How to deal with rude comments

[Becc1]

First I'll give a little background. I have an 8 yr old DS who has mild Cerebral Palsy. He just learned to walk on his own without a walker about 3 years ago. He is still pretty unstable at times (especially at the end of the day when he's tired) but on an everyday basis he walks everywhere, the only time I use a stroller (which is a special needs one) is if we are at the zoo or musuems and of course Disney. Yesterday at his school they did a Healthwalk where the kids did laps around the parking lot to raise money for the school. Ben did 6 laps around, that is huge for him! He was definately worn out from the walking but my older DS had a baseball game last night and while the game went on my younger children played on the playground. My DS fell on the playground and hurt his foot, it swelled up a bit so I took him home right away (DH and I had drove seperately) I gave him some medicine for the pain and iced his foot until bedtime. This morning he says it doesn't hurt but he's walking a little more unsteady than usual so when we went into Modells today to get my older DS something for baseball I brought the sit and stand stroller and haad him sit in it with my DD. An employee came up and started teasing DS about being in the stroller, I quickly chimed in and explained my DS's issues and the reason he was riding. The guys felt aweful and apologized profusely, he actually ended up giving my DS a football because he felt so bad. I really wasn't angry but now this has me thinking about our upcoming trip and wondering how many comments we may get. From the outside my DS looks perfectly "normal", it's not until he gets up to walk or speaks that you can tell he has a disability, so I am afraid people will say something. If anyone has ever been in a smilar situation what do you say? I know some parents with austitic children have gotten cards made and will hand those out but I know DH would never go for that, he will probably want to tell off the rude offender. TIA for any advice!

Lisa

 

[disney david]

First off HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

Second their are idiots out their that will say stupid comments they shouldn't so please don't pay any attention to them. The most important thing is how is his foot is it better. It also showed that their are nice people out their in the world with the guys who bought him a foot ball.

 

[merriwthr]

I'm sorry for the rudeness of strangers towards you and your family! It never ceases to amaze me. However, I really believe the one place you won't experience that type of behavior is in Disney. At least not during the day. My experience has been that the "later in the evening" crowd (i.e. mostly adults) are the ones that can't seem to understand the value of keeping their mouths shut.

Have a great time and enjoy the magical time with your family. And if anyone does say anything about your son in a stroller, just smile and thank them for reminding you how thankful you are that your parents raised you with manners.

Works for me and my family!

Merri

 

[jmartinez1895]

We go to the World with a seven year old in a stroller and we have never had anyone say anything to him about being in a stroller. In fact we have seen many kids that do not even fit in the stroller ( legs hanging and dragging)and most people did not even give them a second glance. There are rude people every where, but we have found that we run into more rude people in a single trip to the store than a week at Disney.

 

[jking6]

thank them for reminding you how thankful you are that your parents raised you with manners.

Works for me and my family!

Merri

I love this idea. That should shut anyone up whos rude and has learned any kind of manners at all.
Have a great trip and I really do not think you will find issues at Disney.
They wait till they get home and complain on the Dis

 

[krisnme]

I agree that you will see kids of all ages and sizes cramped into strollers that do not fit them at the parks. I seriously doubt that anyone would look twice at your DS. Don't forget to pick up a "stroller as wheelchair" pass at GS so you can keep DS in the stroller as you wait in the lines. My DS is 19 now and I had the same fears at this age as you do. He looks fine when sitting but when he walks you notice the CP "gait" we use a w/c now or he would be exhausted and very cranky early in the day. have a wonderful trip! BTW the last time someone said to DS "you don't look handicapped" I replied, "and you don't look stupid, guess we're both wrong!" I don't usually reply to these kind of people, but we all have our limits!

 

[TeddiBarra]

We've not be to WDW before, but have made many trips to the Dland. I've never had anyone be rude about teasing my DD for being in a stroller, though she's still smaller than your 8yr old probably is. The CM's aren't going to say anything- they are well used to seeing larger kids in strollers. I've only ever had a few folks (nicely, not rudely) ask why she wears leg brace/if she hurt her leg (she has hemiplegia, so just the one side).

