how to respond to rude people

[babyrich]

I am short (4' 8") tall and I get so tired of people wanting to know how tall I am and remarking on it. Some are "boy I feel so tall next to you", or let's measure my kid next to you"??? There is a lot of people remarking on how short I am. Wow I didn't know I was short. It makes me feel even smaller. I need a come back too, any idea's?
tigercat

I am 4' 11" and people comment all the time that I am short. I usually say, really??? how perceptive of you. I do wonder if they think I dont realize it.

Next person who says, wow you're short, say, and you are a genius I guess for figuring that out!

 

[babyrich]

I really do not see the harm in someone asking another person if they are alright. Yes, what is wrong with you, is a insensitive way of asking but if they did not care they wouldn't of asked in the first place. They would just stare as mentioned. I have on occasion asked a person if they needed help or if they were alright and never got a negative response or rude comment back.

People complain about others being insensitive, every man for themselves, and yet if someone approaches you out of concern... they are wrong there too. It is human nature to look at others, yes as I said staring is rude, but even a person looks a second too long they are rude. But as said, even if they glance and look away that is rude.

I care, and if I see something on occasion I do ask questions. If that appears to be rude, well sorry. Some people may not know how to approach others. Some maybe doing it out of meanness. I think in general, most is just out of kindness and concern, or at least I would hope so. Either way, it looks like you are wrong if you do and wrong if you don't.

If I were on the ground or doubled over in pain, I wouldnt mind someone asking me if I were ok. But to walk up to you and say whats wrong with you, just because you look different, is rude.

I understand people are curious; but its not a strangers place to know my personal medical history.

 

[moon]

If I were on the ground or doubled over in pain, I wouldnt mind someone asking me if I were ok. But to walk up to you and say whats wrong with you, just because you look different, is rude.

I understand people are curious; but its not a strangers place to know my personal medical history.

ITA. How are they going to help someone with a swollen stomach?

And strangers don't ask out of concern; they ask out of curiosity. It is terribly rude.

I love many of these comebacks!

 

[Feralpeg]

I have a side effect of having my lymph nodes removed due to breast cancer. It is called lymphedema. In other words, my left arm and hand look swollen. They are larger than my right arm and hand. It has improved over time, but was pretty bad the first few years after my surgery.

People were always walking up to me asking what was wrong with my arm. I got really tired of explaining the situation to total strangers. I started just saying that it was an artificial limb. In most cases, it stopped the questions.

 

[Robinrs]

Personally I would take the high road and say something like "I have a medical condition, thanks for your concern" with a big smile on my face. But that's just me. Some people are just trying to express concern (in a very inappropriate way it appears) for you.

Is there any clothing that you can wear to camouflage it? I know it's difficult but color and type of clothing can diminish any body issue.

I've had the "dumb question" syndrome after my son died, I've learned thru that nightmare that you cannot change people, just your reaction to them. No one knows how many times you heard it, they only said it once, and most of the time, they mean well or are concerned.

Some are just nosy and you can use the great response above. Consider the clothing issue, too, I did a search and found this. http://www.ehow.com/how_5631683_dress-cover-up-belly-fat.html

Good luck!

 

[Kteacher]

Thanks for all the great advice . I've only been dealing with this for about a year, so still getting used to things. Right now I'm trying to focus on staying well, but every once in a while comments from total strangers about my appearance make me

 

[carj]

Thanks for all the replies . I'm still getting used to the fact that I have a chronic illness. So far I've just changed the subject when strangers have made comments. I like the humorous approach

My 11 year old son is an amputee and he has found that the best way to deal with the constant, intrusive questions is with humor. It is unbelievable how often people ask him about his leg. It just gets old for him to explain it over and over again. He is asked at least once a day, most days more than once.

The way someone asks about his leg, usually determines what type of response they will get.

A respectful, "Do you mind if I ask about your leg?" gets a real answer.

A sneery "what's wrong with you?" gets a funny story or gets ignored.

I think that being funny does a couple of things. First, it takes the "what happened, what's wrong with you?" type questions and makes the questioner look a little foolish. This is especially effective for situations when someone starts a mini inquisition in front of a group of people. Seriously people, just because you are curious, doesn't mean that my 11 year old needs to retell his medical history to satisfy your curiousity. He has told his story hundreds of times and sometimes he just wants to play. When he is asked by someone, he has several fictional versions of what happened to his leg. (Alligator, shark, Zombie, etc... the more outrageous he can make the details, the better.)

