How to Explain Menstruation to 9 Year Old?

[Tigger113]

Here is a sample kit

http://www.startsampling.com/sm/19661/captureAddress.iphtml?item=19661&source=HAPPYHOME

 

[MyLittlePiglet]

I too think the American Girl book is very good, but depending on age a little too illustrative.

My advie to anyone would be discuss it sooner than later becuase a lot of time your girls will get information from other girls that is wrong or not to your families values etc and it is best if the have information directly from you.

On this same bend when do you think it is approapiate for a child to know the whole story? I realize this depends on maturity, but I cannot believe my DD (step) does not yet know at 11 where babies come from... when I was pregnant 2 ish years ago and her mom is 8 months pregnant now. When do you think children ( not just girls) should know where babies come from?

Thanks.

 

[jordansmomma]

I remember in Seventeen magazine and cosmo teen, they would have ads for parents or kids to get information and sample kits in them.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

I've always believed it was helpful to tell children the facts about sex, conception, birth, menstruation and related topics as early as possible. Among other things, it protects them against sexual predators.

My children (I have 3 boys and one girl, all grown now) asked me about sanitary pads when they saw me buying them or putting them in the bathroom (they would have been quite young, maybe 4 or 5), and this is kind of what I explained - just very simple:

You know how babies grow inside the mother's body, in her uterus? (They already knew this.) Well, every month my body makes a lining in the uterus in case a baby starts to grow. The lining is made of blood and other special things, all ready for the baby. But if there is no baby, the lining comes out so the uterus can make a new, fresh lining for the next month. The lining, which is mostly blood, comes out through my ****** and I wear these pads so that the blood won't get on my clothes or on the floor. It doesn't hurt. We call this menstruation or having a period. Little girls don't have periods but when they get older they do.

I wanted it to be positive - to let them know that this was a good, positive experience - a sign of a healthy body doing what it should.

Teresa

 

[froglady]

I was/am the same as Teresa. I answered questions as they arose, so never had "The Talk" with either of my children. The funny thing is, DD knew and was prepared for her first period long before she ever got it (she was almost 15) but she DID get it at camp. She said, "Wow! How did you know? I sure am glad that you made me pack supplies."

 

[solgent]

From reading the other posts I think I may seem abit strange. I opened the lines for the 'sex' talk when my DD was just 6 and her friends mom was having a baby, granted it was geared to a 6 yr old but a basic idea. As she got older the talks got more mature.

Lori,

I am with you. My DDs understand reproduction and have for quite a while.

One of them has blue eyes and two of them have brown eyes. The blue-eyed child has always gotten many comments/compliments, which led her sister at about 7 years old to ask "Why does she have blue eyes and I don't?" I explained that they each had a "list" inside them that dictates what they look like and part of the list comes from the dad and part from the mom. Since then we have had many interesting conversations about genetics.

When the older girls were four we spent a lot of time with a friend who had divorced her husband and moved across the country with their four children. At first, my kids thought the husband/father lived in an apartment upstairs and we just never saw him but eventually one of them asked, "Can you get unmarried?" Around that same time, they asked, "If you have a baby growing inside you, can you stop it?"

Neighbors whose daughters are good friends with mine are a lesbian couple who adopted their daughters from China several years apart. Thus we have had occasion to discuss same sex relationships, which we consider valid and acceptable, and adoption. Just the other week my 7 year old reviewed that family's history with me to confirm her understanding that the two daughters are sisters, "but they were not born sisters."

So, I find that these things come up in the course of daily life, and I've always just answered their questions matter-of-factly and without scientific language.

 

[vhoffman]

Wow!

Thanks for all the information! I intend to go to the bookstore today and browse through the books mentioned. I still feel that at dd's age I need to filter theninformation she receives. The whole "sperm-and-egg" story is best left for a later date!

Actaully, we have had a discussion. It just happened. I didn't have a planned talk, just while I was doing her hair, it just seemed to flow. She always thought babies grow in the mother's tummy. I explained to her that there's a special place the baby grows in, near the tummy. I then explained that women's bodies prepare every month for a baby to grow there, and the uterus prepares by getting slightly larger and builds up a cushy lining. If there's no baby, the lining comes out. Its mostly blood and is contained by wearing pads. I even showed her some of mine. I did emphasize that a baby won't just grow in her--she won't wake up one day pregnant! I just said that a baby doesn't grow inside you until you get married and have a daddy for the baby. This seemed to make sense to her--all children have a mommy and daddy. I also emphasized that the growing uterus actually is quite small, she won't wake up one day with a huge belly! I'm careful in what information I give her. She's still very much a child, even though her body is turning into a woman. She still believes in the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus and sleeps with a favorite stuffed tiger that she insists is real! I just want her prepared so she isn't frightened when it happens.

