How would you handle this?

[stsomewhere]

There are 12 kids on our block. Our neighbor has 2 boys , 10 and 9.
All of them get along fine except those 2. The oldest one is constantly starting fights and can not get along with anyone.

My Ds-12 decided a few years ago that he did not want to play with him because he was mean. Kicking people in the privates if he did not get in the way. The neighbor boy starts fights and will tell his mom if the other kids are not listening to him or giving him what he wants.

Last summer, he was hitting a neighbor girl with a bat and had the police called on him.The mother blamed the girl, even though her mom was sitting on the porch and stopped it.

I have told my kids not to play with him and ignore him. My son is getting more and more upset by him. The neighor boy was throwing rocks at our dog( I did not see- but there was rocked all over our driveway ). We have a 7 ft. privacy fence, so they had to be thrown over the fence.

The mother has two set of rules. Her kids and others. We have told our kids to just be polite to her. I know my kids are not angels and will say something if they feel wronged. they have come inside many times upset because she reprimanded them in some way. She does not like anyone to disrespect her. I tell them just to ignore her.
Neither one of my kids play with them. I do not let them play on their lawn, in their backyard, etc.

Lately, they have been playing soccer and baseball across our driveway into our front yard. I feel like a old crab since I do not want them playing in my yard. They like to use my car as a back stop. I have asked them many times not to play there. So, now I hear balls hitting the side of my house, side door, and garage.

I have been in the backyard when they yell not nice things to the kids playing in our backyard. I have let them come over in the past where I can monitor them. I usually send him home for fighting.

One day, my DS let him come in a play. He had a friend coming over and told the neighbor boy he had to go home when the friend got there. When the friend got there, the Nboy did not want to go home. My Ds told him it was time to go. The Nboy was screaming at my Ds that he did not need to listen to him. He did not have to go home. I told him it was time to leave. A few minutes later, the mom called me yelling at me that her son came home crying
because my DS did not want to play anymore and why would I let this happen. Our friends could not believe it. They were amazed since the Nboy was fine when he left here.

Tonight, my DS had a different friend over. They were swimming . My DD came in the house and told me my neighbor wanted to talk with me. Apparently, DS friend made a funny face at her because she asked them not to squirt the trampoline with water guns. She was upset.

I spoke with the boys and they said that they were squirting them over the fence because the neighbors were throwing large mud balls at them. There was mud all over the driveway along with mud balls golf ball to softball size.

I went back to the fence and told her what I found out. She did not care that
her kids were throwing mud , just that my DS friend made a face at her. She said she asked them not to squirt the Trampoline. The Nboys were on there with there squirt guns.

She said that she did not want to get into it with me. She would not put up with disrespect. I told her that her kids did not respect me. I asked her why she did not come over herself and had yelled for DD. She said she did not want to disturb us if we had company. So, instead she yelled it from her back porch about 20 ft away from me. ( We have a section of the fence that is a gate to access next to our garage). Everything that I had tried to set aside came out- how her kids throw balls, speak to the other kids, her different set of rules. Again, she told me she did not want to get into it with me.

I do not want to fight with my neighbor, but I am sick of it. The neighbor(80 yr old couple) on the other side of me calls him "Demon Boy". He has gone into their backyard and ran over all there flower bushes on his bike. One was 4 ft high. He said he thought it was a dandelion.

Any suggestion would be terrific. We use to invite them/ be invited to parties at each other houses. We stopped that a few years ago. It was just too much drama. We now occasionally talk in the front yard.

 

[DawnCt1]

My first impression after reading your post rather quickly is that it is not appropriate to invite someone over "until the friend arrives". This immediately sets up an adversarial situation. The best thing to do is to recognize that this family is difficult and being friends with them is too much work. Meet with the mom and tell her that the best thing for both families is to take a 6 month break. Don't blame her kids. Don't blame your kids. Toss it up to incompatibility.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Have you tried talking to the police? I don't mean a formal complaint. Just have a discussion with an friendly local officer to see what he advises. Many cops are near-experts at resolving neighbor disputes.

 

[bunkkinsmom]

Ugh how awful!! I pray you resolve it!

 

[xanphylus]

Ugh! I feel your pain. I hate annoying neighbors who can't control their kids. Or worse, choose not to, as in your case. I used to have a neighbor like that- her child could do no wrong in her eyes, too bad the rest of the neighborhood didn't have her eyes.... lol.

The only thing you can do really is to ignore them. Don't let the kids over to your house, and don't let your kids go to theirs. You can't stop them from seeing each other at mutual friends houses- but if your kids don't like them anyways, chances are your kids will leave if the other kids show up. You might seem mean, but at least you won't have the hassle of dealing with her kids. I guess talking to your neighbor is probably out of the question. She doesn't see the problems right now. She will later, but for right now- all you can do is avoid them.

We learned that the hard way- after the neighbors kid said that our dog bit him as he ran through our fenced in backyard throwing rocks at our dog who was chained on a lead. Even better- the dog supposedly bit him inside of his mouth! Yeah..... yup. The dog opened his mouth and bit his gums to the point he needed stitches (which we got to pay for). In reality, which his mother would not believe, he was running through our yard while chewing on a pencil when he fell and the pencil cut into his mouth. And yes, we had the joy of finding the bloody pencil in our yard and showing it to his mother to no avail.

Just try to distance yourself from them as much as possible. Eventually you may have to try talking to her again, but just let the steam wear off for now. Sorry you have to deal with this.