This past trip to Dland, I did have a CM at a restaurant ask me what happened to DD's leg... which I didn't appreciate because I was in the moment watching all three of my kids dancing around with the characters (it was a character bfast) and it took me out of a happy place... but generally how I deal with being confronted with questions is just to directly answer "she has mild cerebral palsy. She had a stroke before she was born and she's weak on her right side." I usually don't give more explanation than if someone wants. I'd rather educate people, you know? I mean there are a million disease/disorder out there, and there's probably lots that I don't know about so I'd rather share the understanding.

I would really recommend a GAC for use of stroller/avoiding steps (it's just not worth getting hurt/tripping/falling on steps IMO). I especially say this if your son has leg braces he wears that aren't visible under pants (which may make it difficult for CMs to quickly and easily discern his walking issues).

 

[ashleypmo]

I have a 5 year old DS with Down syndrome (DS with Ds), and people say all sorts of unbelievable things to us.

You know why?

Because they don't really know anything about Down syndrome.

You know why?

Because they've never had the opportunity to be educated! Truth-in-love, bay-bee!

My son is a beautiful little ambassador, destined to enlighten the unenlightened. As his mother, it's my job to play that role until he 'grows into it'. Sure, we can drum up our righteous indignation, make people feel bad, tell them to mind their own business...
...but will that CHANGE the way our children are treated? Will that change the world they are growing up in? I don't think so. Best case scenario, those people will walk away from the conversation thinking, "Gee, must be awful to have a disabled child---look how bitter it made HER!" Worst case scenario, that person will have "learned their lesson" about ever starting a conversation with the parent of a special needs child.

I think these situations are wonderful opportunities to educate. Lovingly. There's a company (I think you can google 'educate and save face') that sells preprinted "meltdown cards" for parents of children with autism. It would be super easy to print something similar about your son's CP. I personally think a face-to-face dialogue is always better, but we don't always have time to save the world as busy mothers.

In any event, as frustrating as it can be dealing with ignorance, I remember a time when I probably wouldn't have thought twice about commenting on an older child sitting in a stroller---probably not meaning any harm, just striking up a conversation. The rest of the world hasn't walked in our shoes. The things we live every day aren't on their radar. But we can start constructive, meaningful conversations that allow people to walk away saying, "WOW! I'm so glad I had the opportunity to meet that family!" rather than walking away feeling shamed.

Just my two dollars worth....

 

[Grace&Carolinesmom]

I have had similar issues in the past. Youngest DD is PDD-NOS and has a mild muscular myopathy which causes her muscles to become tired more quickly. When she was younger, we needed to use her stroller as a wheelchair and used a GAC to let CMs know her needs. Unfortunately, we got many rude people staring or making comments that we couldn't use a stroller in here, blah, blah, blah. I was able to shrug off most of them but I distinctly remember an especially rude woman when we were loading into one of the theaters. She made me so angry as she was loud and causing others to look. I understand most people have no clue as to my child's disabilities as she looks "normal" --whatever that is LOL--but the audacity of some people to think they have the right or obligation to comment or police others is beyond me

SO...I decided to help "educate" interested onlookers. After that trip, I printed up a large Autism Speaks with puzzle piece logo, had it laminated, and hung it on the back of her stroller with cable ties. I have to say, it really, REALLY helped. There were a few occasional stares but I heard no more rude comments on those trips and actually felt like people were nicer.

 

[Eeyore5]

I understand your concern. I have mild CP. Most poeple who look at me walk wouldn't know it - I just look klutzy. OTs and PTs spot it right away though. I am also significantly overweight. I used an ECV on both trips and only had a couple negative comments on each trip. Out of the thousands of people at Disney, that isn't too bad. I think most poeple are just curious when they ask questions/make comments. I found keeping a positive attitude and being friendly went a long way to avoid problems. I hope you have a wonderful trip.

 

[ashleypmo]

SO...I decided to help "educate" interested onlookers. After that trip, I printed up a large Autism Speaks with puzzle piece logo, had it laminated, and hung it on the back of her stroller with cable ties. I have to say, it really, REALLY helped. There were a few occasional stares but I heard no more rude comments on those trips and actually felt like people were nicer.

LOVE it! And... just think how many people might have been <this close> to making a rude comment, but then they saw your sign and checked themselves---AND from that moment on, they gained a different perspective of the world!

