How to determine a curfew??

[Chris2597]

I have a 18.5 yr old ds that lives at home....What is an acceptable curfew for a young man this age? In his sr. year of high school it was 11pm weeknights and 12:30 Fri and Sat. He feels that he should not have a curfew since he is over 18 and out of high school.
I would like the opinion of others on this board that have been through this with a teen. My dd is 26 and was a total home body so we didnt deal with this the first time around.

 

[MHopkins2]

Barring any unusual circumstances (i.e., a criminal record or some other such outlandish thing), my vote goes for no curfew.

 

[dmadman43]

Is he paying rent? Doing anything to earn the right to continue to live at home? Employed?

I must say in this instance I sort of agree with DS. He's 18. If he can die for his country and vote, he can certainly keep his own hours. Now, if coming home at all hours disturbs the rest of the family then some sort of compromise should be reached, but as for an out and out curfew, like it or not, I think he's outgrown that.

As for determining curfew, for my kids I put numbers between 9 and 12in a hat and draw them (broken down by 30 minutes, multiple numbers, kind of like the NBA lottery...later numbers have a better chance of coming up.) Whatever number comes up, that is their curfew. I got tired of hearing "that's not fair" when I picked a time myself. Yea, I know it's arbitrary, but hey, life's tough and not fair.

 

[Michie]

I say don't let them be too comfortable at home or they will never leave home

I have a 19 year old and I ask him to please be home at 1:00 a.m. He is still in college, so I still help support him. Plus he is real loud when he comes home. He always has to cook something, so he really makes a racket in the kitchen.

 

[aprilgail2]

By 18 I don't think any type of curfew......by 18 I was in college and by that point I was basically in charge of my own comings and going as long as I did not make a giant racket coming in and wake the house everything was up to me.

 

[helenabear]

When I was 18, I had no curfew. I was extremely good at letting my dad know where I was at all times and usually gave a good idea as to when I would be home. Honestly I think it was rare for me to be home after 1 am. And I was always respectful and didn't make a ton of noise when I did get home. It worked for us.

 

[AirForceRocks]

I didn't really have a weekend curfew when I was at home - I had to say what time I would be home, and then stick with it. The "curfew" was enforced by a very loud alarm clock in the living room and deadbolt locks for which I didn't have the keys. If I didn't get home in time to turn off the alarm clock, the gatekeepers would wake up when it went off, and deadbolt the doors, meaning that I would get to sleep in the garage or in my car.

 

[stinkerbelle]

I had a curfew of midnight when I was 18...unless I was working (worked at a fast food place that stayed open until 2am and I was a manager)

Reason for the midnight curfew? To get me home and off the roads before the bars let out. I honestly never had a problem with it (being that I worked so much on the weekends when I was a 18)

 

[Blueeyes101817]

im 19 now and i have never really had a curfew..before i left i would tell my parents where i would be and what time i expected to be home....if i was going ot be later , i would just call and let them know..

my brother's curfew was midnight since it was a rule of the license..now that he turned 18 , he basically calls like i did...

im in college and living home, so my parents basically say that if i was living at school i would be doing whatever i want, when i want...so now i have the leniency

 

[auntpolly]

I think that curfews are one of those things that "one size doesn't fit all"! I would (actually this is what I did) start by giving one to my out of HS DD and then extending it as she showed responsibility. Just saying, "no curfew" -- I know lots of people who did that and then wished they hadn't, but by that age it's hard to take back.

 

[DisneyHumbug]

My youngest DD will turn 18 on Friday and starts college this fall. She has a 1:00 curfew. I extend this curfew on a case by case basis, that is if she's got something to do. My college kids are another story! I'm sure when the youngest comes home from college, the curfew will fly out the window.

 

[DawnCt1]

I have two college students that live at home. One is 23 and the other is 19.5. They no longer have curfews BUT our vehicles have curfews. Barring some elaborate well thought out in advance plans, our vehicles MUST be home by midnight. We pay the insurance for the most part and we own the cars.

 

[Chris2597]

Thank you for all the input.....My ds is not the quietest person when arriving home and I am a light sleeper..He always comes home hungry and I hear him out in the kitchen....and of course he has to turn the TV on while eating his late night snack...I have been waiting up for him but it is taking a toll on me as I am becoming sleep deprived. ..I like the idea of the car having a curfew..and having a deadbolt on the door that ds does not have a key to....however, he would probably ring and ring the doorbell if he couldnt get in.... we also own the car he drives and pay the lions share of the insurance and up keep....so putting a time on the car being home may be an answer.
My dd never had a curfew as she was very mature, kept us informed of her whereabout and time she intended on being home.
My dh thinks there should still be house rules concerning comings and goings. He says that if adult children want to live at home they have to follow the rules. DS graduated from hs this year but still has not followed through with any college plans....I think this is dh's way of making living at home a bit uncomfortabale for him. I also think dh thinks it is a matter of respect......
I am so tired of debating this issue and it is becoming a bigger issue than it needs to be...and has become a sort of line in the sand thing.....

 

[Snoozan]

Call me old-fashioned(and I'm only 45)but my and my DH's feelings are if the kids are still living at home, they still have to abide by house rules. My kids have never really been the stay-out-late kind of kids, but they do know that they are expected to let us know where they are and when they are planning on getting home. I, too, was getting very sleep deprived as I tend to stay awake until the kids were home. During the work week, they were expected home earlier than the weekends. Now that they're both college-age and still living at home, I try to be more relaxed about a "curfew", but they still need to let us know if they're planning on coming home for the night - otherwise, I'd never get any sleep!!

 

[dingydiz]

Since he is choosing to still live at home then I think he should still follow the rules. I lived with my parents until I was 19 and I had to be home at a reasonable hour so that I did not interupt their sleep.

I don't care how quiet you are, unless you live in a mansion you are likely to make some noise coming in the door, getting dressed for bed, bathroom break, etc.

I think it is entirely up to you. If you are up all night awake awaiting his return before you can fall asleep then you decide when he is to be in or make a rule that if he stays out past a certain time that he must sleep at a friends house that you approve of.

Honestly not much stays open past 12 except the bars so I would recommend considering that when making your decision.

Good luck to you and your son.