The other thing humor does, is it give him the power in the situation. When someone asks him what happened to his leg, there is invariably silence while everyone waits and listens waits. By telling a funny story, he can deflect that attention and get back to playing.

By the way, he is more than happy to share his honest story with people who are truly interested in hearing it. The scenarios I discussed above are more for situations when someone is deliberately being rude or nosy or pointing out his difference for some reason. In my opinion, they don't deserve his attention for long enough for him to tell his story.

 

[Robinrs]

My 11 year old son is an amputee and he has found that the best way to deal with the constant, intrusive questions is with humor. It is unbelievable how often people ask him about his leg. It just gets old for him to explain it over and over again. He is asked at least once a day, most days more than once.

The way someone asks about his leg, usually determines what type of response they will get.

A respectful, "Do you mind if I ask about your leg?" gets a real answer.

A sneery "what's wrong with you?" gets a funny story or gets ignored.

I think that being funny does a couple of things. First, it takes the "what happened, what's wrong with you?" type questions and makes the questioner look a little foolish. This is especially effective for situations when someone starts a mini inquisition in front of a group of people. Seriously people, just because you are curious, doesn't mean that my 11 year old needs to retell his medical history to satisfy your curiousity. He has told his story hundreds of times and sometimes he just wants to play. When he is asked by someone, he has several fictional versions of what happened to his leg. (Alligator, shark, Zombie, etc... the more outrageous he can make the details, the better.)

The other thing humor does, is it give him the power in the situation. When someone asks him what happened to his leg, there is invariably silence while everyone waits and listens waits. By telling a funny story, he can deflect that attention and get back to playing.

By the way, he is more than happy to share his honest story with people who are truly interested in hearing it. The scenarios I discussed above are more for situations when someone is deliberately being rude or nosy or pointing out his difference for some reason. In my opinion, they don't deserve his attention for long enough for him to tell his story.

You sound like you have one GREAT kid! Imagine at 11 figuring out a way to put people in their place and handling it with maturity.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

My 11 year old son is an amputee and he has found that the best way to deal with the constant, intrusive questions is with humor. It is unbelievable how often people ask him about his leg. It just gets old for him to explain it over and over again. He is asked at least once a day, most days more than once.

The way someone asks about his leg, usually determines what type of response they will get.

A respectful, "Do you mind if I ask about your leg?" gets a real answer.

A sneery "what's wrong with you?" gets a funny story or gets ignored.

I think that being funny does a couple of things. First, it takes the "what happened, what's wrong with you?" type questions and makes the questioner look a little foolish. This is especially effective for situations when someone starts a mini inquisition in front of a group of people. Seriously people, just because you are curious, doesn't mean that my 11 year old needs to retell his medical history to satisfy your curiousity. He has told his story hundreds of times and sometimes he just wants to play. When he is asked by someone, he has several fictional versions of what happened to his leg. (Alligator, shark, Zombie, etc... the more outrageous he can make the details, the better.)

The other thing humor does, is it give him the power in the situation. When someone asks him what happened to his leg, there is invariably silence while everyone waits and listens waits. By telling a funny story, he can deflect that attention and get back to playing.

By the way, he is more than happy to share his honest story with people who are truly interested in hearing it. The scenarios I discussed above are more for situations when someone is deliberately being rude or nosy or pointing out his difference for some reason. In my opinion, they don't deserve his attention for long enough for him to tell his story.

Soooooooo, what happened to his leg? JK!!!

I love to go the humorous approach (shark = LOL.... but zombie attack = ). Good for your DS to be able to get a jab in there without being rude.

OP - how about something like Q = "When are you due?" A = "Well, the doctors are stumped. It's been a year/14 months/almost two years now with no end (or feet) in sight!" Then walk away leaving them with a WTH?!? look on their face.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

OP- Sorry you have to deal with insensitive people. We have all been there. Some have been on both ends- the person who puts their foot in their mouth because they are a nervous talker and the one on the receiving end of such comments either by an idiot or like above stated nervous talker. You can usually tell the difference.

Now for my response- if the person truly was rude and not someone who couldn't express themselves well it would go something like this.

Rude Person: What's wrong with you?
Nice Person: What's wrong with me? Hmmm....well right now I am thinking the same thing about you. Funny huh?