I've also ordered the sample kit. It says it takes 6-8 weeks to receive it, so hope it comes in time. I'm also exploring the websites mentioned. Thanks again, everyone!

 

[AllyCatTapia]

"opened the lines for the 'sex' talk when my DD was just 6 and her friends mom was having a baby, granted it was geared to a 6 yr old but a basic idea. "



WHEW am I glad you posted that! My 5 year old knows about mommys period! Same way- "what are those things for" "Why do you feel sick so much"? etc etc- Never occurred to me to lie to her about these things.
One time she asked, "O'm a girl, will I be sick liek that"? and I told her probably not til 11 or 12. But nine? I have heard the age is getting lower and lower

I was astounded that a 9 year old was starting from scratch. What a shocker THATs going to be.


She also knows its something most people for some dumb reason or another feel weird talking about, so she keeps it "private"- IE she understands the meaning of 'private'.

 

[Mom to Jordan]

OP- Sounds like you did a great job.

BTW-Do not forget moms of boys at some point need to have that talk with them too. It might be a little later but it makes them much more sensitive to girls and their needs.
DS asked about it about 9. I told him and he replied " I did NOT want to know that". It however has come up a few times since and when a same age friend (14) has some major female problems he understood what most of his guy friends did not.

Help out the girls by making the guys understand too.

 

[Disneynutbsv]

Another vote for the American Girl books! My dd wasn't embarassed by the books (I was mortified when I was younger...my mom trying to talk to me about it and she just kept dragging it on and on and on, lol). So, she understands whats going to happend to her, we read the book together and she asked me questions here and there. We ordered ours through amazon.

 

[sskem96]

I got my DD9 the American Girl body book when she was around 7. We read it together, but skipped the period section for another year or so. She saw the Roseanne episode where Darlene started her period, that's the first time she asked a question about it.

We just started having the whole sex talk within the last couple months. They hatched chicks at school, and she started asking tons of questions. She's always been really into science, and she wanted to know more about the biology of it than the making love part. I also have a couple friends who have been trying to get pregnant for a very long time, and she asked, "So how do you try to get pregnant anyway, because I don't think you just take a pill or something?"

I went to Barnes and Noble to get a book for us to read together, and I was absolutely astounded at some of the stuff out there! One said it was for 5-8 year olds. It had cartoon pictures of couples having sex in a couple different positions and talked about how they go faster and faster and it feels pleasureable! Are we supposed to be encouraging these kids to have sex??!!

I am half tempted to write a book on reproduction myself outlining just the facts. I couldn't really find anything totally appropriate out there!

My kids watch the shows on TV that show deliveries, and my daughter even got to go into a delivery with me at work a year ago on Take Your Child To Work Day. As soon as the baby was out, she said, "Okay, lets go back to the nursery now." I told her it takes me about 20 minutes to admit a baby-weight, measurements, foot prints, head to toe assessment, meds. She thinks the birth itself is cool, but that's about it.

I try to just answer their questions directly and encourage them to ask more anytime. That way I give them the info they need to know without giving a bunch of info they're not ready for yet. It's only hard at times because my DD9 had questions that can't be discussed in front of DD6, so sometimes we have to send DD6 off with daddy for a while so we can talk. Her friends moms also refer their daughters to me sometimes. "Mrs. M. is a baby nurse, she knows all about that, let's ask her!" Gee, thanks!

Just keep the lines of communication open so when she's older she will come to you before she has sex. I have seen 12 and 13 year olds give birth, and they usually take the baby home with them, too. It's really sad. My girls do know that if you have a baby before you graduate high school, that baby goes to a married couple who can't have kids of their own.

Wow, I didn't mean to get so long winded, I guess it's just an issue I'm dealing with now too.

 

[Kat77]

Great topic!
My school used to round up the 4th and 5th grade girls once a year and give 'the talk' about periods. Our parents all knew and I assume could have opted us out but none ever did to my knowledge. We also received sample kits for sanity products, deodorants and face cleaners... like a mini health fair with goodies.
Nothing was taboo in my home so I found the information fair fun BUT I could tell many girls were embarrassed and some asked questions that just blew my mind that they did not already know the answers. I remember explaining about infertility to another girl once and I must have been in about third grade at the time (?) so believe- me kids hear things even if you have not taught it to them yourself-LOL!
Now this is just me being me but I do not understand why any girl would have to miss out on swim team or waterparks (???) Tampons are perfect for swimming and they make very slim ones these days. Even if mom finds tampons uncomfortable daughter may not mind it at all.

 

[chobie]

I just told my DD the truth from when she was very little and shestarted asking questions about things in the bathroom. I was factual and made as little deal out of it as possible. She did start early, but was well prepared. After the initial shock, she dealt with it quite nonchalently. I do tend to baby her more during those times and giver her extra TLC, but that is about it.

