How to handle RSVPs with children when only adults were invited?

LOL can you come stand guard for me that day & do the deed?!?!?

It is easy, all you say to anyone who shows up with a child is ". It was so nice of you to stop by to wish my parents a happy anniversary, it is a shame you couldn't find a sitter and can't stay for the party but it was a nice gesture to stop by and wish them well in person"


I don't get these posts giving the op advice on contingency plans. She has 185 people comming to her house and children aren't invited so she should not have to deal with a contingency plan for kids that aren't invited.
 
I have an idea for a contingency if someone shows up with a child.

If you have a neighbor who will not be coming to the party but who might be able to babysit in their house, set up with them that if anyone comes with children you can say to them "Go three doors down the street to so & so's house. They do in-house babysitting and they only charge "x" dollars per hour."
:thumbsup2
No matter what you want people to do there is still the possiblilty that someone will come with children and just not let you know ahead of time. Here is what I did for a party. I hired my young adult babysitter to entertain them. We set up the basement with movies, games and all the boys toys were down there. I had kid food ready too. She even rounded them up and walked to the local playground. I paid her well and I think another parent gave her money too. None of us had to worry about it.
The problems I have with that are...the OP shouldn't have to accommodate uninvited guests, but also, what does that say to the other guests? It leaves the impression that the kids WERE invited, being so prepared for them, and that the other people had made a mistake not bringing their own. Or, if it's obvious that this was an accommodation for uninvited kids who showed up, then the people who followed the rules just left their kids elsewhere, possibly at an expense and probably not having as much fun. As well as just having sent the wrong message to the people who can't follow simple rules.
Just tell the 'rude folk' that you are very sorry but since others have been told they aren't to bring their children/grandchildren with them, it just wouldn't be fair to make any exceptions.

There is no way I would hire someone to watch the kids. Not unless you are prepared to then call everyone with kids and tell them they are allowed to bring along the children

These people are beyond rude..they would seem to be used to 'getting' their own way through rudeness. This type person banks on others not wanting to confront them...and thus allowing them to rum rampant over everyone else.
Exactly.
 
Ok one call down! It was the grandmother bringing the 3 grandkids she was babysitting. I said thank you for the RSVP, but just so you are aware, there will be no children at the party. That was all that was said. She was very nice & said she understood, and that maybe she would leave the GKs with DH for a little bit so she could come over & wish my parents a Happy Anniversary.

Whew. Got the machine for the other one, I will try again tonight.

I just realized that for 2 of them, I have no phone number, and I went to whitepages.com & they both are unlisted. They RSVP'd via email, so I guess I will have to email them back. I can't get the number from my parents, they're out of the country & aren't replying to my texts so either they have their phone off or have no service.

Ok how do I add that "auto reply" thing so that I get notified when they open the email? That way they can't say "I never got your email!"

I would write them and ask them to reply with their e-mail or to call you...

i.e. Hi Rude Party Guest,

There has been some misunderstanding about our invitations to Mom and Dad's party. Would you please send me your phone number or call me at 203.555.1212 so I can share some info with you?

Thanks so much!

Hostess
 
I would write them and ask them to reply with their e-mail or to call you...

i.e. Hi Rude Party Guest,

There has been some misunderstanding about our invitations to Mom and Dad's party. Would you please send me your phone number or call me at 203.555.1212 so I can share some info with you?

Thanks so much!

Hostess

Absolutely.

Then do follow up email if they do not respond to the first request detailing the issue and reiterate you would like them to call or ask for their phone number again...

Good Luck with your planning OP.

I just want to know where in the heck do you plan on putting 185 people. That is certainly a ton of work. Good Luck!!:thumbsup2
 

If I leave my kids at home, can I come and be your door woman?
I will handle those that show up with kids!
 
LOL can you come stand guard for me that day & do the deed?!?!?

If I leave my kids at home, can I come and be your door woman?
I will handle those that show up with kids!

I'd also do it. All I ask for is a piece of cake. Mmmmm.... cake.

I have NO problem turning anyone away who is rude enough to bring a child that wasn't invited.
 
I'd also do it. All I ask for is a piece of cake. Mmmmm.... cake.

I have NO problem turning anyone away who is rude enough to bring a child that wasn't invited.

Lily,
Maybe she will even give us ice cream!!
 
