a "beach purse". We put our beach badges on the outside, and it holds our car keys, wallets, chapstick, tissues, cell phone, a credit card for shopping, some cash etc. We don't walk to the beach, it's a drive, and we need stuff.

I just can't imagine going through his wallet without permission, and to me it's the same thing.

I too have a special purse that I take when we go to the pool or beach. It is only used for this purpose. I only put in it what we will need, DH's wallet, a coin purse that holds our money and my drivers license, eyeglass holders, a comb. It's called a purse only because it's a Vera Bradly bag and DH and DS would not be caught dead carrying it. Anybody in our party is free to put stuff in it and get in and out as they need. So someone getting into it, would not be an issue with me.

If it were my every day purse, then that is another story. NO ONE is allowed in my purse. The only exception, would be in case of a medical emergancy. I don't go thru DH or DS wallets and I don't go thru DD's purses. Even if DH tells me to grab a $20 outta his wallet, I walk it over to him and he gets it out.

 

[snapppyd]

I would be happy that I now have some great pics of my hubby and I relaxing on my vacation and say thanks to my BIL!!

They were not great pics, read above.

I'd see that as a beach bag too, but then it might just have something to do with going to the beach almost every day in the summer for the past 50+ years. If it's brought to the beach, it's community property. What's in my bag is yours, what's in your bag is mine.

Most of the things that OP has in her zippered bag I'd have locked in the car. Can't imagine why you would actually need a credit card or wallet on the beach. Throw the car keys and a few dollars in the bag with the towels for the ice cream man and be done with it.

We are from NYC and would NEVER leave a wallet in our car. We have had our car stolen in the past, some habits don't change. The beach is a 30 mile drive and we go to the grocery and liquor store on the way home. That is why we carry our credit card. I'm really kind of surprised that I have to defend myself to other women about this issue.