Then I would walk away. Of course depending on my mood the answer might be a little more, uh, colorful

 

[weswife]

Hello,

I understand how you feel. My DD (19) was born with Spina-Bifida and uses a wheelchair. We have been asked many times whats wrong with her? Did you know? Can she have an operation and be able to walk? The list goes on and on. The stares we get when out and about. It took me a long time to decide the questions or the stares are not important. Having her in my life is! She is a gem!

Currently my DH broke his hand and its in a cast. Every where we go people ask how did you do that? Then they look disappointed when he tells them "I slipped on a wet floor. I put my hand out to catch myself and it bent back. " I guess thats a boring story! I know his injury pales in compairison to you but kind of the same.

I am sorry to hear of your illness. I do hope you continue to live your life to the fullest!

 

[minkydog]

When I've had to deal with people like that, my response is this:

Me: "Oh, I'm sorry. When did we meet?"

Them: "Never."

Me: "Excuse me, then. I'd only answer such a personal question from people I know."

That's what I was thinking. Something along the lines of "That's a very personal question." And leave it at that. If the person is so rude as to continue i would then say "It's none of your business."

 

[tigercat]

I really like the zombie answer. How can I use it for my height?
tigercat

 

[Disney Doll]

OP-How about either just answering "I have a chronic illness and this is one of the issues it causes".

Or if you prefer not to give that much info to someone, a simple "I'd prefer not to discuss it" will suffice.

If someone asks when you are due, then a simple "I'm not pregnant" should suffice. If they continue with "Well then what's wrong with you?"...see my responses above.

 

[Kteacher]

Soooooooo, what happened to his leg? JK!!!

I love to go the humorous approach (shark = LOL.... but zombie attack = ). Good for your DS to be able to get a jab in there without being rude.

OP - how about something like Q = "When are you due?" A = "Well, the doctors are stumped. It's been a year/14 months/almost two years now with no end (or feet) in sight!" Then walk away leaving them with a WTH?!? look on their face.

Love this

 

[fall08CP]

My mom taught me the Southern way of politeness in every situation. So I'm never rude. I just smile and explain why I look different. People aren't usually judgmental, just curious and/or concerned. Being rude or offensive just reinforces the idea that people who look different are bad.

Because northerners aren't polite? Having lived in the North, South, and Midwest, I've found all 3 to teach good manners.

You and I both know that the Southernism "bless your heart" is not a compliment.

 

[minkydog]

You and I both know that the Southernism "bless your heart" is not a compliment.

That's not entirely true. You can use "bless your heart" to show sympathy or compassion. It's all in the context. In this situation,however, i think it would mean "you're so stupid i'm not even going to entertain your question."

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

My child is conspicuously adopted. By that I mean you can see us walking down the street and think "hey, I bet that pale blond haired woman didn't give birth to that handsome young black man".

My go to answer for stupid intrusive questions (e.g. "How much did he cost?") has always been "Excuse me?" Usually that's all it takes for people to do a double take and realize what they just asked.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

My child is conspicuously adopted. By that I mean you can see us walking down the street and think "hey, I bet that pale blond haired woman didn't give birth to that handsome young black man".

My go to answer for stupid intrusive questions (e.g. "How much did he cost?") has always been "Excuse me?" Usually that's all it takes for people to do a double take and realize what they just asked.

Good Lord! Did someone actually say that to you?!!! How disgusting. Who says that about a person especially a child? Morons.

 

[calypso726]

I am short (4' 8") tall and I get so tired of people wanting to know how tall I am and remarking on it. Some are "boy I feel so tall next to you", or let's measure my kid next to you"??? There is a lot of people remarking on how short I am. Wow I didn't know I was short. It makes me feel even smaller. I need a come back too, any idea's?
tigercat

I'm short too. Some of my more common comebacks on stupid remarks about my height below ...

Some idiot says, "Wow you're really short."
I will respond with any of the following:
1) "Your powers of observation are most astounding. Have you considered joining Scotland Yard?"
2) * look up at the idiot in question with a shocked look * "Bloody hell, your right! I wonder when that happened?
3) "No I'm not. I'm perfect. Yooouuu on the other hand"

Some idiot says, "Boy I feel so tall next to you."
I will say, with my most charming smile, "... and now I feel like Albert Einstein next to you."

I have not had someone want to measure their kid next to me. I'm not sure if I'd tell them that I bite. Or if I would ask them to put their child's emminent humiliation on hold for just a moment while I go find another parent with the IQ of a bowling ball that I can measure them against first.