How similar was your upbringing

[apirateslifeforme]

Completely different.

My family is originally from Chicago. My grandparents moved to CT in 1973, leaving the whole family behind. My parents divorced when I was 2 years old, in 1976, and my mother and I came out here. I grew up with her and my grandparents. My mother never remarried and I have no siblings. I was the only kid in my class in elementary school who was an only child of divorced parents. My mother had me when she was only 20 years old.

There were LOTS of fights in my house. My grandparents never spent any time together; they even slept in separate rooms. Grandpa went to work around 5 a.m. and when he came home, he'd immediately go to his room to watch TV. He'd come down for dinner, then head back up again and we wouldn't see him until he came home from work the next day. My grandmother was an alcoholic who got drunk as soon as she got home from work. My mother and I didn't get along at all - she was always yelling at me and slapping me for something. I also had to spend a month each summer in Indiana with my father and his parents. That was far worse than my everyday situation.

By contrast, DBF's parents have been married for 40 years. They were slightly older when he was born (Dad was 38, Mom was 31) (DBF is 2 weeks younger than me). He has an older brother and a younger sister. His mother was a SAHM and his father worked as a state prison guard. He says he's only seen his mother get mad exactly twice in his life. His father used to be quieter and more anti-social than he is now, a result of his job, he thinks. He didn't really know his grandparents; most of them died before he was born.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Our upbringings were very different.

DH was an "oops" baby. He was born only a year into his parents' marriage, and before he was 1 they were divorced and living in different states. Both parents remarried and DH has 3 half-sisters (one on his dad's side and two on his mom's). He was raised primarily with his mom, who treated him very poorly and differently from his 2 half sisters. His stepdad treated him a bit better, but was never really a father to him. He was a "man's man" and didn't get how DH was poor at sports and good at intellectual pursuits. DH moved out of his house at 17 and was disowned by his family. He went to college (the alma mater of his two biological parents), met me, and reforged a relationship (somewhat) with his mom. They'll still never be close.

I was an only child. My mom was 31 when she had me. I was thoroughly planned for. My parents wanted a girl and were pleased to get it right on the first try. With only 3 in our family and only one set of grandparents living close by (I'm also an only grandchild on one side) we were all pretty closely knit. Whereas DH's family was solidly middle class, we were more upper. I grew up on yachts and taking vacations all over the world. My parents encouraged me to have a lot of pursuits and they pushed me to be better at everything I tried. My dad is actually a pretty awful person, abusive to both me and my mother, but it wasn't that bad. I never felt defeated about myself and my family like DH did. As had been expected from a very young age I went to my parents' alma mater and met DH there (so yes, if you're paying attention, that's 2 full generations of UofM fans in this family).

 

[Liberty Belle]

Fairly similar in traditions and ways of doing things. Financially different. His father left when he was 13 and his mother raised him and his sister (and dad was not finacially responsible before or after he left).

His family is pretty extensive and all holidays involved everyone in the family. We rarely saw cousins, etc. Our family is spread out, though (Michigan, California, Kentucky, New Jersey, etc) and most of his live within a half hour of eachother.

 

[maslex]

I don't know a WHOLE LOT about his childhood (doesn't talk about it much) And I won't pry. But from what I do know, we grew up very differently.....


His parents divorced when he was a young kid (maybe around 10 or so). He is the oldest of two, he has one sister. They grew up with their dad for a while, DH moved out when he was around 15 or so (said something to the affect that his stepmother told him he either tell her he loved her or he could move out) So he went to live with his mother. They mostly grew up in a single family house (whether their parents were married or after the divorce) From things I've heard, it wasn't always a pleasant enviroment. Like I said, he doesn't talk about it much. Even though we are on good speaking terms with his dad/stepmom, we only see them for our boys birthdays (or atleast they send a card if they can't come) and after the holidays, usually after New Years. We've never spent any holidays with them, never had any BBQ's with them, never really spent any kind of time with them throughout the years. We have done those things with his mom/stepfather though. Matter of fact, last year they built on a MIL apartment onto our house (been a big adjustment, still is) LOL One other thing I've noticed a lot about his family, the only times you ever hear from any of them is if they need something. Quite sad really.

On the other hand, my parents just celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary over this past weekend. I am the oldest of 3 kids (I have a younger sister and brother) We didn't grow up with money. Didn't have a lot of the show-y things in life but we managed to save enough to do a family vacation each summer. We usually went to Virginia to visit my uncle in Williamsburg and went to Busch Gardens. We also had family game nights, had people over all the time. We liked being surrounded my people and having fun!!! Had a HUGE extended family reunion every July 4th (mom's side of the family) Didn't really know dad's side much. We call each other just to shoot the breeze on the phone, etc. ***I remember my mom calling me one day just to see how the boys were and how everything was. My husband had a bewildered look on his face when I told him what the phone call was for. Like I said before, his family doesn't call unless they need something or to complain about something.

We had chores growing up, he didn't (mommy did everything)

I'm sure there are other things but I can't thing of anything else right now.

 

[NCRedding]

On the surface, our upbringing seems similar, but as I dig deeper, I realize how different it was.

My family ate dinner together and cut up together. We played word games which worked to increase our vocabulary, and were fun. Dad worked and Mom stayed home until I was about 12 when she started working. We always had a neat home. We had a ton of extended family, cousins, etc. and got together with them often. My dad hated TV and particularly sports. Dad was the head of the family (but Mom wielded the actual power). We were active in church.

DH's family ate dinner together some, but on TV trays in front of the TV while watching sports. DH's father was a tyrant; what he said went. Dh's mother never worked out of the home, but was a terrible housekeeper. She allowed clutter to overtake her home as she read books. DH's father didn't lift a finger to do anything in the house. His family is very intelligent and competitive. it gave all of them great pleasure to one-up the other on some obscure knowledge thing. They loved it when they were able to correct the other party. There weren't many cousins, etc. They never attended church. His parents had passed away by the time DH was 38.

My family is still very close. His family isn't. Neither his brother nor any other family member called to wish him happy birthday this week, and most didn't recognize our only child's graduation from H.S. earlier this month.

DH now wants to be his dad. He watches TV all the time, especially sports. He is a tyrant, and expects everyone in the family to bend to his will. He has no interest in anything other than TV and reading. He does love to correct others just as his family did. it would not bother him if our house were piled high with clutter and nasty, just as long as he could still watch his TV.

It's making it hard to enjoy our relationship.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Fairly different upbringings here. We just kind of meet in the middle and balance each other out.