I am finding it very interesting how different the comments are in both content and tone than the comments on the No Kids at the Wedding Thread that has been going on for the last week or so.

Good luck OP. I can sympathize with how frustrated you are in being placed in this position. Hope it all works out for you.

The wedding one is a bit different since the people have to travel out of town for the wedding. That makes it a lot more difficult.
 
I'm going against the grain. I don't think you say ANYTHING about this being an "adult only" party. If you invited "Mr. & Mrs. John Smith" and they said their college age son and his girlfriend were going to attend, that's equally rude, correct?

Call them up and say you got their RSVP, but because of extenuating circumstances, only those invited are allowed to attend. (extenuating circumstances can include: no "child proofing" at the house, a bunch of elderly people, catering concerns, space, etc). If they press the issue, "I understand, but I'm sorry, no exceptions can be made."
If they say they can't attend, "I'm sorry, we'll miss you."
Do NOT go into detail on what the circumstances are because they will try to argue around it (ie: the kids won't eat, they don't take up much space, they won't be a bother, etc)

Yes, someone could still show up with kids. But there is no 100% way to avoid that aside from turning them away at the door.

I think you are correct. What the OP is relying on is official invitation etiquette. But so few people use that any more for anything OTHER than weddings, I think it doesn't even register to people anymore.

I'm always very careful to check on whether kids are welcome at parties, but for me, kids are always welcome in my home and at my parties.
 
I just want to know where in the heck do you plan on putting 185 people. That is certainly a ton of work. Good Luck!!:thumbsup2

We did it with 118 people in nice weather, and only had 2 floors done at that time, it it was actually very comfortable. We have a lot of outdoor deck/patio space they can move around on if it's nice out. We have the garage (3 1/2 bay thank goodness) 75% emptied out & cleaned so we can set up long tables & chairs in there for space under cover. The basement was just finished so there's 2000 sq feet of indoor space for mingling. Now pray for no rain!

If I leave my kids at home, can I come and be your door woman?
I will handle those that show up with kids!

Ooo... Ice cream?

We would be a lot cheaper then hiring a baby sitter!

OOO helpers! DIS Helpers!! You can eat & drink all you want for helping!!
Erin no idea where you are in the LV, and I saw someone else posted from Warrington, I'm only 45 north of there. Better than no rain, pray for no accidents, health scares or God forbid fires, we lost out local fire company last week in a fire. (How ironic, right??) We do have back-up from another company on the other side of town, but it was very comforting to know the fire station was only 1 mile away if needed.

I did email the 2 RSVP's this morning that I only had the email address for - if I don't hear back by Friday I will mail a note - good idea!!! I called the last one just now & got the machine again. I have inventory at work tonight til 11 so will try them again in the morning.
 
I will share my similar story.

I got roped into hosting a 70th birthday party for my aunt. (it's a long story, but I have a big house) Naturally, it being a 70th birthday party, a vast majority of the guests were seniors. My cousin and her husband brought their 4 demon seed uncontrollable, undisciplined children. Mind you, my own kids weren't even in attendance. The part was in the winter and it was raining, and it was night time. The demon seed ran willy-nilly all over my house. The were climbing over the back of my 2 week old sofa, they turned all the electronics on, and left them running, in my husbands home office. They ran up and down the stairs. They were pushing seniors out of the way at the buffet table, sticking their hand in dishes. One of the 4 sat at the bar and ate a whole dish full of chocolates (okay I didn't say a word because I wasn't the one who had to sit up all night with a caffeinated kid with a belly ache) They locked the bathroom door from the inside. With a house full of seniors!!! :scared1: Their parents did nothing. The sat on the couch, ate and drank and never said a word to these kids. It was a disaster.

OP stick to your guns. I like the idea of sending them a vague email saying "There has been a mistake regarding mom and dad's party, please call me at (555) 123-4567."

When they called I would just tell them, "I'm sorry you misunderstood, but this is going to be an adults-only party. I hope you can find a sitter because mom and dad really look forward to seeing you."
 
I think you are correct. What the OP is relying on is official invitation etiquette. But so few people use that any more for anything OTHER than weddings, I think it doesn't even register to people anymore.

I'm always very careful to check on whether kids are welcome at parties, but for me, kids are always welcome in my home and at my parties.