 

[mickey&minniealways]

Both my Oldest DS and my DD have different issues. DD's are more severe. To look at either of them though you would find nothing wrong. DD's best friend is Asperbergers, her twin brother has high functioning autism. He has a wonderful t-shirt his grandpa got him. It states: " I know why I am being rude, I am autistic. What's your excuse?" . It has stopped many people mid comment.

 

[Disneylvr]

SO...I decided to help "educate" interested onlookers. After that trip, I printed up a large Autism Speaks with puzzle piece logo, had it laminated, and hung it on the back of her stroller with cable ties. I have to say, it really, REALLY helped. There were a few occasional stares but I heard no more rude comments on those trips and actually felt like people were nicer.

What a fantastic idea!!!! I am going to borrow it for our next trip. DD will be 9 then but we have the Maclaren Major special needs stroller as she is an eloper, especially in crowds. She also needs her own space when she gets overstimulated.

 

[Willow1213]

My husband, who is 25 and is for all intents and purposes completely "normal", has a very serious knee condition. It limits him from being able to climb stairs or perform overly strenuous activity (running, sports, biking, etc.). We get a GAC while at WDW for those few lines with stairs and for shows with theaters that have stairs.

We were waiting for a showing of Fantasmic, sitting in the accessible seating (we were in the second row from the top). The show was standing room only, and getting close to full and the CMs were having to police people who saw the accessible seating as being available for anyone. A guest was getting very heated when the CM told them the seating was for handicapped guests and their families. The guest looks right at us and very loudly says "what about them? There's nothing wrong with them!" My DH looked the guest square in the eye and said "I will gladly trade my seat for your perfectly healthy working knees, but since that is not possible, I think I will stay right here." We were and the guest was . My husband is usually a man of few words, but that person was just making him furious. We get sideways looks and such when we go to the accessible ramp at TSM especially, but we just keep on walking.

I know being married to someone with a special situation makes me much more aware of others around me that may have these not so obvious disabilities. I knew nothing about autism/aspergers/etc before the DIS and now I know that sometimes there is more to a person than meets the eye.

 

[TeddiBarra]

Ah, now I have probably twice had folks tell me I couldn't bring a stroller in line. I am pretty sure this has only happened in DCA (there are so few wheelchair accessible lines in DL). I have both times just looked at them directly and said "Thank you, I'm aware of the stroller rules."

I don't feel the need to go into it more than that.

 

[teekathepony]

I'm not proud of it, but when I was younger I used to be that rude person who didn't understand anyone with anything different. I got it from my dad, who is still like that. It wouldn't be beyond me once upon a time to stare rudely at such situations, thinking automatically "bad parenting" or something like that. I think back and am totally ashamed of myself. Gradually I saw my father and how he was making people feel and started to berate him for his actions. I then realized that if I was calling him down, I'd better walk the walk. I also got a new job and my boss has a son with downs syndrome. I got to know him and that he's a great kid. A regular customer had a son with autism. As I learned more about these things, I like to think I did a 180 in my way of thinking.

My point... yes... I did get off track.

From the opposite point of view... from someone who has been "that rude person" (though I never made a comment, my glares were certainly not appreciated I'm sure)... I can tell you that education works. I can't at all defend those types of actions, only tell you that for me they came from a place of not knowing. I now assume the best about everyone. It was hard for me to turn my thinking around by myself. I hear that education is a lot better now. I hope to someday see a world without people like I used to be.
I sincerely hope you have a fantastic trip and nothing/no one bothers you.

 

[blondietink]

Unfortunately, you will probably get some rude comments while at Disney. There are rude people everywhere and when they are paying the big bucks for a trip to WDW, they seem to feel entitled to say/do whatever they want. The comments seem to be more frequent when it is hot and crowded at WDW.

That being siad, during our last visit in April, we did not have one nasty comment from anybody! I didn't see anybody staring at us either.