Once she did start, I told her the truth about pregnancy, sex and abortion. I thought if she was physicaly old enough to get pregant, she needed to know the whole truth. And about girls kissing girls, she has a lesbian aunt and a gay uncle so we didn't have to keep that a big secret from her. That was also no big deal. JMHO.

 

[Pop Daddy]

I bet whatever advise I might giver here would be stupid

 

[Alex2kMommy]

I'm so glad you all are talking about this with your daughters! Though at age 9, that is not so early at all these days. I would hate for a child to get her period first, before she understood what was happening.

We lived in CA when i was in 4th grade, and they divided the class by gender and explained the mechanics and biology. I remember being totally grossed out.

That afternoon my mom and I had a rare moment alone, so I asked her if it was true, and she said yes, it was. (My mom and I are very modest, so she was probably so relieved she didn't have to do all the explaining!) I snorted something along the lines that it was amazing what people will do just to have a baby. Me then -> Me now ->

My dad swears to this day that it's only happened to him four times...

Seriously, though, a childhood friend (in another state) was not told all of this in school, and was not close to her stepmother, and her dad was very uninvolved. She told me in jr. high that she was sexually active, but only when she did not have her period, because "that's the only time you can't get pregnant." I did correct her, but she didn't believe me, and by then it was too late anyway.

So as tough as it is, I applaud you all for putting aside your modesty and talking to your kids about this subject. I think it's best to talk as questions come up, in an age-appropriate fashion, of course. My DS5 and I have already had several mini-talks (when his baby brother was on the way, when he saw me with a tampon/pad, etc.) And if you haven't explained everything by age 9, then sit down for The Talk. You'll be doing her a huge favor. Even if she's totally grossed out for awhile.

 

[dementia412]

My mom had a talk with me on my way home from scgool when I was around 10. She made it out like it was such a great thing that I was getting so grown up, and I was really excited about it because it meant I was growing up. I had known some of that anyway... grew up with three older sisters who never hid anything from me.
With my oldest (about to be 7) I've been open for a long time. She seems to forget from one month to the next, and will ask AGAIN what that red stuff is in the potty or why I need those things, ect. I've told her that when a girl gets older her body builds a kind of nest for a new baby every month. If she doesn't want a new baby then her body gets rid of the nest. I make sure she knows that it doesn't hurt, that just because it's blood doesn't mean something is wrong. That's it's just like poop or pee, natural and nothing to be afraid or ashamed of.

Good luck!

 

[SeeDisney]

Is there any books for boys that anyone can recommend?

 

[babiesX2]

I haven't had time to read the whole thread so someone may have suggested this already. Contact a local hospital's community education program (just call the main hospital # and ask to be connected with the director of education). The hospital I work for gives classes a few times a year to girls about to hit puberty and everything is explained regarding the changes their body is going through, what it all means, proper hygiene, etc. Most classes are geared for mom and daughter to attend together so it is a bonding experience. There may be a fee of about $25-$35, but worth every penny IMHO. Good luck to you! My oldest was an early bloomer and it was a difficult time to help her through.

 

[palmtreegirl]

I had this conversation with my DD(9) a few months ago. She asked me and I gave her straight forward honest answers. I asked if she had any other questions and she asked me how women get pregnant. So I ended having the entire talk with her, she was completely grossed out and said "Well I'm NEVER doing that!" She hasn't even mentioned it again.

I think we're along way off (I didn't start mine till I was 14) but I wanted her to get the truth from me instead of some crazy version of things from her friends.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

My older dd is now 11 and just got done with the 5th grade. A few girls in her class got their periods in 4th grade so I thought I should definitely have a talk with her.

They did divide the class into boys and girls groups in 4th and 5th grade to have the hygene and body change lecture with the girls and boys. I made sure to talk to my daughter a bit first so she wouldn't be too shocked.

also, before these classes, I got her the American Girl book that other folks her have recommended. I read it first so I knew it would be okay for her. Also, I made her read it from begining to end because it starts with milder subjects in the beginning of the book. Later it gets around to breast changes and periods. When she read it we discussed the subject more.

A few weeks after the 4th grade class I had a bit of a more in depth discussion with her. After all, at least 4 girls in her class room had already gotten their periods. I wanted her to understand that growing up meant resposibility with your body. She was starting to use IM on the computer -- only with a select group of friends -- but I had heard on the news about online predators. So we had a talk about predators on the computer -- how they could pretend to be a kid when they were not -- and about how once you got your period your body was capable of making a baby and that was a very serious and adult thing.

I didn't do it in a way to scare her, but to explain what the changes meant. She still hasn't gotten it, but at least she will know about it when she does.