Agree. I really think the only way to make sure no uninvited children show up is to send another small/quick note in the mail clearing up the confusion. Something stating that there must have been a bit of confusion, accidentally worded the invitations wrong, but children (other than grandchildren of the guests) are not invited to this event. Otherwise, I think some will still show up with their children/grandchildren and you will be left to deal with it at a late hour. If someone is offended, then it's best that they are offended before the party than finding out the night of.

Also, don't give any reasons, it will just give them a way to try to work around it. If a guest can't understand that kids aren't invited to everything, then they probably shouldn't be at the party anyway. (Coming from a mom of four and I'm not even sure if I'd have my own children at my parents' anniversary).
 
I would write them and ask them to reply with their e-mail or to call you...

i.e. Hi Rude Party Guest,

There has been some misunderstanding about our invitations to Mom and Dad's party. Would you please send me your phone number or call me at 203.555.1212 so I can share some info with you?

Thanks so much!

Hostess

Aw man, you just posted your phone number in an open forum. Just think of everyone that will call you. It'll be just like Jenny @ 867-5309.

Maybe everyone will misdial??
 
This is the perfect example of why it is okay to write "adults only" on the invitation. Then there should be no confusion as to who is invited. Don't worry about the grandkids being there, they are the goh's grandkids and should be there, just like kids in the wedding party will be at an adults only wedding/reception.

Have someone help you out if people show up with kids. Don't hesitate to say "Hi XY, glad you could stop by for a minute to wish mom/dad happy anniversary. Susie, run and get them. We are sorry you won't be able to stay since your babysitter must have cancelled on you."

They reply "the kids won't be any bother."

You: "I am sorry that won't work, the party isn't set up for kids. Let me walk to the front of the house/ to the end of the sidewalk with you. Again, thanks for stopping by for a minute."
 
I would call, e-mail or write to the people and say I am afraid I didn't make myself clear that this is an adult only affair. If u feel compelled u might mention construction to some degree in back yard. I certainly understand some event should be adults only. EX. daughter 9 yrs ago had adults only at her wedding. This was her wishes and the church was filled to the brim. Good luck and know u all r trying to make this a nice affair.:grouphug:
 
I'm getting snarky....LOL

Got an email reply from my cousin who RSVP'd that she was bringing her boyfriend & his 2 young kids. I replied back that I was glad she could come as I haven't seen her in almost 2 years, however, there would be no children at the party. She replies "Oh really? But XYZ only has his kids that day & I am so excited to have the rest of the famly meet XYZ & his kids. My mom & dad (my aunt & uncle) will be upset that no one is getting to meet them. I wanted them to meet your kids."

REALLY?!?!?!?! This is NOT XYZ & kids "coming out" party!!!

I replied back, deleted it, replied again, deleted it, stepped away from the computer....

I kept it simple & replied "Sorry, we'll have to get together another time with the kids, there will be no kids at the party other than mine, who will be busy all day helping me."

I haven't heard back from the other one I emailed, and will try & call the other one around 8:30 this morning.
 
I'm getting snarky....LOL

Got an email reply from my cousin who RSVP'd that she was bringing her boyfriend & his 2 young kids. I replied back that I was glad she could come as I haven't seen her in almost 2 years, however, there would be no children at the party. She replies "Oh really? But XYZ only has his kids that day & I am so excited to have the rest of the famly meet XYZ & his kids. My mom & dad (my aunt & uncle) will be upset that no one is getting to meet them. I wanted them to meet your kids."

REALLY?!?!?!?! This is NOT XYZ & kids "coming out" party!!!

I replied back, deleted it, replied again, deleted it, stepped away from the computer....

I kept it simple & replied "Sorry, we'll have to get together another time with the kids, there will be no kids at the party other than mine, who will be busy all day helping me."

I haven't heard back from the other one I emailed, and will try & call the other one around 8:30 this morning.


Sounds good to me! And those kids are probs thanking you right now. I doubt they would've had fun at such a large party with no one they know. It would've been like throwing them to the lions!
 
The only choice they have is come w/o the kids or send regrets that they can't make it. This happened at my wedding and my sisters. My parents stood firm, no children.
 
The ones who were planning to bring their uninvited kids/grandkids are probably the ones who wouldn't watch them anyway. Yeah, if they (the invited adults) don't show up, don't sweat it! I'm sure you'll have a great party anyway.
 



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