How to handle RSVPs with children when only adults were invited?

TaraPA

Can't live without a ticker!!!!
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I am hosting a large party at my home for my parent's 50th wedding anniversary next month. I invited 185 people, all adults, and worded the invitations as "Mr & Mrs John Smith" or John & Mary Smith. I didn't word the invitation as "adults only" or "no children please" as I assumed (silly, silly girl) that people knew when an invitation was addressed to 2 people, that TWO PEOPLE were invited. I also didn't want to add those phrases because my own 2 children will be there, since they are grandchildren of the honorees. And quite frankly, they live here & will be helping day & night with party things. Their other grandchildren will be there as well, as their parents (my brother & wife) are helping to host the party. The grandchildren range in age from 12 to 22, they are the only children that were invited.

So 2 weeks ago I get the 1st reply that the guest's boyfriend only has his kids (ages 5 & 8) that weekend so they'd be coming along to meet everyone. Then I get another reply from friends of my parents who are babysitting their grandkids that day (ages 3, 4 & 9) so they would be coming along too. Last night I get a reply that John, Mary, Susie & Johnny Smith (4-yr old twins) will be attending (invitation was only to John & Mary Smith). Today there is a msg on my machine that so-and-so and their 2-yr old will be attending.

I'm stuck as to what to do. It's only another 7 people, but all young children. This is a 50th anniversary party & while it's not fancy schmancy, my parents would really prefer no children there (myself too). My house is NOT child proofed at all, plus we have an ongoing landscaping project in th back yard that could be dangerous if children were to get into it. I just don't want to spend the day feeling like I have to keep an eye on someone else's kids, I will have enough to do with that many adults here! My mom has told me to politely tell them that children are not invited. I feel like I can't say that since their grandchildren will be here, so obviously they are children & were invited. I understand many families do not attend events where the kids aren't invited, and that's their right to decline, but I don't think they have the right to just bring them when it's also my right to not invite them. I don't know what to do!

Any suggestions on how to either politely decline the kids, or should I just suck it up & let them come? I know my parents will not be comfortable with 7 kids ages 2-9 running all over, and 80% of the guests are age 60+, they might not appreciate it either. And then there's those guests who respected my wishes & left their kids at home or with a sitter - how will they feel if they see these 7 kids at the party? How do I explain that? Help!!
 
As uncomfortable as it will be, I would call those particular groups on the phone and just say "sorry, with the exception of A&B's grandchildren, this is an adults-only party. We would really like you to come, so I hope you can find a babysitter."

I'm sure there are others on the list that might have children, but stuck with the invited guests on the invitation. And if you let some people bring their kids (1) the "rule follower" people will feel slighted and (2) the next time there's a party, everyone will feel free to bring their kids because you've set the precedent.

Stand your ground.
 
I would not let them come, especially since your parents will not be comfortable with them there. I would just call each of them and explain that you, your parents and your brother discussed whether or not to invite children to the party and it was decided that only the only children that are invited are the grandkids.
 
If the host and the celebrants do not want kids there (or even only certain kids there) then you call the respondents and tell them that regrettably the party is unable to accommodate children. It's your prerogative. Be prepared for a little push back,backlash and hurt feelings though.
 

Definitely call and let these people know that the children were not invited. They all know it from the wording of the invitations, but they are trying to wheedle the kids in even so. Some peole are like that.

I can't believe someone is inviting her boyfriend's kids? That's beyond obnoxious!
 
I'd call them and say "Other than my parents grandchildren, we are not able to have any children at the party. There are going to be quite a number of older people and I'm fearful of them falling if the kids are playing and we also have a landscaping project going on that I don't want any of the kids to get injured on should they be playing near it. I hope you can find a sitter and still join us". If they give you an argument, say "Well, I understand your dilemma and we will certainly miss you but I just can't have any other children here besides the grandchildren".
 
For years we hosted company Christmas parties (85-100 people) in our home. It was known before hand that children were not included. When co-workers would confront DH at work or phone me and explain that they HAD to bring kids because of blah, blah, blah...DH and I always said to them, "We have a strict policy that no alcohol be served in our home with minors present. I'm so sorry you won't be able to attend but I understand totally. Your children come first as they should. You'll be missed." :) We stuck to that policy for many years and it worked. But...you can't have YOUR minor children present for that to work.
 
I am hosting a large party at my home for my parent's 50th wedding anniversary next month. I invited 185 people, all adults, and worded the invitations as "Mr & Mrs John Smith" or John & Mary Smith. I didn't word the invitation as "adults only" or "no children please" as I assumed (silly, silly girl) that people knew when an invitation was addressed to 2 people, that TWO PEOPLE were invited. I also didn't want to add those phrases because my own 2 children will be there, since they are grandchildren of the honorees. And quite frankly, they live here & will be helping day & night with party things. Their other grandchildren will be there as well, as their parents (my brother & wife) are helping to host the party. The grandchildren range in age from 12 to 22, they are the only children that were invited.

So 2 weeks ago I get the 1st reply that the guest's boyfriend only has his kids (ages 5 & 8) that weekend so they'd be coming along to meet everyone. Then I get another reply from friends of my parents who are babysitting their grandkids that day (ages 3, 4 & 9) so they would be coming along too. Last night I get a reply that John, Mary, Susie & Johnny Smith (4-yr old twins) will be attending (invitation was only to John & Mary Smith). Today there is a msg on my machine that so-and-so and their 2-yr old will be attending.

