how would you handle this ?

[postage stamp]

SCRUB, Christina. SCRUB!!


I love that movie.

I should've know you'd know where to find the boys and the booze.

 

[NHdisneylover]

would some kind soul please explain the wire hangers to me? I am not getting the reference

 

[maxiesmom]

Anyone else wish they could find this poor girl and give her a hug? And maybe adopt her?

 

[postage stamp]

Anyone else wish they could find this poor girl and give her a hug? And maybe adopt her?

 

[postage stamp]

would some kind soul please explain the wire hangers to me? I am not getting the reference

From the movie Mommy Dearest. It's an EXCELLENT reference for what is going on here.

 

[kaseyC]

would some kind soul please explain the wire hangers to me? I am not getting the reference

Joan Crawford "Mommy Dearest" movie and book.

 

[golfgal]

I remember you posting that you had no curfew for your 15 yr old DD

Sorry-some kids will chat and play video games all night long-and DO need a "lights out" time on school nights
Also -the OP is worried about the long distance and driving late at night with snow-a real concern

Could she stay with her Mom on date nights? (Not sure what happened to make her live with you???)

No, our kids don't have a set curfew other then the town curfew of midnight. What time the kids come home depends totally on what they are doing and it might be 10:00 one night and midnight another. Our kids figured out all on their own that if they stay up too late they are tired in school the next day so they know when they need to go to bed. We don't have to have a "rule" about that.

 

[tlbwriter]

would some kind soul please explain the wire hangers to me? I am not getting the reference

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mommy_Dearest

 

[PatsMom]

would some kind soul please explain the wire hangers to me? I am not getting the reference

I can't remember the name of the movie but it was based on the biography of Christina Crawford, Joan Crawford's adopted daughter. Joan had a thing about wire hangers and scrubbing the bathroom. It is a really great movie!

 

[TLuvsD]

You need to go to collegeboard.com and look at the dates for the upcoming SAT tests. If you look now you should be able to plan a January test in addition to the spring test at the high school (you can take the test anywhere, it doesn't have to be at "your" high school). Then do the same for the ACT. It sounds like she missed the PSAT--it's given on one wednesday and one saturday in Oct (at D's high school it was last Saturday).
More familarlity with the tests=higher scores. Hit the bookstore and pick up the prep guides for both (or check the local library).
You need a college list asap. She might need to take SAT Subject tests this spring. Find out what you state university requires now.
She really needs to do her homework in her room, away from distractions and with the laptop. And you may want to reconsider the no tv rule--the high school homework load can be very intense. Our D is in 4 AP's and 2 IB classes, the kid is always doing homework. If we did no tv until homework is done, we could get rid of the cable. You don't want the younger kids resenting DSD because they can't watch when their homework is finished. Having DSD in her room (with laptop) gives her the chance to finish in quiet, while the younger kids get to watch a show (and so would you). Really, D spent hours last night on her laptop on an English essay. She gets amaing grades, there is no way I want her to take less time, etc. The solution is for her to work in her room--usually on her bed rather than at her desk, laptop in front of her. It works for her.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I think there's also a lot of resentment coming from OP for two reasons: SD's mother who seems to be making everyone's life hell, and a DH who is uninvolved. I think she's retaliating against having to parent a child who is not hers because the people who are her parents aren't doing their jobs. Unfortunately, the trickled down affect (all crap rolls downhill) means it winds up at the feet of her SD. I also think OP is resentful because SHE HAS NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER. She's made it abundantly clear that SD has no where else to go, so even if she wanted to say no (which I think she does) she doesn't have an option without picking up and leaving DH.

I really hope everyone can sit down and share their true feelings (specifically OP and DH) before SD moves in. Then sit down with SD and provide a united, caring, reasonable set of rules. Think of it as a union contract dispute -- a little give and take on both sides will make for a much happier environment for everyone.

 

[tlbwriter]

"I also can't work from 2-4 every other Saturday because my step-mom has a 'planned family activity'."

OP, are the planned family activities going to be mandatory, or will she be able to work (assuming she gets a job) and miss those events?

 

[RachaelA]

would some kind soul please explain the wire hangers to me? I am not getting the reference

Its from the movie Mommy Dearest about a controlling mother. You can youtube the clip about the wire hangers.

 

[Longsx3]

How would I handle the OP's situation is definitely not the same way as what he suggested.

Look I get being strict, I am a fairly strict parent to my DD(14) ask her she will tell you. However bedtimes, no cell phone and mandatory family fun is a sure fire disaster for a 16yr old going through the changes she is about to endure. You need to understand that you simply can't reasonably expect her to move into your home and immediately conform to your way of life. You need to find a middle ground, one that will make her feel comfortable in her new home and that will have minimal impact on the other kids in the house.

Bedtime for my DD is 1030, that is a guideline not hard and fast. Her bus comes at 645 so if she is not working on school work I would prefer she be in bed then, typically does not happen and it is not the end of the world.

Weekends (fri & sat) have just become part of her thing, I typically still drive her so it is just whenever the event is over. Just recently we have started having friends over for movie under the stars with a bonfire in which case the kids left by midnight.

As for your DSD providing her own insurance, have you determined how much that will be...can she even work enough to earn that? We have always believed DD needed to work as well but honestly I am not sure that will happen. Grades come first, volunteering then sports/ school events it doesn't really leave time for a job. At least not one where she can earn enough to pay her own insurance.

We are only a family of 3 and are use to doing everything together now that DD is older it is starting to change, sometimes it is because her friends are doing something but most often it is because she rather sit home and do nothing. I just simply won't make her go because I want her to.

 

[postage stamp]

And I think i'd rather gnaw my own arm off than be around a teenager who thinks they have somewhere better to be. you think that's gonna be "family fun"? Out of your mind.

 

[LiberalPrincess]

I think there's also a lot of resentment coming from OP for two reasons: SD's mother who seems to be making everyone's life hell, and a DH who is uninvolved. I think she's retaliating against having to parent a child who is not hers because the people who are her parents aren't doing their jobs. Unfortunately, the trickled down affect (all crap rolls downhill) means it winds up at the feet of her SD. I also think OP is resentful because SHE HAS NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER. She's made it abundantly clear that SD has no where else to go, so even if she wanted to say no (which I think she does) she doesn't have an option without picking up and leaving DH.

I really hope everyone can sit down and share their true feelings (specifically OP and DH) before SD moves in. Then sit down with SD and provide a united, caring, reasonable set of rules. Think of it as a union contract dispute -- a little give and take on both sides will make for a much happier environment for everyone.

I think you are right, but the fact is that she married a man with a daughter. That was completely her choice. And it seems like her daughter (who is not her current husband's) does not seem to have to face similar resentment from her husband, so why should any of it ever be directed at his daughter? I guess is baffles me why her husband's daughter should not get the same considerations and respect as hers. His daughter is as much a part of the family as her daughter, and should never be made to feel otherwise.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

 

[jen0610]

would some kind soul please explain the wire hangers to me? I am not getting the reference

They are comparing the OP's mindset to that of Joan Crawford. That was one wacked out woman and rules. The OP is very quickly reaching her level.

And I fully agree with those that say, by not helping the two teens set up a morning schedule, she is setting up the step-DD to fail. Because you just know her Precious wouldn't ever do anything to upset the family harmony. Just that girl who is being forced upon them.

The home the OP could give this kid... and the prison that this kid is going to. What a shame. She will need lots and LOTS of serious consuling in the years to come. But I am sure that wouldn't fit into the OP's schedule.

 

[pyrxtc]

looks mighty

 

[RachaelA]

love it!!