How would you handle this? ****UPDATE****

[phorsenuf]

I got a call today from the school supertendents (sp?) office saying my DS-12 has been suspended from the bus for throwing rocks. I wasn't home, this was the message. I called him back when I got home but he was gone.
Anyways, my son comes home and I ask him what happened. 3 kids took a handful of fishtank gravel (it was in a bucket on my porch) and brought it on the bus and were throwing it at each other. My son got hit a couple of times so after a point, he threw 2 pieces back. Of course he is the one that gets caught and suspened. None of the other kids got in trouble.
Now, (flame away or whatever) but I know my son is telling the truth. I can tell when he is lying without a doubt!
I asked my other son who was on the bus what happened and he told me the same thing. Only he didn't see my son throw any.
I know they didn't get into cahoots because 1. They don't see each other at school and 2. My older son went to a friends house directly from school and didn't have a chance to speak with his brother. He didn't even know that the bus driver detained him before going into the school.
I intend to call the supertendents office tomorrow and find out why the kids who were the actual culprits are not kicked off the bus. Yes, I intend to raise some hell, well, in the nice way I tend to raise it! LOL
So, I'm curious, what would you all do????

ETA: I asked both boys if there were cameras on the bus and they both think so. I'm going to find that out tomorrow too.

 

[minmate]

I guess I'd keep fishtank gravel off my porch from now on! lol -- NO -- Just kidding! Really, I don't know what to do... how does your ds feel about it? Will he feel like you're ratting out or raising hell on his friends? Will getting the other two boys in trouble make life harder on your son? Or will it make everyone feel better in the long run? Or are you just trying to get your son out of being suspended -- assuming he didn't do anything wrong? Oy vey -- glad my kids are little -- don't know that I'm looking forward to their growing up -- little kids, little problems -- big kids, big problems!

 

[phorsenuf]

Originally posted by minmate
I guess I'd keep fishtank gravel off my porch from now on! lol -- NO -- Just kidding! Really, I don't know what to do... how does your ds feel about it? Will he feel like you're ratting out or raising hell on his friends? Will getting the other two boys in trouble make life harder on your son? Or will it make everyone feel better in the long run? Or are you just trying to get your son out of being suspended -- assuming he didn't do anything wrong? Oy vey -- glad my kids are little -- don't know that I'm looking forward to their growing up -- little kids, little problems -- big kids, big problems!

Well...it's my hubbys gravel, but we won't even go there......LOL
He doesn't care about ratting them out because he doesn't feel it was fair at all that he was the only one that got in trouble. I don't care either because these kids are troublemakers. It won't make things hard on him tho either.
I'm not trying to get him out of it because as I explained to him,(before he got grounded ) he shouldn't have thrown any, not even 1 piece!! He agreed with me.
I don't think its fair the the kids who instigated it (and stole my rocks! ) don't get kicked off too. Truthfully, some of these kids should have been off the bus a looooong time ago!

 

[Val]

Be calm and rational when you talk with the super....and make your point that you want the others consequated for their actions- as well as your son! If you are reporting the loss of "stolen goods" and asking that there be consequences, then you might have a fighting chance. If not, your son has learned a hard lesson in life- its those that get caught that are punished, particularly in school. Some people are very good at not getting caught and not feeling guilty about it. On the other hand, your son will never be a likely candidate for an Enron-like scandal or criminal of the year! Good kids often get caught retaliating for "bad" kids.....but I believe that what goes around comes around. Their day will come!

 

[HappyMommy2]

Sorry you have to deal with this; what an unpleasant surprise to come home to!

I agree with Val that the FIRST THING you should say to whoever you talk to is that you are NOT trying to get your son out of punishment. From your original post I think that was a bit unclear; you won't want to be unclear on that (since, as you said, your son has admitted that he did throw rocks on the bus) or you won't get anywhere.

Personally I think that if it turns out the bus doesn't have cameras to prove the other kids' guilt, you should probably just let it go and chalk it up to being a good lesson for your son.

 

[disykat]

I agree to have him take responsibility and then raise the question of why the others aren't being punished.

 

[phorsenuf]

Originally posted by disykat
I agree to have him take responsibility and then raise the question of why the others aren't being punished.

That's exactly what I want to find out!

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I just want you to be aware that the school administrator will not tell you whether or not the other boys are being punished. They can't discuss other students. I would let him/her know of the other boys involvement.

Lori

 

[Pinnie]

I am going to agree with pirateofthecarolonas here. Due to confidentiality LAWS, school employees are NOT allowed to discuss another child with you. I can't even bring up another child's name during an IEP.

pinnie

 

[bumcat]

The bus driver probably looked up at the same time your son was throwing rocks. When my kids get in trouble (school or bus) I only concern myself with their behaviour and not all the others they claim are involved. Life isn't fair and like I tell my kids - if you're going to do something stupid be prepared to pay the consequences (sp?).

 

[phorsenuf]

OK, just got off the phone with the office and I had the nicest conversation with him! We must of talked for 10 minutes! LOL
Turns out they do not have cameras on the bus, but it is something he is pushing for through the school dept.
Anyways, the other kids did get suspended off the bus too, 5 in all. I said the names, he just didn't correct me or deny any of them
He told me what the driver told him and it fit exactly what my son said to me. I told the supertendant (sp?) what T told me and he agreed that it sounded like T kinda got stuck in the crossfire. He said he was suprised to see one of them was T since he had never been in any trouble before and all the others involved had.
I told him I was not defending my child as he shouldn't have even threw one, but he did throw it out of frustration of contstanly being hit by them. The super agreed with me and said thats exactly what it sounded like to him. But...he is still not allowed on the bus (which is fine with me, rules are rules). He said he hated having to do it to T based on the circumstances but he felt if he didn't he would get an earful from the other parents about it should they find out T was allowed back on the bus. (which definately would happen!) I agreed with him completely. In fact, the boy across the street (who was involved) is already complaing about my other son not being kicked off too He didn't even do anything......
So, for the next 8 days I get to spend some quality time driving him to school everyday. I don't mind, gives us some alone time to talk.
Oh yeah, he also said at the end of the school year that record will go into the trash.

 

[Betsyt82]

Good I am glad the other kids were bagged on this.