I'm stuck as to what to do. It's only another 7 people, but all young children. This is a 50th anniversary party & while it's not fancy schmancy, my parents would really prefer no children there (myself too). My house is NOT child proofed at all, plus we have an ongoing landscaping project in th back yard that could be dangerous if children were to get into it. I just don't want to spend the day feeling like I have to keep an eye on someone else's kids, I will have enough to do with that many adults here! My mom has told me to politely tell them that children are not invited. I feel like I can't say that since their grandchildren will be here, so obviously they are children & were invited. I understand many families do not attend events where the kids aren't invited, and that's their right to decline, but I don't think they have the right to just bring them when it's also my right to not invite them. I don't know what to do!

Any suggestions on how to either politely decline the kids, or should I just suck it up & let them come? I know my parents will not be comfortable with 7 kids ages 2-9 running all over, and 80% of the guests are age 60+, they might not appreciate it either. And then there's those guests who respected my wishes & left their kids at home or with a sitter - how will they feel if they see these 7 kids at the party? How do I explain that? Help!!

First of all take the grandchildren out of the equation. Them being there is a given. As for the guests who RSVP'd with bringing their children you need to call them back and tell them sorry for any confusion but this an adult party and young children are not invited. You don't need to say anything more. If they balk or complain stay firm. If they say something along the lines of the grandchildren are going to be there and they are young. Just say yes, I know but they are the grandchildren, of course they would be there.
Good luck and congratulations to your parents!
 
I agree with everyone else--you need to call those people and say "Sorry, kids aren't invited" And when they say "We can't come then", you say "Sorry, we'll miss you.". That's it. Their feelings may get hurt, but you really have to stand your ground.
 
Thank you thank you thank you these are some great replies. I know I have to make the calls, I think I'm just nervous at the uncomfortable-ness (is that a word?!?!) it could cause.
 
I don't think I'd have the courage to make those tough calls. I wish people would understand how to read invitations. It shouldn't be that hard!! Now YOU are the one who is placed in an uncomfortable situation.

Good luck!!!

Your call could go something like this:
"Hello, this is___and I'm calling because I received your RSVP to our party, and we are so excited you are coming to celebrate this special day! Unfortunately, I must have made an error on your invitation and I am so sorry for any confusion that was made on my end. I thought they were all written to Mr. and Mrs. but I may have accidentally, etc....."
Take the blame even though you know you didn't make any mistake.
 
Don't be uncomfortable, and treat it very matter of fact when you speak with them. If they insist the kids must come, stick to your guns that only adults are invited, you are so sorry and hope to see them at the next event.
 
Don't mention the grandchildren at all. It isn't anyone's business.
Just say "I am sorry you misunderstood, this is an adults only party."

Want me to offer to babysit these kids for you?
Signed, your LV neighbor.
 
Your call could go something like this:
"Hello, this is___and I'm calling because I received your RSVP to our party, and we are so excited you are coming to celebrate this special day! Unfortunately, I must have made an error on your invitation and I am so sorry for any confusion that was made on my end. I thought they were all written to Mr. and Mrs. but I may have accidentally, etc....."
Take the blame even though you know you didn't make any mistake.

While I've done my share of taking the blame to make an awkward situation easier, I do not agree at all with the specific tactic above. That leaves too much room for Mr. and Ms. Inconsiderate to play along with the ruse and say that they've already told Johnny and Sally that they can come, they've already blah blah blah.

OP, just be honest with those guests who were so rude in their RSVPs. Yes, it's a difficult call to make, but it's the right thing to do. I know if I was a guest who made the necessary arrangements to leave my kids at home only to find several families show with kids anyway, I'd be annoyed.
 
I would call the people back and state that " I am sorry if you were confused or thought there was a mistake on rhe invitation, but there wasn't, the invitation was only addressed to mr & mrs. Smith as children weren't invited". If they bring up the grand children tell them that is not the issue you are discussing with them and you will not be discussing that with them. If they persist you just say the party is for adults only and if they are unable to make alternative arrangements for the children you understand and will miss them at the party.
 
As uncomfortable as it will be, I would call those particular groups on the phone and just say "sorry, with the exception of A&B's grandchildren, this is an adults-only party. We would really like you to come, so I hope you can find a babysitter."

Perfect. :thumbsup2

Yes, it'll be uncomfortable, but just keep reminding yourself that the rudeness is theirs, not yours. Sheeeeeesh, who invites other people, children or not, to someone else's gathering?
 
Goodness - you shouldn't feel uncomfortable, they should! Call them all ASAP and let them know that the kids are not invited. You've received some great wording here - use it.

Good luck!
 
Don't mention the grandchildren at all. It isn't anyone's business.
Just say "I am sorry you misunderstood, this is an adults only party."

Want me to offer to babysit these kids for you?
Signed, your LV neighbor.

LOL yeah we should have set something up had I thought ahead!!!

There are some GREAT replies in here, I think I'll have this thread open while I make the calls tomorrow!!! DIS Friends have the best advice :flower3:
 
The grandchildren are all teenagers aren't they? That's quite a bit different from small children. Could you explain that your house isn't set up to accomodate small children and take it from there?
 
The grandchildren are all teenagers aren't they? That's quite a bit different from small children. Could you explain that your house isn't set up to accomodate small children and take it from there?

Really, it's a mistake to even go down this path.

In these situations, it is best to be very direct and firm - do not leave people any wiggle room at all regarding kids' ages, mistake on the invitation, etc. It will only cause further discussion that you don't want, and besides it is not necessary. The host makes the rules.

It is easy, if you are nervous, to start trying to add in a bunch of explanations and excuses, but don't do it.

Don't get sucked in, Tara_PA!
 





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