 

[yorkiegirl95]

First I'll give a little background. I have an 8 yr old DS who has mild Cerebral Palsy. He just learned to walk on his own without a walker about 3 years ago. He is still pretty unstable at times (especially at the end of the day when he's tired) but on an everyday basis he walks everywhere, the only time I use a stroller (which is a special needs one) is if we are at the zoo or musuems and of course Disney. Yesterday at his school they did a Healthwalk where the kids did laps around the parking lot to raise money for the school. Ben did 6 laps around, that is huge for him! He was definately worn out from the walking but my older DS had a baseball game last night and while the game went on my younger children played on the playground. My DS fell on the playground and hurt his foot, it swelled up a bit so I took him home right away (DH and I had drove seperately) I gave him some medicine for the pain and iced his foot until bedtime. This morning he says it doesn't hurt but he's walking a little more unsteady than usual so when we went into Modells today to get my older DS something for baseball I brought the sit and stand stroller and haad him sit in it with my DD. An employee came up and started teasing DS about being in the stroller, I quickly chimed in and explained my DS's issues and the reason he was riding. The guys felt aweful and apologized profusely, he actually ended up giving my DS a football because he felt so bad. I really wasn't angry but now this has me thinking about our upcoming trip and wondering how many comments we may get. From the outside my DS looks perfectly "normal", it's not until he gets up to walk or speaks that you can tell he has a disability, so I am afraid people will say something. If anyone has ever been in a smilar situation what do you say? I know some parents with austitic children have gotten cards made and will hand those out but I know DH would never go for that, he will probably want to tell off the rude offender. TIA for any advice!

Lisa

I am a teen girl in a wheelchair when i go to disney. When you see me, I look COmpletely normal. Alot of people stair at me and sometimes people dont believe that i really need it. I once even had a lady try and put her son between my legs while seeing a disney parade. The best that you can do is maybe have him in a wheelchair, people tend to stair, but they make less rude comments. An maybe it wont look at weird as if he was in a stroler. Plus you might get front line passes

 

[jademozingo]

My family went last spring and is planning another trip this coming fall. We had several speacial needs situations when we went last year.

First was my obviously elderly grandmother who simply can't be on her feet for long periods of time.

The second, third, fourth, and fifth are much less obvious.

One of these is my father, who is a veteran with Gulf War Syndrome. As few people know the specifics of such things as autism, fewer even know of this syndrome. Long waits in heat could seriously effect him, among a long list of other things. Other than looking like an overweight guy, he looks no different than an average person.

Another is my son, whose left leg twists in up in his thigh. Nothing anyone can do, and at first glance looks and walks normally. Watch him for five minutes and you'll see him concentrating on not tripping over his own feet and stumbling many times. Pretty good concentration with ADHD added in. He walks 90%, but we keep a stroller on hand for when he simply can't do it anymore. We DO NOT get passes or anything for him because he doesn't NEED the stroller all the time. However I don't doubt when he is too big for the strollers that we may have to rent a manual wheel chair to help him when he wears out (still probably won't use it for "wheelchair" access, more like a stroller situation)

My mother also walks normally MOST of the time, but last time my grandmother was in a manual chair (not doing that again!) and her ankle that flares up from time to time decided to flare up because she was pushing my grandmother's chair. She ended up in a chair herself for the next two days of the trip.

Lastly was my youngest nephew (who at four months was the most excited I ever saw anyone over meeting the mouse!). He had severe acid reflux, and his esophagus top flap (sorry I don't know the medical term for it!) wasn't fully developed. Meaning he puked all the time, everywhere, on everything. With him we had to make special arrangements with dining to be allowed to bring his stroller inside of restaurants because moving him after he had his bottle was just a nasty experience all around. Thankfully THAT is over and we won't have to deal with it this trip.

I assume the best out of people. Someone saying "they don't allow strollers in the line" may be trying to be helpful... not rude. Reply nicely and maybe make some "line friends" instead of uncomfortable silence for the duration of the wait. We made some nice park friends when someone told us this entering The Plaza with the stroller. We found out we were at the same resort (Riverside) and spent the rest of the trip running into each other and giving each other tips on rides, attractions, and restaurants.

Angie

 

[ashleypmo]

I assume the best out of people. Someone saying "they don't allow strollers in the line" may be trying to be helpful... not rude. Reply nicely and maybe make some "line friends" instead of uncomfortable silence for the duration of the wait. We made some nice park friends when someone told us this entering The Plaza with the stroller. We found out we were at the same resort (Riverside) and spent the rest of the trip running into each other and giving each other tips on rides, attractions, and restaurants.

Angie