 

[stsomewhere]

My first impression after reading your post rather quickly is that it is not appropriate to invite someone over "until the friend arrives". This immediately sets up an adversarial situation. The best thing to do is to recognize that this family is difficult and being friends with them is too much work. Meet with the mom and tell her that the best thing for both families is to take a 6 month break. Don't blame her kids. Don't blame your kids. Toss it up to incompatibility.

OP here. i agree with this. This was something my DH allowed while I was at the store. The NBoy played for an hour before the friend arrived.They live 2 hours away. Nboy knew before he came in that he would only have about an hour to play. It was during the winter and he wanted to play Wii.

My Dh does not like to be the bad guy. So, he will say yes to anything.

 

[stsomewhere]

Have you tried talking to the police? I don't mean a formal complaint. Just have a discussion with an friendly local officer to see what he advises. Many cops are near-experts at resolving neighbor disputes.

We haven't called the police yet. I wanted to resovle this neighborly. We have lived next to each other for about 12 years.

The people who live on the other side of them have called them a few times. It did not solve anything. Our neighbors just do stuff to make them mad-nothing illegal. One time they both got ticketed.


ETA:
When my Dh got home tonight, I told him what went on. He laughed and said we know how she is. One of her pet peeves is tattling. If Nboy hits someone and that person tell on him, they will get lectured for tattling. My DS friend made a face at her and she tattled on him.

 

[stsomewhere]

Ugh! I feel your pain. I hate annoying neighbors who can't control their kids. Or worse, choose not to, as in your case. I used to have a neighbor like that- her child could do no wrong in her eyes, too bad the rest of the neighborhood didn't have her eyes.... lol.

The only thing you can do really is to ignore them. Don't let the kids over to your house, and don't let your kids go to theirs. You can't stop them from seeing each other at mutual friends houses- but if your kids don't like them anyways, chances are your kids will leave if the other kids show up. You might seem mean, but at least you won't have the hassle of dealing with her kids. I guess talking to your neighbor is probably out of the question. She doesn't see the problems right now. She will later, but for right now- all you can do is avoid them.

We learned that the hard way- after the neighbors kid said that our dog bit him as he ran through our fenced in backyard throwing rocks at our dog who was chained on a lead. Even better- the dog supposedly bit him inside of his mouth! Yeah..... yup. The dog opened his mouth and bit his gums to the point he needed stitches (which we got to pay for). In reality, which his mother would not believe, he was running through our yard while chewing on a pencil when he fell and the pencil cut into his mouth. And yes, we had the joy of finding the bloody pencil in our yard and showing it to his mother to no avail.

Just try to distance yourself from them as much as possible. Eventually you may have to try talking to her again, but just let the steam wear off for now. Sorry you have to deal with this.

How horrible! Sorry you had to go through that.

 

[danalee]

Pray they move!

I feel for ya as we had a "Demon Child" here in our neighborhood a few years back, just reading your post gave me chills thinking about the kid

Mean, hatefull you name it...and his mother was your typical "not my kid"

I tried to be nice, we tried ignoring them, nothing ever worked. We started out like you guys, picnics and such at each others places and so on. but he just never stopped...evil to the core...

We had a BIG blow out,(the mother & I) I mean nasty blow out where for about 15 minutes straight without taking a breath, I told her every reason why the entire neighborhood could not stand her "Demon Child" I just could'nt take it anymore
Thankfully they were in the process of buying another house at this time and moved within 1-2 months of our little tiff

and if that dont tell ya something, our neighborhood had a going away party the day the were leaving...they werent invited...just the rest of the neighborhood

If I were a betting woman...the kid has to be in juvie or jail by now

so as far as advice goes...avoid them at all cost, I know its hard, trust me but hopefully they move

 

[lovin diz]

We have one too!! We moved to a new development, so both us and our neighbor moved in at about the same time. DD and her son are the same age. The kids were out playing ball next to my window, and the ball went through the window. I came out and got onto them BOTH!! she was outside and came screaming at me saying i had no right to correct her son....So, we put up a fence and everything has been ok since. after 8 years The kids dont see each other much anymore.

We are putting our house up 4sale and i wanted to be a good neighbor and tell her, not just let her see the sign in the yard....The boy answers the door. I said, is your mom home? He says, may i ask what this is regarding? I said i just need to tell her something?? He said i need to know what before i let you in?? WTH?? then she came to the door..didnt correct him or anything?? IMO he needs a swat on the behind...I better not ever hear my dd talk to an adult like that...

Good luck!! I see you already have a fence so that is not an option... We have been there to...(maybe you can get on to her kids while she is outside...then you might not see them for 8 years or so )

 

[golfgal]

I would do what I could to get the kids on camera-when they are throwing rocks, mud, etc. I would scoop up all the mud, rocks or whatever the tossing implement is that day and deposit it on their front step. I would NOT allow the kids to play at my house any longer and would instruct my kids to come in the house if those kids start bugging them. Even if they just come in for 15 minutes and then go out to the backyard, just the message that they are no longer welcome to play would HOPEFULLY sink in. If they are tossing rocks at your house or car, I would call the police. You HAVE tried to be neighborly and they don't get it. If you still want to be "neighborly" I would invite mom and dad over and have a serious talk--especially if you can get their kids on video and SHOW them. If they still won't do anything, inform them that you will be calling the police every time their kids are damaging your property. Eventually one of their kids will get hurt on your property and I would bet anything they will try to sue you.

 

[Anjelica]

I feel for you.

I would not let the child over to my house anymore and cut all communications with the problem neighbor as much as possible. You don't have to be overly rude, etc. but I would not invite the drama into your lives as much as possible (i.e. letting the son come over to the house).

I hope you get some peace soon.